


The Thing You Can't Replace

by HadenXCharm



Series: Last Summer [1]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Denial, Drama, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Falling In Love, Falling out, Happy Ending, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Aomine Daiki, Jealousy, M/M, Making Up, OC boyfriend, Personal Growth, Pining, Plot Twists, Romance, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2019-10-30 18:39:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 146,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17834003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HadenXCharm/pseuds/HadenXCharm
Summary: Aomine's seventeen for godsake. He shouldn't be wasting his time or troubling himself with some bullshit teenage drama. He should be out playing basketball and screwing around; enjoying his summer vacation.Instead, he's in a pissing match with Kagami's good-for-nothing, unfairly-handsome, doesn't-play-basketball boyfriend—Because of course he is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story of a tragic little shit destroying his own life, yet again. (Yet another fic about Kagami with another man and Aomine losing his mind over it, bc that trope never gets old.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel welcome to subscribe to this story! It has been pre-completed and will be updated about once a week.

_There’s a new world somewhere they call the promised land,  
_ _and I’ll be there someday if you could hold my hand._

_I still need you there beside me no matter what I do,  
_ _for I know I’ll never find another you—_

 

_. . ._

  
  


So, he and Kagami have actually gotten to be pretty good friends.  
  


If you’d told Aomine that even a year ago, he would’ve told you to quit huffing paint. That guy was never gonna’ stand up to him, let alone earn enough of his respect that he’d ever be his _friend._ But looking back, it seemed stupid that he hadn’t recognized Kagami on sight. The true rival he’d waited for.

It started last summer.

Most people knew about how Aomine had changed as he’d gone through middle school, a nice kid who’d grown into an arrogant jerk; a monster on the court, just as unbearable off of it. He’d become a person who was really hard to like or even understand, too far ahead of his peers to enjoy the game anymore. Those closer to him knew that he’d been in a really dark place, and that his laziness and bad temper were the product of a talent and passion left to stagnate. That’s when he’d met Kagami.

It changed after that. Not right away, of course, because Kagami hadn’t managed to beat him for a while and all Aomine had gotten were little glimpses that stirred his achy heart.

But then the Winter Cup happened. Once Kagami beat him for the first time it was like waking up out of a dream, and after that, everything started to get better. Basketball was fun again. His old dream of going pro was revived. Ever since he ran into this guy, life seemed worth living, basketball was worth playing.

It’s like Tetsu said — it’s like he’s finally seen the light. Or some shit like that.

They’ve been hanging out a lot this year. I mean, how can they not? Aomine’s gone so long without a challenge that he can’t help but try to hit Kagami up for a match any time he can.

Why shouldn’t he. Kagami’s the best.

In any case, they’ve been seeing a lot of each other lately. Kagami’s been playing ball with him and has let him sleep over at his house. He’s even invited him over just to visit without it having to do with basketball, so you could say they’re getting pretty tight. Basically, Aomine’s loving his life right now.

A typical afternoon on the court ends with Kagami bringing him back to his place for some dinner, homemade and everything. He even keeps his sports magazines out on the shelf in the living room for Aomine to read while he cooks.

“How come you always lemme’ come over?” Aomine had wondered once, just after Kagami had invited him back yet again for some food after a long day of one-on-one.

“Inviting your friends over to your place,” Kagami sighed as he twisted at the waist to crack his back and then stooped for his duffle bag. “It’s normal in America.”

“Hmm.” He supposes that means they're friends then. Aomine picked around in his ear and trailed after Kagami as he opened the gate to the court and headed down the sidewalk towards his apartment. “Not so much here. My mom makes a big deal about having company over.”

Kagami looked up with a raised eyebrow and half a grimace on his face. “Is that why people always act surprised?”

“Maybe, I dunno.” Aomine shrugs and thought on it in silence. “It’s probably ‘cuz you live alone at our age.” Kagami snorted, smiling. “It’s pretty baller that you’ve got a place to yourself already.” Kagami shrugs.

“I mean. It’s alright.” He bumped Aomine with his shoulder then, teasing, “In any case you don’t seem to care much about intruding.”

Aomine smirks. “You make it too easy.”

“Fuckin' freeloader,” Kagami grumbles, but time after time, he never kicks him out or tells him to just go home.

They’d basically spent all of last summer together and Aomine feels better than he has in years. It’s not just having a rival, really. He genuinely just feels… _happier,_ day to day.

Okay, the basketball part is pretty awesome too. That feeling in his heart he gets after pushing himself to the limit to stay just that little bit ahead of Kagami. Racing past him and keeping the ball out of reach but having to struggle to do it, having to _fight to win,_ seeing the blaze of passion in Kagami’s eyes, that tireless drive to defeat him— The thing that takes him into the zone effortlessly after having to force it for ages. The rival he’s searched for, the one he’d waited so long for that he’d given up on finding him.

Is this what happiness is like? The feeling he gets in his heart—

_Joy._

 

It’s gone on like that for months now, and Aomine’s content with the routine. Wake up and go to school. If there’s basketball practice, maybe go to that. Visit Kagami afterwards on the street courts and play for a few hours. Go to Kagami’s place and eat some dinner, watch TV, fuck around, and then go to sleep. He could do it a million times and not ask for a change. Nothing’s ever gonna’ be boring again, because he doesn’t have to wait anymore. He’s found what he’s looked for, and now all that’s left is to get to the NBA together. Life’s complete.

Things start to change late spring of that year.

 

He doesn’t know exactly when things started being _different,_ because at first he was slow to pick up on it. Other than this thing that instinctively tells him something’s off, he can pretty much ignore it, so that’s what he does.

When he goes to meet Kagami on the court, it’s not out of the ordinary to find him already there with some other guys. Which, whatever, he can’t blame Kagami for playing with whoever’s hanging out on the court while he waits for Aomine to show up. He does it too sometimes. Over the course of the past couple weeks though, the court that’s usually all but abandoned is _packed_ and Kagami’s there completely immersed in scrimmage matches.

It’s not a big deal, because Kagami’ll lose interest in whatever he’s doing the second Aomine gets there to chase the small-frys off the court. He’s told Aomine that he’s going to get into fights if he’s not careful about who he calls small-fry, but hell if Aomine cares.

On days like those, Aomine recognizes most of Kagami’s teammates, and Tetsu of course, and he knows most of the guys who aren’t in basketball club but still come around looking to play. But there’s this other guy there that he’s never seen before. At least, he doesn’t think he has.

Other than the vague knowledge that he’s out of place, Aomine doesn’t pay much attention at first, because who knows who that guy is — he obviously hadn’t been worth remembering. But he just keeps popping up, and each time Aomine sees him, he frowns a little more when he notices he’s there again. He really starts wondering about him.

Especially after he’s texted Kagami for a game and gotten told he was busy that day and then seen him later in passing at the mall or out for a run and _N_ _ew Guy_ is with him.

Other than being a little annoyed that Kagami’s hanging out with this schmoe instead of him, he doesn’t think about it that much. Really. 

“Hey,” Aomine mumbles, standing outside of Maji with Tetsu, glaring through the window at Kagami and Mystery Guy eating burgers in there together. “Who is that guy?”

He hasn’t taken a good look at him before now, really. The guy’s tanned to a light brown, dark-haired and dark-eyed. He’s tall too, maybe a little shy of Kagami, but with the same muscular build. He’s got a forgettable face, and a mid-length haircut.

“Kagami-kun’s friend,” Tetsu replied succinctly, sticking his vanilla shake straw back in his mouth.

Kagami’s got his mouth crammed with food as usual, but his attention is on whatever story this guy is telling, because he’s nodding and trying to smile occasionally even though his face is stuffed.

Aomine hummed, narrowing his eyes. “... He play ball?” he muttered.

Standing next to him and observing them in silence, at length, Tetsu removes the straw and says, “I don’t think so.”

“Puh,” Aomine spat derisively, straightening up and walking off with his hands in his pockets and his chin in the air. He’d figured.

Except, he’s starting to show up on the court — when he and Kagami are playing basketball.

It’s not _that_ big a deal of course, because it’s not like Kagami can pay attention to anything but the game once they get going, but it’s still throwing Aomine off, knowing that guy’s over there on the sidelines. It’s supposed to be just the two of them, they don’t need an extra tagging along and interrupting.

“Hey,” Aomine jeers, dribbling the ball behind his right leg to keep Kagami from reaching for it. “Is he just gonna’ sit and watch the whole time?” he teases.

He tries to snap the ball past Kagami and break for the hoop, but Kagami manages to brush the ball with the tips of his fingers and knock it out of his grip, snatching it away. Aomine gave a wild grin as Kagami whipped around him.

“He can’t keep up with us,” Kagami panted, jumping and shooting. Aomine leapt in the air and slapped it off course at the last second.

“Fuckin’ obviously,” he laughed, even though he knows New Guy can hear them. He decides to pick on him a little, to show him his place — because he thinks he’s annoying and he butts in on their basketball time. Maybe then he’ll stay in his corner and only hang out with Kagami at Maji’s and leave the real fun to Aomine.

“Guess those muscles are just for show, huh,” Aomine sneers, but Kagami doesn’t laugh.

He gets another possession and makes a dunk — and the guy has the nerve to perk up and look excited, calling some encouragement to Kagami, who grins widely. Like he'd meant to show off for him or something. Aomine snorts through his nose and doesn’t let Kagami get another basket for the rest of the afternoon.

“Let’s watch the game tonight.”

“Ah, actually, I already have plans.” Aomine doubletakes. “Sorry,” Kagami adds, but he doesn’t sound very sorry. “See you later!” And then he waves and just _walks off_ and New Guy follows him, like Aomine always does when he’s heading to Kagami’s house after a game. He narrows his eyes and watches them go, open-mouthed and indignant.

That’s when he really starts to get irritated.

He doesn’t see Kagami for the rest of that week, and by Saturday he’s just about had it. He and Kagami’ll play on and off whenever they can, but Saturday is like their _official day_ to play ball and wander around and just hang out _,_ so when Aomine shows up at the court for their match and sees that New Guy is there _again,_ he’s put in a bad mood right off the bat.

What’s worse is that Kagami and New Guy are playing. It’s pitiful.

Kagami’s going really easy on him. No — easy isn’t even the right word for it. Kagami can’t even really have a match against the guy, because even going easy on him would still be too much. Kagami’s trying his best to play with him, but the guy obviously just can’t keep up. It’s not even that he’s unathletic, because Aomine can concede that the guy isn’t scrawny. He just can’t play. He doesn’t know _how._

The really weird thing is that Kagami doesn’t look bored or annoyed.

They look like they’re having _fun,_  even though it’s fucking pathetic watching this guy even try to dribble. He’s so uncoordinated it’s just sad, but he’s putting up an honest effort at least. Kagami’s chattering away — Aomine’s too far to hear what he’s saying, but the enthusiastic hum of his voice travels to him across the court. He’s talking about basketball probably, maybe trying to teach the guy some pointers. An entirely wasted effort, in his opinion. 

Aomine watches as New Guy shoots. Kagami lets him take the shot, doesn’t even trying to block him. They both watch as the ball sails up and hits the backboard, falling to the side without even skimming the hoop. 

Kagami picks the ball up and moves to stand next to him. He demonstrates how to roll his wrist to make the ball spin straight. He shows the spring action of the leg, how to palm the ball, when to throw the ball as you jump, and then he shoots. It goes in on the first try and bounces back towards them on the pavement.

New Guy picks it up and tries again and the ball misses by a mile, and they laugh.

“Kagami!” Aomine calls.

He’s used to Kagami’s face lighting up in excitement when he shows up, because all he cares about is playing one-on-one with him — but instead, today his smile kind of fades when he straightens up and looks towards him.

Aomine opens the door in the wire fence enclosure, letting it rattle behind him as it shuts. Kagami says bye to the guy, who waves back, but Aomine pays no attention, staring at Kagami with his eyes narrowed. 

He keeps squinting at that guy’s retreating back in suspicion as Kagami goes to stretch, keeping the ball still under his foot as he gets ready to play. Kagami finally looks up and gives a little start to find him glaring at him so intensely. “...?”

“Who is that.” Aomine stares him in both eyes, trying to figure him out. Kagami gives him a weird look and then goes back to stretching. “Why are you two all buddy-buddy all of a sudden,” he accuses.

Kagami shrugs. “It’s not a big deal.”

A nerve pops in his forehead, because _who said it was,_ but if Kagami’s gonna’ act nonchalant about it, it’s not like he can get heated. He doesn’t want him to get the idea he cares that much or something. So this is the game they’re playing, huh?

“This guy fucking sucks,” he jeers, shedding his jacket. “Did you see him fumble earlier?”

 Kagami still doesn’t laugh, which makes Aomine’s cocky grin turn into a scowl again.

 Kagami snorts and shakes his head minutely, rolling his eyes like Aomine doesn’t know what he’s talking about or something. “Whatever Aomine, quit bein’ an asshole.” He doesn’t raise his voice, as if even a hothead like him wouldn’t bother getting upset over it. Like Aomine’s the one who’s getting worked up over nothing — yeah right!

“That wasn’t your idea of a warm-up, was it?” Aomine says with a nasty grin, brow coming down heavily. Kagami still doesn’t rise to it.

“Not everyone in the world is good at basketball,” he says, like Aomine’s an idiot, and Aomine just has to stare at him for a second in utter bewilderment.

   Because— _‘Everyone in_ our _world is.’_  
  


But then, Kagami’d never gone through the dark times that he had. Kagami hasn’t had to wait, had only needed him once they’d met, he hadn’t waited for him until he’d given up. He hadn’t gotten so beaten down that he’d started to hate basketball.

The game was Aomine’s whole world and it’s always been that way. He thought it was the same for Kagami too. That’s why they got each other. _‘But then, you don’t know what losing that is like.’_

“I know,” Aomine hums. “Doesn’t mean you have to entertain ‘em.”

Kagami doesn’t respond. He just keeps stretching, expression mild, and Aomine can’t tell if Kagami knows he’s trying to goad him and is just that good at bullshitting or not. He can’t tell if he’s pretending not to care or if he _actually_ doesn’t care, but it’s driving him a little nuts.

“Man, I think even seeing that set me off my game.” He cracks his neck to the left, and Kagami finally looks a little irritated, the side of his nose pinching in a sneer as his lip lifted up minutely.

Aomine gives a satisfied smile, and then rushes him for the ball.

They play for about an hour, enough to get his blood racing. They’re running around, jumping to block each other and making wild attempts at shooting past the other’s defense. Kagami’s laughing. Aomine’s grinning so much his face aches. They’re both heaving for breath and slick with sweat by the time Aomine beats him— _‘There!’_ he thinks triumphantly, maybe a little smug. _‘See that?!’_

He always wins.

Well, almost always. But Aomine doesn’t mind always winning. Not like he used to. Because it’s not a certainty anymore. Kagami can beat him if their teams are facing off, but in a one-on-one, Aomine’s still a step ahead. But it doesn’t matter, because his rival is here, and Aomine never has to watch the dead-eyed stare of defeat come over Kagami’s face, not the way he did in middle school. Because Kagami will never say _‘what’s the point?’_ no matter how many times Aomine beats him. He’ll take Aomine on anytime. He’ll always go again. That’s what a rival does.

Aomine feels a little self-righteous about his win today, maybe because he wanted to remind Kagami that nobody can do it like him. He can’t get a game like this anywhere else. Definitely not from that pathetic guy he’d befriended.

Not that that’s the reason. It’s not like that guy could ever be competition. The idea’s hilarious.

Aomine’s got enough juice for another game, but Kagami cuts the match off. Usually he would say _‘one more time!’_ — but tonight he looks ready to go home and is resigned to letting Aomine keep his win.

He pants and wipes his forehead. “Your win.” Aomine gives a smug grin, hands on his hips, head cocked back.

“I’ll get you next time for sure. Let’s play again Tuesday afternoon if you can.” Aomine’s shoulders dropped. He stared at Kagami as he gathered up his stuff and put his jacket on. “I’ll see you later, Aomine.”

 _‘Wait.’_ Aomine had been planning to come over.

It’s basketball night. He always comes over.

His brow scrunches in confusion. The gears turn in his brain as he watches Kagami pack up, and they keep turning until he goes to the edge of the court, hand on the fence-latch.

“Wait!” he blurts, then looks away sharply when Kagami turns, eyebrows raised. “You wanna’,” he mumbles, scuffing his toe. “You wanna’ hang out tonight?”

Kagami blinks at him, like he’s somehow surprised that he asked. Aomine’s an inch from exploding on him. Is Kagami playing dumb to piss him off or something?

“Oh,” he finally says, like it took him a second to figure out why he would even ask that. “I’ve got plans. Sorry.” He barely sounds sorry again. “Another time,” he promises offhand, and then turns to go, arm raised to wave goodbye. Aomine stares after him, feeling at a loss.

Because he’s starting to think Kagami might not be playing nonchalant to get under his skin. Maybe basketball night is something Aomine’s just imagined and Kagami felt free to make other plans during it whenever he wants. Maybe he really didn’t see anything worth getting excited over when Aomine made fun of his new buddy and it just wasn’t a big deal to him, not even enough that he thought it was worth mentioning.

Maybe Kagami wasn’t picking up on any of this. Like he really just didn’t think that much of Aomine. Or hanging out with him. Or playing basketball with him.

 

As if. Something’s definitely fishy.

 

“See ya!” Kagami calls over his shoulder.

Aomine grinds his teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > To make this 130k+ slow burn monstrosity bearable, let's play a game. Every time Aomine says or does something stupid, take a drink. If you'd like, tally up the amount of drinks per chapter at the end of your comments.
>> 
>> Thank you for your readership, your comments and kudos will be very appreciated.  
> Please enjoy. 


	2. Chapter 2

That’s when he goes and complains about the situation to Tetsu.

Still, it’s not that he really cares that much — he’s mostly just pissed off and confused because he’s like eighty percent sure that Kagami has been turning him down to hang out lately because he’s hanging out with the new kid.

He wouldn’t normally ramble and bitch this much about someone so unimportant that he doesn’t even care to learn their name, but Tetsu’s just sitting across from him at Maji’s, sipping his shake in silence — so everytime Aomine pauses and waits for him to say something, he just has to pick it back up and keep going, trying to get him to respond.

Which makes it seem like he’s more bothered by this than he is. That’s all.

“He’s not from Seirin,” Aomine says. “Or one of the basketball teams.” Tetsu just fucking blinks at him, like he can’t figure out where he’s going with this and needs him to _spell it out for him_ — like Kagami, acting dumb. It’s infuriating.

“So why the fuck does Kagami bother with that guy,” he grumbles, stuffing some fries in his mouth.

Tetsu finally takes the fucking straw out of his mouth and blinks at him a little more. “... I’m sorry, who?”

Aomine stares at Tetsu for a beat. He’s been ranting for like, five whole minutes, god damnit, _you know exactly who._

He slams a fist on the table, glaring at him and baring his teeth. He feels like everyone’s trying to goad him into losing his cool by acting like nothing’s going on, but there _is_ and he _knows_ they’re faking it. “That _loser_ who’s always following Kagami around!”

Tetsu blinks, and Aomine tries to get it back under control, mumbling like it’s not a big deal and acting aloof, but it’s too late. Tetsu’s giving him that look.

“Getting on my fucking nerves,” he mutters petulantly. “Where the hell did he even come from.” Tetsu still doesn’t say anything. Aomine stares at him for a moment and then cracks again five seconds later, blurting, “And how does he know Kagami?!”

Tetsu eats a chicken nugget. “Everyone needs a special friend, Aomine-kun.”

Aomine squints. “What the fuck does that mean,” he demanded after a beat.

Then Tetsu starts to go on this long bullshit tangent that has nothing to do with what he’s been talking about. “If you’re feeling insecure, I wouldn’t worry, Aomine-kun. Kagami-kun is your rival. It’s not as if you can be replaced, so there’s no need to feel threatened.”

 _Threatened?_ Woah, okay.

“What? That’s not what this is about,” Aomine spat, incredulous and irritated, because no one’s getting the point here. “It’s not that big a deal.”

He folds his arms and throws himself back in the booth huffily, mumbling petulantly under his breath. Just ‘cause he was a little mad doesn’t mean he felt _threatened_ by this weird new guy. Why the fuck would he feel insecure. This is one hundred percent about Kagami brushing him off. Tetsu’s getting things confused.

“Just doesn’t make any sense.”

“In what way?”

Aomine plays it cool even though Tetsu’s blank eyes are drilling into him, probably analyzing him for whatever signs he’d thought he’d seen that made him think Aomine felt _threatened — which, hello? No way._

“He’s got you to play alongside and me to play against, doesn’t he?” Aomine sneers, chin in the air. “And he has his team. So who needs anything else.” Tetsu seems a little exasperated for a second, like he’s missing something. Aomine sticks his lip out.

What, does Tetsu think he knows something that Aomine doesn’t? Like hell. Tetsu might be Kagami’s shadow and best friend, but Aomine _gets_ Kagami. They’ve got the same basketball brain, and their blood pumps and their hearts pound and their bodies are electrified during games in the same exact way. They’ve got the same dreams and ambitions, and they both go into the same zone— Aomine _knows_ Kagami, and Kagami doesn’t show much interest in anyone who can’t play.

“It’s not like he’s interested in anything but basketball, so why would he care about a guy who can’t even play.” Tetsu just keeps staring at him, so long that it’s weird even for him, a crease to his brow. “... What.”

Tetsu gives him an impassive look, and then blinks, sticking the straw back in. “Never mind,” he says around it. Aomine throws a hand up with an impatient huff and an eyeroll.

“You really drive me insane sometimes.”

“As you said, it’s no big deal.” It’s true that it’s not a big deal, but he’s got this weird feeling, like something’s going on just above his head that everyone else sees and he just hasn’t figured it out yet.

“Yeah,” Aomine agrees hesitantly, shoulders a little hunched up, because that's right, it isn’t a big deal.

It’s not.

Except then something else happens.

Things are normal for a while. They play together Tuesday night and hang out after like always. They play basketball all afternoon Thursday. Friday they eat at Maji’s and play threes with some guys from Torimura High.

On basketball night, he visits Kagami’s place after a match to eat dinner and sleep over. Aomine almost forgets about the thing in his gut that tells him something’s off because it seems like things are going back to normal.

Kagami bums around cleaning up and doing laundry while he cooks dinner. Aomine sprawls across the couch with a magazine and kicks his legs, first on his stomach, then his back, head flung over the armrest.

He settles with his feet on the coffee table, picking his legs up when Kagami comes around with the vacuum cleaner. “Hey, there’s a quiz. Wanna hear what kind of rice ball you are?”

“Naahh, I already know you’re tuna-mayo. Messy and cheaply made.”

“Huh? Who’s cheap!” Aomine shouts, looking up on the offchance Kagami’ll snipe back, but he’s laughing instead, so he just huffs through his nose scornfully. “Hmph. You’re just jealous ‘cuz you’re probably some bullshit flavor no one ever buys. Like _cheese.”_ They both fake-gag. “It makes sense, since you’re American.”

“I don’t know what they tell you about us, but at least I know Kraft cheese and rice isn’t a good combo,” Kagami says derisively. Aomine snorts.

He lays there thinking for a minute and then hums, “Hey Kagami?”

“What.”

“How do you say rice in English?”

 _“Rice,”_ he says for him. Aomine repeats it back and Kagami starts to laugh. _“Your raisu is not naisu,”_ he teases with an exaggerated accent, and Aomine, able to understand that much, flips him off.

Kagami puts the vacuum away in the hall closet, wanders back into the kitchen for a second, and then comes out with some Lysol and a dishtowel. Aomine idly kicks his legs and flips a page.

He picked his feet up again when Kagami wiped the coffee table and then moved to the TV shelf. Aomine looks over the top of the magazine and watches him dust and organize the video game cases. Kagami wears an apron and slippers to clean and cook, like his mom does. _‘I’m sure as hell not doing that, once I’ve got my own place.’_

He smirks. _‘For one thing, I’ll probably still be hanging out here most days.’_ It’s not like there isn’t room. Kagami’s got the penthouse in this building and plenty of space. Apparently his dad was supposed to move in with him but that didn’t end up happening.

Kagami moved over to the balcony, opening the door for a second to grab the futon he’d laid over the rail to air out. He lugged the bed mat in under one arm and tried to shut the door with his foot but it just got stuck about halfway and made his slipper fall off his toes. 

Aomine’s eyes roved the ceiling as he got bored with his magazine. Kagami fucks around in the back for a minute and then goes into the kitchen. Aomine glances over at him as he moves from one side of the counter to the other, checking things and tasting little bits of food as he goes.

He rolls over onto his stomach, staring out the balcony window, and then his eyes land on the floor between the back of the couch and the far wall. Kagami didn’t leave stuff laying around very often, so Aomine picks his head up when he sees there’s a gym bag in the corner.

He folds his arms under his chin and pushes his lip out. There’s a DVD over there — and a toothbrush. And a stack of folded clothes laid next to the bag, which has been neatly pressed flat, like special care was taken to steam the creases out.

Aomine gets up with a stretch and a yawn, scratching his stomach, and wanders over there with his magazine, meaning to snag another from the stash Kagami keeps for him on the shelf back there. Kagami’s got some issues of Slam from America that Aomine flicks through now and again even though he can’t read them.

He glances at Kagami’s potted cactus for a second, and then looks down at the bag on the floor again as he exchanges his magazine. Why’s that stuff laid out all neat like that? Come to think of it, that bag is a high-school promotional bag, a cheap drawstring one made from two pieces of fabric and a rope — but it’s not for Seirin. It says some other school he hasn’t heard of.

Aomine frowned, wandering back to the couch and plopping down, opening the magazine cover and staring at these stupid letters some more. He’s gotta’ get Kagami to show him what the word ‘basketball’ looks like again.

 _‘S - L - A - M, Slam,’_ he slowly spells, then glances at the tiny text of the intro paragraph on the opening spread. His eyes immediately glaze over.

He huffs and slaps the magazine down on his lap, glancing back over the side of the couch.

“These yours?” Aomine hums. Kagami glances up, looking at the magazine in his hand at first, opening his mouth, but Aomine gestures to the shit he’s got laid out in the corner. Kagami turns off the sink, recognition crossing his face as he shakes his hands off.

“Oh right,” he muttered. “Hitoshi left his stuff.”

“Hah?”

“Almost forgot.”

Kagami came out of the kitchen and sort of gathered the stuff into a stack, sliding it into the bag and cinching it. Aomine sat there and squinted at him with a furrowed brow, twisted around on the couch to watch him as he stooped and cleaned it up and then walked over to hang the bag on the hook next to the entryway.

Aomine keeps staring at him as he walks back into the kitchen like that didn’t warrant further explanation. He looks at the bag, then at Kagami, brow furrowed, lips parted.

“He was here?” he concludes.

“Huh?” Kagami looks up. “Yeah,” he says absently. He checks the fridge, big dumb body blocking the entire thing as he stoops in front of it. “You want chicken for dinner? I have leftover noodles but I can make karaage in like, thirty minutes if you’ll wait.”

“Like, he slept over?”

“What?” Kagami sticks his head out.

“Karaage!” Aomine shouts, and he was kind of pissed before, but he’s really pissed off now, finding out that Kagami’s had that kid over to his _house —_ and he made him food!

It’s not like Kagami hasn’t had his teammates over to the house before. He knows Kagami’s had other people over, but only _Aomine’s_ gotten to spend the night!

 _‘What am I, a little kid,’_ part of him thinks. _‘Who fucking cares. It’s not like I thought it was that special.’_ But that’s drowned out by the other part of him, the part that bubbles over with hot rage that he doesn’t bother rationalizing.

He stares at Kagami’s stupid face as he just goes on cooking like nothing’s wrong, like he can’t even feel Aomine’s eyes boring holes into the side of his head. He wants to demand why the _fuck_ he was over here, but he can’t. 

Because if he does… Well, it feels like _losing_ somehow. Like he’d be admitting that Tetsu was right about him feeling insecure about complete bullshit.

He knows if he keeps bringing it up it’ll seem like he cares about that guy or something, and he really doesn’t. He’s worthless and Aomine’s not gonna’ waste his time on him. He’s just pissed that Kagami is. That’s all.

“You’d better not slack before our match,” he finally grumbles, swallowing the bulk of his temper, and Kagami looks up with a smirk, chopping up some raw chicken on a cutting board.

“Like hell I would,” he shoots back, and yeah. Everything’s normal, but Aomine’s fucking suspicious, because this is officially a _thing._

Something doesn’t feel right and he doesn’t know what it is, but he knows he’s not crazy. _Something_ is going on, no matter how normal everyone is trying to act.

They’ve got an official game coming up, Touou versus Seirin, and they’ve been excited about this for months, slinging bullshit about who’s gonna’ beat who and what they’re gonna’ make the other do if they lose. Aomine doesn’t want this getting messed up because of Kagami getting distracted by some nobody beforehand, so he keeps reminding him about the game offhand right up until the night before.

He figures Kagami’s gonna’ wanna’ play a little. Not enough to strain anything, but enough that they can burn off some energy. Aomine knows Kagami always has a hard time falling asleep before an official game because he gets too excited — big idiot. 

So he’s not surprised when Kagami texts him for a match after school, and it’s literally the most ordinary thing in the universe — _‘Meet me at the court in the park. Let’s practice before our match.’_

If not for the addendum that informed Aomine that that _tool_ is gonna’ be tagging along again _— ‘Hitoshi’s gonna’ come watch us play.’_

Which significantly sours his mood. What, their warm-up time before a match, even _that_ can’t be just them anymore? Who the fuck _is_ this guy? And why does Kagami keep inviting him to hang around? It’s not like he’ll have time to pay attention to him once he and Aomine get going. God knows Aomine doesn’t make it easy on Kagami on the court, so why even bother telling that guy to show up?

He was already kind of upset about it, but that just puts it over. Which is probably why the next part goes so badly.

Aomine broods about it all day, and by the time he leaves the schoolyard he’s feeling pissed off and nasty. He’s gonna’ humiliate that guy. He’s gonna’ make a fool of him and then Kagami’ll see there’s nothing special about him. That guy’s a loser. He’s not cool.

He makes it to the park, cracking his knuckles around the strap of his sports bag. It’s not their usual place: a run-down lot with two netless hoops, cracked pavement, and rusty fences. It’s pretty nice out here. Aomine scans the area in the back that the city has blocked off for sports — tennis, baseball, and the basketball lots, each partitioned with high-walled wire fences.

He makes his way across the lawn and into the shade, cutting through a stand of trees to make it quicker. Kagami’s probably there already with that loser and Aomine’s planning to confront him about it, maybe harass them both a little — really give him hell about hanging out this much with a guy who can’t play.

He comes out of the trees and rounds the recreation building, plodding along the paved walkway to the sports cages. He can hear the slam of the ball against the ground, Kagami must already be getting ready. He’s been here a while; Aomine can tell that much the moment he sees him, just from the way his skin gleams when the sun hits it. He’s sweaty and his hair and shirt are wet after taking a dunk under the faucets along the back wall of the rec building.

He’s not alone.

Aomine knew that guy was going to be there, but what he means is, Kagami’s not alone on the court. Those two, they’re _playing_ together — _again._

To have gotten that sweaty, Kagami must have already warmed up on his own while he waited for him to show, and now he’s just messing around with his friend. He and that fool are stumbling back and forth on the court, chatting and just kind of passing the ball to each other and then occasionally shooting.

New Guy makes a shot and the ball bounces once but goes in, and he whips his head over to Kagami, triumphant and grinning with these stupid white teeth. Kagami crows and jumps, fists in the air. “Wooh! Nice!” Aomine can hear him even from that distance, because Kagami’s fucking loud. The guy’s laughing and saying something, brushing it off.

_‘You call that a basket?’_

Infuriated, Aomine grits his teeth and starts walking again, getting closer to the cages, meaning to get in there and break the fucking hoop off the backboard, then he’ll show that guy what making a fucking basket looks like.

As he approaches, grinding his jaw back and forth and growling in the back of his throat, those two walk over to the far side of the fence by the benches. They haven’t seen him yet, and he can hear the way their voices carry across the pavement, a low cheerful hum. Kagami claps his buddy on the back and picks up his water bottle. His arm goes around the guy’s neck for a shoulder hug, like how he and Aomine do to each other.

The guy looks over at Kagami’s face, which is like, two inches from his own, and Aomine stops dead in his tracks, squinting. Something’s wrong. This weird feeling appears suddenly, cold and heavy in his stomach, but he can’t identify it.

Kagami notices his gaze and turns to meet it, but neither of them look away, like any two boys should given their proximity.

The feeling only intensifies until Aomine can’t fucking move or speak or do anything other than stand there and squint and try to figure out what’s going to happen next.

 

Then he kisses Kagami.

 

 _Kisses_ him. _On the mouth!_ Just leans over and _— mwah —_ pecks him on the lips!

 

Aomine’s gut plunges sharply and he just stands there and stares, wide-eyed, shoulders slowly rising. It takes a second for him to even react emotionally, but once he does, there’s a hot spark of rage. His fists clench.

This fucking _fag!_ It’s all making sense now. This guy knows Kagami’s American and he thinks he can get all buddy-buddy and then try and make a pass, and what, Kagami’ll just—

All that only takes a split second to cross his mind, he hadn’t even had time to think far enough ahead to Kagami’s reaction, but in the next second, Kagami lets go of the guy’s neck and backs up a step, and for an instant Aomine feels some bullshit protective burst to go in there and sock the guy a good one to teach him a lesson about who he thinks he can _kiss_ around here, just because Kagami’s too nice to tell you to fuck off doesn’t mean his friends are—

— but that instant fades when Kagami backs up, because it makes sense that he’ll be just as mad as Aomine feels and he’ll let the guy _have it_ all on his own whether Aomine intervenes or not. He’s probably one shocked second away from decking the guy. Aomine knows that in his situation he would do the same!

But that’s when he realizes that Kagami… _isn’t…_ freaking out.

He doesn’t get mad or try to punch the guy or even so much as recoil in surprise. He doesn’t even wipe his mouth off.  
  
He _smiles._  

Aomine stares, lips parted as Kagami grins sheepishly and ducks his head a little, scratching the back of his neck. As if he’d just gotten kissed out of the blue by a cute girl or something and had kinda’ liked it.

_‘What?...’_

The guy sucks at basketball but Kagami still thinks he’s cool enough to have over to his house. He’s been hanging out with him a bunch out of nowhere and introduced him to his team. He can’t even play basketball — and Kagami, who gets mad about everything, _doesn’t_ get mad if this gay guy kisses him.

This doesn’t make any fucking sense, this is so _weird,_ he doesn’t get what’s going on—  
  


_‘Everyone needs a special friend, Aomine-kun.’_   
  


Everything clicks all of a sudden. He puts together all the weird, stupid, fucked-up pieces all at once, and once he does—

 

      _‘Oh hell no.’_

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > Kimura Hitoshi is an OC, and an easter egg from another fic, if you've picked up on that. Please note that he is _not_ the Kimura Shinsuke from the show. 
>> 
>> If you'd like to visualize him better, imagine Kiko Estrada. I have these example pictures, [here,](https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HVkEMqQVt50/WOQ2igMl7PI/AAAAAAAC3vw/ODbh8KlBvPEamIP3gO41dMVtDNRDG5GoQCLcB/s1600/%252316Kiko%2BEstradadone.jpg) [here,](https://aphrodite.gmanetwork.com/entertainment/articles/900_675_Main_Image07_0305__20180305125547.jpg) [here](https://alchetron.com/cdn/kiko-estrada-bbd72a98-2195-482e-b5b2-3e986da7741-resize-750.jpeg) [and here,](https://www.instagram.com/p/BbQxWCqnK-T/?taken-by=mackenyu.1116) that will give you an idea of what I'm imagining Hitoshi looks like.
>> 
>> Man, Aomine's got some serious competition.

_What’s been happening in your world?  
What have you been up to? _

_I heard that you fell in love, or near enough.  
_ _I’ve gotta’ tell you the truth—_

 

_…_

 

Aomine got a couple texts from Kagami that night and the following day at school, but he barely glances at them.

_‘You never showed up.’_

_‘You’d better show up to the game.’_

_‘I won’t go easy on you just because you skipped practice.’_

Aomine’s been waiting for this game for ages. _They’ve_ been waiting for it. He and Kagami always get excited for the chance to go head to head with the pride of their team and their schools riding on their shoulders — not to mention their own personal battle for victory, the moment their rivalry really gets its time to shine.

They’ve been hyping this up for months, waiting and practicing for it in anticipation, and now Aomine felt like all that’s shot to hell. Kagami’s ruined all of that.

He didn’t see Kagami again until the night of their match.

Ever since they got tight, they haven’t stopped putting basketball first just because they became friends. They haven’t stopped taking their matches seriously, and they never put their friendship before their team, not during a game. They’re buddies off the court, bitter rivals on it, and they never take it easy on each other to spare feelings, but tonight, Aomine doesn’t care about any of that.

What, so Kagami’s gonna’ fuck around and not take the game seriously? Then Aomine’s gonna’ use this game to get _back_ at him.

Tonight, he goes all out. Right from the start he ferociously _smacks_ the ball out of Kagami’s grip and over to his own team — he doesn’t give Kagami a moment’s rest, he stays _on him_ for the entirety of the first quarter, not giving him a chance to even think about scoring.

After the first quarter, he can see Kagami looking over at him from the bench. The time Aomine’s had to think since he’s caught those two hasn’t cooled him off at all. It’s let him work himself up into a frenzy, let that anger fester and bubble over until the steam was ready to burst out his ears.

He’s _furious._

Kagami’s racing to keep up with him, sweat dripping from his brow as he tries to block. Aomine keeps snapping the ball around him, through his legs, behind his back, out of his reach, then slips past him before he can blink. He can tell Kagami’s getting into it, getting _frustrated,_ well _good—_

He just barely blocks Aomine from making a basket, and Tetsu comes out of nowhere to make a fast break down the court. They’re putting up enough of a fight that Aomine should be able to throw his rage into the zone, but it doesn’t come. All he can think about is that Kagami probably invited that guy to the match to watch. He’s probably in the stands.

The thought makes him vicious. Seirin doesn’t score for the rest of the second quarter.

During halftime, after some team strategizing, Kagami approaches the Touou bench hesitantly, wet towel over his hair and a honey lemon in his mouth.

He shot Aomine a half smile and tried to joke around with him on break like they usually do these days, but Aomine ignores him, sitting with his elbows on his knees and his hands hanging down, dripping towel slapped over his head. His own team is steering clear of him completely but Kagami doesn’t seem to pick up on the murderous intent.

“What’s with you?” Kagami wonders, sounding confused but into it. “You’re goin' so hard tonight, you’re on fire!”

Aomine picks his head up and glares at him coldly, and Kagami’s grin fades a little. “You okay?” Aomine’s lip twitches as he clenches his jaw, _livid._ Look at this fucking bastard, acting like nothing’s wrong. Acting like he didn’t _do_ anything wrong.

He grit his teeth and turns away, staring forward like he’s not even there.

“Pssh,” Kagami brushes off, snorting, and maybe he really is that oblivious that he doesn’t realize Aomine’s this close to blowing his stack. “Wanna’ grab some food at my place after this?”

Kagami’s coach is calling him back over because there’s only thirty seconds till the third quarter starts. He glances back for a second and then looks back to Aomine, waiting expectantly. Aomine stands up, pulling the towel off, and stares Kagami dead in the face.

“Just keep your mind on the game,” he challenges, voice low and sharp, lifting his chin, and Kagami looks thrilled for a second, face lighting up with determination, like he doesn’t get that Aomine means it, that he’s _mad._ He just grins like he’s excited at the prospect of Aomine giving it his all so they can have some real fun.

But then he can see the moment that recognition crosses Kagami’s face and he _gets_ that something’s wrong, because his smile falters when Aomine’s eyes flash, cold and dead.

Like the bad old days.

“If you can.”

Kagami looks confused in the second he can see his face before he turns his back to him and walks off.

“... What?” he hears Kagami ask, but he just keeps walking.

The second round is brutal. Aomine doesn’t show mercy, and the way Kagami gets fired up to try and stop him, it’s just getting him more angry. He’s pressing Kagami so hard that he stumbles back onto his ass as Aomine whips past him. He hasn’t gotten him to choke like that in almost a year.

He can’t think, he’s so mad. All he can do is shoot — dunk — score — he’s in the zone and it’s just Kagami’s eyes blazing into his and the ball in his hands.

It’s all making sense. That weird thing he’d felt was off with that stupid guy. Why else would Kagami hang out with someone who sucks at basketball. Why else would he avoid Aomine so he can hang out with a loser, with, with— what, his _boyfriend?_

That guy is gay. Kagami too. He’s gay — he’s gay — _he’s gay._ He’s probably been like that the whole time Aomine’s known him and he’d never fucking suspected. He’d never even had an inkling of it and here Kagami is, kissing a guy and inviting him to sleep over so he can— _so he can—!_

Aomine slams the ball through the hoop, hanging from it like he can break the metal bolts and snap it off.

He destroys Kagami. Brutally.

Kagami fights till the end, but to tell the truth, Aomine hasn’t had a game against Seirin like this with such a wide point gap since the first Interhigh. At the end he just stands there and pants, heaving with rage, fists clenched — and he really feels like a monster. A beast. Pumped up with blind animalistic fury and ready to tear into something.

His team is cheering and shouting around him, but they’re giving him wary looks. Wakamatsu says something about not having seen him go all out like that in a while, damn, where did that come from, but Aomine’s just staring at Kagami.

Kagami and his defeated team. Tetsu’s panting and holding his stomach, looking at him with a worried crease to his brow. Kagami’s doubled over with his hands braced on his knees, panting and gasping for air. He looks up at Aomine with wide disbelieving eyes.

“Whoa,” Kagami heaves. “Holy shit, dude,” he wheezes, approaching him step by step. Aomine stands there and stares down at him, pupils drawn into tight quivering pinpricks.

 _Kagami hadn’t even stood a chance._ The thought makes something go dark on the inside.

“Good game. We’ll get you next time for sure.” Kagami straightens up and holds out his hand, because they might be bitter rivals but there’s never any hard feelings. At least that’s how it used to be.

Aomine just keeps staring at his hand, hovering there as Kagami waits for him to clap and grip it and pull him in for a shoulder bump like he'd showed him the boys do in the states. But Aomine just keeps glaring at him and Kagami slowly lets his hand fall away.

“Kagami-kun.” They stand there and stare at each other, and Kagami breaks first, eyes flicking to Tetsu once, then he shakes himself minutely and then rejoins his team, glancing back to Aomine over and over with this confused look.

The crowd’s started to filter out and all the other players have left the court, getting ready to head to the lockers. He can hear Satsuki trying to get his attention, but he just stands there and heaves, shaking all over with barely contained rage.

Once the game is over, that’s when Aomine finally lets him have it.

Kagami walks up to him again, shoes squeaking on the empty court, and he opens his mouth to try again, “Hey, are you—”

“I saw you an’ your little boyfriend,” he growls, dark and accusatory. Kagami’s mouth closes.

“Oh.” Kagami stands up straighter, a hand coming to the back of his neck. He seemed a little awkward, but otherwise didn’t show the embarrassment he would’ve expected from a guy who’d gotten caught with another boy.

“... I…” He doesn’t deny it. He’s not even blushing, he just looks at a loss for words. Aomine’s so mad he goes blind for a second. The utter shamelessness infuriates him.

He can’t even control what’s coming out of his mouth. His brain doesn’t even process what he’s saying. He’s so mad that nothing else matters. It’s like he’s possessed, and all he wants to do is hurt something, get in a fucking fight, wreck _everything._ All he feels is dark vindictive _rage._

“Don’t even try to explain yourself to me,” he hears. Doesn’t even feel himself say it.

Kagami blinks, taken aback. He pauses for a beat, and then tries, “Aomine—”

“You’re fucking disgusting,” he spits, cutting him off.

He doesn’t know what he expected.

This whole time he’d been building up this self-righteous bitter anger, he’d been so ready to give Kagami what he deserved, ready to make him pay for what he’s done — but when he’s finally said it, it didn’t feel like a release. It didn’t feel good.

He didn’t know what he’d wanted really, other than to pick a fight. He’d been ready for Kagami to give it to him, y’know, to get pissed off. He’d thought he would at least try to defend his actions. He’d even thought he might try to lie and say he’d mistaken what he’d seen. Aomine had been ready to see Kagami’s face go red the way it does when he’s mad, he’d been ready for him to start yelling like he always does. He’d wanted him to match his fury and then snap, so they could beat each other up. He fucking deserves an asskicking for the shit he’s pulled — keeping something like that a secret.

Aomine wanted to _rip into_ him, wanted Kagami to give him any excuse to vent this inexplicable rage, to give him an outlet for this pent-up aggression.

He doesn’t know what he’d expected, but Kagami’s face goes slack with shock, eyes wide, lips parting in surprise. He watches as Kagami takes a step back and tries to swallow, just staring at him.

Aomine’s brow furrowed harder, but he didn’t back down even though this isn’t going the way he planned and the seed of rage in his gut is solidifying into something black and heavy. Whatever he’d thought would happen, he hadn’t expected whatever this is. Because he’s not getting mad.

Kagami looks hurt.

Tetsu is staring at them from across the court, frozen, eyes bugging out. Aomine waits for Kagami to say something but he just stands there looking completely pathetic, his mouth hanging helplessly.

He keeps looking at Aomine with these big wounded eyes, shoulders sagging. Aomine’s coiled up, waiting for him to snap out of it and yell back, maybe swing on him — Aomine’s ready to throw a punch, but Kagami just keeps looking so…

_Betrayed._

Finally, Kagami straightens up, his jaw tightening, and Aomine’s ready for it. Just wait till Kagami pretends this isn’t his fault and that he hasn’t done anything wrong, give Aomine an excuse to fuck him up, he’s been waiting for this.

But Kagami doesn’t say anything to him. He just tips his chin up, eyes narrowed and cold. And then all of a sudden he just turns around and walks to the locker room, hands balled up into fists, shoulders tight.

He fumes until Kagami gets to the door and lets it shut behind him. Then he slowly starts to untwist. Something’s wrong.

That’s all Kagami has to say to him? _Nothing?_ That’s not what Kagami _does_ when he goads him into a fight. He’s never failed to take the bait. Kagami yells. Kagami wrestles. Kagami gives him hell.

Aomine’s said much, much worse to him. He’s _done_ worse. And Kagami always makes him pay for it. Always gets in his face — and they fight and they scream, but they’ve always been fine afterwards.

Kagami never just... walks away like that.

Aomine let a breath out through his nose, at a loss.

He stands there, hands hanging loose at his sides — finally he blinks and looks down. Tetsu is next to him, giving him this look, and for some reason, Aomine’s insides clench up. He recoils in guilt, looking away to avoid his piercing gaze.

“What happened?”

Aomine grits his teeth and glances back after Kagami. That look he’d given him right at the end, that look stuck with him — _complete contempt._

He didn’t know what to make of that.

 

     “Nothing.”

 

. . .  
  
  
_Snap out of it—_ _Snap out of it._


	4. Chapter 4

_Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside and I turn around.  
_ _You’re with him now, I just can’t figure it out._

_. . ._

  
  


Aomine sees Kagami again two days later after no texts for a match or contact of any kind.

He gets off the train a few stops early where he knows the Seirin students always go eat after school. He heads out of the station and waits outside Maji for some sign of Tetsu or something, but ends up seeing Kagami inside. His brown hair always makes him clearly recognizable in the sea of black, not to mention the way he towers over the cashier as he stands at the counter and orders.

Maybe he should say something to him.

 

Aomine’s had some time to think about what had gone down, and he’s starting to get uneasy about it. Kagami had looked _really_ upset, and not in the normal way. He hadn’t yelled or anything, and Aomine didn’t know what that meant, but it felt… _serious._

He’d probably just been embarrassed or something — he’s sore that Aomine had called him out like that.

Aomine waits till he gets done in there, standing outside with his hands in his pockets. He was mad before, but he thinks he’s willing to let it go if Kagami is. He should just play it off as no big deal and Kagami probably will too. That’s how they are together.

He plans to say something like, _‘I wouldn’t have gotten that pissed if you hadn’t kept blowing me off — so are we cool?’_

That’s the only reason he’s here really. It’s the only reason he’s been thinking about it this much. He’s just trying to make sure Kagami knows they’re cool.

Kagami gets his food and turns from the counter, and Aomine straightens up, then watches as someone stands up from a table and walks to meet him so they can both head to the door.

It’s the guy. Kagami’s still hanging out with that other guy.

Aomine narrows his eyes.

They head to the door, balancing their food and their school bags, chatting mildly. They still haven’t seen him. He’s starting to think that when they’re together they go selectively blind or something, because it’s not like Aomine’s a difficult person to notice. Who the fuck is he — _Tetsu?_

Kagami opens the door one-handed, carrying a huge paper bag in the other, and abruptly stops talking. His face changes one second to the next, turning back into that _thing_ from the day they’d fought. Something cold and disgusted.

They level each other with a silent glare for a moment, sizing each other up, like the first person who breaks eye contact loses or something. It’s tense, and he knows that they’re going to fight this time for sure.

The staredown ends when a girl hesitantly approaches the door, waiting to get inside, and Kagami moves out of the way onto the sidewalk. The guy follows two steps behind, giving Aomine a wary look, holding a cardboard drink container with two sodas in it.

Aomine’s lip curls, because everything’s different now. Everything’s different and he doesn’t know why he didn’t notice before. He’d known something was off, but he hadn’t picked up on exactly what and now it seemed so obvious.

Those two even _stand_ too close together.

Aomine starts a little when Kagami bluntly growls, “Let’s get outta' here,” and fucking turns his back on him and walks away.

Aomine glares after them, and absolutely _seethes._ The other guy follows a moment later, looking over his shoulder at him a couple times as they walk off.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he says aloud, completely flabbergasted.

“You’ve really screwed this one up, Aomine-kun.”

“Wah!” he yelped, jumping a mile when Tetsu popped up next to his elbow. “Tetsu,” he acknowledged, shoulders slowly dropping. “How long have you been there,” he mumbled.

“The whole time.”

“Ugh.” Aomine threw his head back, annoyed. “Like hell I have!” he griped, stooping next to Tetsu a little so he could growl in his face. He glances around for a second, cheeks puffed out angrily as he made sure nobody’s listening.

“You know those two are…” He grit his teeth, lowering his voice. _“Homos?”_ he whispered viciously.

Tetsu just blinks. Like he’s not even surprised by that information.

Aomine recoiled, mouth dropping open in offense. “What, he _told you?!”_

“Yes.”

He can’t fucking believe this. “Why did he tell you but not me?!” he demanded, and really, part of him’s a little miffed that Tetsu isn’t getting animated about this too.

“Well,” Tetsu said, pausing for a long moment to take a pensive sip of a vanilla shake that Aomine _also_ hadn’t noticed until just now, “Judging from your reaction on the court the other day and the way you’re _continuing_ to react, it’s not as if telling you would have been Kagami-kun’s best idea.”

Aomine immediately shut up, shoving his hands in his pockets and pouting his lips out. He scuffed his toe and looked away. “... He told you what happened?”

“Yes.”

He let out a long aggravated groan, cringing a little. Tetsu sipped his drink and rested his bum against the side of the shop next to Aomine, staring out at the street. Aomine stood there with his hands in his pockets, fidgeting for a few seconds, petulantly squirming, until finally he burst, “What, so he’s still mad about it?!”

Tetsu gave him this weird look. “Aomine-kun,” he said. “That was two days ago.”

“So? What’s your point?” Aomine demanded, feeling on the defensive somehow. Tetsu always has a way of making him feel guilty even when he didn’t do anything. “What, is he really that mad?” Tetsu stares at him for a long time, like he’s a crazy person and is both fascinated and alarmed. He slowly moves the straw to his lips, not breaking eye contact.

“Ugh, stop with the vanilla shake!”

“I think you’ve underestimated how serious this situation is,” Tetsu says soberly, as unreadable as ever.

“Whatever,” Aomine dismisses, pushing off the side of the building and heading off, bag over his shoulder. “He’ll cool off eventually.”

“Aomine-kun, I think it’s best if you apologize as soon as possible,” Tetsu warned, trailing next to him. Aomine let out a scornful huff of a laugh. Like hell is he saying sorry.

“What do I have to apologize for? He should apologize to _me,”_ he insisted, but Tetsu just gave him a dubious look. “For ghosting me!” He’s still pretty mad about that, and thinking about it again just brought those nasty feelings back. It’s better to stay pissed off and let that hot, dark, satisfying tangle of pettiness fester in his chest instead.

“... For a _homo,”_ he hissed, glancing to both sides.

“Aomine-kun,” Tetsu said sharply, drawing his attention. They stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light, and Aomine turned to look at him, chin tipped down. “Whatever you may think about those kinds of people, this is important to Kagami-kun.” Aomine stares, impassive.

 _‘Why is he getting so serious?’_ he thinks, Tetsu’s words going in one ear and out the other as he stared at his pinched little face.

“He values your opinion of him more than he’ll admit, and I know you’re the same,” he accuses, making Aomine toss his head and snort. “You are irreparably damaging your friendship,” he concludes bluntly, and Aomine quirks an eyebrow, taken aback.

Tetsu’s being really direct, huh. That probably means it’s all complete bullshit, because Tetsu always comes out of left field with what’s _actually_ going on — besides, Aomine doesn’t accept that explanation of the circumstances, so he’s just going to dismiss it.

“Whatever, Tetsu,” he brushes off, not troubled with completely dispensing with that advice. “That guy can’t stay mad at me,” he reminds confidently.

The light turns green and Tetsu stares at him for a beat as people start crossing.. “I wouldn’t be too sure,” Tetsu tells him, and Aomine felt a flicker of doubt for a second, thinking on that thing again, the one thing that makes him second-guess all this — Kagami never walks away. But he did after their game. And he’d done it again just now, _today,_ this very afternoon outside of Maji’s.

What, so Tetsu thinks he’ll stay like that? And he’ll never get over this fit he’s throwing? He’s just gonna’ avoid Aomine for the rest of his life? Yeah right. Aomine brushes it off again, because that’s not how he and Kagami are. He knows it.

They can’t hold grudges with each other because sooner or later one of them will get tired of not getting to play some decent basketball. Although… Aomine has to admit, Kagami never has as hard a time as he does of finding people to play with. People seem to just naturally like him better. Who knows why.

In any case, Tetsu’s full of sand. Aomine’s not worried.

  


_‘He’ll get tired of pouting soon.’_   


 

      He thinks it — but a tiny thing in his gut still feels sick and twisted up. Something in him doubts.  


. . .  


_Tell me why I can’t seem to face the truth._


	5. Chapter 5

After that, things are bad.

 

Trying to wait it out does nothing to make it better either, because it feels like the longer Aomine waits for Kagami to just get over it, the more closed off he gets. It just gets worse as time passes. 

Kagami doesn’t come to the court to play basketball with him anymore at their usual time. As far as Aomine knows, he doesn’t go to the court at all, or at least not the one they usually meet at.

He also doesn’t meet Aomine after school to walk with him and go get food and bum around the mall. He doesn’t invite Aomine over either. He doesn’t talk to him when he sees him. He doesn’t even text. Aomine’s tried texting him a few times on his own, and he won’t answer those either. Kagami’s completely fucking _ghosted_ him. It’s like they were never even friends.

He must be _really_ pissed at Aomine.

In retrospect, he feels a little uncomfortable about the way he’d handled things. He might’ve acted like kind of a dick about it. Or at least, more of a dick than was necessary.

He’s still mad. He still feels right about being mad, because Kagami was a jerk for blowing him off with no explanation to hang out with some other guy who can’t play basketball. He felt sort of like he was being shoved aside for this new kid, so maybe he’d gotten a little bitter about that and let it cloud his judgement. He probably should’ve at least asked about it and tried to keep his cool. He probably shouldn’t have said what he did to Kagami.

Because it’s not like he’s mad that Kagami’s... _gay…_ exactly… Just that he’d let _being like that_ get in the way of basketball. He’d feel the same way if Kagami had started forgetting about the game to moon over some girl too — probably. He thinks he would have.

Kagami had to know that he didn’t mean what he’d said. There’s no way Kagami thought he really meant that. Half the stuff that comes out of his mouth when they’re arguing is complete bullshit, Kagami knows that, so he shouldn’t be taking this time that seriously either.

In any case, it’s put him in a truly _rotten_ mood and people are starting to notice.

Wakamatsu won’t shut up about him being distracted and lazy during practice again, which isn’t really that different than any other day, but it’s particularly annoying this time, because Satsuki’s on him too. He’d gotten in a fight with Wakamatsu and kneed him in the gut hard enough that he’d puked a few minutes later, but he can’t hit Satsuki.

One, because of course he can’t and never would, he’s not a complete monster, and two — their moms would ground him for his entire _life._

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about getting her in a headlock and covering her mouth though, because on his way home from school she won’t stop yakking his ear off, telling him to stop moping around. All she does is complain.

“Shut up, I’m fine,” he hums absently, ignoring her as they walk to the train.

“Stop being a _baby_ and make up with Kagamin,” she demands, and who knows if that’s what she’d been talking about the whole time, he’d been studiously tuning her out until she’d said _that._ Specifically.

He whips around, sweaty and wild-eyed, feeling a little insane. “... You know about that too?” What the fuck is going on around here.

She glares at him, face pinched up and hands on her hips like she always does when she tries to scold him — for once it actually makes him feel sort of ashamed, and he hunches up a little. He doesn’t like that she knows.

“Dai-chan, why did you say it?”

“I dunno’, I was mad!” he blurts, feeling like he had to explain himself for some stupid reason.

“About what?” She wrinkles her nose up and squints at him, cocking her head. Then she straightens up, hands behind her back, a smile crossing her face— and for a legitimate second, Aomine would’ve rather licked the train tracks than hear what she and her damn analytic skills had just figured out.

“Are you jealous that Kagamin has a special someone and you’re single?” she teases, “Or maybe… Are you worried Kagamin isn’t going to pay you as much attention anymore now that he’s dating?” Aomine feels his temper rising like a thermometer in a boiling kettle.

“What bullshit are you shooting off?!” he hollers. Satsuki flinches back in surprise and Aomine immediately lowers his voice, hunching his shoulders up when those around them in the subway react with looks of varying degrees of concern and alarm. “Shut _up,_ Satsuki,” he growls, glaring her in both eyes so she knows he really means it. She stares, wide-eyed.

“You don’t know anything about it, you ugly,” he snaps, finger in her face, feeling just a little bit guilty when she starts to well up. His finger quivers and he bites his lips, face screwing up in aggravation. “... Just stay out of it,” he mumbles, stomping off.

After he’s cooled off a little more over the next few days, he really starts to feel sort of bad.

Not bad enough to apologize, because he hasn’t done anything wrong — not _very_ wrong, at least. He’d just gotten pissed and it’s not like he and Kagami haven’t gotten pissed at each other before.

Aomine had been set on waiting it out for a bit, but after the Maji incident, he does try to confront Kagami again, y’know, get back in his good graces — only because he’s starting to get bored.

He tries to corner him after school, but Kagami just ignores him again, and Aomine doesn’t know what to make of this. He can’t even see where Kagami’s coming from or even figure out exactly why he’s mad because Kagami never actually said anything to him. They haven’t talked about what happened at all, and they _keep_ not talking about it because Kagami just completely ices him out.

The day eventually comes that Kagami just walks past him without so much as a glance. He won’t even _look_ at him.

It’s like he just doesn’t give a shit anymore. Like Aomine was never his friend. Like he’s just some nobody that he can just leave on read and forget about.

He doesn’t understand how this has escalated this quickly to such an extreme. Aomine’s been a shit friend, sure. He can admit that — but the thing is, Kagami’s always dealt with it. He’s been troublesome and ungrateful and annoying and Kagami’s just let him have his way. Even if he’s complained about it, he’s always humored Aomine.

He loses his temper on Aomine all the time, but he forgives him just as quickly. He’s such a hothead that you wouldn’t know it, but Kagami’s actually a really patient guy. He has to be, to have put up with him this long.

He doesn’t get why this time is different all of a sudden. It’s not like he hasn’t been mean to Kagami before, because god knows he has.

He’s been fucking _awful_ to Kagami before, and Kagami hasn’t reacted this way. He’s never shut him out like this or backed down from a fight and just… walked away.

It’s like… it’s like Kagami thought he wasn’t even _worth_ fighting.

After a week or so of this, Aomine’s starting to consider that Tetsu might have been right. He might actually have messed up this time. Kagami’s actually mad.

Like, he’s gotten Kagami mad at him before, so he’s used to it, and it’s not like Aomine didn’t know Kagami was really pissed at him right now, but it’s acknowledging that it’s… _serious._ That’s what tells him that Tetsu was right, and it sucks. This actually might be a really big deal.

Kagami turning his back on him that way is the worst of all though. That lack of acknowledgement, his refusal to even talk to him, like he’s that mad that he’s completely fine with shutting him out and walking out of his life — it makes Aomine feel really shitty. Small. Stupid. A little anxious, even.

Isn’t Kagami gonna’ forgive him? He has to eventually. When’s he gonna’ stop being upset?

Aomine shows up outside the subway not far from the Maji’s again where he knows Tetsu and Kagami’ll be, heading back from school. It doesn’t take long to spot them, and when he does, he walks up, lazy and slow as usual.

As soon as he comes up on them Kagami says, “I’ll see you later, Kuroko,” and deadass _walks in the opposite direction._

Aomine stares after him for a beat and them shouts incredulously, “Dude, _really?!”_

He doesn’t turn around. He just keeps walking. Acts like he didn’t even hear him. It’s so aggravating that Aomine’s getting really close to just up and chasing him, grabbing him by the collar, and _making him_ look at him. Even if Kagami hits him at least then they’ll be fighting. Instead of whatever… _this_ is.

“Is he _still_ mad?” Aomine blurted, feeling exasperated. He doesn’t know what to do with a guy like this.

He’d thought he and Kagami ran on the same wavelength, but he can’t imagine getting so mad at Kagami that he’d decide one day to the next to just stop speaking to him. He doesn’t have that in him. When he gets mad, he yells, he fights, he does nasty things. He isn’t mature enough and doesn’t have the willpower to just ignore someone he’s mad at.

He’d thought Kagami was the same. He didn’t know how he was keeping up with this silent treatment thing. It’s infuriating.

“I told you, Aomine-kun—” Tetsu starts, but Aomine cuts him off, annoyed.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” he drones, huffing. “Whatever.” Shoving his hands into his jacket and following Tetsu as he started his walk home, Aomine mumbled, “If I’d known he’d get so butthurt I woulda’ done things different.”

Tetsu gives him a look and just slowly shakes his head.

Aomine lasts two seconds before he loses his cool, blurting, “You gonna’ talk to him or something?”

He lets Aomine sweat for a minute, lets him feel like a pathetic loser, and then at length, agrees, “If you’d like me to.” Aomine’s shoulders slump as he scowls and drags himself along next to him. “I still say that it will make no difference,” Tetsu says succinctly. “You need to solve this yourself.”

Aomine doesn’t wanna’ hear that.

He doesn’t want to be told to apologize. He doesn’t wanna’ hear any more bullshit about how this was his fault. He almost blows up on Tetsu like he did with Satsuki before, but then he thinks about how he has to go home again and lay on his bed and read magazines and bum around instead of playing basketball. He thinks about staring at his fucking phone and his unanswered messages and trying to just wait on Kagami to forgive him so that they can go back to being friends again and meeting at the courts every day. He thinks about that and that’s what keeps his pride from rearing its head again.

“... How,” he finally mutters under his breath.

“Just tell Kagami-kun the truth,” Tetsu suggests, as if that’s logical or something. As if that’s actually helpful.

“What truth,” he grunts, stubborn as a mule.

“Aomine-kun. Just tell him that jealousy got you mad.”

 _“That’s bullshit, Tetsu,”_ Aomine jumps down his throat, and when Tetsu lifts his chin to look at him, a little wide-eyed, like he’s starting to _wonder_ about Aomine or something — that makes him hunch down and scowl. “Jealous of what,” he amends.

What would make Tetsu think he got mad because he’s jealous? It’s not like he thinks that guy’s better than him. He can’t fucking play basketball, and look at Aomine. Comparing the two of them, it’s no contest.

Tetsu just fucking blinks at him.  
  


      “What- _ever,_ Tetsu!”  
  
  


Things just go on that way — and the longer it does, the more Aomine fucking hates it. He’s figured out why, too.

It feels like his old life.

He’s dissatisfied. He’s bored. He can’t play basketball. Except this time it’s different, because the first time, he’d given up hope on finding what he was looking for and was resigned to his fate, completely bitter. Now, he knows Kagami’s out there — he knows his _rival_ is out there. So instead of feeling hopeless and lazy, no energy to do anything, depressed and unmotivated, Aomine feels antsy; restless.

He wants to do something to burn off all this nervous energy, but he can’t play basketball and he can’t hang out, so he ends up wandering around the house and worrying his mom.

The next few weeks — yeah, _weeks, he’s had it up to here —_ fucking suck.

He hasn’t tried to talk to Kagami again. He clearly doesn’t want to and if he’s just going to keep walking away and leaving him there every time he tries to confront him, well Aomine’s not gonna’ keep making a fool of himself.

He’s gotten a few glimpses of him here and there, but as far as he can tell, there’s no sign of that other guy. It kind of just makes it more frustrating.

The way Aomine sees it, that guy isn’t around, so why isn’t Kagami hanging out with him again?

Aomine grumbles, staring at his phone and his ‘read’ texts yet again. It sucks to admit, but Aomine’s really starting to miss Kagami. It’s irritating and it makes his stomach hurt. He does miss him — him and his stupid face.

Not even just for playing basketball either. He doesn’t even care about that other loser that much anymore, he just misses Kagami and wants things to go back to normal.  
  


_‘Jealous.’_

 

      No way.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this whole story isn't just going to be about aomine being a fucking horrible dumbass. But for now, let me apologize in advance. 
> 
>  
> 
> Bc these chapters are so short, have a double-update. Please enjoy!

Aomine’s getting a serious attitude problem. It’s been almost three weeks now and Kagami still hasn’t said a word to him and he’s about to go insane.

He doesn’t even care about what he was originally mad over, Aomine just wants his fucking friend back.

The next time he sees Tetsu he tries to bring it up as nonchalantly as possible, like he hasn’t been thinking about it constantly over the past few days.

“Is he still seeing that guy?” he wonders, trying not to sound like he’s that interested. He just wonders, you know — because he hasn’t seen him. Did they break up or something? He just wants to know.

“Yes.”

Aomine immediately sours. Because that means this whole time Kagami has been avoiding him, he’s probably been hanging out with that guy instead. Hell, it probably means Kagami’s been hanging out with that guy, _and_ Tetsu. Aomine’s the only one who isn’t included.

“What is with that fucking loser!” Aomine explodes. “How can Kagami be this mad over that stupid guy!”

Tetsu doesn’t react to his outburst other than to insist seriously, “It’s time to let it go, Aomine-kun.”

“Let _what_ go!” he blurts, and he's upset enough that his voice does that high squeaky cracking thing that hasn't happened since middle school.

“You should apologize.”

But Aomine’s worked up now, spilling all the frustration he’s bottled up out in a disjointed rant. “What, Kagami’s gonna’ blow off matches so that he can hang out with his _mouthdate_ and he thinks that I’m _not_ gonna’—” He grits his teeth and then just shouts, “He can’t even make a basket!”

It feels like he’s just admitted to something that he wasn't supposed to say out loud, but he doesn’t care anymore. It all just comes out. “What’s so special about that fucking loser! Kagami even calls him by his given name! He doesn’t call _anyone_ like that and he’s an _American!”_

“Aomine-kun,” Tetsu says, as if to calm him down, but Aomine just stands there and pants, heaving as he comes down from his fit. “I don’t understand.” Aomine swallows and wipes his mouth, shoulders slowly lowering.

“Is this about Kagami-kun being…” Tetsu goes quiet, seeming to flail momentarily for the word. See, Tetsu won’t say it either — that Kagami’s a _homo._

 _“Homo,”_ Aomine grits out.

“Or is this because you don’t like Kimura-kun.” Aomine stops and stares at him for a second. “Whatever it is, you need to move on.”

It occurs to him then that it’s because it’s _that guy_ that it particularly pisses him off. Kagami’s messing around with a guy who can’t play basketball. He can’t even shoot a hoop. It’s not like he should be any fun. He’s not interesting or cool, or— He can’t make Kagami go into the zone! He can’t share Kagami’s hobby, the thing he likes most! So what good is he. Why’s he worth hanging out with, let alone _dating._  What’s so good about him, huh?

What’s so good about him that he’s worth blowing off a match with Aomine for.

“Why _shouldn’t_ I be mad,” Aomine hisses, getting in Tetsu’s face. His eyes widen but he doesn’t back up. “He keeps it a goddamn secret for this long and then lets me find out by—” he sputters, _“doing shit_ right out in the open.” Tetsu’s mouth draws into a flat line.

“Yeah I’m fucking mad. He’s gonna’ ghost me outta’ nowhere for this _homo_ he’s only known for a fucking month.”

Tetsu sighs. The way he does when he’s had enough of Aomine’s bullshit. He closes his eyes and puts his fingers to his temples and everything. “Aomine-kun, you need to stop saying that.”

Aomine grits his teeth and his hands turn into claws. He stands there and seethes and tries not to wring someone’s fucking neck. He straightens up, huffing in and out like an angry bull, looking one way, then the next, maybe for a wall to kick. Something to punch.

“I think I see what’s happening now,” Tetsu says at last, and Aomine stops, glancing back at him.

“You know, Aomine-kun,” he starts, “Kagami-kun didn’t tell me about himself for a long time. At first he said it was because it wasn’t an important thing to mention, since it doesn’t have to do with basketball club — but then he told me that the longer he didn’t say anything, the harder it was to bring up, and for a while he just didn’t know how to say it. Eventually he just told me that he'd met someone.”

Aomine tries to picture it. He can totally see Kagami doing something like that, keeping quiet about it at first because basketball was all that was on his mind, and then later realizing he’d neglected to mention something _pretty important_ for such a long time that it was sort of _awkward_ to mention it now. He can see that.

But he can’t imagine how that had gone. What, had he just said it one day in the locker room out of the blue? Had he just told Tetsu he had a boyfriend and then introduced him? Or had he been more serious and confessed that he was gay and then relayed that he'd starting dating someone? He wonders how Tetsu had taken it. How would Kagami have told Aomine? _Would_ he have? Had he been planning to keep him in the dark forever?

“He told me he’s sorry he left it so long.” Aomine considers this silently, brow furrowed as he listens and stares out at the road.

“He was hesitant to be open at first because of how different it is in America,” Tetsu finishes. “He took your reaction very hard.”

“What?” Aomine mumbled, baffled. He’s wondered why this time was so different, considering Kagami’s never walked away before during a fight — but he’d just thought he’d gotten Kagami really _steaming mad._ This hadn’t occurred to him.

This whole time Kagami’s avoided him… it’s because he's got hurt feelings?

“How’m I supposed to control that?” Aomine denies, getting defensive when he thinks of what he’d said, and then thinks of the surprised look on Kagami’s face, the way he’d just stared at him with such big eyes, completely speechless. When he thinks of that, something feels small and guilty on the inside.

He must’ve not expected Aomine to feel that way about it.

“Let him know that you accept him,” Tetsu said, and finally, some direct fucking advice. He gave Aomine a piercing look, pinning him where he stood. “Do you?”

He immediately starts to squirm, pouting his lips out and sulking.

It doesn’t bug him that much, really. He might look at Kagami sideways for a while after this, but he’s not weirded out enough that he’d wanna’ stop playing ball with him. Or sleeping over, he guesses he still feels okay doing that too. It’s not like Kagami wasn’t like that the whole time he’s known him anyway. Aomine just didn’t _know_ about it before, so there’s no point getting squeamish about it now.

He’s not a different person than he was before. Aomine’s just seeing him differently. That’s all.

Aomine shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled around a little. “I mean… I guess I don’t care,” he mumbled, shrugging.

If that’s all… and Kagami’s got his sissy feelings hurt, then maybe Aomine’s fine with it. At this point, he misses the guy so much that he just wants it all to be over, whatever that means.  

“If he wants to spend his time sucking face with dudes, that’s his business,” he concedes under his breath. Then he sticks his chin out. “He just shouldn’t let it interrupt basketball.”

Tetsu sighs, closing his eyes, probably so Aomine can’t see him rolling them, but he still knows.

“If you were really only upset about that, Aomine-kun, then tell him soon please.”

Aomine heads off with Tetsu, feeling a lot better — enough so that he relaxes and straightens up, a cocky smirk returning to his face.

“Oh I’ll tell him.”

 

       Everything’s going to be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mhm. yep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you may have guessed, but everything is _not_ fine.

Aomine catches Kagami on Friday night, playing on his own on the court, and he decides it’s as good a time as any to force a confrontation.

Kagami coils up like a spring, crouching down, arms raised and ready to shoot. Aomine calls out, “Hey,” and he just stops like that, frozen for a second.

He slowly straightens up, lowering the ball, and doesn’t turn around. Aomine keeps heading towards him. “Hey,” he says. “Kagami.”

Kagami walks off the court and picks up his stuff. Aomine opens the door on the far side of the fence in a hurry, letting it fall shut behind him with a clang. He was ready for it this time, but it still strikes him in the chest like a fist, the complete indifference Kagami’s showing him, and for a second all he can do is stare at the back of his head, gritting his teeth.

He doesn’t even turn to look at him. It feels weird not being able to see his face.

This time when Kagami makes to leave, Aomine follows him. So Kagami doesn’t wanna’ talk to him — tough shit, he’ll _make_ him talk.

He just wants to be forgiven and quit getting the cold shoulder. He doesn’t get why Kagami’s so mad over this, it’s not that big a deal.

“Hey,” he says, approaching him, stopping a few yards short as Kagami stoops to zip the ball up in the duffle. “Let’s play.”

Kagami shakes his head and goes to leave, heading for the other door. That was something at least, even if he wasn’t talking. In any case, it was enough encouragement for Aomine to keep pressing him.

“You still pissed?” Aomine says, hands in the pockets of his gym shorts. “I was just surprised by what I saw. What, you’re still mad about it?”

Kagami straightens up, not turning around, head down. Aomine moves around to the side where he can at least see his face, but his eyes are shadowed by his bangs.

“Look, I know in America you people don’t care about being open, but it’s different here, so you surprised me,” he says flatly, jeering, “What would you have done.”

Kagami’s just standing there. He’s not leaving at least. This is the longest he’s stuck around to hear him out since it happened. He’s actually listening. Maybe that got through to him.

Aomine straightens up a little. “You gonna’ quit avoiding me?” he hedges after a beat of silence. “That was ages ago now.”

Kagami’s motionless, standing there with his bag on his shoulder, facing away from him, head down. He’s so quiet it’s starting to get on Aomine’s nerves. It gives him the creeps. “It’s no big deal. Why’re you still icing me out.” Aomine stares at him, slouching, hands in his pockets. “Let’s play.”

“No.”

Aomine starts a little when Kagami finally says something, but then scowls, frustrated. What the hell does Kagami want from him, huh?

“Why not? What is your _problem.”_ He’s about to step forward and grab Kagami’s shoulder to yank him around and demand he tell him why the _fuck_ he's been avoiding him, but Kagami’s finally turned towards him then anyway, and the way his jaw is set, like he’s only been able to keep himself silent this long by clamping his teeth together so hard he could draw blood, it makes Aomine pause.

Kagami looks at him then, and when he speaks, it doesn’t even sound like his voice. It’s too calm. Detached. Cold.

“You’re not who I thought you were.”

  
         — and Aomine felt a sudden chill.  
  
  
He takes a step back, the hairs standing up on his neck. He stares at Kagami speechlessly, the words drying up in his throat.

_‘What?’_

Aomine gapes at him like a fish. What? No— Is he…?

A gust of wind grabs at their hair and shirts, bringing some air back into Aomine’s lungs, but he can’t take his eyes off Kagami’s face, stony and calm, but filled with so much contempt and disdain that he can’t process it.

Sweaty-palmed and feeling almost panicked, Aomine hears himself say, “What, because a’ what I said?” He takes a step forward, as if to reach out and grab him by the jacket, snap him out of it.

This isn’t going like Tetsu said it would. He made it sound like Kagami would forgive him if he told him what’s what. And Kagami… It’s like he’s already decided that there's nothing he can say or do to change his mind. It's like he's already decided that he’s done with Aomine.

For good.

“C’mon, why’re you doing this,” Aomine demands, raising his voice, fists clenched. What, is he trying to make him grovel? “I told you it’s not a big deal. We can still play. I don’t think it’s—”

“I don’t care what you think anymore,” Kagami interrupts, and Aomine shuts up again, staring wide-eyed. “Just leave me alone.”

“... What, that’s it?” Aomine sputters breathlessly. _‘You’re just gonna’...’_ He shakes his head, blinking in disbelief. He can't actually mean it. Of course he can't. That's not how he and Kagami are together. This isn't real.

Kagami turns and walks away. He’s leaving?

Aomine stares after him, hands curling and uncurling. Kagami gets to the gate and Aomine’s standing in the middle of the empty court with his teeth bared watching him go, quivering with rage. Kagami opens the door and Aomine heaves for breath for a couple moments, and then he just loses it.

 _“He doesn’t even play basketball!”_ he screams.

The echo takes a second to die, ringing across the empty court, a raw pathetic noise. But Kagami keeps walking away.

Aomine stares after him until he’s out of sight. Kagami doesn’t look back even once. He'd never tried to hit him. He hadn't even yelled. It felt unfinished, like he _had_ to turn around at some point and let him have it, any second now, but he never does. He stands there helplessly in the silence, the wind cooling the cold sweat on his face and neck.

He runs Kagami’s words back in his mind over and over, and for a minute he just stays there, pitiful and confused, this sick feeling bubbling up inside of him. He stands there where Kagami had been just a minute ago and tries to think what he’s supposed to do. Tries to understand why everything just keeps getting worse.

_‘Jealous.‘_

  


He clenches his fists and tries to swallow.  


       No.


	8. Chapter 8

_Jealousy, when will you let go?_

_Got a hold of my possessive mind, turned me into a jealous guy._

_. . ._

 

After that day on the street court, Aomine hardens his heart in bitterness. Fuck Kagami anyways — that’s how he feels about it.

If he’s going to avoid Aomine and throw a fit, then whatever. It’s not like Kagami’s the only thing in his life. He’s got other things to do. Like read magazines. And fuck around with bugs in the woods. It’s late spring, there’s plenty to do that doesn’t involve basketball. Besides, Aomine can still play _without_ him. Just because it’s not as fun doesn’t mean he can’t. It won't be forever either. Aomine only has to outlast Kagami's temper.

Kagami’ll get bored without him eventually.

 

_‘He’ll miss me.’_

 

He thinks it, but looking back to the cold look on Kagami’s face, thinking back to how easily Kagami has lived his life without him so far, thinking back on that Aomine feels uncertain.

Aomine doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to do at this point. It’s never occurred to him before what he would do if Kagami ever just decided one day to stop hanging out with him. He’d never wondered what he’d do if they couldn’t play anymore — if he lost his rival in a freak accident or if they fell out, like they apparently have now.

He doesn’t know how to live a life with no basketball. He survived it before but he doesn’t think he can go back to that again. Not now that he’d been reminded what it’s like to enjoy the game, to feel that rush, to sink in the zone until he hits the bottom. Not now that he knows what it's like to be blinded by the light.

How is he supposed to go back to that again — the complete and utter loneliness, the empty and silent prison the zone had become. Life won’t be worth living if basketball isn’t worth playing.

Tetsu had warned him to make up with Kagami when he had the chance, early on, probably because Kagami was a stubborn ass and would only set into his ways even harder given time, and Aomine had left it too long now to change his mind.

All the time alone to brood and mope gives Aomine too much time with his thoughts. It keeps popping back into his head over and over, the look on Kagami’s face when he’d first confronted him — the _hurt_ in his expression.

And then the way his eyes had changed into the thing they’ve been since then. This cold hollow look, steely and dark, like he really honestly just hates Aomine’s guts.

 

_‘Just leave me alone.’_

 

He doesn’t know what to do in a world where Kagami hates him. Where Kagami won’t talk to him. Won’t play ball.

What’s he supposed to do. Even if he wants to try and make things better, even if he wants to fix it, how's he going to do that anyway. He’d tried what Tetsu said and it just got worse.

He doesn't see an answer.

The days go on like that, maybe a week. It sucks, but he gets through it. Part of him still doesn’t accept that this is really the end. It can’t be the end when he and Kagami haven’t even really talked about what happened. He hadn’t even given Aomine a chance. They hadn’t fought it out. Kagami still had barely said anything to him. He... he'd never even gotten _mad_ at him. Not really. He's been ice cold.

He hasn't scolded Aomine and yelled his ear off about what he's supposed to be saying sorry to him for, about why he's a goddamn shame and needs to put his head to the ground for forgiveness. Kagami hasn't blown his stack the way he always does, the way it has to for his anger to run its course before he inevitably decides to forgive him.

That hasn't happened yet, and that's how Aomine knows it can't be over. It’s never over like that, it’s not how he and Kagami are together.

The phone rings. Aomine’s dozing, barely awake as he brings it to his ear. It’s Satsuki again. She keeps trying to get him out of the house to go shopping, but he keeps turning her down. It's not like he's waiting around just in case Kagami changes his stupid stubborn mind and calls him, but she seems to think that he needs to get out and socialize for some reason. It's almost as if she's pitying the fact that he's getting _lonely_ or something. Yeah right.

He’s laying there on his bed with his headset on, eyes closed, phone next to his ear, snoozing away as she chatters at him. Finally, she mentions something that catches his interest, and he opens an eye.

“Hm?” he mumbles. “Whuzat?”

“The Teiko team is meeting up. I’ve told you this all week, Dai-chan, you never listen!”

“Say something interesting then,” he hums, closing his eyes again and ignoring her indignant huff as she starts rattling on.

She has mentioned this before now that he thinks about it. There’s a party or something. His old teammates are meeting up in the rec center to play some ball and eat together. They’re getting catered subs and everything — Akashi’s paying.

“Kagamin is going to be there.”

Aomine throws his headphones off and gets out of bed.

He’d settled into his cave over the past few days. He hadn’t been planning on going anywhere, so it takes him a little while to clean up. He scuttles around mindlessly, washes his face, brushes his teeth, sprays on some deodorant, changes out of his ratty shorts into some athletic sweats and a shirt that didn’t have pit-stains.

He grabs a vitamin water from the fridge and calls a goodbye to his mom as he gets out the door, and then he has to physically restrain himself from running to get a bus.

Kagami’s gonna’ be there. They haven’t seen each other since that day on the court. He's been avoiding Aomine until now but there’s no way Kagami’s going to leave the party just because he shows up. Just the thought of seeing him again after that fucked-up conversation and wondering how he was going to react hyped him up with nervous energy. What should he say to him? Should he try to say something to him or is that just going to get Kagami even more pissed? Should he leave him alone? Fuck, maybe he can goad him into playing one-on-one. Kagami’s been good at ignoring him but can he resist that?

By the time he hits his stop and heads out to the ren-cen, he’s so jittery he feels like he’s on crack.

He gets into the building and finds that they have the main gym closed off for them, all six hoops lowered. When he heads in, his eyes flick around from one end to the other, searching—

Satsuki’s spotted him. She’ll probably hop over to say hi in a minute. There’s a table along the back wall overloaded with food where Murasakibara’s hanging out. The freshly waxed floors sing as boys rush back and forth with a ball, playing threes. Aomine stands there and looks around, searching every face. Kagami’s usually so easy to spot.

His team is here, which is unexpected, but whatever. Seirin is here, so where’s Kagami?

Aomine squints, frowning deeper and deeper. Where the _fuck—_ “Aomine-kun.” He doesn’t squeak, but he does jump out of his fucking skin. Tetsu’s standing next to him in a t-shirt and basketball shorts, looking as scrawny as ever in the baggy clothes.

“I didn’t think you would come.”

“Tetsu!” he blurted. “Don’t _do_ that, man.”

“Would you like to play basketball?” Tetsu invited politely.

“Yeah, in a bit,” Aomine brushes off, trying to chill out. He glances around. Hopefully no one saw that. “Lemme’ warm up.”

Aomine drops his jacket and bag against the wall further down and heads onto the court with his basketball, stretching. He rotates his shoulder and looks around for Kagami, frowning.

When he finally catches sight of him, he straightens up, open-mouthed and incredulous. Are you serious?

Kagami’s not out on the court playing. He’s on the fucking bleachers.

That at least explains why he didn’t see him until now, but now that he has Aomine felt his jaw tighten up and it’s like it’s day one all over again, the anger flaring up brand new.

Kagami’s on the bleachers and he’s not alone. He brought that fucking loser with him. His boyfriend is here and Kagami’s not playing basketball, he’s just kind of squirming on the bench watching everyone else, occasionally jolting in excitement when someone makes a basket or a particularly good block. He’s clearly dying to get up and play, but instead he’s sitting out. Probably because that guy doesn’t play ball and it would be rude to leave him on his own.

He wonders why they don't just play together, but then again, he's seen them try to play before, and it was pathetic. It’s no wonder that guy’s not playing now. He’s probably embarrassed to completely suck ass in front of everyone. Even so, why the hell would _Kagami_ sit out though just because his boyfriend doesn’t want to play?

Aomine narrows his eyes. What’s Kagami even see in that guy, huh?

To be honest, it’s the first time Aomine really takes a good look at him, and he’s dismayed and irritated to realize that there’s not much to make fun of. He’s maybe only an inch or two shorter than he is, and he’s tanned to a nice golden brown. He keeps smiling an awful lot too, so Aomine gets an eyeful of his straight teeth. Just looking at his face fucking annoys him, but he has to admit, he’s actually kind of… _handsome._ For a guy.

_“Maybe that’s why Kagami’s into him — if he can’t play ball.’_

Aomine stands there with a basketball, dribbling it slowly. He slaps it to the floor and lets it snap back into his hand, glaring at them sulkily.

That guy shouldn’t be here.

He turns his back and rushes the basket, dunking the ball hard, but the snap and rattle of the hoop and the glass backboard doesn’t give him any satisfaction. It only makes him feel more frustrated.

Aomine plays with Tetsu for a bit. Or he tries to. He’s still not good on his own and needs his team to use his passes. Aomine helps him practice jumping to block, and shooting.

He tries to understand what it’s like, being Kagami and playing with a guy who just can’t play basketball, because he and Kagami have the same stupid basketball-brain and he just can’t see the appeal. Tetsu at least knows what to do, even if he’s not very good. He still _loves_ the game. Aomine can still have a little fun with him — because they’re friends.

Is that why? Kagami just likes the guy so much that he doesn’t care that he ain’t shit on the court?

Once Tetsu’s done and wants a break, panting and sweating and telling Aomine he’s getting too fired up for him, Aomine looks back to the bleachers, unable to stop himself. He’s just in time to see those two heading to the locker rooms and ducking inside together.

Kagami even casts a furtive glance over his shoulder, and by chance they make eye contact for a moment. Kagami holds his gaze for a beat and then turns around again as the door shuts. Aomine stares after them, gut tightening up uneasily.

“I’m going to get some honey lemons,” Tetsu informs, and walks to the food tables, standing between Kise and Satsuki until they notice him. Aomine hangs back on the court and waits, dribbling the ball alone for a bit. Maybe part of him is still hoping it's not true, pointless as it is.

After two or three minutes, he constantly looks over to the locker room door, waiting for them to come back out, but he already knows they’re not in there for a bathroom break.

He doesn’t realize he’s pacing a little, not knowing what else to do but watch the door and clench his hands on the ball, sick and queasy, until Tetsu appears next to him again. “Where is Kagami-kun?”

It’s been a good five minutes that those two have been gone, and Aomine can’t take it anymore. “One sec’,” he growls, and lets the ball drop to the floor, rolling away and bumping Tetsu’s foot.

He heads to the lockers, pushing the door open. He just stands there in the hallway and lets the door shut behind him, and for a moment it’s just him in the quiet, the silence seeming to encase him. His heartbeat seems to echo back and forth in his head as he swallows, the atmosphere pressing into him harder and harder until it feels like he'll suffocate.

Then he rounds the bend. His shoes hardly make a sound on the tile as he passes the empty shower stalls, moving faster and faster as he nears the rows of lockers. His breath seems so loud, coming out of him in short forced pants.

He should probably stop. Before he sees something he doesn't want to. Before something happens that he can't take back. He's going to hit the bottom soon if he keeps it up, he knows that. And he might not like what he finds there.

That thought doesn't stop him. It almost never does.

He hears them before he sees them. They’re on a bench together a few rows in, facing each other in the communal changing area. He doesn’t actually see much, because when he whips around the corner, they jump apart looking guilty, like they’ve been caught doing something bad. They stare up at him with wide eyes.

He should stop. Sometimes he wishes that knowing it beforehand was enough to hold him back.

Aomine doesn’t know what exactly comes over him. He won't say it's some otherworldly force or that he wasn't in control of his own actions, but something happens and it's like a switch flips in his brain. It feels almost like blanking out. He's overtaken so suddenly with so much white hot rage that he can't fucking speak. He can't open his mouth to yell. He can't even think two seconds ahead to the consequences of what he's about to do.

All he can do is react, spilling over with so much anger that the runoff _drowns_ him, encasing whatever part of him that was left on the inside that could have stopped this— like lava coating a mountainside, destroying everything indiscriminately. Even the things that he should want to let survive.

He storms over and yanks the guy to his feet by his collar. He isn’t small by any means, but his shock makes it so easy, because he's just letting Aomine do it. All he does in that moment of surprise is stumble to stay on his feet as Aomine drags him out from there and _throws_ him down the hallway towards the door, almost making him fall facefirst onto the tile.

The way the struggle echoes in the locker room makes it sound so violent, makes it sound loud and terrible, even though no one’s said a single word. They’re both still too stunned to do anything. He’d moved too fast.

Kagami’s still behind them just sitting there with mussed-up hair and a wet pink mouth, and Aomine felt absolutely overcome with fury. The second the guy straightens up, he shoves between his shoulders again and he almost stumbles. He finally hears a shout from behind him but Aomine wrangles the guy by his shirt and drags him along.

He hauls him to the door and throws him outside into the gym.

“What the hell is your problem?!” he blurts, pissed off, finally breaking away and turning to face him. Aomine seethes, body coiled tight. He can't form a single coherent thought through this haze of anger. Kimura's hair is all fucked up from being towed around. He’s got a half-chub poking up in his sweats and his shirt’s all rumpled up.

He lifts a hand to wipe the side of his mouth, and in a flash, Aomine lunges.

They’re on the cold hard floor of the gym, thrashing around like animals. It only takes Aomine a second to get on top of him, one hand planted on the side of his face to hold him down as he raises his fist behind his head— and for a split second he gets to see the whites of his eyes, wide and horrified just before he slams his hand down as hard as he fucking can.

There’s a blur as Kimura throws himself to the side and Aomine’s fist crunches into the floor, the skin splitting on his knuckles, but he's unphased, winding up immediately to hit him again, to knock those stupid teeth out of his stupid head— fuck him up so bad that he can never do that _fucking gay shit_ ever again— wreck his goddamn face so bad that he won’t ever think about even _looking_ at Kagami—

That’s when he’s grabbed under the arms and dragged off the guy, out of reach of him, not for lack of trying.

It all comes back in a rush.

Everyone’s stopped playing basketball, everyone's yelling, and Kagami is there, he can hear him. It felt like coming out of the zone almost, an intense drive having blurred out all his unnecessary senses until something came to snap him out of it. Figures it's Kagami, cutting through the void like always.

“What the fuck are you _doing?!”_ Kimura yells, winded and breathless as he gets to his feet and stumbles back, pale and sweaty.

“Are you fucking kidding me, man?!” Aomine howls, fighting the arms caging him, swinging like he can still sock the guy one from here.

“What the hell is _wrong_ with you?” It's Kagami. He sounds mad, but he's not as loud as he'd expected him to be.

Aomine looks up and he's there standing in front of the guy, one arm out as if to keep him back and protect him or something. He’s finally looking at Aomine, eyes lit up with fire. Focused on _him._ Like it used to be.

Like it’s supposed to be.

He’s finally paying Aomine some attention and it’s to screw up his face in fury and holler accusingly, “I thought you were my friend!”

Aomine’s so mad that he can’t fucking see, but he feels himself break free in a wild burst and Kagami meets him and the two of them rip into each other.

Punching and clawing and hitting like they’re trying to kill each other. His hands ache from driving them into Kagami’s chest and face. He thinks he might hurl from the way Kagami’s knee slams up under his ribs and into his stomach, but he's not pulling his punches either. He’s got a handful of Kagami’s hair and holds his head still so he can beat him in the face.

How fucking dare he act like this is his fault. How fucking dare he pretend like he was the bad friend.

Kagami lands a solid punch directly in the center of his face, his fist slamming right into the tip of his nose and jamming it back. His knuckles drive in so hard that Aomine's skull rattles. Blood immediately floods his mouth as his lip is crunched against his teeth. His head snaps back from the blow and everything goes underwater for a second.

Everything's quiet and fuzzy for one long moment, and he wonders for what he hopes is the last time— how long is he going to keep sinking. He should have stopped by now.

And that’s when they’re pried apart, dragged away from each other and Aomine shakes himself, focusing again and seething with rage, chin slick with blood.

Kagami’s entire team is holding him back, piling on top of him in an attempt to bind him. He’s still straining to get at him, jaw clenched and eyes blazing, shoulders and chest bulging as he fights the restraints.

“Whoa, hey! Stop!”

“It’s not worth it! Kagami, _chill!”_

Aomine’s still got his feet braced but he mostly just stands there, coiled up tight and ready to bolt at the slightest release in pressure. Murasakibara and Wakamatsu are holding onto him, prying his arms back. Sakurai is in front of him, shoving his chest ineffectually with his shoulders and back. “Sorry! Sorry!”

“Are you fucking serious, Kagami?” Aomine barks, and everyone quiets down. His eyes don’t leave Kagami’s face for a second, twisted up with rage like a wild animal. He'd almost look like he does on the court, fired up and ready to blow, but something there is unrecognizeable. Something is wrong. “What the hell do you think you’re doing.”

“Mind your own goddamn business,” he spits back, and he’s finally looking at Aomine. He’s finally fighting him and yelling at him like he’s been waiting for. Aomine finally gets to vent all this pent-up rage and hurt he’s been holding onto. Finally gets to hurt Kagami back. He finally gets to _make_ him react.

“This has nothing to do with you.” Aomine almost bursts a vessel he grits his jaw so tight. Wakamatsu tightens his grip on him, sweat rolling down his neck.

“Oh yeah? Then why do you keep shoving it in my goddamn face for me to see,” he accuses, dark and cruel.

“What are you _talking_ about?!”

He knows he’s going to regret all this later. Part of him already knows that. But he’s so mad that the petty, disgusting, _nasty_ part of him crawls out and he really shows his ugly side. What’s the point in pretending if Kagami’s already decided this is how things are. What's the point of trying to make up if Kagami doesn't want to. If Kagami already hates him, then what does it matter. Why not be as fucking rotten as possible.

“I thought you cared about basketball, and all the while you’ve got something else on your mind.”

“You’ve fucking cracked, dude!” Kagami shouts incredulously.

“Who else have you not told,” Aomine spat, blood speckling his lips and misting the air in front of him. “Or is it just me that was in the dark.” Some small thing that hangs on inside him tells him to stop now, before he can’t take it back. Just stop.

But that guy’s still over there, panting and watching it all with this shellshocked expression, and Aomine doesn’t care about anything. Just do it. Just say it. Why shouldn’t he.

“That you’re hanging out with a goddamn homo.”

It sounds like him. It’s definitely his voice, he feels his mouth move and he hears the words come out, harsh and cruel, charged with disgust. He's the one who says it, but it doesn’t feel like he thought it would.

Kagami doesn’t disappoint, and for a second it’s like old times when they used to piss each other off, goad one another until they got into a shouting match and argued back and forth until someone intervened. But this time it looks like if Kagami were to break free, if he were to get his hands on him right now, he might actually kill him.

The second the words leave Aomine’s mouth, Kagami strains and thrashes and _seethes,_ red in the face.

“Oh, does that hurt your feelings?” He sounds almost lazy, like he’s not even mad anymore. Aomine just stares at him with narrowed eyes, getting some sick satisfaction out of watching Kagami finally get mad. “Next time don’t try for a quickie in the bathroom if you don’t want people to know.”

Kagami snaps his fucking chain. He’s always been like that, more easily provoked than Aomine, a hotter temper, more emotionally reactive, but after so long seeing Kagami keep his cool over the past few weeks, Aomine felt a little surprised, because he’s never seen Kagami get _this_ mad. For any reason.

He’s wild-eyed, shouting so loud and so ferociously that spit’s flying. He looks _crazed._ “Oh so now you’ve got a problem with me, just ‘cause you know?” he bellows. “I’ve been like this the whole time whether you knew or not!”

Everyone’s dead silent, just letting Kagami scream at him. Even his teammates, still desperately holding him back, are wide-eyed and open-mouthed, stunned.

“Why should I be ashamed,” Kagami hisses, heaving for a breath, staring at Aomine like he can’t figure out what’s wrong with him. He's incredulous and clenched up with offense, like he can’t wrap his stupid brain around why Aomine’s being so awful. Like making out in the bathroom with another boy is no big deal. Like Aomine’s the one who did something wrong for getting upset.

“Are you fucking serious?!” Aomine hollers, losing his composure for a minute and thrashing against Wakamatsu’s grip, almost breaking free for a second before Murasakibara straps a big arm around his middle, holding him fast.

“You wanna’ hear it so bad?” Kagami pants, and for a second it feels like they’re in a one-on-one, sizing each other up, bodies drawn tight, eyes focused, the tension so heavy that it almost felt like a physical weight.

“Fine,” he breathes, and then he just fucking says it, right there in front of everybody, because he never backs down from a dare, because no matter how far Aomine pushes him, he doesn’t walk away from a challenge. Aomine holds stock still, hardly daring to breathe, glaring into Kagami’s eyes.

“I’m gay,” he says, and it echoes in the gym for a second because no one else is even breathing at this point. He’s not even sure his heart is beating, it’s just stopped in his chest as he listens to the way Kagami’s voice quakes just a tiny bit on those words.

It doesn't feel good, hearing that. Aomine doesn't know what he expected, but it doesn't feel like he thought it would.

They didn’t all know then. They couldn’t have, the way their eyes are bugging out.

“Me an’ Hitoshi are dating,” he hissed through gritted teeth — and he sounds proud about it. Vicious even.

Aomine stares at him, shoulders loose, eyes cold and hard. Kagami seems to wait, as if after all this time he’s still stupidly hoping that Aomine’s just been fucking around, that he’s just being an asshole like always and that everything’s still going to be fine. It’s not like they know anything else. Aomine’s a jerk and Kagami shakes it off. That’s how it’s always been. It’s how they are together.

So why doesn't he shake it off now. Why should it be different this time unless Kagami's purposefully goading him. Unless he's been _trying_ to piss him off. What does he want out of Aomine except an explosion.

It fills Aomine with so much bitterness that it has nowhere else to go. And maybe that's why he says the worst thing he can think of. Maybe that's why he wants to hurt him as bad as he possibly can. Hurt him  _back._

Kagami’s staring at Aomine like he expects something from him, eyes lit up and cutting into him as if daring him to say something about it. They’re burning with all that drive, an untamed blaze of passion.

The kind of passion he should only get about basketball.

 

“You fucking fag,” he grits out, infuriated, almost a whisper.

 

No one says anything. Kagami just stares at him for a second, like he still can’t believe it. It’s like the first time, in the gym after their game when Aomine told him he saw them. He just stares at Aomine like he doesn’t know who he is. Like he can’t believe what’s happening and can’t react.

In the moments afterwards Aomine felt like he had as a kid, having dared for the first time to do something really awful, saying the worst thing he could think of to get a reaction. It felt like the first time he'd told his mom to shut up, and then waiting in the moments afterwards in a kind of terrified excitement, waiting to see what she was going to do to him now—

It's the exhilirating and horrifying feeling of having gone too far, of hanging in the abyss, the moment before plunging downwards. It's like that, except it doesn't come. Kagami just keeps staring at him.

Aomine spits blood onto the floor, breathing heavily, and he watches as Kagami shuts down. It's a thing he can physically _see,_ Kagami closing off. That hurt expression is there again but it turns bitter and distant a lot quicker this time.

And it’s back like it was when Kagami had started avoiding him. He looks so detached, so disgusted with Aomine that he might as well be garbage in a drain or a cockroach under his foot.

He puts it together all at once that this is what Kagami’s like when he’s mad. Truly mad. When it’s serious and he’s decided something is unforgivable. He’d expected a massive explosion, more spectacular than anything he’s ever seen when he’s gotten Kagami pissed before, but instead, the usual furious flames simmer low, latent and eerily calm. Determined. Cold and hateful.

“You know what, Aomine?” Kagami says, and it’s almost his normal speaking voice, if not for the sharp edge of contempt. “Don’t fucking talk to me again.”

Aomine stares, eyes lidded, lips parted, not processing the words at first.

“Don’t come around me anymore. Delete my fucking number. I want nothing to do with you,” Kagami says, eyes dark and piercing into him.

“What?” he hears himself say out loud.

“Get the fuck outta’ my life.”

It doesn’t feel like it’s real. The next few minutes go by in a daze. They finally let go of Kagami and he doesn’t try to get at Aomine again. He just stands there with his fists clenched, staring him down for a few more seconds before he shakes his head a little bit in disgust.

And then he looks away, and Aomine feels his fingertips trembling.

How can he be this fucking mad. Aomine doesn’t get why Kagami’s so fucking _mad,_ mad enough to say that— that he never wanted to see him again. They’re supposed to be friends.

Who cares about this new guy. How can he care about him that much? How’s Kagami gonna’ throw him away over being rotten to that guy. How is that guy more important than he is — when Kagami’s only known him for a couple months at most and Aomine’s supposed to be…

Kimura doesn’t know Kagami. How could he care about him more than Aomine does. He hasn’t seen Kagami play basketball — _really_ play. Kagami hasn’t changed that guy’s life, he hasn’t brought him out of an endless slump of hopelessness, hasn’t pulled him to the surface after so long spent underwater and lit that spark of light again, the thing Aomine had thought was lost forever and not worth looking for anymore. What does that guy know about Kagami or what he’s worth. What does that guy have that Kagami thinks he’s worth throwing Aomine away for him.

He didn’t know what he’d expected to happen, maybe he’d been too mad until now to really think about that. But no matter how bad he'd anticipated this fight would get, he’d never thought Kagami would pick that guy over him.

They’ve let him go by now, but Aomine just stands there. “You stupid, stupid idiot,” Wakamatsu mutters, sounding so sorry for him that Aomine can’t react.

“Where are you gonna’ find someone like Kagami again.”

Aomine swallows, and feels a bolt of dread pierce through the haze, sharp and sudden. He clenches his hands, starting to feel shaky all over. Everyone’s staring at him like he’s gone fucking crazy, varying degrees of pity and disgust. He looks down towards his elbow, and Tetsu’s there, staring up at him. His eyes. Fuck, they’re digging into him, glowing with so much disappointment.

He looks up and sees that Kagami’s looking at him one last time — and this time he doesn’t even look mad. Not _only_ mad, at least.

He looks hurt again; dejected, even. And so, so full of regret. Like he can’t believe Aomine’s let him down this much. Like he can’t believe he didn’t see what an awful person he was before now and is sorry he even wasted his time. Like he’s sorry he ever told Aomine he’d take him on anytime and woke him up from an endless nightmare.

Like he's finally seeing how worthless and rotten and dim that drowned light had been all along and wishes he'd just left him down there.

And that’s all Aomine sees before he turns his back and leaves with his boyfriend next to him, escorted out by a few members of his team. They glance back several times, some glaring, some still gaping like fishes — but Kagami doesn’t look back. Not again.

Aomine straightens up for a second, fists quivering as he clenches them at his sides. Kagami’s leaving.

For good.

It feels like he has to turn around at some point. He has to take it back, doesn't he? He'll turn around eventually, he always does, that's how they are. But he doesn't, and somehow, that makes it feel like it’s over, like something broke all of a sudden, a random stabbing pain that appears in your gut that you can’t identify or explain but you just hope to god goes away. Kagami’s not yelling at him anymore. He’s just… _done_ yelling. He’s done with Aomine altogether.

_‘It’s… over?’_

That’s when it fully sinks in, how bad this is. It’s real. Kagami really means it. He’s walking away like he means it that he never wants to see Aomine again, and that this is the last day they’re going to stand on the court as friends — and that’s when he accepts it. This sick gross feeling, nasty and oily and coating his insides like tar. He’s known what it is from the start. He must have known. Or he wouldn’t have denied it as hard as he did. He wouldn’t have let his pride blind him if he hadn’t known.

That’s when he takes a look at this cold dark pit that’s been sitting in his gut, this black ugly thing that’s infected everything. This thing that didn’t want to admit that if Kagami liked someone else more than him, he wouldn’t know what to do. The thing that felt scared, a fear that he hadn’t wanted to face and had covered up with anger and pique.

That’s when he accepts that it’s there, after he’s already fucked everything up and lost the only rival he had in this world, the one person who really got him. The one he’d thought was always going to let him come back, no matter what he did.

He doesn’t accept it until it’s too late. Because of course he doesn’t. He’s always been kinda’ dumb like that.

He watches Kagami walk away with another boy, and it coils up inside his chest. His tongue feels too thick for his mouth. The blood tastes cold.

 

 _‘Jealous,’_ he finally thinks.

  


_. . ._

 

_Oh, jealousy, look at me now, jealousy, you got me somehow—_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw you've done it now, kid.


	9. Chapter 9

_Jealousy, you brought me down, you bring me sorrow, you cause me pain—_

_. . ._

 

Things were bad before, but they were so much worse afterwards. He’s really done it now.

After everything went down, Kagami ices him out for a month and straight on into mid-June. He cuts off contact with him completely. The few times he’s been anywhere near him, he acts like Aomine doesn’t even exist. It's gone so far that Kagami won't even react when people so much as  _talk_  about him within earshot, so he's been told. He supposes it’s just as well, because he doesn’t know what he’d say to him even if he did catch Kagami alone.

It's like Aomine's fucking  _dead_ to him.

In the meantime, he just kind of drifts along. He’s been scolded by quite a few of the people who'd been there for the fight by this point, and he probably should feel more surprised by how many of them had sided with Kagami. He’d expected at least one or two to feel as grossed out and upset as he did, but if such a person existed, they’ve made themselves scarce. If things were different, he might’ve been upset to be confronted about the scene they’d made in the gym, he might’ve given Kagami's teammates and Kise and Imayoshi and all the rest, fuck, even _Sakurai_  had said something a week back—  he might’ve given them a piece of his mind for trying to make him feel ashamed, but their words just float through. He felt dazed almost, unable to react in any capacity.

And that’s because, however rotten Aomine had been to Kagami, apparently he’d shaken it off and was doing just fine. Aomine’s the one who's left in the lurch. He’d taken all this pretty hard. He doesn't know what to feel. He isn't sure he feels anything. 

Things get really really bad. He knows Satsuki’s worried about him. He’s concerning his parents too, because they can see the change in him — and maybe it’s because he can feel himself slipping back. He’s on a serious downward spiral.

He’s trapped in the cyclone, getting worse and worse, like he’s being flushed down a fucking toilet.

It’s just… he’d never considered what he’d do if all of a sudden one day he couldn’t play ball with Kagami anymore. Ever.

At first Aomine goes through another denial stage, brief and violent, because this can’t fucking happen to him. Not again.

For so long in middle school he’d thought that his ultimate dream was finding a rival that would make the game fun again, and then after Kagami showed up and saved him from a life so miserable he hated even thinking about it, after that, for the longest time Aomine had been too overjoyed to do much thinking at all. It felt like there was nothing more he could want from life, nothing left to do but make the NBA and then he was set. It had never hit him that none of that was guaranteed. It had never occurred to him that just because he’d stumbled across a guy like Kagami on luck didn’t mean that his fortune couldn't turn again— that he couldn’t lose that again and that he couldn’t just behave however he wanted and expect him to put up with it forever.

He’d never thought about how much he’d relied on Kagami being there as something that was just a given. He’d never thought that Kagami would walk away and move past him, leave him behind — for any reason. Maybe that's what it means to take someone for granted.

He still can’t accept it fully. Part of him hangs onto this bullshit belief that Kagami _has_ to come back eventually. They can’t survive without each other. They’ll go crazy without being able to play one-on-ones. Kagami’ll miss him. Kagami needs him too.

But at some point it sets in that maybe that was just him projecting his own attachment onto Kagami. Because Kagami had never had to wait to find someone like him, not the way Aomine had. Finding a rival was never Kagami’s dream. He hadn’t gotten so good at his favorite game that he’d had to watch it burn to ashes when no one would try anymore.

Kagami’s never needed him the same way Aomine did. Maybe they were only ever rivals in Aomine’s imagination. Maybe he wasn’t so different from any other opponent to Kagami.

Maybe he’d just never meant that much to him. When Aomine had thought they got each other like no one else he’s ever met, in the end, it’s just him. When he’d lost the light — when Kagami had brought it back and pulled him out of a coma, dragged him out of the water, Aomine had thought he was special, unique, the one and only rival in all the world, finally come to face him. He’d thought it meant something. But it was just him. It was just him who’d felt that way.

However much that had meant to him, he’d never been special to Kagami.

Aomine can’t process it. He can’t face the fact that Kagami could enter his life out of nowhere, like a whirlwind, and give him back the light he’d thought he’d lost forever, bring him back this feeling of innocence, pure happiness at being able to play ball again. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to feel like that — _joy,_ so bright and intense that it was blinding.

He can’t face that he has to let go of that again. That this past year has just been a blip and that now he has to go back.

In the beginning, Aomine tries, even though he thinks he might still be stunned and a little shell-shocked over what happened and should give this humongous rift between them time to settle. He still tries, even though it’s embarrassing to apologize now at the final hour. He doesn’t care. He doesn't care anymore about how much crow he has to eat. He'll do it as long as Kagami will take it back, will change his mind about never wanting to see his face again. He'll do it. He thinks he might even _grovel_ if he has to. 

In those first few days, he tries to get in touch, he really does. He still has Kagami’s number, and he texts every day for a week.

 _‘Hey. Can we talk.’_        _‘Kagami, I wanna’ talk to you.’_

He gets more desperate the longer it goes unanswered. What’s he supposed to do. If he can’t play basketball again with Kagami, if Kagami really means what he said, Aomine doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. He can’t think of anything except that he can’t go back to how it was. He can’t go back again. It’s not like it was before. This time he knows his rival exists. Knows he was there and that he was spectacular, amazing, exactly what he’d waited for. This time he’ll have to know that he’d found him but had lost it all. Crashed and burned. Fucked himself over. A disaster that even fate couldn't save. He can’t face it.

 _‘Ok, i was a dick.’_        _‘I fucked up, i know that.’_        _‘What do you want from me?’_

He tries calling too, sitting in his room on the edge of his bed, staring at his phone. He hasn’t wanted to consider it before, that Kagami might have not even seen his messages. He presses call for the third time and raises it to his ear, swallowing, but all he hears is a single ring that cuts off and immediately switches to voicemail.

Kagami’s even blocked his phone number. He stares down at the screen, his grip starting to clench and tremble. His shoulders heave as he pants in frustration, staring at it in disbelief. He drops his phone on the mattress and picks up a pillow, hucking it across the room as hard as he can, watching it hit the wall and whip into his shelf.

It takes another day or so, but he eventually comes to grips with the fact that Kagami really isn’t gonna’ talk to him anymore — and once he faces that it’s really over, it’s not long after that that Aomine just… gives up.

It’s like the world has gone dark before his eyes. It feels like there’s nothing left to care about, nothing left that’s worth doing or living for. It's like the empty echoing silence of the zone. Just him, suspended in absolute nothingness. An eclipse has gone over the sun and all the energy drains out of him, and what’s left after that but a stupid kid blanketed by an endless shadow.

The sorrow and the hopelessness felt bottomless. So he just keeps sinking.

He can’t stop replaying it in his head. He’s got plenty of time for it too, laying in his room, lazily flipping through his magazines, staring at his phone screen unseeing as Kobe’s top ten plays cycle through again. He can’t stop seeing it over and over, the day everything went off the rails. 

Kagami walking away from him like he doesn’t mean anything. The way he’d dropped him for his new boyfriend, cutting off ties with him just like that, because they’d had a bad fight. What sucks even worse is that Aomine’s sorry about it now. He knows he went way too far and he regrets it. He would take it back if he could, and not just because of the consequences he's facing now. 

When he thinks about Kagami’s face, his sad eyes, he feels guilty. Kagami had been waiting for him to give him some sort of sign, he’d been looking for some kind of acceptance from him, right? And Aomine had gotten so focused on hating this guy, Kimura, that he’d just said whatever the fuck he could. He’d been so pissed he’d wanted to hurt them back as much as possible, tried to say the worst fucking thing he could think of, be as awful as he could so he could get them back.

He’s nasty like that. Aomine’s always been awful that way, mean and spiteful. He’s been that way since middle school, a no good piece of shit who treats his friends poorly. It’s not like it’s the first time. He’s burned people before. Satsuki. Tetsu. The one’s who’ve stuck by him who didn’t deserve it, he’s hurt them pretty bad, time and again. He’s just used to them coming back eventually no matter what he does, so he never has any reason to change his ways.

Kagami though, when Aomine burns him, Kagami’s never left. He’s the one person who never leaves. Who always wants one more round with him. Who never gets tired of his nonsense.

But… Kagami isn’t gonna’ come back this time.

The worst part. The worst part is that he can’t even do anything to fix it. It’s completely hopeless at this point. It’s not like Kagami’ll forgive him even if he apologizes. It’s too late.

Well. Some might say that he's gotten what he deserves. And they may be right.

It's been a few weeks now and he's not improving. He would've thought he'd hit rock bottom by now. His situation certainly _felt_ like rock bottom. He doesn't know how much lower life can possibly bring him, but every day seems impossibly worse than the last, winking in and out like a dream.

He almost can't remember what it's like to have the energy to struggle. He thinks he did once. He was pulled out from here once a long, long time ago, but he's too tired now to try on his own. It's easier to just continue on a lazy and endless spiral into the cold depths.

When he stares upwards, he can't even see where the surface had used to be. There's nothing there. Not even a trace of the brilliant star that still dazzles his lonely memory is left behind. Not even a reflection.    

There's nothing below him either as far as he can tell.

 

      He wonders how deep this thing goes.

 

 

Things are really, really bad for a while. He's not coping. He only gets out of the house to go to school, and when he’s at home, he worries his mom because he’s shut up in his room. He sleeps almost constantly, and Satsuki’s getting worried. He’s a goddamn disgrace.

His parents know a little. He hasn't talked to them, but they have to know something's happened. At the very least, they must know that he was in a fight. It wasn't really a thing he could hide, honestly, with the state his face had been in near the beginning. He'd given his mom a scare when he'd come home with a broken nose and a blood-soaked shirt. He hadn't even noticed at the time. In the days afterwards, his entire face throbbed and ached almost unbearably. He couldn't eat, could hardly talk, couldn't even touch his face, the bruising around his nose having spread to his cheeks and between his eyes. Even opening his mouth too fast caused intense pain and sent an immediate fountain of blood running out his nose. The cartilage keeps re-separating. It's horrible.

The weird thing is that he doesn't remember feeling it happen. What he remembers is the way his neck had snapped back, but the blow is fuzzy. He doesn't know how it can hurt this bad now. It's like a microcosm of this whole messed up situation: eerily numb while it was happening, and then suffering during the fallout. His mood has dipped in much the same way. He knows he's worrying people but he can't do much more than try to survive the day. Going through what little motions he can manage is hard enough.

It's been getting bad enough that Tetsu keeps coming around to check on him, and if Aomine could find the energy to feel glad about anything, he’d be glad that even though Tetsu’s on Kagami’s side of this whole exchange, he hasn’t abandoned Aomine too. If Tetsu had dropped him too, he didn’t know what kind of state he’d be in. Thankfully Tetsu isn’t rubbing it in or scolding him either, seeming to get that he felt awful enough already and was in a pretty bad place — he got that Aomine didn’t need to hear that he was in the wrong and needed to fix it, and he’s grateful that he doesn’t say it and that all he does is _be_ there.

Despite everything, despite all the wrong Aomine’s done in the past and since, Tetsu is still there.

“Aomine-kun, it’s a nice day today.” Aomine lays in his bed, a disgusting tangled pile of blankets that he’s knotted through as he stares at the ceiling. His skin and hair felt sticky. His mouth is dry. His eyes are crusted over.

When he finally sits up and looks at Tetsu, staring at him as if waiting for some reaction, waiting for him to say something about what a goddamn shame he is, Tetsu just watches him silently, same as always. He’s probably here because Satsuki asked him to try and get him up to do something outside. All he’s done for the past week is stay in and play video games and sleep the day away so he doesn’t have to think.

“I’ll wait while you clean up.”

He doesn’t want to get up. It’s not like he’s going to go do anything worthwhile anyways. When he’s up and about, he feels woozy and dazed. He’s slept so much that he feels even more exhausted and lifeless than before. He’s spent so much time in bed that he’s making himself sick — but it passes the time.

Tetsu manages to coax him out of the house for a walk, hanging around in his room, waiting politely without comment while Aomine drags himself to shower and choke down some food and then put on some outside clothes. It takes him a while. He feels like he’s moving through sludge.

Tetsu does this for a couple more days, coming around to check on him and walk him around the block. Tetsu isn’t that talkative a guy, and Aomine doesn’t have anything to say, staring around dead-eyed, so they mostly spend the afternoons in silence. At least he felt a little more awake. Even if being awake and alert means that he has to think about how fucked up everything is and how… _sad_ he is. At least it’s marginally better than waking up over and over and seeing a plate of his favorite snacks gone cold that his mom’s left in his room for him, hoping he’ll pick at it. She’s probably glad to see him getting out of his room, which is why she keeps letting Tetsu in every time he comes calling.

Life feels slightly more bearable on those days. He's getting used to it again. It's really not so different from the first time things started to change. Caring about something so much that you end up fucking it up. A basketball falling out of his hands. Kagami’s back as he walks away. Aomine’s done this to himself. He got it all back and look how he’d fucked it up. He’s still just a stupid kid who doesn’t learn from anything he does.

One day they’re sitting on a bench together on the far side of the park down at the boardwalk, mindlessly watching the river from behind the concrete barrier. Tetsu usually brings him here with some sweet buns and eats his while Aomine picks apart and shreds his for some birds. They don’t talk much.

That afternoon Aomine squirms a little, feeling something tighten in his throat, because he feels so tired and awful that he doesn’t know if he can go on like this much longer. Besides that, he’s been wondering. He can’t stop thinking about what happened, and he just wonders.

He opens his mouth and asks Tetsu about Kagami.

“He change his mind?” Tetsu actually jumps a little for once, not having expected it after such a long silence.

His voice sounds raspy, like he’s been crying. He hopes Tetsu doesn’t think he’s been crying. He feels pathetic the second the words leave his mouth, because he knows how pitiful he sounds, how desperate and stupid that question is, but all the same he can’t help but hope.

Tetsu knows who he means even with the lack of context, so he doesn’t ask, and even though it fucking stings, he doesn’t lie. “No,” he confesses, and Aomine closes his eyes, clenching the rest of the bun in his hand. “I _have_ tried. But he doesn’t want to talk about you, Aomine-kun.”

Aomine stares out over the river, eyes glazed, and he slowly nods a couple times, looking away, feeling like he can’t even find the energy to breathe.

Tetsu’s had the kindness not to mention it or bring it up before Aomine did it on his own, but now that he has, it just brings it all back to the surface, breaks through the numb lifeless fog and feels as sharp and awful as it had at the start. “You’ve really messed up,” Tetsu says.

Aomine sits there in silence, shoulders slack, no strength to even hold up his head and keep it from hanging down in despair. “I know,” he breathes, jaw clenched.

He turns to Tetsu just a little, lifting his eyes pitifully, gummed up and raw. “What do I do,” escapes him, like a confession. He exhales it so quietly that they’re hardly even words, this tiny fragile thing. 

Tetsu looks at the pigeons shuffling around by their feet, one daring to stick its neck out and tentatively pick at the bun still loosely hanging from Aomine’s hand. He seems to consider in silence for a moment, and then tells him, “Well for one, work on an adequate apology.”

It’s tough, but Aomine manages to swallow that, nodding slowly. He holds the bread out, moving slow so he doesn’t startle the brave pigeon, letting it peck and pull at a piece from between his fingers.

“And then?” If Kagami even decides to listen to him, what does he do after that.

“Then…” Tetsu looks up into his face and Aomine lets himself feel hope for one singular moment, because Tetsu’s always known what’s going on and what to do, and whether Aomine abides by his advice or not, he’s usually right. “Then show him that you mean it.”

Aomine lets out a long slow breath through his nose. “That’s not gonna’ work,” he says, and it feels like the words just float out of him, he’s so tired. “He won’t lemme’ talk to him.”

Fingers at his lips, Tetsu hums, “Let’s worry about that later,” and Aomine doesn’t know what to make of that, just squints at him a little, not motivated enough to figure out what that actually means. “For now just think of what you’ll say once you get the opportunity.”

Tetsu gives him a stern look then. “But you must be sincere, Aomine-kun. If you really want to make this right, then you’ll have to control your pride.”

Aomine’s already past that point. He’s feeling desperate enough that he’s miles past that already. He doesn’t feel like he has much pride left to control at this point.

A tiny burst of anger flared to life and Aomine bitterly accused, “I tried to do what you said before and he just got even more mad!” Tetsu’s brows push together and Aomine bites his tongue.

He drops the rest of the crumbs to the ground and puts his hands on the sides of his head, elbows resting on his knees as he stares at his feet. Tetsu’s never asked him why he said what he did, or why he’d reacted so badly, but he knows he wonders.

“And then when I saw them, I just—!” He screwed his eyes shut for a second, grinding his jaw back and forth. “I mean I figured he’d fight me, but I didn’t think he’d do this,” he trails off.

“I certainly didn’t expect that you’d try to hit Kimura-kun.” Aomine covers his eyes with his palm, biting his lips. This is so messed up.

“...”

“That was my mistake,” Tetsu says at last, and Aomine scrubs at his face and sits up, staring out at the water blearily. “I should have figured it would get worse if you tried to make up on your own. Your apologies are notoriously bad,” he notes, and the last little bit sounds like an accusation of some sort. “Especially when you're not properly sorry.”

“Well I’m sorry now, so,” Aomine rasps out gruffly, shuffling his feet.

So he needs a damn good apology. He’s starting to get it now. He can’t just leave things as they are and expect them to get better on their own. It’s part of why he and Tetsu’s fall out had lasted so long.

As Tetsu walked him back home and declined an invitation to stay for dinner from his mother, Aomine tried to swallow around the thick slimy feeling clogging his throat. He’d  _really_ hurt Kagami’s feelings. Like, hurt them _bad._

His mom seems pleased that he hasn’t retreated to his room right away and is staying at the table to eat with her and dad. They try to talk to him and they don’t push him past the one-word answers he gives about how school is going, how’s he feeling — _Is something wrong, you’re not yourself lately, sweetheart._ It’s his favorite food again. His mom’s made so much teriyaki lately he’s surprised dad isn’t sick of it by now.

He says thank you for dinner and accepts a kiss to the forehead. Dad ruffles his hair as he gets up and heads to his room, closing the door. Mom’s cleaned up for him while he was out. He leaves the light off and just lays on his bed, facedown, and lets himself sink into the fresh sheets as he exhales.

He really must’ve hurt Kagami bad. That must be why Kagami’s never gotten like this even though he’s pissed him off before. Because this time it’s personal. It had to be if Kagami wasn’t just brushing it off like always. He’d cut him deep.

Worse than that, Aomine gets the idea that Kagami felt really betrayed. That’s what the look on his face in the gym told him.

Aomine had been mad, sure, and he was still kind of upset about Kimura coming in to replace him, but he hadn’t meant for this to happen. Getting mad and then trying to get back at them, it wasn’t worth this.

It wasn’t worth how much he missed Kagami.

He’d been seeing him less before they’d fallen out, because of how Kagami was blowing him off to see that guy instead of him, but he couldn’t compare it to not seeing Kagami at all, and all this time without him makes him realize just how stupid he’d been.

Aomine really fucking misses him. Not just playing basketball either. Just being around him. Kagami can be a funny guy — even if he’s a big dork. He cooks a mean pork chop. And hamburg steak. And fried chicken.

And he’s… he’s good-hearted. He’s always let Aomine intrude and pick at him and hang around even though all he does is cause him trouble and inconvenience him. Even though all Aomine can really bring to their friendship is basketball, that was always enough. Kagami puts up with his bullshit. He shines so brightly that Aomine had caught fire too, and all of a sudden the light was brought back to his life.

Aomine misses Kagami so much.

He thinks back to what Tetsu had said right before he’d sent him home. “How was I supposed to know he was gay,” Aomine had grit out, fists clenching up, because despite everything, he’s still bitter about it.

“He probably would have told you very soon,” Tetsu had said. “They hadn’t been together long.”

“How was I supposed to react?”

He’d clammed up, a little cowed when Tetsu had given him a hard look, frowning sternly. “Start putting in some honest effort, Aomine-kun, or you really will end up on you own with this one.”

He didn’t like to be scolded, but Tetsu clearly didn’t care about dropping the hard truth on him.

“The sooner you accept it, the better you’ll feel. You need to let it go.”

Aomine had huffed, rubbing at his eyesockets and his achy nose with the pads of his fingers — but whatever he acted like, those words really stuck with him. Because at the end of the day, he doesn’t want things to stay like this.

But he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do to fix it now, because as much as he wanted things to be different, that’s not gonna’ change how it ended up. An apology. He can’t think of a single thing he could say to Kagami that would make up for that betrayed look, that would make Kagami turn back around and take those words back — _‘You’re not who I thought you were.’_

Aomine lays in bed, stares at his phone, and feels like shit.

He'd never realized how much he’d come to rely on Kagami. After he’d met him and he’d gotten basketball back, it’s like everything else had started to get better too, the tide raising all the boats at once. His mood, his energy levels, hell, even his grades had improved a little. He’d felt carefree, and after that he hadn’t really had to think about the dark days anymore.

This is the first time he’s really looked back and admitted that for a long time there, he’d felt really… _alone._

If he has to go back to that for good, he doesn’t know how he’ll go on living. How’s he supposed to keep loving basketball. How is he supposed to make it to the NBA if he can’t play Kagami again.

Stagnant and lifeless, Aomine spends his afternoons laying in his room and feeling sorry for himself. Satsuki’s quit trying to get him to go to practice weeks ago and he’s even skipped a game. He doesn’t have the energy to play. 

The bruises are gone, whatever's left fades into his dark complexion. His nose is still sore when he scrunches his face up and sometimes when he blows his nose it still starts to bleed, but you can't see the bruising anymore. That's how long it's been.

He can’t apologize. What Tetsu said was all well and good but he knows Kagami, and he’s not going to listen to an apology. Not now. It’s not going to make anything better — so all there’s left for Aomine to do is stew.

 _‘I can’t get that fucking kiss out of my head,’_ he thinks, dazed and queasy.

He can’t stop fucking seeing it when he’s trying to sleep it off when it gets bad. What’s worse is that as the days blur together he can’t stop thinking about how Kagami’s probably hanging out with that guy, Kimura, all the time now. Now that he doesn’t have to play with Aomine, he’s probably with him every day. For the past month, they’ve probably been on the court together while Aomine’s been holed up in here. He wonders if Kagami even cares. If he thinks about him half as much as Aomine does.

He wonders if Hitoshi’s been sleeping over at Kagami’s place where he used to sleep, and something feels like broken toothpicks in his throat.

_‘Jealous.’_

He lets out a long sigh, breathing through the stinging ache, and felt something pitiful and vulnerable, something stupid and pathetically weak loosens up. Admitting to it hurts, but it helps him let go of some of the anger he’s been stubbornly holding onto — _jealousy._

It’s not that he thinks that guy, Kimura, is better than him exactly, or that Aomine wishes he could be like him or anything — but just because he didn’t want to be like that guy didn’t mean it wasn’t still jealousy. Maybe it’s the realization that he had something that Aomine doesn’t. He had to, or else why was Kagami so into him that he’d prefer him to Aomine. It’s realizing that Kagami liked the guy and maybe it had started to feel like Kagami was being taken away from him, bit by bit.

And he’d gotten… what, _scared?_

 _‘Maybe,’_ Aomine acknowledges, resting his arm over his face.

He’s the confident type. Sure of himself. Doesn’t care if other people think he’s an asshole. But the feeling he’d gotten, this feeling that Kagami was starting to pull away from him, it had spooked him a little. After all, it’s not like if Kagami quit being his friend that Aomine could just replace him. If he found someone better than Aomine, whether or not they really were better, as long as Kagami thought so, it’s not like Aomine can just find someone else.

Because there is no one else. There’s no one else like Kagami in the whole world. He’s the best. Aomine’s known that ever since Kagami beat him and then held him there on the edge of the abyss — and instead of tossing him in, he says, _“Why are you acting like it’s over?”_

That’s why it hurt so bad now, to know he has to let go of that and accept that this time it is over.

Because there’s no one else like Kagami and he’d known that for such a long time, and still he’d gone and fucked it up anyway. That’s why this sucks so hard. He’d lost Kagami for good and he can’t fill the void Kagami leaves behind with anyone or anything else in the world.

There’s only one of him.

Satsuki comes into his room uninvited again, let in by his mom like always. Aomine cringes and rolls away from the light streaming in from the hallway. He shoves his head under his pillow when she strides in purposefully and pulls the blinds, flooding the room.

“Why don’t you ever knock,” he mumbles, too lazy to fight her when she pulls the pillow off.

“Dai-chan,” she sighs, sitting down next to him on the bed as he rolls onto his back again. She looks at him for a long time. After everything had first happened, she’d been really worked up, trying to get it out of him, but eventually, the more he’d withdrawn and gone back to his old ways, she’d let it go. But like Tetsu, at some point, she’d decided that he’s moped enough and tries again. They always come back.

“Dai-chan. Why did you _do_ it?” she asked, voice soft but incredulous, so bewildered and disappointed that he lets out a long sigh, arms over his face.

At length, he mumbles, “I dunno’.”

She pulls her other leg up onto the bed and squirms over to him a little, scooting towards the hollow he’s created between his raised knee and his armpit. Her cushiony knees dig into his ribs. After another long silence — which makes him think she’s been talking to Tetsu and has been told not to pick at him too hard — she cautiously ventures, “You don’t really think that way, do you?”

Aomine lays there, eyes closed, a bitter knot in his chest. He knows what she’s talking about without her having to clarify.

“Kagamin can’t change the way he is,” she tries, prodding him with her finger, but he doesn’t respond. Eventually she scolds, much more gently than usual, “It’s wrong to say stuff like that.”

He doesn’t want to talk about this with her. He's wanted to keep her as far removed from this whole situation as possible, because as long as he's known her and as well as she knows him, she might be the one person he still hates to disappoint. As awful and nasty as she already knows he can get, he doesn't like her to see that side of him, because he knows it hurts her, and this entire Kagami issue in particular, the last thing in the world he wants right now is a lecture from Satsuki—

Even if he knows she’s right. Even if he knows most people here are actually in favor of it now, young people at least. No matter how hard it is for people like Kagami to live openly here, opinions are changing, he knows that much. Sometimes he wonders what it has to be like in America for Kagami to be so unashamed about it. Western culture's a hell of a thing. If he's honest, he doesn't know what he feels about it. He's tried to avoid thinking about it too much, and for good reason. 

He doesn’t want to admit that if you’d asked him how he felt about it before he’d known about Kagami specifically, he probably would’ve said he didn’t care one way or the other. He can actually remember saying something about ‘more boobs for me then, so what’s the big deal,’ at some point — but he doesn’t want to think about that now.

“It’s true though,” Aomine grits out. “He’s a homo.”

Satsuki grabbed his wrist and tried to lift his arm but he stubbornly clamped them around his face, screwing his lips up bitterly. She huffed at him. “If you really mean that, then why are you so sad that he won’t come around anymore.”

Aomine swallows, but doesn’t say anything, petulantly silent.

“What you said was really bad, Dai-chan,” and all he can do is cringe and squirm and feel worse, because he already knows. He just hasn’t wanted to own up to what he’s done.

“It’s hard to be your true self, and hurtful words make it harder. Especially from people you thought were your friends.”

He finally swallows it.

“Yeah,” he breathes, and lets the guilt hit him. “... I know,” and that’s all he can say for a long time.

_‘You’re not who I thought you were. Don’t talk to me again. I don’t care what you think anymore. You were supposed to be my friend...’_

“Why did you do it,” Satsuki murmured, putting her fingers to her brow when Aomine finally unwrapped himself and sat up, forearms crossed on his knees.

“Kagami was bein’ a jerk,” he mumbled, and even to his own ears it sounds like a bad reason. Looking back, there’s a lot he would’ve done differently.

“Pissed me off. He kept ghosting me for this fucking nobody.”

“You’re Kagamin’s rival,” Satsuki says, and it just makes it that much worse, because it reminds him that he’s not anymore. “It’s not as though a boy who can’t play basketball could take your place.”

“I know,” Aomine sighed, pulling on the hair on the back of his neck. It’s embarrassing that she knows he got that insecure. “... I wasn’t worried about that.”

Her lips purse in a frown. “Then what were you worried about?”

“I…” He stares across the room for a long time. “I dunno’,” he says at last, resting his head on his arms. He felt Satsuki place a tentative hand on his back after a few moments.

She’s not used to having to comfort him, because he never lets her see him when he gets like this, if he does. Even at the end of middle school when he’d been at an all time low, he’d kept her at a distance from those feelings. He hadn't let her around him in the low moments. He’s probably worrying her, reacting this much.

It hasn’t been this way since they were really little and they were both still big crybabies — and a basketball won’t comfort him now the way it did then. “... Maybe if you just—”

“It’s okay,” he drones. “It’s too late anyway, Satsuki.” Her thumb rubs between his shoulders a little.

“Oh, Dai-chan,” she murmured, sounding sad for him. “You waited so long to find a rival. How could you ruin it so carelessly.” Aomine grits his teeth and swallows hard, staring at his rumpled bedspread, head hanging between his knees.

“...”

“Are you going to try and fix it?” she ventures.

“... I can’t.” He plays with his thumbnail, fidgeting and feeling sorry for himself. It looks like this is really it and he’s come to the end. He doesn’t see what he can do. He can't take it back. It doesn't matter how sorry he is, because the damage has already been done.

“It’s too late. What’m I supposed to do when he doesn’t want to see my face again,” he mumbles. “... It’s no use.”

Satsuki bops him lightly on the head and he peeks an eye out to glare at her. She’s smiling. “Don’t talk like there’s no hope! Just tell him everything you’ve just told me!”

“He doesn’t wanna' hear it.”

She holds a finger up and smiles thoughtfully. “You’ll just have to keep trying.”

“He said it's over. I don't get to keep trying,” he notes. “There's no law that says he has to forgive me just cause I'm sorry. Some stuff is too bad to forgive.”

She pats his head like they’re both still small, back when they were the same size, before he’d outgrown her into this lanky beast with a nasty attitude. She still loves him like they’re little kids and everything’s still as simple as catching bugs in the summertime and practicing dribbling. Sometimes he wonders why.

“Don’t worry, Dai-chan. We can still fix this. Kagamin really cares about you. If you show him you're sorry and that you really regret what you did, I think he might come around. I promise there's still hope,” she insists.

She pokes him in the cheek sternly. “But _only_ if you put in the effort.” 

He lets out a little breath and manages to make a smile cross his face halfway. Tetsu had said the same thing, and hearing her tell him too made the ache in his chest ease a little, because no matter how low he gets there’s always a thing inside him that still hopes, leftover from before the fall.

He remembers what it was like, waiting for so long. He remembers the moment he gave up on that dream of finding a rival, hurting Tetsu, growing apart from everyone he cared about.

But his rival _did_ come eventually, huh? He'd given up too soon. There’s no point in losing hope.

Satsuki’s smiling in that innocent way of hers that seems to deny mischief — and this time, Aomine straightens up and thinks that maybe it might not be over yet. Not if he has help.

      “I have a plan.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh joyous day, Royals was updated today too!!

_And if it’s not too late, could you please find it deep within your heart to try and go back, go back to the start—_

_. . ._

 

Satsuki’s plan is to lock Kagami in a gym with him.

Aomine doesn’t see how this is going to work, but she’s gotten Tetsu to play along. Apparently it was his idea too, so maybe they’re onto something. It’s not like Aomine has any other ideas, so he shows up when he’s supposed to.

He’d felt anxious the entire night before. He doesn’t sleep much because he keeps thinking about the way Kagami had looked at him when he’d last seen him — like he was the person he hated most. Aomine doesn’t know what he’s going to say to him. He’d skipped breakfast too, too worked up to eat.

Because this is all on him, the way they’ve set things up. They’ve solved the problem of getting Kagami to stay in the same room with him, but Aomine’s still going to have to talk. He has to apologize and then came the harder task of Kagami _accepting_ that apology. Satsuki’s helped him practice, but he’s still not very sure of himself.

They keep insisting that if he’s sincere that he has a chance and that it’s worth trying though, so he waits in there by himself with a basketball, feeling awkward and uncertain — especially when Kagami arrives with Tetsu and he gets to experience the exact moment Kagami realizes he’s been tricked.

His heart rate spikes when he sees him. Aomine stands up and meets Kagami’s eyes, watching the brief instant of surprise close off. Kagami knows what’s going on and he’s not fucking having it.

He immediately tries to turn around and leave, which Aomine supposes he should have expected to happen, but it’s still a knife of disappointment in his gut.

Tetsu had been prepared at least, because the second Kagami had stepped out into the gym, he’d slammed and bolted the locker room door behind him, leaving them trapped and alone.

“Kuroko!” Kagami shouts, banging on the door a couple times, his voice echoing in the empty gym. Aomine stands and watches as Kagami grips the handle in silent consideration for a moment before he headed to the other side for the girl’s lockers.

Locked too. Satsuki.

He stares, the situation feeling almost surreal as Kagami gave up on that and moved purposefully towards the emergency exit. He tentatively tried the push bar, pressing it over and over when it didn’t open, and Aomine spares a bewildered second to wonder how the hell they’d gotten away with locking that one and tripping the alarm.

Kagami lets go, starting to breathe heavier as he sizes up the door and then moves back a step — and for a wild moment, Aomine’s jaw slackens because it really looks like he’s about to charge the door and barrel it down.

Kagami picks up his foot and starts slamming his heel onto it, and when that doesn’t shake it on its hinges enough, he rams his shoulder against it, throwing his weight onto the steel.

That kind of snaps Aomine out of the nervous stupor he’s been trapped in for the past day or so, ever since he’d heard the plan and worked himself up to face Kagami again. Now, seeing how hard he’s trying to get away from him, Aomine starts getting mad.

“What, you’re not gonna’ say anything?” he calls, numb with disbelief, staring at Kagami’s back. “Are you even gonna' _look_ at me?”

Kagami stops, backing away from the door, and just stands there, fists coiled up. This is off to a bad start. This isn't what Aomine's supposed to be saying to him. Getting Kagami mad isn't what he's come here to do, but Aomine’s so frustrated and burnt out that he doesn’t even care if Kagami hits him again. At least he’ll be looking at him. At least if he gets that angry it means that on some level, he still cares.

Aomine starts to walk towards him, taking slow steps. “Is this it?” he goads, and maybe it's the pure misery of the past month or so that makes him feel this desperate, a little crazed even. “You’re not gonna’ play ball with me anymore?” he grits out bitterly, something wrenching tight at the end there.

He opens his mouth to say something else but it dies when Kagami finally responds. He doesn't even turn to face him, standing there with his feet planted, shoulders wound tight, fists coiled.

“I want nothing to do with you, you piece of shit,” he says, and it’s so vicious and cold that it really gets to him, even though Kagami’s probably insulted him that way a hundred times. This time he says it like he means it.

“I told you I don’t wanna’ see your face again. Why can’t you fucking understand I want you to leave me alone,” he barks, and Aomine pauses, swallowing dryly, the words take a second to die in the echoing cavern of the empty gym, letting them ring in Aomine’s ears for a moment too long.

Kagami clams up again after the outburst, and it's quiet for a second. He watches him curl and uncurl a fist, spine rigid, but he doesn't say anything else.

After a beat of calm, he starts approaching again, slowly circling Kagami’s side. He immediately regrets leading with an attitude when he sees Kagami's expression. His jaw is tense. The closer Aomine gets, he can see the muscle working, the veins popping in his neck. “Look, you’re mad,” he said, low and cautious. “I know you’re mad — cause’ I’ve been a dick,” he admits.

That’s what Satsuki had said to do when she’d helped him plan his apology on paper beforehand, helped him write down what he wanted to say — first he’s supposed to admit he was the one who was wrong. With no excuses.

Then show remorse.

But staring at Kagami’s face as he gets closer and closer, one hesitant step after the other, as if approaching a dangerous animal, Aomine still can’t understand why Kagami’s this fucking mad at him. Because he’s been a dick before.

“I’ve been a dick. But you knew that already,” he mumbled. “So why do you care so much this time.” He’s only a couple yards away from Kagami, and he still hasn’t picked his head up to look him in the face. Aomine starts to get breathless. “‘Cause I said some shit? Big deal, you already said you didn’t care about what I think, so why—”

Kagami does look at him then, so ferociously hateful that Aomine trails off and stops where he stands. “No,” Kagami snaps, and Aomine knows he’s really gonna’ let him have it this time.

Part of him wants to fight back, wants to stop him and tell him that he came here to say sorry, that he wasn’t trying to fight and that every time he tries to say this he just ends up making him more mad — but all he can do is stand there and stare for a second.

“No, Aomine, shut up,” Kagami seethes, baring his teeth. “I know it’s different here and you think you can just call people homo and fag all you want and look down on guys like me, but I don’t give a fucking shit if your culture is different or whatever your reasons were.” Aomine takes a step back, lips parting as if to explain himself, but the raw energy of Kagami’s rage keeps him quiet, stunned. “In America, you don’t get to fucking talk to me that way, so just ‘cause I’m here doesn’t mean I’ll let you do it.”

“I didn’t mean it,” he says, and he can feel the panic rising, working into his voice, a low quiver. The last month has knocked the stuffing out of him. He's already feeling desperate and weak, and suddenly the crushing weight of hopelessness hits him again full force. This isn't going to work. He'd realized that the second Kagami's blazing eyes had met his.

 _“Yes,_ you _did,”_ Kagami shoots back through clenched teeth, his body practically vibrating from how tight his muscles are straining, a beast about to break its chain. “That’s _why_ you fucking said it. That’s the only reason people ever say stuff like that.”

Aomine takes a breath to gasp, holler, maybe even _sob_ that he’ll quit it if it bugs him that much, holy shit, why is Kagami taking this so hard, it’s not like he ever really meant any of that, he’d just gotten upset. He might even admit that he’d gotten scared that Kagami was replacing him, he’d say anything to get him to just forgive him already—

“Shut up. I don’t want to hear your excuses,” Kagami growled, and Aomine shut his mouth, staring wide-eyed. “I don’t care what you think about me or why. I’m not gonna’ pretend just so you don’t have to think about your fucking issues,” he spits viciously.

“Whatever your reasons were, quit coming around me trying to make me feel like I owe you an explanation, because _you’re_ the one that fucked up,” he accused, jabbing a finger at him, and Aomine cracks.

“You coulda’ tried to break it to me gently,” he hears himself blurt, and he doesn’t even know what his face looks like. Something pathetic probably. “If you hadn’ta made me see you two in the act.” Kagami starts to turn red, spitting mad, fuming from the ears.

He keeps trying to explain himself, tell him the reason he’d gotten that mad and lost his shit over it, but Kagami won’t listen, he just gets even more pissed at him. _Show remorse — show him that you accept him_ — he's trying, because at the end of the day, as gross and awful and insecure as seeing Kagami drift away from him and _kiss_ a boy made him feel, he’d never thought of ending their rivalry. He'd been mad but it had never crossed his mind to walk away. He'd thought Kagami was the same. 

“It’s not like we have to quit playing basketball over it.”

Kagami changes, just like last time. His expression shuts down, going back to that utter calm that chills Aomine’s bones. He takes a step back. This is all wrong. It just keeps getting worse.

“Yes. It does,” Kagami says. “I’m not playing with a person like you.”

 _‘A person like me—’_ Aomine stared for a second, then grit his teeth. “What, you don’t need me now?” he shot back, bitter and hurt, but Kagami turns his back, trying the door again. “That's it?” 

“...”

“Because of some worthless guy, just like that, it doesn't matter anymore?!” Aomine pushed, this tangled knot of hurt and frustration bubbling up. “Who am I gonna’ play basketball with?! You're my rival— I _waited_ for you, goddamnit, and now you’re gonna’ throw it away for some _guy?!”_

Kagami whips around and gets in his face, and Aomine backs up a step, gritting his teeth. “Because you think I’m disgusting,” he rasped, a ghost of that raw hurt expression crossing his face before it’s overtaken by rage. “You fucking humiliated me!” Aomine balled his fists up and swallowed.

“You were supposed to be my friend, and you…!” Kagami’s voice echoes and then dies before he growls out the rest. “You treated me like garbage.” His shoulders are coiled tight, heavy-set and heaving with fury.

Kagami keeps looking at him like he wants something from him. What, though. Tetsu said he was looking for acceptance from him, but he’s already told Kagami he doesn’t care. More than that, Kagami’s said he didn’t care what he thinks anymore anyway.

Besides, what was Aomine supposed to have done when he came up on them like that. Say congratulations? Let him walk away from their rivalry and just not care?

Aomine stares at him and feels the words escape, like the last bubble from a shipwreck lying in the depths of the ocean.

“What was I supposed to do?”

Kagami looks at him for a long time, eyes hard with disbelief. At last he sighs through his nose, like he’s trying not to lose his temper and is so exhausted that he can’t stand the sight of him anymore. He closes his eyes and rubs his brow. “Aomine, I’m tired of your fucking bullshit.”

Aomine just stares. Because the people he’d always thought he had, no matter how much they’ve had to put up with from him, they always come back. They stick around despite the trouble he causes, and Kagami’s always been the one who put up with the worst of him. If he won't take Aomine anymore, then what else is he supposed to do.

Kagami turns his back. Aomine walks up to him, but Kagami’s walking away, towards the far exit on the other side of the gym. “Hey,” Aomine says, but Kagami doesn’t listen. “Hey look at me. Kagami.”

He reaches out for his shoulder, but Kagami keeps going and Aomine falters a step, watching him head off like it’s that easy to walk away from. This cold pit of dread forms in his gut again. Dread and panic. A bone-chilling fear that scrabbles for anything to hold onto, something to stop this before it's too late— “Hey!” he yells at his retreating back, putting on one last burst to catch up to him and grab his shoulder.

_“I didn’t mean it!”_

Kagami whips around and _swings_ on him, heavy-fisted, the wind whooshing past his ear as he narrowly ducks, but Kagami has him by the shirt collar, and it only took a second for them to start hitting and shoving, wrestling and grappling on the ground. Kagami's trying to beat him up and Aomine's fighting him, but they just end up rolling around and straining to get out of the other’s grip.

This is all wrong. This isn’t what he’d come here for. He’d wanted to fix things. But now he isn’t sure that he’d ever even stood a chance of doing that. All he’s done is make it even worse — again. He shouldn’t have even come here. It’s too late to take it back, no matter how much he wishes he could.

Aomine finally just stops struggling, and at the release in pressure, Kagami gives up too, panting. He’s on him, staring down at Aomine, his ring hanging out of his shirt, glinting and swaying. Kagami’s eyes are furious but searching. Aomine gasps and heaves, sweat on his forehead as he stares back, Kagami’s hand pressing into his collarbone to hold him down even though he’s not fighting anymore. 

A pained quiver works its way into Kagami’s brow, his mouth twisting once, and Aomine lays absolutely still. Kagami stares at him for another beat of silence, looking at him like he’s waiting for something, and then he hangs his head. Aomine swallows hard, eyes flicking around the distant blinding lights on the lofty ceiling.

“How did you turn out to be such a fucking disappointment,” Kagami breathes, and then lets go.

And the hot heavy weight of his body is lifted away. He lets go. Stands up. Shakes his head and walks off, hands in his pockets, head down like he’s broken.

Aomine sits up and stares after him, wide-eyed. He thinks he feels himself scramble to his feet, but he can’t tell through his tunnel-vision. His hands twitch helplessly. All he knows is that he can feel some fragile thing stretching farther than it’s meant to be stretched. This thing that he has to reach out and hang onto before the last pitiful thread snaps.

 _‘Sorry.’_ He tries to swallow through it, feeling shaky. What is this. Why does it feel so much like crying.  _‘I fucked up. Sorry.’_

Kagami still can’t get out, half-heartedly kicking at the bottom of the locker room door, so he just flops down on the bleachers — the team bench on the far side, as far away from him as possible. When he sits, he slumps over, head hanging as he rests his elbows on his knees.

Aomine cautiously approaches after a few minutes of silence, sitting down on the other side. He can feel his heart beating in his tongue and his fingertips and his eyeballs. He feels like he's going to vomit, hesitantly resting next to him and giving him a tentative glance.

Kagami doesn’t react to his proximity, so at least that’s something. Or maybe it’s a sign of how bad things are that he can’t even muster the energy to tell Aomine to go away anymore.

He sits there and fidgets, glancing to Kagami every second or so, scraping his thumbnail on the bench seat.

Finally he mutters, “I don’t think you’re disgusting.”

After a beat of silence, Kagami actually picks his head up.

He’s looking at him, not so much suspicious as entirely not buying it, and Aomine felt butterflies in his gut, because this is the part he’s been dreading that Satsuki and Tetsu have both told him is the most important. The part he should feel lucky to even be able to say still after he’s made such a dumpster fire of this apology meeting they’ve arranged for him.

“It's not,” he says under his breath, looking away, down at his knees. “Disgusting, I mean.” His voice gets quieter and quieter, until it’s barely a whisper and he felt heat go to his head. Saying it is just as hard as he’d thought it would be. Especially with Kagami looking at him like that. “It’s not.”

Kagami stares at him for a long time, he can feel the gaze on the side of his head, and he doesn’t know if it’s good or bad, but Aomine stays stock still, barely daring to breathe, feeling like he has to stay that way and let Kagami observe him or he’ll break the spell and he’ll tell him to fuck off again.

At last Kagami heaves a great sigh, turning forward again. “You really fucked me up, y’know,” he muttered, and Aomine felt like pins were going into his feet, prickling him like blood was rushing back in after an hour spent asleep. That nervous feeling that hadn’t let him sleep, the feeling that had left him unable to eat, the thing that brought Kagami's surprised and hurt face to his mind again and again overcame him. _Guilt._

Guilt and apprehension, because if he didn’t know better, he’d say it was starting to work, and that Tetsu and Satsuki hadn’t been full of sand all along — because even if he's made a mess of things, they’re finally, _finally…_ talking.

“I thought it was supposed to be getting better here for people like me,” Kagami murmured, looking down at his clasped hands. “I didn’t think… that you’d take it that badly,” he confessed, and Aomine hunched his shoulders. “You fucked me up.”

“Kagami,” he grit out, daring to take a glance over at him, but Kagami’s resting his chin on his fist, staring at his shoes. It puts this lump in Aomine’s throat that he can’t swallow past. “I don’t really believe that,” he tries again. “It’s not gross,” because telling him that seems to be getting them somewhere, it must be what Kagami’s wanted to know this whole time. It must be what had hurt him the most.

If he’d said that in the first place instead of all that other bullshit— if he hadn’t been so stubborn and had just taken back what he’d said, Kagami probably would’ve forgiven him before he’d let Aomine put his foot in his mouth ten more times. He doesn’t know why the truth had been so hard. Probably to do with that thing he didn’t like looking at or admitting that had taken up host in his chest, that dark ugly thing that made him _care_ when a new boy came into Kagami’s life.

A boy he couldn’t be better than, because it was the one situation that Kagami didn’t care about basketball — and what else did Aomine have.

“It’s not gross,” he repeats, tentative, because he’s still sort of confused and alarmed with the idea that he’d managed to hurt Kagami’s feelings to this degree. It’s not like Kagami was supposed to take his bullshit to heart for once. What’s he supposed to do with that? What’s he do to make that better? If he’d fucked up so bad that even Kagami walked away, what does he do? What does a person do when sorry isn’t enough.

“You called me a _faggot,”_ he growls, “in front of _everyone.”_ Aomine flinches back a little at the fury and hurt in his voice. It's so accusatory, so wounded. “You obviously have a problem with it.”

“I was mad,” he admits, because only honesty will do, “but I went way too far.” He swallows. If he’d known it was going to hurt Kagami this bad, he never would’ve done it.

Kagami furrows his brow, lip curling as he huffs and looks away, shaking his head. Aomine swallows. Tetsu may have been right about Kagami mostly just wanting acceptance from him. Maybe the thing he'd been most upset over was Aomine's apparent disgust with the whole...  _gay_ thing. That would account for why Satsuki had been hounding him about that more than she had about him getting in a fight with Kimura.

If he's honest, he _had_  been pretty miffed when he'd found out about those two, even a little disgusted, but it was more about the boyfriend and not Kagami being gay himself. That on its own doesn't bother him so much. He'd thought Kagami knew that. Maybe part of the reason this had all escalated so quickly is that they'd had their wires crossed on what the actual issue at hand was. He knows it doesn't make what he did any less awful, but at least it clears a lot of things up if it's true.

“It was fucked up. That's on me,” he forces, and admitting it to him out loud is hard and feels almost unbearably vulnerable, but he does it anyways because he's got no pride left to protect. “I don’t think you’re disgusting.” He doesn’t know what else to do other than say it and say it and say it and hope Kagami accepts his remorse. He wishes he could do more. Wishes he could go back in time and stop himself. He wants to take it back. He knows he’s been a rotten friend and he sorely regrets it.

“I swear I don’t. I was just mad, I don’t actually think that.”

“Pretty convenient for you, huh, to say this now,” Kagami mutters. “You do as you like and then when it finally bites you in the ass, then you’re sorry. Funny how you weren’t sorry before.”

“Kagami, I was being a dick,” Aomine insists, temper rising as the pressure and the panic builds. “I was being shitty, it didn’t mean anything—” He cuts off before he can growl aloud in frustration.

“That’s not really what I think about… you, uh… you guys,” he trails off, gulping when Kagami picks his head up.

“That’s not the kind of thing that just _comes out_ on accident, Aomine,” Kagami grit out. “You sure as hell won’t catch me slipping up and saying horrible shit. There’s some lines you don’t cross. Not unless you already felt that way.”

He lets out a slow breath through his nose, trying to keep his cool. Kagami probably won’t want to hear this, but Satsuki’s told him not to lie under any circumstance and absolutely  _not_  to make excuses to make himself look better. That’s not how saying sorry works, that’s what she said.

“I _did_ mean to say it,” he admits, and he sees Kagami’s jaw grind back and forth, a muscle popping near his temple. “I won’t say it wasn’t on purpose. I did mean it,” he says, and when Kagami’s expression starts to contort, he hastens to say, “But only at the time, I swear.” Out of his control, he blurts, “I was mad and I was trying to piss you off but I don’t actually believe those things— I just took it way too far.”

“If you didn’t think that, then why would you fucking say it?” Kagami grits out, turning to look at him, and there it is, this expression, hot with anger and offense, but raw with pain, tough to look at without flinching. He sits there and waits, eyes staring into Aomine’s, flicking from one to the other, expectant.

“I was slingin’ bullshit!” Aomine admitted hotly, and Kagami just shut his eyes and hung his head, brow furrowed, a sharp sigh leaving him. “I didn’t know it’d mess you up that much,” Aomine tries to tell him. “I wouldn’t have if I did.” He means that.

Kagami opens his eyes and sits up, giving him this incredulously bewildered expression, as if he can’t believe how fucking dumb he is. Aomine feels the same way sometimes too. “What did you _think_ was gonna’ happen?” he accused, and for a second he's too confused to sound mad. He sounds like his usual self. For some reason it flusters Aomine even more. 

“Fuck, I dunno’,” Aomine muttered, pulling on the hair at the back of his neck, maybe a little embarrassed — because he still can’t fully explain why he’d gotten as mad as he did. It’s something even he doesn’t understand. “But I feel bad for it now. Honest, I do.” Kagami seems to think on that, looking away, and Aomine’s left to fidget in silence and look at him uncertainly.

“Do you really not wanna’ play with me again?” he mumbles, shifting his feet. “‘Cause I dunno’ what I’m supposed to do otherwise.” Kagami exhales, rubbing a hand over his face. He’s not saying anything. Aomine had admitted he was wrong, so what does he do now? Is Kagami going to accept his apology? Shit, maybe if he begs?

“Kagami,” he practically pleads, voice strained. “Honest I didn't mean it.”

“Why'd you have to say that, idiot,” Kagami sighs, exhausted.

“I dunno’,” Aomine sputters, high-pitched and defensive. “I was pissed off!”

“What did you even have to get pissed about though?” Kagami tries, giving him that bewildered look again, seeming to cautiously lower his guard. “It’s not like Hitoshi ever did anything to you,” he noted, searching his face. “... Did he?”

Something like hope is starting to enter Kagami’s expression. It's small, _very_ small, but it looks a little bit like hope. Like whatever Kagami’s been looking for in Aomine all this time is still something he thinks is worth putting up with. Seeing that come back into his face makes Aomine feel frenzied, something he clings onto, makes him desperate to explain himself — so that Kagami knows it _is_ worth it, so that he doesn’t retreat again.

He’s actually opening back up, Tetsu and Satsuki were right, he’s still got a chance—

“You wouldn’t fucking hang out with me anymore ‘cause a’ that guy!” he blurted in a moment of insanity, and then immediately clammed up.

What the fuck did he just do. Kagami blinks, wide-eyed, lips parted, and Aomine hunches his shoulders, face screwing up. He wasn’t supposed to say that.

Aomine’s heart rockets around in his chest as Kagami looks at him like he’s never seen him before for what feels like forever, and he’s positive that any minute now Kagami’s going to read him the riot act and all the progress it had felt like they’d made in the last two minutes is gonna’ be obliterated again — but then, Kagami suddenly starts laughing.

A wild burst of uncontrollable laughter zips out of his chest, first sounding like disbelief, then hilarity. Then another one, a breathless snort as Kagami squints at him incredulously. Aomine gulps and it's like a dam bursts, because Kagami starts laughing until he can’t stop.

He’s laughing. Why is he laughing.

Aomine stares for a long time, the hair on the back of his neck prickling. He hasn’t seen Kagami smile around him in forever. It kind of feels like the eclipse again.

A corona of golden light crests the side of the moon, sparkling like a bright star for an instant, and then a blinding blaze of sun overtakes everything.

“Hey,” Aomine grumbles at last, feeling uncertain. He's pretty embarrassed too, because Kagami didn’t need to laugh that much, it wasn’t that funny. At least he doesn't look mad anymore. 

He squirms, coming to the uncomfortable realization that it's just like Tetsu said, way back in the beginning. _‘Tell him you were jealous.’  
_

Kagami finally manages to stop and take a breath, scrunching his face up like he can’t quite believe it. He’s still smiling, looking him right in the eye. How can he be smiling. “Are you serious?” he mutters, a breathless snort working its way out again.

“You— _Really?_ That's what got you so worked up?”

Aomine half-shrugs, picking his teeth with his tongue and looking away, feeling appropriately abashed when Kagami starts laughing again, but he can’t deny as embarrassing as it is to be found out, his heart is awake and alive, a little wriggle of excitement at hearing Kagami laugh like they’re out on the court together. Like it used to be.

Kagami lets out a long sigh to calm down, and sounds a million years younger. “You’re a really hard guy to deal with, huh,” he hums, like he thinks Aomine’s funny. And fascinating. And very very stupid.

Aomine makes a nondescript grumbling noise, and then chokes on his own spit when Kagami reaches out and shoves his shoulder, like they’re suddenly not fighting anymore — like hearing Aomine's accidental confession has quelled his temper and put his mind at ease.

“Are you seriously telling me you were being such a fucking asshole because you were worried? No shit?”

Defensive, Aomine instinctively readies to lash out, not liking how it feels to be teased, probably because it's about something that hits very close to the mark, and as Kagami snorts again, Aomine grits his teeth, poison already boiling in his throat—

But as he looks up, he feels something loosen all at once when Kagami stares into his face, brow relaxed, crooked toothy smile, easy on the eyes. “Idiot,” he scolds. “Just ‘cause I pay attention to someone else doesn’t mean you an’ me aren’t still cool.”

At that accusation he looks down immediately, scuffing his feet and scowling. Aomine wants to say he’d known it all along, obviously. He’s not some kid who gets jealous that his buddy has a new best friend. But the words made him swallow, and he felt something untwist on the inside. He keeps his mouth firmly shut but he can’t take his eyes off Kagami as he lets out a long sigh — of what, _relief? —_ and leans back on the bench, hands behind him to steady himself.

 _“Jesus Christ,”_ he says, some English that even Aomine can recognize. “You shoulda’ just told me instead of saying a ton a’ rotten shit like that. What did you think you were gonna’ accomplish, getting all pissed off on your own.” Aomine grunts, lips pouted out sulkily. “God, and trying to punch Hitoshi in the face— why didn’t you just _talk_ to me. I could’ve told you what’s what before you could go and fuck everything up.”

“How was I supposed to do that!” Aomine blurts testily. “You haven’t said shit to me in weeks and every time I tried to explain you’d just fucking leave like you didn’t care!”

“Yeah, ‘cuz I was _pissed,_ dude,” Kagami said with an eyebrow raised, like he’s stupid or something. “You called me an asslicker—” Aomine sputtered that no way had he said that, but Kagami snorts, cracking up momentarily at the look on his face, and he realizes he's being teased. “It’s not like you did that great a job saying sorry before either. You were a huge fucking jerk about it, so what the hell did you expect.”

Aomine can’t really argue with that, because looking back, he's not sure what he'd thought he was going to accomplish with his bullshit on the street court. He just hunches his shoulders and shrugs like he’s getting scolded by his mom. Kagami smiles a little.

“You absolute goddamn idiot.” Kagami huffs incredulously, some breathy laughter escaping again as Aomine just squirms uncomfortably. “Man I thought you were pissed because I'm gay and I never told you what a gigantic _fag_ I am—”

“Kagami, mother _shit,”_ Aomine yelps, taken aback.

“And now you're telling me after this long that it wasn't even about that?”

Aomine pulls his ear. Kagami’s stopped yelling, which should make him feel like they were getting somewhere, but somehow, Aomine felt even less confident because of it. He doesn’t know how to talk openly if it isn’t a back and forth… If Kagami isn’t upset, if he’s not upset anymore, Aomine doesn’t know where this leaves them.

“I mean… I mean it was _partly_ about that, but…” He keeps fiddling with his ear, looking away studiously. “Mostly I was just mad,” he admits, trailing off. 

“Cause you missed me,” Kagami ends for him, and Aomine’s cheeks puff up, shoulders hitching.

“Shut up,” he mutters, embarrassed, but doesn't deny it. What's the point. Kagami seems to have him pinned better than he'd pinned himself.

“Why the fuck didn't you say that instead of showing your entire ass. Oh my _god_ _,_ that was fucked up. You should’ve just been up front with me.” He almost sounds like he’s teasing, and Aomine just takes it silently, because it’s no more than he deserves. “If you had, this wouldn’t have gotten so out of control.”

“...” Aomine won’t look at him, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He’s probably right. If he’d been quicker about admitting to himself that he was feeling jealous and insecure, if he'd let on to Kagami that he was a little bit worried, this entire months-long argument wouldn’t have escalated as far as it had.

“God, you're a disaster,” Kagami huffs. “If you’d have told me this sooner I wouldn’t have broken your stupid nose.”

Aomine scratched the back of his neck, feeling stupid about it now. “Well,” he muttered, figuring there’s no way to save his pride after today. There’s no pretending he doesn’t care about Kagami that much or that it didn’t matter one way or another if they were friends. There’s no chance of Kagami thinking he’s cool ever again after today — if he ever had in the first place, that is — so there’s no point in trying to save face. Maybe that's the thing he's learned most over the last month or so. He cares more about being Kagami's friend than he cares about his pride. If it's one or the other, then his pride isn't worth anything to him. If that's all, then his choice is obvious.

“There’s always next time,” he tries tentatively, testing the waters, if things are really okay enough that they can joke around like that again.

Kagami snorts, shaking his head at him. “You spoiled brat,” he breathes.

Aomine stares at him. This has to be a dream. He thought for sure Kagami would never forgive him.

“... Are we cool then?” he feels float out of him.

Kagami gives him this look. Like how Satsuki and Tetsu look at him, exasperated but undeniably fond. And something else. This thing there that’s ready for more no matter how much bullshit Aomine feeds him, always ready for one more go to take him on anytime. Something that just gets him.

“...” Kagami shifts just a little bit, like there’s a part of him left that’s hesitant, and Aomine thinks he understands. No matter how much Kagami's taken from him in the past, he'd met Kagami's limit for the first time with all the wrong he'd done. And when he'd met that limit, that's when Kagami had decided he'd had enough of him and had moved past the point of being angry, simply removing him from his life.

Aomine can see on his face that whatever he's said in the past half an hour had been enough to make Kagami consider a second chance, but with it came the knowledge that if he went up to Kagami's limit again, if Aomine started being an asshole again later and Kagami decided this entire apology had been bullshit and that he hadn't ever meant to change how he thought or acted— if he became a person that Kagami didn't recognize anymore, it would be the last time Aomine got to burn him. You don't get to fool Kagami twice.

All Aomine can do is stand there, practically quivering, and try to look trustworthy. God knows if Kagami really changes his mind and lets him back in, Aomine's learned his fucking lesson and will get his ass in gear. He'll be goddamned if he fucks this up again after a scare like that.

Kagami grimaces a little, eyes narrowed, but a lot of the harshness to his voice is gone. Of course Aomine can't expect it to be that easy. Even if he'd apologized, it doesn't change the fact that Kagami's still hurt and that he has a lot to make up for, but Kagami at least seems willing to let him try. “Well, I'm still mad,” he mutters, rubbing his hair a little. “What you did was fucked up. But if you really didn’t mean it…”

“I didn’t!” Aomine jumps to tell him, because holy shit, Kagami’s forgiving him. “I won’t do it again, I swear!” he blurts eagerly, and promptly bites his tongue, looking away.

“Okay,” Kagami exhales on a laugh. “Then yeah.”

“Really?” That doesn't sound like his voice. It's not deep enough.

“Yeah,” Kagami snorts. He sighs, eyes falling shut. “You drive me insane, but I can’t stay fucking mad at you.”

Aomine stares, and it takes a little while for it to sink in, takes a while before a smile starts to numbly cross his face. He watches as Kagami stands up and stretches this way and that, and then walks across the gym, going for the basketball left there.

He’s in such a daze that he actually startles a little when Kagami looks back and says, “C’mere loser,” ball in his hands.

Aomine stands up, still feeling rooted to the spot somehow. “Heard you’ve been slacking,” Kagami challenges, grinning like old times. “Try to beat me,” he says as he dribbles a couple times, lowering into a crouch and waiting for Aomine to snap out of it and come at him.

“If you can.”

A light laugh of disbelief escapes his nose. Aomine swallows and takes a couple steps, starting to smile wider and wider. He takes a breath and drones, “Don’t steal my catchphrases!” — but he’s not really annoyed.

Of course he’s not.

They play and they play for hours on end, running around and scuffing up the floor, laughing and shooting the shit, blocking each other from scoring until sweat is flying and they finally get distracted from their game and challenge each other to try and pull off the craziest shots possible.

They play so long that Aomine’s lungs are burning and he thinks he’ll throw up from overexertion after so long with no energy to exercise, but this bubble in his chest keeps him going — complete and utter joy.

Everything’s gonna’ turn out okay. It usually does.

However gracious Kagami had already been in giving him another shot, wiping Aomine a few times seems to lift any lingering resentment away. Aomine feels it too, a euphoric release to the aggression that's lain dormant and pent-up for a month of misery. He'd really needed that.

As difficult as this entire encounter had been, he feels so much better having just said it out loud. He wishes he'd done it a long time ago.

The two of them lay on the ground and pant, waiting until their friends come back to check on them and let them out so they can shower. Aomine stares at the ceiling next to Kagami, whose arms are behind his head, releasing this ungodly stink after twenty minutes relaxing and letting the sweat sit. He probably smells like ass too, but he can’t care. He’s missed him so much that it doesn't phase him at all. Just lays there with his buddy in silence other than their heavy breaths, winded and worn out.

Aomine swallows, taking a side-eyed glance at him and his peaceful face, brown hair stiff from dried sweat, forehead pink — and something felt just a little bit sore still, a little bit uncertain.

So he mutters, “Sorry.” Kagami’s quiet for a second, because neither of them have spoken in a while, and Aomine waits. They just lay there and stare at the ceiling. Kagami's breath doesn't even hitch, slow and deep.

“For what I said. And for losing my shit like that at the party.” It sounds so loud in the silence, which might be why his voice gets smaller and smaller in its uncertainty, until finally he mumbles, “Sorry.”

At last Kagami just hums a little, as if in acknowledgement, and seems to imperceptibly relax, and Aomine closes his eyes. “Learned my lesson. Promise,” he says, and lets the silence last another few nervous seconds. “... Are we cool?” he breathes.

“Yeah man,” Kagami whispers back, lifting his arm from the floor. “We’re good.” Aomine picks his own hand up to slap it into Kagami’s and they grip each other for a second and squeeze. Kagami’s hand is hot and damp, but it squeezes on tight, no hard feelings. Then they both let their hands fall to the polished wood.

“If you really meant all that, then we’re good.”

“Cool.”

Tetsu comes back and cautiously opens the door to let them out ten minutes later, pleased to see they’ve worked things out. It had probably seemed pretty touch and go for the first half-hour with all the yelling.

 _‘Jealous,’_ he thinks.

  
_‘Yeah. I guess I was. Maybe just a little,’_ he admits, if only in the privacy of his own head.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > Holy shit, this broke 1k hits and 100 kudos, thank you so much guys, this is amazing. 
>> 
>> This is a long one, a lot happens, there's a lot of important set up for later in the fic, so try not to skim over the details, they'll reappear.

After that, things start to go back to normal. 

Tetsu is pleased that they’ve made up. Satsuki is overjoyed because she’d been starting to get really worried about him. Apparently he’d shown such a sharp drop in mood following his fallout with Kagami that he’d really given his parents a scare too. They’re glad to see a change in him, even though he'd never told them what happened in the first place. Even his team knows immediately that he’s made up with Kagami on sight, Wakamatsu going so far as to grumble about the ‘dopey look’ on his face.

Whatever. Aomine's feeling too good to be bothered with much of anything.

Kagami is hanging out with him again. They play one-on-ones after school like they always used to. Aomine texts him to ask to play ball and Kagami will show up and they’ll eat Maji together and storm the court until dusk.

Everything’s better practically overnight. Kagami messages him on the phone again. When they run into each other on the street, Kagami greets him and they hang out. If he holds a grudge or if there’s any hard feelings, Aomine can’t tell. For a while, it’s like it never happened.

But obviously, not everything goes back to normal. For one, _that guy_ is still a thing.

Aomine has the luxury of pretending for a few weeks, probably because they’re both settling back into their newly repaired friendship and don’t want to rock the boat too much — meaning, Kagami doesn’t talk about his boyfriend at all and basically acts like their fight never happened. Part of that is definitely just because Kagami's never been the type to hold a grudge, and now that he's forgiven Aomine, he's willing to put it behind them and move past it. But another part of not mentioning the fight or the boyfriend is obviously for another reason.

Aomine doesn't like thinking about that too much and isn't too keen on picking his reasoning apart, even though he has his suspicions. For now, it's just the way things go. That's how he sees it anyways.

Kagami acts like none of what Aomine did ever happened, he treats him like he's always treated him, and for a little while, Aomine gets to pretend that nothing’s changed, that their friendship can go on the same as it did before Kagami ever met that guy.

It's hard to keep that illusion up for long. Because as much as Kagami doesn't talk about it, there are signs that become hard to ignore.

They’re playing basketball at one of their favorite courts. When they stop for a break, Kagami slumps against the fence, sinking onto his butt, legs out in front of him as he pants and wipes his forehead. He tries to stretch, straining and gritting his teeth as he ineffectually reaches for his toes, unable to even make his fingers brush the tips of his shoes. Aomine snorts and rolls his foot back and forth, stretching his calves out before he joins him, a few inches farther away from him than they'd used to.

They’re still getting used to each other again. At least, that's what Aomine thought.

As Aomine reaches out to snatch Kagami's water like old times, Kagami's eyes are cast down, and he looks so... _different_ in that moment that for a second, Aomine pauses. It comes to him all of a sudden that even though Kagami's been true to his word about forgiving him and has left Aomine's mistakes in the past, it might not necessarily mean that Kagami doesn't still...  _think_ about it. After all, saying sorry doesn't always erase the hurt one has caused.

It doesn't feel good to think about the fact that his words might have stuck with Kagami. When they talk, when they play basketball, is Kagami waiting for him to show his true colors and scorn him again? When they sit farther apart than before, when they share a water bottle or a towel, does Kagami wonder if it isn't the same now that he knows? That he won't want to go on as they have and do all the things they used to do? Is he worried, even a little bit, that Aomine thinks he's disgusting?

Aomine doesn't like change, or at least change that he feels he's not in control of, and he definitely doesn't like whatever  _this_ is. This uncomfortable space that has formed between them. They were always pretty comfortable with touching each other in passing before everything happened, but now— Aomine realizes with a start that since they’ve made up, Kagami’s been holding back. Just a little bit.

He’d thought at first that it was down to the fact that they’re settling in and re-figuring out what’s cool and what’s not now that the game has changed, but now Aomine wonders if it’s for some other reason. Like... Maybe Kagami thinks that Aomine won’t want to get too close, now that he knows.

If he thinks back to what happened — and he doesn't like to — that may have been what bothered Kagami most of all: the thought of Aomine being grossed out by him. Maybe, as much as they both seem to want things to go back to some semblance of normal, maybe Kagami somehow feels like that's impossible now. 

And Aomine... doesn't like that idea. That actually  _really_ fucking gets to him.

He stares at him for a beat, but he still refuses to make eye contact. Kagami’s quiet, which isn’t usual, plus he has this uncertain look on his face as he stares off to the side. He’s kind of leaning away from Aomine too almost, maybe to give him a little extra personal space— Aomine looks at him like that and he feels this sudden frenzied _burst._

Aomine snatches the water bottle out of his hand, probably much harder than necessary, because Kagami jumps a little and stares at him while he guzzles it. Aomine stares back, narrowing his eyes challengingly, as if to tell him, _‘We’re still bros. You can’t do anything about it.’_

He doesn’t know if Kagami gets the message. He seems pleased at least, shoulders relaxing, and he laughs at the water drizzling down Aomine's chin.

When Aomine’s done he crunches the empty plastic in his hand and wipes his mouth. “Can I come over tonight?” he asks, and Kagami stiffens a little.

“Ahh,” he mutters awkardly, and Aomine blinks. Why is he so fidgety all of a sudden? Kagami doesn't _fidget._ “My place is a mess…”

It literally never is, so Aomine smells bullshit. “Who cares, can I come or not?”

“... Uh, tonight’s not good,” Kagami admits uncomfortably. “Sorry.”

“Oh,” he realizes suddenly, and now he’s the one staring at his laces.

He still forgets sometimes. About _him._

“Yeah,” Kagami murmurs, and it’s a little awkward for a couple seconds. He looks away and rubs the back of his neck. Aomine just picks at a string on his shorts. “Uhh… Yeah.” Kagami always does that when he doesn’t know what to say.

“When can I come,” Aomine says finally, swallowing the bitter knot of anger and hurt and confusion that still remains despite his best efforts— and he must’ve gotten something right because when Kagami looks up, a relieved grin comes onto his face. That makes Aomine feel a little better about the way things have ended up.

“Next Friday good?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Obviously, not everything can be the same. It’s not like the old days anymore. When Aomine’s out on the court and tells Kagami to get down there, Kagami doesn’t always say yes like he used to. His free time, which had used to always be open to Aomine, is suddenly filled up with other stuff. Kagami has things planned that seem to get in the way of them hanging out alarmingly often — things besides school and practice and official games. 

Sometimes when Aomine asks Kagami if he wants to hang out, Kagami blows him off and says he’s got other plans already. It’s back like before, when Aomine hadn’t figured out yet that it was because he has a boyfriend now. When Kagami turns him down, he never says it’s for a date, but Aomine knows. How can he not.

And it sucks, man. It can't be compared to how fucking  _awful_ it had been when he hadn’t been able to see Kagami at all, but it still sucks really bad. To be honest, it kind of gets him down. Any other time, Aomine would be complaining and harassing Kagami to no end, but to be honest, the ground under his feet still feels pretty unsteady. He might be a little traumatized after that intense month-long silent treatment Kagami had given him.

He’s hesitant to confront Kagami about his recent absences because he doesn’t know what his new boundaries are, or how far Kagami will let him push — and he doesn’t want to start another fight. Not after they’d just made up.

Kagami not having mentioned his boyfriend at all only makes it harder for Aomine to judge and learn what's a bridge too far and what isn't. How much can he pester Kagami to play ball, for instance? If Kagami says he’s going to hang out with Kimura, is that just _it?_   Is it a hard line that Aomine's not allowed to cross? Kagami had said it would've been better if he'd just talked to him, but is that really an option? Can Aomine say anything about it if Kagami starts favoring that guy over him? Can he _complain?_ It feels like he’s not allowed to come in and try to swipe Kagami’s attention back, not like he’d used to. He doesn’t know what he's supposed to do, really— if anything.

Besides not wanting to reignite tensions between them, Aomine doesn't really want to acknowledge that he knows _why_ Kagami’s been gone. Even indirectly mentioning it feels like it somehow makes it more real. At least if they’re not talking about it, he can try to ignore it.

But it’s hard. It’s really hard. In a way, being this excited and glad to have Kagami back, it only makes Aomine miss him more when he's not around. Plus, it’s the knowing that during that other half, Kagami’s with someone else— that makes Aomine feel bitter and unhappy.

Satsuki’s seen him a little glum and butthurt the times he has to bum around when Kagami’s turned up missing. She’s told him that if he’s feeling neglected, the way to _stop_ feeling that way is to get busy with something else.

Of course, the thing he ends up getting busy with is hanging around at Auntie’s house, and Satsuki only takes a few afternoons to get fed up with him acting like a human slug, dragging himself around, sullen and grumpy and dramatically melting off of the furniture onto the floor.

Then she says more directly, “Dai-chan, quit sulking and take me to eat parfait.”

They shop together and then eat some parfait. He feels slightly better afterwards.

It’s the knowing his rival is out wasting the summer going on _dates_ when he should be playing basketball with him. That’s what sucks. It’s not even that Kagami’s shoving it in his face or trying to rub it in, because he’s really not, but it’s still kind of infuriating— because as discreet as Kagami is, Aomine still _knows._

So basically, he’s having a hard time adjusting. He might’ve gotten kinda’ spoiled.

He thinks one of the reasons he’d gotten so pissed before was that part of him has always taken it as granted that he always had Kagami’s complete and utter attention. Whoever Kagami was with and whatever he was doing, when Aomine showed up, Kagami would immediately forget his responsibilities and squabble with him instead. Kagami argued with him, played basketball with him, cooked for him, let him sleep over, and Aomine had no problem taking advantage of his ability to make Kagami drop everything for him. He’s always been selfish like that, and was used to getting his own way.

After a while, it had started to feel like he _deserved_ Kagami’s undivided attention, it was something he’d come to expect. He’d settled in— and then suddenly he had to swallow the fact that Kagami wasn’t spending all his time with him anymore. There was someone else who was just a little bit more interesting, someone who could entice Kagami a little better. Enough that he’d turn down a one-on-one with him.

Suddenly there was competition and Aomine hadn’t wanted to share—

 _‘Whatever the fuck_ that _means,’_ he thinks.

That’s why he’d been mad before, but he’s mostly gotten over that. At least, he doesn’t feel murderous about it anymore— and now that he’s let go of that anger, he feels a lot better.

But that doesn’t mean it’s easy, because that thing is still there, alive and spreading like a parasite. When he asks to hang out and Kagami says no, it fucking _sucks,_ because then Aomine got to spend the night on his own, thinking about how Kagami’s blowing him off so he can be with his boyfriend instead of him. He has to think about how this is probably going to get more and more frequent as those two get closer.

Admitting that the reason he’d gotten that fucking _crazy_ was because he’d been jealous has helped him out a lot. In the aftermath, now that he’s gotten that under control, all that’s left is that stupid small feeling he’d been trying to avoid, and it sucks. Because he doesn’t know how to navigate this new aspect of their friendship — Kagami _dating._ It's never crossed his mind before, and now that this has come to pass, Aomine’s a tiny bit nervous.

And he’s still jealous too on top of it. It’s stupid, but he is, and he can’t exactly control it. He’s quit being an absolute asshole because of it, but that doesn’t make the feeling go away.

Up to this point his jealousy problems concerning Kagami have consisted of envying his ability to access the Direct Drive Zone, a thing of real beauty— and the fact that Kagami’s popular with college girls. Both those things seem stupid by comparison now, for obvious reasons.

Whatever he’d felt then is nothing compared to the absolute morass of fucked up feelings he’s dealing with now.

It’s not exactly that he’s mad that Kagami’s boyfriend gets to be with him more than he does, although, that is irritating too— but it’s more like he’s worried Kagami’s going to start forgetting him, even just a little bit.

He’s a little scared about how things are going to change. He doesn’t want them to start drifting apart.

Losing Kagami did that. Seeing how Kagami had cut him off so completely lit a fire under his ass. Not being able to talk to him for that long made Aomine see what he’d been taking as granted, and that if he wanted their relationship as rivals to continue, he can’t keep going down this road— the road of being a spoiled brat who fucks up his entire life just because he can’t have Kagami to himself anymore.

Getting mad just made him latch onto something as an excuse, rather than accept what he was really afraid of. It was easier to be outraged over Kagami's gay situation than admit to some real feelings, maybe some tiny fear of being left behind. It had been the easy way, but he never should have gotten that nasty because of his pride— and hurting Kagami because he wasn't mature enough to face himself is something he bitterly regrets.

He knows things have to change, that _he_ has to change— Even if Kagami's put it in the past, he does feel responsible, like he has to prove himself in some way. It may be because, for once, he'd gotten spooked badly enough to actually follow through on an apology.

So he walks on eggshells for a while. He doesn’t want to go back to not seeing Kagami again, so Aomine doesn't complain about how dissatisfied he is with the way things are now. He doesn’t whine about the periods where he doesn’t see Kagami for longer than he’d like. He takes what Kagami gives him, because for now it's enough that he'd gotten a second chance, one he probably doesn't deserve— but it’s this thing that’s ever present in his mind.

When Kagami's not with him, when Kagami blows him off, it’s because he's seeing someone else, and for some reason, no matter how much Aomine tries not to let that bother him, no matter how much he assures himself and _knows_ he and Kagami will always be rivals, something that can't be replaced— no matter how much he knows that, something small inside him still feels a little bit bitter, a little bit scared and hurt and confused.

Because Aomine’s had a long time to think about this. Kagami didn’t just meet that guy for flings or whatever gay guys do when they meet each other. Kagami’s in a _relationship_ with that guy. He’d called Kimura his _boyfriend._ They’re dating, and he’s going to be a fixture in Kagami's life that Aomine’s got to accept as at least semi-permanent.

There’s someone in Kagami’s heart, someone who’s wormed in there alongside basketball.

Someone else is having fun with him and laughing with him. Someone else gets to see that look on his face, the way he lights up when he plays— _joy._ Someone else gets to be his friend, gets to go to his house and sleep over and hang out alone with him, gets to watch movies and do magazine quizzes while Kagami cooks and cleans.

And Kagami likes that someone so much that he’d prefer to be there with them than to play basketball with Aomine. To Kagami, that person supersedes whatever relationship he and Aomine have. 

And he...  _really_ doesn't like it. 

This is what he's fought so hard to avoid. It makes him feel… weirdly _small,_ and oddly enough, completely emasculated; inadequate; pathetic. Fuck, he sure isn’t used to feeling _pathetic._ Definitely not a sensation he enjoys. 

Insecure isn’t the right word, he doesn’t care what Tetsu says. It’s just disappointing to realize their rivalry and the friendship that had bloomed between them over the past year didn’t mean as much to Kagami as he’d thought. It must not have been as special to Kagami as it was to him, and for a guy who’s used to walking on people, Aomine's left feeling like a doormat.

So, given all of that, it takes him a while to adjust, because Aomine isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do. He doesn’t know where he fits in this new weird world where Kagami has a boyfriend.

—The world where Kagami is gay, has a boyfriend, kisses that boyfriend's gay lips, and is apparently interested in dating— _with other gay boys._

He doesn’t know what to do with that.

Hell, you could’ve made him doubletake if you had told him that Kagami was capable of having a romantic thought or experiencing a crush _period,_ so all of the rest of that is a lot to swallow at once.

Basically, he’s kind of hating his life a little right now. Good thing he knows how to spell fuck in English thanks to the internet, because it’s a word he’s needed to type a lot lately.

 _F - U - C - K —_ just in case you didn’t know. He helpfully informs Satsuki too, for future reference.

Anyway, even though he’s kind of been dragging his heels, it’s a struggle he’s begrudgingly glad for, because it’s infinitely better than the alternative. He and Kagami are friends again at least, even though lately it sometimes feels like the only thing he can be sure of. All that’s left to do is try and settle into the new routine.

That’s not easy either, because of course it’s not. For one, it’s not like Aomine’s actually gotten a real chance to get used to Kagami’s boyfriend and the fact that he’s still a thing that exists. Aomine hasn’t actually _seen_ the guy since the day he’d started that fight in the gym, so the only time he’s been forced to think about him is when Kagami’s not around— for a date.

Basically, he has to come to terms with it on his own, and it’s slow-going. It’s easier to pretend nothing’s changed and that the guy isn’t real if he doesn’t have to see him.

Kagami must be cautious to let him back around his boyfriend again after last time, because when they hang out at the court together, he always comes alone. He doesn’t really talk about the guy either. Aomine can’t remember him mentioning his boyfriend even once since they’d made up. Not that he’s complaining, but. Y’know.

Aomine suspects that Kagami’s a little… _skittish_ about it almost, like he thinks Aomine will react badly if he brings it up. He wishes he could say with confidence that Kagami's wrong, but he’s not sure.

Other than asking once if they were still together, Aomine doesn’t bring it up either— because y’know. He doesn’t like to think about it too hard, and he’ll take any excuse not to.

Kagami’s gay, and Aomine’s come to terms with that the quickest out of everything, but it doesn’t mean he likes thinking about what he saw — those times he’d walked up on Kagami kissing his boyfriend. Aomine doesn’t like thinking about Kagami kissing a guy, because it makes him relive that horrible angry moment.

So yeah, he doesn’t mention the guy, because hell if he’s going to invite Kagami to _talk_ about the guy he’s probably busy kissing every time he declines Aomine’s one-on-one invitations. Just thinking about it makes him squirm. It's nasty.

Well, not Kagami. Kagami’s not nasty. Neither is gay kissing in general really, if he’s honest, because lips are lips and a kiss is a kiss when it comes down to it. It’s just… those two. Together.

Specifically.

In that way, Kagami going on acting as if nothing’s changed is a blessing, because it means unless Aomine’s feeling masochistic, he doesn’t have to think or talk about Kimura— and that’s probably a good thing, because Aomine doesn’t want to fuck shit up by getting mad again and saying something mean. He’s still not confident that he can stop himself.

In another way, he knows that this isn’t good. Because he and Kagami are supposed to be friends, and they’re supposed to be able to be real with each other. Ever since they became buddies, that’s how it’s been— that’s just how they are together, and he doesn’t want that to change, so Aomine knows he’s going to have to get used to the boyfriend eventually. Delaying it is only going to make it harder. They should just rip off the bandaid.

Because this is exactly the kind of bullshit drama that he hates. He’s seventeen. He shouldn’t have to deal with this type of fuckery when he’s seventeen.

He’s only gotten to play Kagami twice this week so when Kagami shows up on the court for basketball night at noon on Saturday, Aomine’s ready to go. “Took you long enough,” he called.

“Were you waiting for me?” Kagami teased, smirking happily like a total jackass. Aomine trounced him in their first three matches for that one.

As they run back and forth across the court under the open summer sky, working up a sweat, Aomine enjoys the burn in his muscles and the endless pounding of the ball against the pavement and the whoosh of the net. He finds himself glancing towards the empty bench over and over, and wonders if Kagami’s ever going to bring that guy around to watch him play again.

He has an idea that Kagami isn’t just keeping them apart because he doesn’t want to gross him out, but that it might actually be because he’s seriously concerned Aomine might try to start another fistfight.

Obviously after the shit he pulled, he and that guy aren’t going to get along— he tried to punch him in the mouth and called him a faggot in front of all his boyfriend’s sports buddies, for fucksake. They didn’t get off to a great start, and Aomine was never going to warm up to someone who can’t play basketball, let alone a guy who was distracting Kagami. He’s never going to be buddy-buddy with this guy, and vice versa, and Kagami has to know that, which explains why he’s been so careful in keeping them completely separated — but Aomine knows that it won’t work forever. Kimura will start to spill into other parts of Kagami’s life. There’s no way he won’t. 

And when that happens, if Kagami starts to mention the guy again or bring him around, Aomine’s resolved to try and be... _supportive._ If Kagami starts to feel secure enough in their friendship again that he’ll try to open up even after Aomine had burned him that bad, Aomine’s not going to scorn Kagami’s trust in him. He’ll do his best to be supportive.

Of Kagami. Not of _them_ exactly. That guy doesn’t mean shit to him — Aomine still doesn’t like him. But at least he supports Kagami.

He hopes Kagami knows that much.

“Wanna’ go jump in the river?” Aomine tries once they’re worn out, after about three straight hours of playing ball. They’re sticky and hot and he’s sure he can entice Kagami with that one. They’ve done it before, last summer, raced down to the spot Aomine knows and hopped in, swimming around in their shorts and cooling off.

Not only is it a nice day, his real motives are admittedly a little desperate. Aomine’s kind of grasping at straws, thinking maybe if he branches out and suggests other things, something fun, maybe Kagami might wanna’ stay longer.

“You can come to my house after and eat dinner.” He’s never shown Kagami his room. He can show him his shoes.

“Nah, I can’t intrude on your mom,” Kagami declines casually after a second.

Aomine can’t help but feel disgruntled. They’d used to hang out a lot more, and not just for basketball. They’d do other stuff together too, like go out to eat, or fuck around down by the boardwalk area, or just slack off at Kagami’s place— but now it feels like Kagami’ll only show up for one-on-ones and then leaves afterwards. He clearly has to step up his game.

Inviting him over had at least seemed to make Kagami consider for a second, which might explain why Aomine lamely blurted out, “She said you can come whenever you want.”

Kagami laughs a little and Aomine huffs through his nose. Kagami’s never met his mom, meaning he’s just admitted that he’s asked her if he can have Kagami over — like they’re eight years old.

The truth is that he’s mentioned Kagami enough that she’s the one trying to get him to invite Kagami over. He just never has before, preferring Kagami’s house, with no bothersome adults.

Now his house seems better, because there’s no boyfriend there — or signs that the boyfriend ever _was_ there.

“I dunno’, man. I think I’m gonna’ head back early.” Kagami never goes back early — ever. Not until he got a boyfriend.

At least he tried. And he'll keep trying. “You have a date, probably, huh,” Aomine mumbles under his breath, not really able to work up the nerve yet to do more than that. It’s the first time he’s poked his foot out even that far, testing where the line is.

It wasn’t a real question so he hadn’t really expected Kagami to answer, but when a few seconds go by without him saying anything, Aomine glances back, and Kagami’s looking at him silently.

Kagami seems just as hesitant to stick his neck out, but finally dares to shrug a little, uncertain and hesitant, watching Aomine for a reaction out of the corner of his eye.

He’s disappointed, he won’t deny it, but that look on Kagami’s face makes him feel guilty all over again. Because as normal as they try to act, there’s still healing wounds there, and he knows that he needs to keep proving to Kagami that he’s going to put in a real effort to deserve his forgiveness.

So Aomine keeps his mouth shut about Kagami’s stupid boyfriend and just hums, “Whatever, just don’t forget our one-on-one.”

Kagami grins, his stupid forked eyebrows scrunched, and it’s almost like everything’s back to normal. Almost.

“You got it.”

After that, Kagami does start to tentatively mention his boyfriend around him, testing the water, like a snail that’s been picked up and held still long enough that it cautiously peeks its foot back out of its shell. Aomine would know.

It’s hard for him though, because he doesn’t know exactly what Kagami wants from him when he does the poking out his foot from his shell thing. The acceptance is good, a definite step in the right direction, but what's holding him back? What does he want— Encouragement? A positive reaction? The absence of a _negative_ reaction doesn’t seem wholly sufficient, because Kagami keeps tiptoeing around even though Aomine has carefully kept his goddamn mouth shut and not driven things to shit again.

He doesn’t know what Kagami’s looking for from him, and it’s making him nervous and antsy, because he doesn’t want to screw this up, not when it’s clearly this important to Kagami. The stakes shouldn't feel this high.

In the interim, it’s like old times. Almost. They meet in Maji’s when it’s too rainy to play basketball and eat burgers and watch old clips of MJ on Kagami’s phone.

“Man, I wanna’ play basketball,” Kagami complains, stuffing in another burger. Aomine hums in agreement.

“It’s gonna’ pour like this all week,” Aomine notes. Kagami groans at that. “We could always go to the gym,” he concedes, although he prefers to play on the street court in the summertime. He nabs some of Kagami’s fries and leans back in their booth, stretching out.

After a few moments silence, he notices that Kagami’s squirming. Just a little bit. For a second Aomine thinks he might have taken too big a bite and is trying not to choke, because why else would he pause in shoving food in his face. But then he ducks his head a little and mumbles, “You wanna’ go see the new Jurassic park movie sometime?” Aomine blinks, not catching on to why he’s suddenly acting so cagey. He just purses his lips and reaches for another french fry. “... Hitoshi said it was good.”

Aomine pauses.

Kagami takes another massive bite and scrolls mindlessly on his phone. He’s seems like he’s trying hard to act casual about it, but it’s plain as day that it’s an act. He’s tensed up and waiting, and since Aomine still doesn’t know what the right answer is when Kagami mentions Kimura, he just reminds himself of what Tetsu said before.

Even though Kagami had told him he didn’t care what he thought, it’s clear he does care. He cares _a lot,_ because Tetsu said he’d taken Aomine’s rejection super hard.

He’s still not happy to hear anything about Kimura, because it’s another stupid reminder that he’s still around and still a pain in his ass.

But in the end, if that’s what it takes to put Kagami’s mind at ease and let him know they’re cool— if that’s all, then it’s obvious what the right choice is.

Aomine eventually grunts and shrugs, because he knows Kagami’s watching his reaction. “Sure.” Kagami imperceptibly relaxes, so that must’ve been good enough. Whatever test that had been, he's passed.

“But I’m a movie behind. I missed Fallen Kingdom.”

“We can watch at my place beforehand then,” Kagami says, and Aomine hums again and picks a fry out of the bottom of the bag. “Aomine?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Aomine starts. Kagami’s looking at him with this half-smile, like Aomine did something unexpectedly weird but funny. He squints then. Is he being made fun of?

“What for.” Kagami nods his head towards the exit and picks up their tray and all their garbage. Aomine heads after him, straightening his school jacket a little and shaking off his umbrella, jet black and large enough to cover them both.

Kagami’s brought his own, but they’re both so big that walking side by side with their umbrellas open, they’d hog the sidewalk completely, so they’re sharing his for now. They get out of Maji’s and head down to the bus stop, the rain gently pattering on the canvas above. By the time Kagami says something again, Aomine had almost forgotten what they were talking about— but quickly starts to feel embarrassed when he realizes what’s going on.

“I was tryina’ say…” Kagami walks alongside him, shoulder brushing his just a little as they try to crowd into the pedestrian lane and make room for the bikes and the oncoming foot traffic. Cupped underneath the canopy above, in a way, it feels like they're inside a soap bubble together, or floating within a fish bowl, separated from the outside world, but only just. In the dim light of the gloom, hidden in the shade of their umbrella, Kagami’s hair goes a very dark brown. His eyes too.

“I guess I just wanna’ say thanks.”

“You already said that,” Aomine mumbles, as if to stop the coming conversation, but Kagami just barrels on. Because of course he does.

“It means a lot that you’ve been so chill about this ever since… well, everything,” Kagami muttered, and Aomine feels this uncomfortable squirmy thing in his gut.

This damn American. Doesn’t he have any self-awareness about what is and isn’t embarrassing for teenage guys to say to each other?

Aomine’s a total weenie about it, refusing to look at Kagami’s face or say anything back, but he can’t deny that hearing that feels kinda’ good. Just a little bit.

Kagami sighs then, not seeming bothered by the lack of response. “Sorry I never told you before. I feel stupid about it now, but…” Aomine mumbles something to the effect that he shouldn’t feel sorry, not after the way he’d taken it when he did find out. Kagami shrugged a little. “Huh? Oh. No, not that. I didn’t mean about meeting Hitoshi. I mean,” he pauses for a second. “... I’m sorry I never told you about me. Before.”

“Oh.” They walk in silence for another block.

Aomine has wondered about that.

Kagami has to know that if not for the whole _seeing him kissing a dude_ incident, if he had told him he was gay before that, he probably would have reacted completely differently. Aomine doesn’t know for sure what he would have said, but he thinks if Kagami had told him that he would have been considerate. He hopes he would have.

Kagami doesn’t owe him an explanation— Part of Aomine wants to tell him that, but he’s been wondering for a while, so he just listens in apprehensive silence.

“I guess I didn’t want to make things weird.” He scratches the back of his head. “I didn’t want that to happen,” he mumbled almost too quiet to hear. Aomine frowns.

“I think I expected you to treat me different or something, or be… freaked out that I’d peep on you.” He shrugs again and repeats uncertainly, “I dunno’.”

“Huh?” Aomine stares at him, nose wrinkling in bewilderment. “Why?”

At length, Kagami begrudgingly clarifies, “Back in America.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched. “Sometimes that’s how it went.” Aomine just keeps staring in silence, not processing what he was saying, so eventually Kagami went on. “A couple kids who figured it out… they didn’t wanna’ be in the lockers with me after that, an’ it was just tough, ‘cause.” Aomine stared, feeling a muscle tighten in his jaw. Kagami sounded embarrassed to relay the story and eventually trailed off with, “Well… you know how it is in middle school.”

Aomine grunted, staring forward, brow furrowed.

Kagami sighed. “It’s hard enough ‘cuz being that age already sucks. That’s when you’re like, getting those feelings for the first time. I mean, it’s fucking _puberty—_ it’s already awful. And the last thing you need after you realize you’re not like all the other kids is for some other little shits to figure that out too.”

That actually… _really_ troubles him.

It’s never occurred to Aomine that other people knew about Kagami. The way he’d never even suspected the whole time he’s known him, Aomine had just assumed it’s always been like that — but then, it’s different in America. In California, people are more open. He can’t imagine Kagami had been obvious about it, he must’ve been what, twelve or thirteen? He doesn’t know how people figured it out, but it bothers him.

It’s never occurred to him that Kagami may have been teased. He doesn’t like the thought.

Never mind that Aomine had treated Kagami pretty bad himself when he’d found out. Knowing that others may have done the same or worse doesn’t sit well with him. For one thing, it’s never even crossed his mind that Kagami would do something like _peep,_ or that all the times he’d slept over, that Kagami had some sort of weird intentions. It’s not like he’s never had any opportunities to take advantage either, because they’ve changed in the same room before and peed at adjacent urinals in the park and been butt naked in the open showers together— all of that has happened and Kagami’s never, never done anything like  _that,_ not that Aomine can remember. He hasn’t been creepy and he hasn’t hit the opposite extreme either of being overly standoffish. The idea of Kagami acting that way is actually kind of difficult to even imagine.

If Aomine tries to think back to those times, Kagami’s eyes didn’t avoid him, but they didn’t excessively wander or linger either. If he glanced at him during a conversation in the locker room, it was no big deal. Aomine’s met guys like that, who completely avoid looking and who won’t even get close to other guys, and to be honest he wonders about them even more than the touchy-feely type. Kagami’s right in the middle. He’s notably secure with himself for his age, and Aomine’s always felt comfortable around him, doesn’t think twice about touching him, grabbing him around the neck and high-fiving and even swatting each other’s butts after a good game. Kagami’s his buddy, and since he’s found out and accepted that he’s gay, Aomine hasn’t looked back on all of that and _questioned_ Kagami’s motives. He's his friend.

The idea that other people might have bullied him as some sort of pervert, it made him _mad._

“I mean, it didn’t make sense to mention it for a while, before we started hanging out more— but then when we got to be friends, I just… didn’t know how to bring it up at that point.” It’s pretty much what Tetsu had told Aomine that his explanation was, but it’s still a little surprising to hear. “I told Kuroko about me earlier on because I wanted to introduce him to Hitoshi and I didn't want him to be surprised about… y'know, _us,_ but… when it came to telling you, I just kept putting it off. I guess I was scared of what you'd think. I didn’t wanna’ freak you out.”

Kagami tugged on his ear, and admitted, “That’s kind of why it messed me up so bad when you saw us and said… You know.”

Guilt knotting his stomach anew, Aomine wrenched out, “I didn’t—”

“Don’t, it’s fine, you already apologized,” Kagami let out a huff of a laugh. “We’re cool now. I just wanted to tell you why.” Aomine tried to process all that and nodded a little, feeling off balance, not knowing where this left them. They haven’t really had a conversation this serious that didn’t have to do with basketball before. It felt a little bit like a milestone.

“So… thanks, I guess. I know what I said at the time, but…” Kagami cleared his throat, and Aomine stares resolutely at the bus stop two blocks down, because wow this is uncomfortable— “You’re a really good friend.”

Aomine can’t believe Kagami just said that out loud. This is so goddamn awkward. But he can’t deny it. This feeling of being out in the blazing sunlight, sweating like a pig, breathless with laughter, both jumping for the hoop, desperate to make and block a shot, the feeling of _I found you —_

_Joy._

The feeling he knows he’s never going to forget as long as he lives. Because he can’t get it anywhere else. Cause there’s only one like it.

“When you’re not being a complete ass,” Kagami amends, and the tension mercifully breaks.

“Aw,” Aomine mutters, shrugging and brushing it off, but he scratches at his nose. “Pssh. Whatever.”

He gives the umbrella handle to Kagami and stretches his arms behind his head. The rain has slowed to a drizzle. Something feels good on the inside. He's a little uncomfortable to receive Kagami's thanks, probably because he knows he doesn't exactly deserve it, but he can't deny it still feels good.

“No wonder you’re so sappy,” he mutters, and no matter how much he tried to act cool, like none of that had affected him at all, he can’t get this stupid smile to stop creeping onto his lips. “It figures you’re a gay guy.”

Kagami sighs, but it’s that fond exasperated smile. “You could still use some work.”

That must be what makes the difference to Kagami— that he’s at least willing to try. Put in some effort. Do better for the sake of their friendship. For  _Kagami's_ sake. That must be enough.

    After that, they’ve made up for real. No more hard feelings.  


Other than these little mentions of his name here and there, Kagami is still keeping him and Kimura completely separated, like they’re two different parts of his life that can stay partitioned no problem. Aomine’s mostly content with it, as long as Kagami plays with him enough. He doesn’t have to see that guy and he still gets to hang with Kagami, so he’s pretty much set. He gets to play basketball less than usual, true, but after that month-long dry spell, he keeps his goddamn mouth shut and just takes what he can get— because at least things are cool between them again.

They’re hanging out again and that weird awkward period is over and Aomine’s glad for that.

It’s still a little gloomy by the time the weekend rolls around, but they still meet even though they can’t go to the court. That Friday they go out for burgers after school. They see the Jurassic Park movie and then go back to Kagami’s house and chill. Kagami cooks dinner. They play video games, and have a normal evening.

They both look up when there’s a knock on the door.

He doesn’t think this is of much note. Aomine’s been over a bunch of times and that’s never happened before. It’s probably like eight o’ clock, so it’s too late for it to be some sort of package delivery, and he can’t think that Kagami would be expecting anyone else. He glances to Kagami, who he figures will answer it, since it’s his house, then pauses when he sees that his eyes are wide and his expression is pinched with dread.

“Oh shit,” he whispers, practically throwing himself off the couch and tumbling to the ground, legs flailing.

“Huh?” Aomine frowns.

“Fuck, I forgot I invited Hitoshi over tonight,” Kagami blurts guiltily, and Aomine’s stomach drops.

He’d invited that guy over tonight? When he was supposed to be hanging out with _him?_ He can’t help but feel a little hurt and offended about that— plus, wait a minute, why was he coming this late at night anyway?

“Are you for real?” Aomine hissed incredulously after a beat of silence, and Kagami just cringed.

“It was an accident! I forgot I already invited you!” he explained, voice high-pitched with panic. He pulled his hair a little. “Ahh geez,” he muttered, heading to the door, clenching his hand on the handle. _“Fuck,”_ he curses in English, and lets go for a second. He looks back at Aomine as if to ask what the hell he should say.

“It’s no big deal, just explain it,” Aomine mumbled, getting salty. Honestly though, if he were in Kimura's place, he'd probably be pretty annoyed— but not like _seriously_ mad. So the way Kagami’s reacting as if this is the end of the world is kind of dumb in his opinion. Is his boyfriend the kind of jerk who’ll yell at him over something that silly?  “It’s a reasonable mistake.”

Aomine hopes Kimura will be mad. He hopes they fucking fight and then break up.

Well no. If that happens, Kagami will probably be really messed up over it. He hopes they break up in a way that Kagami won’t get hurt feelings, whatever that means.

He hopes the guy reacts like a jackass and then Kagami realizes he ain’t shit and dumps him— that’s it.

Kagami, bless his stupid heart, actually looks a little reassured, and lets out a breath, nodding a couple times. “Okay.” He inhales apprehensively and opens the door, and Aomine has to wonder again why he had his boyfriend coming over in the evening. Had he been planning to let him spend the night over or something? Why not come in the daytime?

It’s the first time it occurs to Aomine, but it hits him like a truck.

This probably makes him pretty naive, because he doesn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it before over the month he’d had to brood and stew alone. Kagami and Kimura are a couple. Couples, even in high school, _do stuff_ — like, _physically._

Besides, Kagami lives alone; it isn’t hard for him to have the guy over. There’s no adults around to stop them. They’re a couple, so it’s not hard to imagine why he’s coming over this late at night. It’s the first time the thought comes to Aomine and his palms immediately start to sweat and his gut twists.

Do those two… _Do they… do it?_

Once he starts thinking about it, he can’t get the thought out of his head. Have they done it already? Are they doing it, like, currently? More importantly, _does Kagami know how to do gay sex?_ Where did he even _learn_ that? I mean, he’s American, but they can’t be _that_ open about it over there. Kagami always said he wasn’t into porn the way Aomine was, so he couldn’t have learned it that way!

Aomine squints at the two of them in the doorway and then comes upon an even more dreadful thought, immediately clenching his asscheeks together. Gay guys put it in the butt, right? So who gets to—? Did Kagami let that guy put it in, or—?

He squints at Kagami’s butt, thinking hard and feeling queasy, cold sweat on his face. Is he supposed to be able to tell somehow? He can’t tell— it looks the same as always.

Kagami shifts, and Aomine snaps back to reality, realizing that when Kagami had opened the door, he’d kind of moved in front of it and was standing there with his arm across the frame. Aomine tries to peer around him, sticking his head out from where he’s bundled up against the foot of the couch with a blanket on his legs.

It’s Kimura. He makes to come into the entryway like he expects to be invited in the second the door opened, and he blinks when Kagami doesn’t move aside.

At the sight of him, Aomine steels himself against the wave of immediate annoyance. He grits his teeth, because just looking at him, he feels a little flicker of that old rage, that weird nasty feeling growing hot and ugly inside of him. He doesn’t like this guy at all, doesn’t want him here, he’s mad that he thinks he can just come out of nowhere and be Kagami’s new bestie.

He has to keep himself under control though. He and Kagami might have made up, but it was still pretty recent, and Aomine still felt that even though there’s no hard feelings, things are a little bit tenuous, and could be broken again pretty easily if he didn’t prove that he meant it when he’d said sorry. What’s more is that Kagami’s trust in him is palpably fragile, and he doesn’t want to ruin that by reacting badly.

The way Kagami had thanked him for being a good friend and for not treating him different since they’d made up had really stuck with him. 

Kagami can’t expect him to be _nice_ to the guy all things considered, so hopefully silent civility will cut it. He just has to keep his mouth shut at all costs, because he’s got nothing good to say to this guy.

He wires his jaw shut, clenching his teeth tightly, and resolves not to say one fucking word, but all the same he can’t quite keep the sour look off his face.

Honestly though, he wishes Kagami wasn’t such a dope. This is a really awkward situation. How could he be that dumb that he’d forget he invited two people who he’d been expressly keeping apart to the same place. Big dumb idiot.

He wishes he wasn’t here right now. Aomine felt really uncertain about what was about to happen. Is Kagami gonna’ ask him to leave? Even though he’s been his friend for longer and he was in the apartment first? Is he gonna’ tell Aomine to go home so they can have the place to themselves? Is he not welcome anymore?

The thought is so humiliating and makes him feel so small and awful that he doesn’t know if he can face it if Kagami really asks him to go. Having to go home knowing that guy is cozying in with his friend, it makes him see red. His pride can’t take it.

He screws his mouth shut so tight he thinks his teeth are getting pressed up into his skull, and he just kind of sits there and waits to see how this unfolds.

Kagami is a little hesitant to let the guy in. Aomine wonders if it’s because he doesn’t want Kimura to see him already here and get mad, or because he’s just nervous to let them be in the same room together after last time. Maybe _Aomine’s_ the one he’s worried about.

Well he sure as hell isn’t gonna’ be the one to start anything. Not this time at least.

But he does glare, his gut wrenched tight with nerves and defensive anger. He doesn’t know what else to do but glare, because he feels like he’s not allowed to say anything or show this guy any hostility at all, not without fucking things up with Kagami at least.

Before, he’d felt in the right about getting mad, like the guy was busting in on his territory and stealing his friend, but now it almost felt like the opposite, like _he’s_ the one who’s not supposed to be here. Even though Kagami was his friend first.

“Hey handsome, I’m here,” Kimura greets with a grin. Kagami smiles back, and leans into the space that Kimura tries to edge around him in. It’s clearly not the welcome he’s used to, because his smile falters a little for a second, then comes back, like he thinks Kagami’s teasing him.

“Hitoshi!” he returns with a breathless laugh, leaning to the other side when he tries to get past again. “Hey, just listen, I can explain,” Kagami starts, because Kimura’s caught sight of Aomine by now and is giving Kagami this blank look that turns to straight up suspicion once Kagami goes and says that— because admittedly, he made it sound pretty bad right off the bat there.

Kimura makes eye contact with him, staring at him for a good second or so before he looks at Kagami and asks lowly, “What’s going on?”

Aomine immediately realizes that Kagami hasn’t told Kimura that they’ve made up and are hanging out again. That’s gonna’ be an awkward conversation.

Kagami doesn’t do much to help himself out. “It was an accident, look—” Aomine just rubs his eyesockets.

“What?” Kimura stops, narrowing his eyes. “Taiga, what’s he doing here?” He looks confused and a little suspicious.

Aomine just clenches his jaw tighter, because how the fuck are they on first name basis.

“I just realized I invited you both over at the same time,” Kagami admits apologetically, finally getting his foot out of his mouth. “I’m really sorry, it was just an accident,” he explains, working down his nerves and sounding more reasonable.

Aomine looks away sharply, anywhere but at the two of them. The way Kagami talks to that guy makes him uncomfortable. It’s really... _intimate, almost?_ He’s too open. It’s like he can hear right in his voice how much Kagami likes him and cares what he’s gonna’ think. His face too, it’s like playdoh, moldable and expressive, creased in guilt. He hadn't known Kagami could act like that.

“No,” Kimura mutters, giving Aomine another split-second glance and then looking back at Kagami. “I mean, why are you hanging out with the guy who beat us up and called us fags,” he said under his breath, like he doesn’t even want to talk in front of Aomine.

Aomine looks away, swallowing.

“It’s not like that,” Kagami said after a moment, lowering his voice too.

“...” Aomine glances back over. Those two are looking at each other silently, then both glance at Aomine, who can’t keep from defensively jutting out his chin.

 _‘Don’t say it,’_ he tries, clenching his fists up, trembling from the effort.  _‘Don’t fucking say it.’_

“Can I talk to you privately,” Kimura finally says, and Aomine physically can’t shut himself up, the words are already out of his mouth by the time he can stop himself, his jaw clacking shut sharply.  
  
“Whatever you’re gonna’ say, you can say in front of me, it’s not like he’s not gonna’ tell me later.”

Even though Kagami doesn’t actually tell him anything about his private life— not anymore. Not about his relationship at least.

Kagami tenses up, as if he’s getting ready to intervene. He slowly looks between them, wide-eyed, waiting for an explosion. To the guy’s credit, he doesn’t rise to it. He just gives Aomine this expressionless stare, not breaking a sweat, which almost ticks him off more. He’s all tan and clear-skinned and handsome and obviously unintimidated, like he’s the one with the right to be here and Aomine’s some loser beneath his notice. It’s infuriating, but Aomine keeps his mouth shut after that. Best not to push his luck.

Kagami complies, letting Kimura take his shoes off and step up into the house. “We’ll be right back, Aomine,” he said, and the two of them go into the kitchen. There’s no door and they’re not that far away, so he can pretty much hear them just fine.

Aomine grits his teeth and wraps himself tighter in the blanket, turning the TV up a little and letting his head fall back against the couch.

Let’s be honest, it’s not like he’s _not_ going to eavesdrop— so he tilts his head to the side to listen better, brow furrowed sulkily.

“What’s he doing here? Are you okay?” is the first thing Kimura says, low and concerned, like Aomine’s some kind of fucking monster.

To his credit, Kagami obliviously replies, “What? Yeah.” He sounds a little awkward again, like he realizes how bad this sounds but is going to try it anyway. “We, uh. We made up. He was sorry about it, so…”

The boyfriend probably gives him some look that says he’s not buying what Kagami’s selling because Kagami changes gears. “I mean, look, you don’t get it,” Kagami coaxed. “Before everything, we were really tight. He’s my buddy.”

Hearing Kagami defend him like that despite it all makes something tighten up on the inside. His voice is so soft, almost pleading.

“What he did was fucked up,” he reminds a little harshly.

It sounds like he thinks Kagami’s just overlooking something inexcusable for the sake of salvaging their relationship when in reality, it should have been a dealbreaker. Sometimes Aomine wonders too.

“I know, but people make mistakes.” It’s a weak defense, especially with that tone of voice.

“Not like that they don’t.”

“He’s making up for it,” Kagami insists, sounding a little uncertain, but only because Kimura gives a long exasperated sigh. “He's still rude sometimes, but it's not cause he's trying to be a jerk on purpose. He just doesn't know better—”

“Everyone knows better than to say faggot.” Well, you've got him there. But it's not as if Aomine can take that back, no matter how much he regrets it now.

“He's learning. Honest, he's really trying. I _know_ it.”

“Taiga.”

“… Is it that wrong to give him another chance?” Kagami mumbles, almost meekly. “Hitoshi. You don’t know him.” Aomine winces, closing his eyes. “You guys got a really bad first impression, like, _really bad,”_ Kagami admits, “but he’s sorry for it now.”

Kimura sighs again, and Aomine listens for a few silent beats. “I know you’re a big softie. I like that about you,” he murmurs, and Aomine suddenly wishes that he couldn’t hear, swallowing thickly. “But don’t let him take advantage.”

“It’s not like that,” Kagami insists. “Just trust me.” It’s quiet for a second and then Kagami mumbles, “Me an’ him. We get each other.”

There’s a small huff. “Is this about basketball or something.”

 _‘You wouldn’t understand,’_ Aomine thinks scornfully.

Kagami doesn’t say anything as far as he can tell, and eventually Kimura sighs softly, apparently having decided to let it be for now. “Okay.”

“Try to get along. Please.”

No chance of that, but those two come out of the kitchen, so Aomine has to pretend like he wasn’t listening that whole time, staring at the TV unseeing.

“Sorry you guys,” Kagami says with an awkward laugh, scratching the back of his head and smiling hopefully. “It’s probably a jerk move to ask anyone to leave, so…”

He shrugs hesitantly and offers, “You wanna’ see what’s on J-Sports?”

They both give him a look, because— he isn’t serious, is he? This absolute idiot is serious. What, does he expect them to all just sit here and _be nice?_ He can’t really be hoping for that, can he?

Kimura agrees hesitantly, and Aomine tries to dial back his solid _ten_ glare to a two or a three. Kagami had better not get the idea that Aomine was going to sit anywhere near that guy. The feeling’s probably mutual.

Kagami gets on the couch on the far side, the side Aomine’s sitting on the floor by, and Kimura comes a moment later, slowly sitting down, like he doesn’t know if this is a good idea. Aomine knows it’s not.

He grabs the TV remote and then leans forward and spitefully rips the hook-ups to the Xbox out with a little unnecessary roughness, watching the screen go black with a petulant satisfaction.

“What were you playing?” Kimura tries. It’s probably directed at Kagami and was only meant as a way to break this awkward-as-hell silence.

Kagami opens his mouth to reply, but Aomine grunts, “NBA Jam.” He puts the controllers up on Kagami’s TV stand and sulks. “You probably wouldn’t like it.”

“Well-”

“I was winning,” Kagami brags, stretching his arms behind his head and getting comfortable, like he’s completely unaware of the fucking tension. Aomine knows he isn’t. He’s probably just high off the fact that a fight hasn’t broken out yet and no one’s said they’re fucking leaving unless the other one does. Aomine might have if that didn’t mean losing to this tool who’d interrupted game-night.

By the time Aomine switches the input on the TV and gets through to the menu options — he’s good at it, he’s spent a lot of time at Kagami’s place fucking with the thing — Kagami’s squirming around a lot behind him. As he’s clicking through the sports network channels, he glances over and sees that Kimura’s sitting really close to Kagami, like, way closer than is strictly necessary. His arms is on the back of the sofa behind Kagami, the same way a guy does to a girl he likes when he’s trying not to be obvious — except it’s still obvious as hell to everyone what he’s doing, including Kagami.

What does that guy think he’s doing. Is he going to try and cuddle Kagami right there out in the open like that? It’s not like Kagami’s small enough to be cuddled on by another huge dude. He’s pretty big for his age, and Kimura isn’t a shrimp either. The idea of them like that is a strange one.

Kagami’s wound tight as a spring, wriggling around subtly. Aomine can’t tell if it’s because he’s excited or if it’s just because he feels weird getting this close to Kimura while he’s right there and wonders how he’s going to react. To be honest, Aomine would really prefer they not touch in front of him.

At least if he doesn’t have to see it he can try to pretend it’s not going on — he’s already finding it kind of difficult to keep his cool, so he’s not sure how much he can take.

“Ahh, only basketball’s on,” Kagami mutters, taking the remote out of his hand when he stops to grind his teeth and try to calm down. “...” He’s quiet but somehow Aomine can still hear the suffering in his voice as he forces the suggestions, “Maybe a game show?” Aomine slowly turns his head and gives him an incredulous look, because did he seriously turn down basketball for something else?

“It’s okay,” Kimura says and then laughs a little, like he’s decided to pretend it’s just date night and Aomine isn’t there and he can relax. “Just don’t expect me to get what’s going on.”

Aomine thinks he knows what an aneurysm feels like.

So yeah, this is what his life is like now apparently. Hanging around in Kagami’s house like a _chump_  while he has his boyfriend over and sitting there like a loser while they all pretend this isn’t super awkward. What makes it worse is that Aomine’s completely clammed up and won’t speak, because he knows that’s the only way he’s getting through tonight without tanking his chances of keeping his rival around. Hitoshi’s talking a little bit, but Kagami’s pretty distracted. After hopping up for some snacks as quick as he can, probably so he doesn’t leave them alone together for more than twenty seconds max, Kagami gets wrapped up in the game.

He’s getting into it like usual, leaning forward on the couch and enthusiastically jolting around every time someone makes a good shot, and usually Aomine would be right there with him because that’s how they roll. If they get hopped up on enough sugar, they play NBA Jam and then put the game on and pass the evening jumping around until they knock the couch over, screaming and wrestling and guzzling soda — but of course, Hitoshi can’t really get into it, and since Aomine is sitting there in a strict self-enforced silence, Kagami’s on his own with this one.

He’s shifted to lay on his side on the floor, head propped up on his hand, blanket tossed over his legs. He can see them from here and doesn’t have to keep giving away that he’s watching them by turning around because of the clear view of both the TV and the couch.

They’re not touching each other. They have the good grace not to subject him to that at least. Aomine watches them really close, but if they’re touching, he can’t see how they could be. Hitoshi’s still got his arm on the backboard and Kagami’s leaned forward, too far away for it to be possible. They bump knees maybe once but that could happen to anybody.

It’s not a school night, but Aomine had been planning to ask to sleep over — that is, he’d meant to, but then fucking _Kimura_ had shown up. He’s forgotten that he can’t just stay over whenever he wants now and has to ask in advance if he wants to be sure of anything. What bugs him is that Kimura might be the one sleeping over, and once that occurs to him, Aomine dreads the night ending, even if it’s painfully tense right down to the wire.

Once the game is over and it’s time for them to get out, Aomine’s really reluctant to go home even though it’s getting late — because he can’t stop thinking about what might happen if those two are left alone together. He can’t get it out of his head that they’ve only been _not touching_ like that because he’s there, and once he goes, they might start doing couple things together— _gay stuff._

He doesn’t think he can face it if he has to head home and that guy gets to stay and sleep where _he_ usually sleeps. Although, now that he’s thinking about it, damn, Kagami might even let that guy sleep in his bed with him. That nasty cotton-mouthed feeling comes back like a wave of nausea.

He hangs back and helps pick up garbage and bring dishes to the kitchen, even though he usually lets Kagami clean up and doesn’t help much unless the place is really trashed. He lingers until there’s no excuses left and Kagami starts hinting that he’s wiped and wants to get to sleep.

He stands there with his hands in his pockets, petulant and stubborn, and Kimura breaks first. “I’m heading home. Text me, okay?”

Satisfied that Kimura is leaving too, Aomine gives a two-fingered wave and mutters, “Later Kagami,” and steps outside while those two hang back for a second. He stays there on the landing of Kagami’s building, staring down the stairwell, and listens as Kimura says goodnight and then shuts Kagami’s door.

Hands in his pockets, Aomine waits, face in shadow, deathly silent.

“I don’t know what he sees in you,” Kimura says from behind him.

He’d been waiting to see if he would bite, if he’d try to get a dig in at Aomine. Kagami might have told Kimura to try and get along with him, and Kimura might have played nice and put on a good face, but Aomine knows that if it were him? If he’d been dating a girl and her brother had tried to beat his ass, he would never _get along_ with the guy afterwards. There’s no way Kimura doesn’t hold the locker-room incident against him.

Kimura isn’t tiny. They’ve got similar builds. Point is, Aomine’s pretty sure he only got away with throwing him around that day in the gym because he’d been so surprised. There's no way this guy’s afraid to fight him back, and Aomine’s got an idea that he might actually be about to try to warn him off Kagami.

 _‘I wish a bitch would,’_ Aomine thinks spitefully, raring to go, fingers itching to coldcock the guy in his stupid boy-band face.

If not for the fact that he has to not hit the guy for the sake of staying friends with Kagami, Aomine would’ve already socked him one just for having the balls to think he could say that to him.

Aomine turns slowly, eyebrow raised lazily.

“I mean same, but.” He stares him down, slouching his shoulders, bored and mellow, really wanting this guy to know he isn’t shit to him.

 _‘Say something,’_ he dares. _‘Give me a reason. Or do you not have the guts.’_

“You fucked him up,” Kimura says, like it’s any of his fucking business. Like its his place to judge Aomine for what he did. Like he gets to make Aomine feel guilty.

“He didn’t deserve it.”

He’s trying to warn Aomine that he doesn’t trust him or forgive him for what happened — that whatever Kagami may say about them being buddies, to him Aomine’s still just a guy who hurt his boyfriend, and he doesn’t trust him not to do it again.

“You know you outed him in front of _everyone,_ right? I dunno’ why the hell he would ever forgive you for that.”

Refusing to let the guy see him riled, Aomine picks at his ear like he can’t even be assed to give this guy his full attention. He mutters, “The hell do you know about it anyways.”

He flicks some earwax and plays it cool, because there’s always a chance Kagami might’ve been worried they’d do something like this and fight on his doorstep, and is listening just inside. Even if he’s stupid enough to trust them and go to bed, Aomine’s not positive this guy isn’t a squealer and won’t repeat what he says to Kagami later.

“You’ve known him for like, two minutes.”

He wants it to be crystal clear to this loser that they are not fucking friends and they're not going to ‘share’ Kagami, whatever that means. He doesn’t give a fucking shit if Kimura doesn’t trust him. Aomine’s not going to be nice to him even to spare Kagami's feelings. He's not going to hide that he doesn't like this guy.

Kimura has the gall to curl his lip and sneer at him. Aomine’s jaw starts to clench. “And what, you’re such a great friend?” he accuses. “Just because you’re both into the same things can’t make two people get along. Not forever.”

Aomine narrows his eyes, temper boiling dangerously close to the surface.

“Especially if they’re a piece of shit,” he growls, brows pulled down, fists clenched, but he doesn’t move. He just stands there and waits to see what he’s going to do, like he wants him to strike first.

They stand there and glare at each other for a long time. Aomine clenches his fist and his knuckles audibly pop. The only reason Aomine’s not battering him until his whole face is nothing but tenderized meat is because of Kagami, and he makes sure the guy knows that. He holds eye contact with him and shows his teeth.

Low, dark, and sinister, he warns, “Don’t push me.” And after another loaded beat of silence, Aomine turns and walks away.

It’s hard. So, so fucking hard.

He walks down the steps of Kagami’s building and doesn’t turn around, going down two floors and standing on the sidewalk at the bottom and for a second he just stands there and pants. It’s fucking _agonizing,_ but he’d managed to walk away from the fight that guy was selling— Part of him wishes he hadn't. He might have ruined the friendship he’s salvaged with Kagami but Aomine still wishes he could’ve hit the guy in his stupid self-righteous face. Being the bigger person didn’t feel as satisfying as it should.

 _‘You’re a good friend—’_ That’s all that keeps him going. That’s the only thing that makes it worth it.

Aomine walks home and thinks of those two sleeping over together. Even if they hadn’t tonight, he knows they have before. It’s not like it should surprise him as much as it does.

They’re seventeen years old— Kimura might even be eighteen. They’re in high school and kids their age are starting to have sex. The majority still haven’t, but some guys in Aomine’s class have. Most of them who say so are just bragging at this stage, but a few probably have for real.

Aomine sticks with his photobooks. He’s really interested in girls, but only to the extent that he thinks their bodies are amazing and loves breasts— So squishy-looking! But _liking_ a girl, individually? A specific one by name, for her personality? That’s never actually happened to him.

To be honest, the idea of dating doesn’t appeal to him that much. The idea of summoning the effort to care about an uninteresting girl who doesn’t play basketball and wants to talk about nothing but boy bands and clothes and dating sims sounds exhausting, even if the end goal is to suffer through it so he can get it in. Satsuki’s made him promise never to be that type of guy, who will date a girl and pretend to like her just so he can see if she’ll let him feel her boobs. So that means he sticks with his softcore porno mags. He’s figured that the real thing will come later, in college or something, when he meets a busty girl on the women’s basketball team.

His point is, he’s never seen Kagami show interest in anyone that way either, other than offhandedly calling girls cute. He doesn’t even buy dirty magazines. He’s kind of always assumed that Kagami’s the same as him insofar that he’s not interested in much other than basketball, and that anything pent up that’s left over can be taken care of at home with some tissues. It’s never occurred to him that Kagami might not be a virgin too.

He doesn’t like the idea.

Aomine and Kagami are friends. It’s never come to mind before, Kagami dating, Kagami getting laid— Kagami with a crush, capable of experiencing romantic feelings. Aomine’s never thought about it, and it’s a weird sensation, because he usually _gets_ Kagami.

And now suddenly… It’s like there’s this new aspect to his friend that he’s never noticed before, a part of Kagami’s life that Aomine will just never understand. They’re close, but that’s different. Hitoshi might not know Kagami as well as Aomine does, but if Aomine remembers the way Kagami talked to him tonight, the way he looks at him, he feels like it doesn’t matter that Hitoshi met Kagami comparatively recently.

No matter how well he knows Kagami, there’s still a part that he’s not privy to that Hitoshi _is._ It’s like he took a shortcut in Kagami’s brain and heart to be the one he cares about most. They had the grace not to kiss goodbye in front of him, but he knows that when he’s not there, they probably do. No matter how good of friends he and Kagami are, he’s still going to be an outsider, he’s still the one Kagami’s going to shunt to the side for some tender feelings, because if Hitoshi’s right about one thing, Kagami is a big softie.

If it came to it, Aomine’s pretty confident that in a choice between basketball and his boyfriend, Kagami would ultimately pick basketball in the end— but for now, that doesn’t matter, because it isn’t a life or death, one-or-the-other choice.

The hardest thing to accept is that it didn’t matter how long he and Kagami have been friends or how tight they were. If Kagami really loves that guy, then that means any way you slice it, Aomine’s put on the backburner.

It means he’s got to get used to second-place. Apparently he’s got no other choice.

 _‘Jealous,’_ he thinks.

And walking home that night, that’s probably the first time it hurts this bad.


	12. Chapter 12

The following morning on Saturday, Aomine woke up to a text from Kagami.

He’s slept into the early afternoon and he feels like an armpit. Aomine wipes his eyes and blearily stares at his phone. It’s an apology text.

_‘Sorry for last night.’  
_

He’d better be sorry. He hopes Kagami knows how much effort he’d put in to get through that. He must, if he’s bothering to say sorry. He’d probably sent the same thing to his boyfriend after last night’s fiasco.

There’s another one, sent a few minutes after the first. They’re both from several hours ago.

_‘I didn’t really know what to do. I guess that was pretty awkward. Thanks for being cool about it.’_

That makes Aomine feel a little bad again. After things had settled down, Kagami hadn’t really let on much, but he must have been pretty worried something was going to go wrong— whether that be Kimura freaking out and misconstruing the situation or Aomine just being fucking awful. That had to suck.

Aomine supposes he hasn’t made things better when you think about his past actions. He hasn’t really given Kagami a reason to think he wouldn’t treat him and his boyfriend with anything but hostility. Even though he’s told Kagami since then that being gay isn’t gross, Kagami must still know that he doesn’t like _them_ being a thing, and he’d probably been determined to maintain their friendship by keeping them apart until further notice. Aomine can’t blame him, because his track record wasn’t exactly much reassurance to go off of. Kagami would be dumb if he _didn’t_ think there was at least a ten percent chance that Aomine would go off.

It only makes him more glad that he’d managed not to lose his temper last night. God it had been hard, but he’s even more relieved now that he’d made himself walk away.

He may have just waved his rivalry with Kagami goodbye for good otherwise.

With how hard it was for him, he’d only really been focused on getting through it and hadn’t spared much thought for how Kagami had dealt with it. With them only recently having made up, it had to have scared Kagami shitless to have Aomine meet his boyfriend unexpectedly like that, considering the last time Aomine had seen the guy he’d tried to rearrange his face. From his look of dread as they’d heard the knock on the door, he’d clearly known exactly what was about to happen— and it was exactly what he’d been trying to avoid. He really had looked a little scared.

Not only that, Aomine suspects Kagami is still a little hesitant to show signs of being… _like that_ around him, dreading that he’ll lose his shit again if he sees them together. Besides that, forget Aomine — he’d probably been worried about his relationship too. Those two haven’t been dating that long, and it had to cause issues for a new couple for someone’s best friend to start a fistfight. It had to be a hard thing to be put on the spot like that and have to explain why the best friend was back. That had to have really sucked.

God knows last night sure sucked for _Aomine,_ so at least one of them's happy.

In retrospect, he feels as though he’s proven himself in some way, and that’s something. Even though last night had been a fucking nightmare scenario, he’d made it through and it does feel good. Being trustworthy feels good.

He reads the text a bunch of times, scratching his nose — _‘Thanks for being so cool.’_

 _Means a lot. Thanks. You’re a good friend—_ Whatever comes later, at least that’s something to be glad for.  


_‘I was gonna win before he showed up,’_ he texts back.  


He has an idea that starting last night, he and Kimura have entered a kind of standoff. As long as Kagami’s there to keep the peace they should be fine, because Kimura seems like a reasonable enough guy who won’t cause trouble unless Aomine starts it first. Last night’s talk in the stairwell had just been a little flex of muscle.

It’s not like he’d gotten the guy to show his true colors or anything, or exposed him as some total asshole — anyone in Kimura’s situation wouldn’t trust a guy like Aomine after the way things have gone. Honestly, Aomine would’ve been more concerned he was secretly a huge jerkoff if he _hadn’t_ shown a little suspicion of him.

If he’d taken Kagami at his word that everything was fine now and to get along with Aomine as if nothing had ever happened, that’d just make Kimura dumb as hell. It’s totally natural for him to be protective of Kagami all things considered. What does the guy really know about him other than that he’d called his boyfriend a faggot and gotten in a fistfight with him in public? 

If he and Aomine had met any other time, they probably would have gotten along alright, but as things stand, they’re doomed to butt heads. Kimura is always going to be wary of him and resentful of how he’d hurt Kagami’s feelings, and well— Aomine dislikes him on principle.

But for Kagami’s sake, the both of them have a common goal of coexisting, and that should keep things from escalating any further. The first time is always the hardest, and walking away had seemed fucking impossible, but he’d done it, and if Aomine could get over himself enough that he could do that, then he’s confident he can manage to tolerate the guy.

A few minutes later, Kagami texted back, the relief plain as day. _‘I’ll beat you fair and square next time for sure.’_

Aomine smiled, and for a second it doesn’t matter that it feels like nothing can ever go back to normal, because not _everything_ has to be different. Some things never change. They’ll always have basketball in common.

     No matter what Kagami’s boyfriend thinks.  
  


A couple weeks go by like that — seeing Kagami only fifty percent of the time, and seeing Kimura zero. He’s okay with the second half. The first, not so much.

 

Aomine tries to accept that this is the way things are now, because once he does, he’ll probably feel a lot less dissatisfied with life. That’s what Tetsu says at least. He’s always been a selfish little shit who complains if he doesn’t have everything he wants just the way he wants it, and if something’s out of place, he sulks and pouts. He ought to just be grateful that Kagami’s talking to him again. That should be enough. He tells himself that, but it’s still a hard thing to get used to.

He and Kagami are friends like before and that’s what matters, and he’ll just have to deal with the fact that now Kagami comes with this leech that hangs around and occasionally steals him and just generally causes Aomine inconveniences.

The sooner he accepts it, the sooner he can get on with life.

In any case, he can’t be bothered with that now — it’s a Saturday.

It’s Saturday and that means that usually he’d be playing with Kagami because it’s been their unofficial basketball night ever since they’d gotten tight. But the game has changed, so now it’s not always a sure thing. This week, no luck.

  
    F - U - C - K.  


So he goes shopping with Satsuki and tries to get his mind off the kickass one-on-one he could’ve been having if Kagami hadn’t had to go and catch feelings.

He bums around the mall for a couple hours, long enough to hit most of the stores and stop for a break to eat and take selfies in the cafeteria. Then they pick through the rest. It’s fun enough. Aomine carries a shoe box in a bag, lingering nearby while Satsuki tries on some bracelets.

She’s going through _all_ of them, so Aomine picks up some pink sunglasses and puts them on while he waits, looking at some of the wristwatches.

“I haven’t seen you and Kagamin in a while,” she notes as she holds her arm out to inspect her jewelry. Aomine stands there with the shades on, declining to reply in hopes that she’ll drop it, but his silence only makes her suspicious. “You haven’t messed up again, have you?” Aomine squirms stubbornly, and she gasps, “Dai-chan!”

Reluctantly he admits, “He’s busy with other stuff.”

“Oh.” She hummed and gave him a knowing look. “Has he been with his boyfriend a lot lately?” Aomine grunts unhappily. Satsuki sucks her teeth and puts a finger up.

“Why don’t you ask to hang out together with them?”

Aomine winces. Just the thought of having to relive that weird night at Kagami’s house makes him cringe. Butting in on Kagami and Kimura when they probably wanted private time to… y’know, kiss and do _gay stuff_ that doesn't involve basketball in any way, it sounds all around awful.

“His boyfriend doesn’t like me.”

“What makes you think that?” Satsuki wondered, and Aomine groaned.  
  
“Geez, I dunno’ Satsuki, maybe because I tried kicking his ass in front of everyone?”

“But Kagamin forgave you,” she suggested. “Kimura-kun is really nice. He might come around.”

“Who cares if he does— I don’t like him either.” Satsuki huffed, hands on her hips.

“Well I think you should give him a chance,” she scolded, but seemed to realize she wasn’t going to get anywhere.

“He can’t play basketball, so what do I care otherwise,” Aomine drones, stretching his arms behind his head. “Besides, whether he’s nice or not, I’m no third wheel.”

“Then why don’t we all go out for a movie date?” Satsuki suggests. “Me and Tetsu-kun can come too!”

Aomine just grumbles under his breath, _“Fifth_ wheel?”

“Dai-chan, this is your problem.” Aomine glared at her a little.

“Huh?”

“You don’t have Kagamin all to yourself anymore—”

“What?!” he sputters, because he sees where this is going. “That is complete _bullshit.”_

“So you’re like a heartbroken puppy,” she concludes. It feels like they’ve already had this conversation and it had turned out that she was right, so Aomine just ends up putting the sunglasses back and shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Aw, gross, don’t say it like that,” he gripes.

“Learn to be a fifth wheel,” Satsuki suggests, as if it’s some sort of sage advice.

“I don’t wanna’ learn. Maybe I just don’t want to be around them when they’re being _gay,_ did you ever think of _that?”_

“Dai-chan, you’re always like this.” Aomine scowls, refusing to look her in the face even though she’s jabbing him in the chest with her fingernail. He’s taller than her so he doesn’t have to make eye contact if he doesn’t want to. She can’t make him listen. 

“You always get cranky about things you don’t want to understand.”

He sputters and shakes himself a little, glaring down at her in offense. That really miffs him. Maybe because it hits a little close to the mark.

“I don’t understand, huh?!” he rages, and broods about it for the rest of the day.

That evening after he has dinner at Auntie’s house and then goes home and puts his new shoes in with his collection, Aomine spends a normal night bumming around in his room. He reads his sports magazines and looks through his photobooks, then gets a snack from the fridge and plays on his phone before bed.

It’s not like he’s going to admit Satsuki’s right or anything. But…

If he’s honest, it’s something he’s tried to avoid thinking about for awhile now. Part of him is afraid to be curious, even though no one’s going to know. If Tetsu were here he’d tell him he has to just _let it go and move on, Aomine-kun._ But Aomine’s petty, and stubborn — he’s never let go of anything that’s happened to him in his entire life.

It's time to move on. Kagami made a new friend. Let it go, so what. Kagami has a boyfriend. Move on. Kagami’s gay— Quit thinking about it all the time and just let it go, you always get cranky about things you don’t understand, things that scare you make you mad— The sooner you admit you’re jealous the sooner he’ll forgive you, Once you accept it, you’ll feel better.  


     Just let it go already—  


Aomine opens a google search and tentatively types out, _‘My friend is gay—’_ then deletes it, chewing a piece of skin off his lip.

He types it out again and then cautiously scrolls through, fingers starting to stick to the back of his phone a little as his hand started to sweat — _‘Gay’ —_ He searches around and reads. Unexpectedly, the results he gets aren’t dirty, which is what keeps him from clicking out immediately and going back to his photobooks — _‘My friend came out to me’ —_ Most of them are articles or forum posts about people who’ve discovered close friends have been closeted.

_‘Why are there gay guys?’_

There’s pictures. Aomine avoids those, his tongue blocking his throat and his stomach hurting. There’s pictures but they’re not like he expected. It’s just guys kissing and holding hands and stuff, stock photos, and they’re all smiling.

He even skims through a couple science articles and then gets distracted watching a video clip that talks about animals, how even animals can be that way and it’s just how nature works, an anomaly in certain animal populations that just  _happens_ and humans are the same way. Aomine’s the outdoorsy type and he’d already known that sometimes it happens to animals too. He knows about the gay penguins, so it’s not like he thought humans were different — it’s just…

Kagami. He didn’t know why he was having such a hard time with it now that it's Kagami. If you’d asked him a year ago what he thought about being gay as a concept, he doesn’t know what he would’ve said. It’s something his own family never really talks about, something he hasn’t been confronted with or exposed to. He’s never had to think about it that hard before.

He probably would have said that he didn’t know much about it but that it’s not a big deal. But it seems like a big deal now.

 _‘Kagami’s…’_ Aomine scrolled back through to the forum posts where this one person details how a friend had come out to him and he’d been so surprised because he hadn’t _seemed_ gay. Aomine knows how he feels. He never would’ve known about Kagami if he hadn’t seen him with that guy. He never would’ve realized. Even now, when Kagami’s not with Kimura, he’s just like he always is.

Something so big, it feels like... like Aomine should have noticed. There should have been hints. Everything he's known about gay people in his scant years has led him to believe it's obvious to pick one out, but Kagami's not like that. He's no different than usual. Maybe that's why it's so hard to accept, because— 

_‘I never would’ve known.’_

 

He tries to think. Last summer.

That's when they’d started getting close. He and Kagami had started hanging out a lot. He’d slept over and they’d played basketball and they spent so much time together that Aomine doesn’t know how he couldn’t have picked up on a single sign. He’d had no idea.

He didn’t know what he should have expected, but it felt like there should have been something obvious, like catching Kagami admiring a… a _guy, what,_  maybe their muscles? What are gay guys into. 

Maybe he’s just confused that if Kagami’s been gay this whole time, how has he never made a pass for him, even once? He writes off that idea pretty quick. Kagami would probably just say that he just doesn’t see him that way, just like how he and Satsuki hang out all the time and always have, and even though Aomine likes busty girls, his brain doesn’t really connect that with her, because that’s just not how he and Satsuki are together.

It must’ve been that Kagami just hadn’t met anyone he was interested in yet, so he’d never had a reason to show anything that would let Aomine know he felt like that. Just like how, if not for his dirty magazines, you’d never know Aomine liked girls because he hasn’t had a real crush yet on anyone in his class. He knows how it’s supposed to feel, knows what you’re supposed to do when you like someone, but it hasn’t happened to him yet.

But maybe that’s why everything had seemed to change all of a sudden. It had happened for Kagami. He’d met a boy and felt his heart jolt like an electric shock. He liked someone, wanted to hold hands and kiss on the basketball court.

He’s always been like this. Aomine just never knew. Something that important about his best friend — he’d never known. He’d thought he got Kagami, but he’d never seen his true self, not really. Not until now.

He reads and reads. He bounces around on the internet. Scans the wikipedia article. Pictures. Even a video. He should probably stop. 

He stays like that maybe an hour, the screen illuminating his face, burning into his eyes, and at the end all he can come away with is— 

 _‘Nasty.’_  

He closes all of it; _hastily_ _,_ almost. Shuts his eyes. Folds his arm over his face. Tries to swallow around his tongue. Let it go, Aomine-kun.

He lays in bed and relives that day on the court, standing there in the sun and watching his buddy laugh with a boy who can’t play basketball, watching as he gets kissed and then _glows._

Aomine rolls over and pulls his favorite magazine towards him again, the one with the bikini shots, and lays on his stomach and flips through until he’s ready to sleep.

  Nasty.

 

Kagami starts to bring Kimura around like he did in the beginning. At first it’s like he’s pushing his luck, because he doesn’t make them hang out together or talk, but Aomine's met Kagami a couple times on his way to practice after school and his boyfriend’s with him — so they’ll see each other for just a couple minutes at a time without having to interact. Aomine’s even shown up at Maji’s to eat with Kagami and Tetsu, and he’ll find that Kimura’s decided to tag along. It’s like Kagami’s seeing how much he can get away with, or trying to ease them into it.

After those encounters hadn’t stirred up any more hostilities, Kagami starts inviting them all out together. Safety in numbers or something. Aomine does admit it’s less awkward in a group, and he just puts up with it, because really, it’s almost like it was before except now everything’s on the up and up.

The mystery aspect of it is gone at least, but there’s still plenty of reasons to be irritated. This time Aomine _knows_ exactly who he is and why he’s there.

They pass the weekend hanging out on the court, the nice one in the park — him, Kagami, and Tetsu for basketball, Satsuki to observe, and Kimura as… the _waterboy?_ An emotional support boyfriend?

 _‘Benchwarmer,’_ part of him thinks, dark and mean.

When Aomine arrives, Kagami’s already playing with him and Tetsu. He’s probably doing his best, but Kagami and Tetsu are dribbling circles around the guy, who’s at least being a good sport about it.

Aomine approaches the cage and snakes his fingers through the chain-link fence, watching as Kimura goes for the ball again and again while Kagami dribbles, grinning flirtily and snapping it between their legs and around Kimura’s back, keeping it out of reach to tease him.

He stops when he sees Aomine, straightening up, a little pink and sweaty. “Aomine!”

Aomine gets into the cage. “One-on-one,” he demands, and Tetsu gets the fuck off the court, and Hitoshi follows a minute later, blinking in surprise. “Now.” Kagami stares for a second and then grins, ready for the challenge. Aomine spits some phlegm on the ground and cracks his knuckles.

He’s not mad. Really. Not like he was before, anyways. He just wants to school him in front of his boyfriend.

Kagami must have an equally intense drive to show off, because he goes _hard._ He wins, and not because Aomine let him either.

They fight back and forth for the last basket for almost twenty minutes straight and then Kagami just barely gets the last point. “One more time?” Kagami offers, panting and grinning victoriously. Aomine grits his teeth and grumbles a little. “Sore loser.”

That’s not the worst of it though. The salt in the wound of his defeat is that Kagami got a kiss for his win.

Once he goes to the bench where Hitoshi’s sitting, Kagami bends down to pick up his water and Hitoshi just kisses him right there out in the open again. Aomine doesn’t actually see anything, to be fair, since it’s obscured by Kagami’s back, but it’s fucking obvious enough, because Kagami jolts a little and his ears turn red.

Aomine goes ballistic.

Or. He would—

If he hadn’t sworn that he was going to try to understand and accept it so he can get over it. And so Kagami doesn’t have to keep looking over his shoulder all the time. He would lose his temper, if not for how much Kagami’s opened back up and how much he could withdraw again if Aomine fucked it up.

So he holds in the burst of rage, and it feels like having a mouthful of soda and just as you go to swallow, you need to cough or laugh, and you try so hard not to spew it out of your mouth that it just ends up shooting out your nose instead.

Kagami looks like a cartoon character who’s been kissed by a pretty woman, and acts all spoony for a minute. Aomine fumes and looks away, but he swallows it.

It’s a bitter pill.

Kagami straightens up and glances back. Aomine pretends he’s not looking, but he knows. Kagami’s pink in the face and his eyes are wary, like he’s checking his reaction one last time.

Aomine glances back and they make eye contact. Aomine snaps the ball back and forth through his legs, and then lands an easy one-handed basket. He makes a retching noise, gags, and pretends to throw up on his shoes.

Kagami laughs it off sheepishly, rosey-cheeked and almost doe-eyed. It’s gross how easy it shows on his face— he’s in love.

“One more time?” he offers again, grinning, looking exhilarated, and maybe it’s okay that Kagami caught the bug. Even if it feels kind of sad and uncomfortable to see it in the face of his rival, Aomine knows it happens to almost everyone eventually, just like in Bambi.

As long as he still has room for basketball in his heart, Aomine thinks he can allow it.

“One more,” he agrees.

Aomine wipes the court with Kagami.

He doesn’t know how obvious it is that he’s determined not to let him get another victory kiss, but Aomine throws his all into it and crushes Kagami so completely that he doesn’t make even a single basket. “Damnit,” Kagami curses when Aomine makes it to five.

He always wins.

“Good game,” he says smugly— 

They both head to the sidelines and sit along the edge like usual. Kagami takes his loss with more grace, probably because he knows he has Aomine on a lead at this point and can get a rematch whenever he wants.

Aomine leans against the fence with his water, squeezing it in the middle and spraying it over his face and chest, ruffling a hand through his hair to get it wet. When he wipes his face and opens his eyes, Kagami’s looking at him, still panting from their game.

He snatches the water out of Aomine’s hand and opens up, squeezing the bottle and shooting a jet of it into his mouth. He glances up and notices Hitoshi watching him, and he chokes on the mouthful, full-cheeked and eyes blinking. Aomine stares up at him too, even though that smile obviously isn’t for him. From this angle, he’s lit from behind by the sun, and Aomine’s irritated to note that he’s actually pretty handsome.

He’s since found out that he’s half Filipino, which probably explains why he’s so tan and gorgeous. He works out, it’s obvious from his physique. From this vantage point Aomine could see how Kagami might be charmed by his smile. It makes sense.

Hitoshi laughs. If it wasn’t him, it’d be a nice laugh. “You guys are crazy,” he mutters, looking at Kagami with this openly sappy look that makes Aomine feel the same way he does when he walks in on his dad hugging his mom when she stands in front of the stove. 

Kagami smiles, some of the water sputtering out from between his lips and down his chin and sweaty neck. His face looks like a fucking watermelon, cheeks bulged out and flushed— Real smooth.

“Cute,” Hitoshi notes, and then Kagami just gulps it down in one go and wipes his forehead with a grin.

Aomine looks away. He always wins—

         Almost always.

 

Afterwards, the others wander off to get some snacks from the convenience store down the street while Kagami and Aomine hang back on the court to relax and stretch, still pretty wiped from playing all afternoon. Once they’re alone, Kagami gets kind of quiet.

Finally, after Aomine’s prompted him for conversation like four different times and Kagami awkwardly tries to engage but ultimately lets it fall flat, he looks away and scratches his hair, mumbling, “Sorry about…” He won’t make eye contact. “Sorry.”

Aomine raises an eyebrow, sitting with his legs out and pulling on the toe of his shoe to stretch. Why is he apologizing?

“Why.”

Kagami clears his throat and shrugs a shoulder a little. “You know.” Aomine stops.

“Oh.” The kiss. So Kagami knew it had kind of gotten under his skin.

“Yeah…” Kagami pulls on his ear a little. “I swear I haven't been trying to, like… shove it in your face. So.” He kind of trails off, mumbling under his breath, “My bad.”

Aomine grunts, and doesn’t say anything for a while, uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to talk about those two kissing. But there’s that look on Kagami’s face again, like after everything he still thinks Aomine might get fed up and be a jerk about it if he gets _too gay_ in front of him.

To be honest, it _does_ bother Aomine. He doesn’t like seeing it. It takes him right back to the nights he spends in his room on his phone, this anxious, curious, innocent, disgusted, awe-filled knot tangling up in his stomach and clogging his throat. It makes him feel and think things he doesn't want to. 

He might be getting over the fact that this is how things are now, but seeing them kiss, it brings back that knot, and he doesn’t like how it feels — but Kagami shouldn’t have to feel bad about that. He shouldn’t have to act different just so Aomine doesn’t have to think about his fucking issues.

 “My fault for looking,” he mumbles, and Kagami kind of scuffs his foot, and they just sit there avoiding each other’s eyes for a while.

 “... Right,” Kagami mumbles, and Aomine doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say. Doesn’t know what Kagami wants from him or what he’s waiting for, like he’s hoping Aomine’s going to say the right thing, whatever that is.

Kagami kind of stares off at this spot in front of them, outside the court and across the street at the telephone wires strung up above. He’s got that far-off subdued look that doesn’t belong on his face, the kind he’d had when they’d been under the umbrella together and he’d told Aomine about how he’d held off on telling him because he didn’t want it to change things, because it’s happened before and he didn’t want to go through that again, didn’t want to lose his respect or his friendship. 

Aomine thinks of those kids bullying Kagami and treating him like something was wrong with him, doing the kind of things that later in life, wouldn’t exactly make Kagami ashamed of how he was, but would make him second-guess being open, even around his friends.

He thinks of that and he opens his mouth, feeling crazy as he awkwardly rambles, “You know, you don’t have to keep us separated all the time. Me and Kimura,” he clarifies, when Kagami looks up. Aomine puts his feet flat on the pavement and rests his elbows on his knees, cleaning dirt from under his thumbnail.

“Or when we’re hanging out, you don’t have to keep from, like… _talking_ about it,” he mumbled. “Not that I’m saying _do_ talk about it, I just mean if you ever did, you don’t have to stop yourself just ‘cause you think you’ll freak me out or something.” He bites his cheek when he’s done, because Kagami’s just listening silently, giving him this thoughtful look.

“Really?” He smiles a little, but looks pretty dubious. “You say that, but…” He makes a hand gesture.

“I mean, you can talk about being… _like_ that.” He hadn’t done all that reading for nothing, after all. He’s trying to get over it. He’s working through his issues. Because they’re buddies. And because when Kagami called him a good friend, he _felt_ good, and he wants to be the friend Kagami believes he is. He deserves that much for forgiving him the way he did.

He almost wishes he could tell him that out loud, so that Kagami knows that it’s what he’s been trying to do even though he hasn’t done that great a job. He wants to say he’s glad Kagami’s been this patient, putting up with him— because Aomine doesn’t usually put in an effort to change for the benefit of others, but he cares, and he’s trying. He hopes Kagami knows that. He would tell him all that if it wouldn’t sound totally lame.

“You don’t have to pretend around me,” Aomine says, wishing that someone could come kick him in the teeth. “Just be like you are.”

God, he’s seventeen. He shouldn’t be having heart-to-hearts with his friend on the basketball court. He should be out there squandering his young immature years, reading porn mags and goofing off and enjoying summer, and…

Aomine looks up, and Kagami’s not smiling this time, but he doesn’t look dubious anymore. He looks like he believes him. Hopeful and maybe a little amazed. Aomine can't hold his gaze for more than a moment, it's too... “You mean it?”

“Yeah,” he rasps, and then coughs when Kagami grins, perking up. He may regret this.

“Just don’t get graphic,” he amends quickly, but Kagami just laughs.

“Don’t worry,” he brushes off easily.

He gives Aomine another look, face scrunched up in confusion and pleased surprise. “You really don’t mind if he’s around?”

Aomine hunches his shoulders and shrugs a little, because he does mind, but if Kagami’s that happy about it, he’d be heartless to say one goddamn word. If that’s all, then he can’t really mind too much.

“No,” he mutters, and he must’ve done something right, because Kagami looks relieved, loosening up and he really seems like his good old self.

“No, he seems cool,” Aomine hears himself say, and Kagami grins, a little proudly.

“Thanks.”

When everyone gets back, Kagami’s in a good mood for the rest of the afternoon. He seems really mellowed out, the way he should be after a long day playing basketball — like all’s right with the world. Like Aomine telling him to just be himself and don’t spare his feelings really meant something to him, like hearing it out loud made a difference.

 _Let him know that you accept him._ The sooner you accept it, the better—

 

They all say goodbye at the subway and Aomine and Satsuki ride home together. That trust, getting his trust back, it felt good. Being his friend, someone Kagami thinks he can rely on, it felt good. It does. So why doesn't it ease the bitter knot, painful and throbbing up in his throat. It should've been gone by now. 

Aomine grips the steel bar overhead and tries to swallow it. Just swallow the pill. The sooner, the better.  
 

_‘Jealous.’_


	13. Chapter 13

A spy flick in their favorite series just came out, and naturally Kagami hits him up to go see it.  


There'd be absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about that, except it’s not going to be just them like usual. Because right after hitting him up, Kagami mentions that Kimura wants to see it too. Aomine doesn't feel that he can be blamed for getting a little standoffish.

Kagami must have read that inviting his boyfriend had kind of killed the mood, because that had prompted him to invite Tetsu and Satsuki too, which admittedly was better. At least that way he could pretend this was a group outing and not him tagging along on Kagami's date.

In any case, Kagami kept bugging Aomine about it so much that he eventually gave in and resigned himself to his new role — fifth wheel.  


_‘Some things can’t be helped.’_

 

They all head out to the movie theater on a Friday night.

It’s not as bad as he’d thought it was going to be. There’s no basketball involved, but even without basketball, Aomine doesn't have to fight very hard to keep Kagami’s attention, who can easily balance talking to him and Kimura at the same time.

Besides, Aomine still has the other thing he usually falls back on when he doesn't have basketball to captivate Kagami with — being an annoying shit. Kagami's never been able to ignore being picked at, and he still can't, not even for the sake of looking cool in front of his boyfriend, and that's a small comfort.

They all walk around in the mall before the showing time and he picks at Kagami until he reacts predictably, getting riled up. He and Kagami goof around and blab away while Tetsu pointedly does _not_ participate in any of the more ridiculous shenanigans — particularly when they start throwing each other around and go ass-first into the bushes out front.

Kimura at least seems to think they’re funny the way they argue. And if Kagami's paying more attention to Aomine than he is to him, he doesn't seem to mind at all.

He's certainly much more mature than Aomine is in that way.

Aomine enjoys what he can get of his buddy, completely unconcerned with including Kagami's plus one. Kimura doesn't rise to it, if he perceives the rudeness at all.

Aomine can admit that he certainly has the better end of the deal when it comes to putting up with others for Kagami's sake. Kimura's definitely a lot more secure and mellow in his manner with him, and is not at all difficult to get along with. Aomine's been civil, but only barely. He's probably visibly simmering beneath the surface with petty dislike, and knows that he definitely hasn't made himself an easy person to warm up to— but again, he's never claimed to be anything but an immature seventeen year old, and why should he make himself easy to like when being a spiteful jerk felt so much better—

If they're able to reasonably tolerate one another, that's all that matters — that's how he sees it. No one told him he had to be considerate. 

He'd already decided from the get-go that in no way is he going to  _share_ Kagami. Whatever he can take, he's going to take— and if that guy doesn't seem upset about it, then all the better.

Kagami seems in high spirits, and for a while Aomine forgets his worries. They do reenactments of the funniest scenes from earlier in the spy series while they wait in the ticket line and get loaded up with snacks. Aomine doesn’t even mind that much that Kimura’s a part of the conversation, although they still don’t talk to each other directly very much.

In the theater, Kagami sits next to his boyfriend of course, but Aomine gets his other side, their elbows both wedged onto the shared armrest, legs stretched out in front of them. Before the movie starts, he and Kagami scroll through his phone and watch the all time worst basketball fails and laugh obnoxiously. Kimura leans his head out around Kagami and watches too, sipping a drink and laughing with them, because the video mostly consists of guys tripping or running into things like idiots, and you don’t have to understand basketball to see the humor in that.

Kagami lets Aomine hold the phone out and scroll through to another video. He has a jumbo-sized popcorn in his lap and is already chomping his way through it. Aomine worms a finger out and takes some, clicking the screen with his buttery thumb.

“Hey, you have your own,” Kagami gripes, jerking as if to turn and shield the bag from Aomine’s reach.

“Yours is more buttery, stingy,” Aomine hums and puts his hand out again, but Kagami glares and shoos him away. Kimura leans around him to try to see Aomine’s phone in the second Kagami blocked it with his big dumb body, and absently puts his hand out for some of Kagami’s popcorn. Aomine sticks his lip out and watches as Kagami lets him take it, sharing with him without complaint. In fact, he actually looks sort of pleased. Aomine gets a little butthurt over that one.

When the lights dim, they all settle down and get absorbed in the movie. At some point Kagami shifts and his elbow leaves the armrest. The action scenes are pretty good, lots of explosions and car chases, and plenty of badass guys in black suits.

Probably about an hour in, there’s a funny part where the main character’s little robot companion starts malfunctioning at an awkward moment — a hallmark of the series that he and Kagami always lose their shit over.

The robot pretends to die, falling over dramatically, and Aomine snorts and glances over at Kagami, who always busts out laughing at that part — he loves those kinds of stupid jokes. He hadn’t heard him, but Aomine can’t imagine he has any food left to stuff his face with at this point.

When he turns, his gaze meets the back of Kagami’s head, his hair lit up by the flashing of the screen.

  
    Those two are—  


Aomine hurriedly looks forward again, heart having leapt into his throat and his stomach having plunged to his feet. He stares at the screen but doesn’t process anything he’s seeing because the afterimage of the two of them is burned there, a dark blotch against his retina.

Leaned together and connected at the mouth, Kimura tugging on Kagami’s collar and Kagami with a handful of Kimura’s hair.

Aomine grips the armrest a couple times, palms clammy. They’re kissing right next to him. He doesn’t know what to do. What does he do, they’re one seat over from him and they’re kissing each other right there in the theater.

He doesn’t know what the fuck to do, his mouth having dried up completely, his eyes glazed over, because immediately he defaults to, _ignore it — this is not happening, just pretend it’s not happening, pretend you can’t see—_

But he can’t stop thinking about it, can’t stop seeing them moving subtly on his periphery, can’t think about anything other than what is going on a few inches over from him. Aomine tries to swallow, and glances over again for a second and sees that two hands have appeared on Kagami’s back.

He promptly gets up out of his chair. He’s on the end of the row so he just picks up his cup and gets out into the aisle and heads out of the theater for some air and a refill.

He stays out for a good five or ten minutes, setting his cup on the drink counter and retreating to the bathroom. Fuck, he's shaken up, his stomach flipping over and over, hair standing on end. His hands are trembling like leaves.

It's worse than the other times he's seen them. Hell, it's worse than what he'd sought out himself on the internet at night. It's not supposed to get worse— 

Maybe one last part of him hadn't wanted to think about it, those two kissing and... doing other stuff. Maybe he'd wanted to keep pretending it wasn't happening, but the visceral sense of revulsion it set off within him felt like a physical thing, a hand fisting in his guts and  _yanking—_  The two of them next to him, where he could practically feel the heat off Kagami's back, hear their mouths— 

He gets his palms wet in the sink and pats his cheeks and the back of his neck, taking a few slow breaths. He can't even swallow. Is he going to vomit?

_‘Nasty. Nasty. Fucking nasty.’_

       He keeps saying it, but…

 

Aomine grips the sides of the sink and hangs his head in front of the mirror, that knot tangling up and tripping him, choking him, snaring him in this miasma of disgust, and, and—

 

         — the thing that really feels nasty is him.

 

Because as much as he tries to bury it with denial, the jealousy is still there, and part of him knows that he can say he doesn't care all he wants, can try to get over it and move on, but it’s still there, this thing inside him that won’t go away. This thing that waits and makes him feel ill the second he thinks about it too hard, the second he… _sees_ them.

Because if he really didn’t care, he wouldn’t still keep getting this mad over it. Wouldn’t keep getting so messed up about it. It’s just a kiss, and if he really didn’t care, he would just shrug it off— but it doesn’t feel like just a kiss. It feels like the end of the world. Feels like something he’s never going to unsee.

   Nasty.  


Aomine looks at himself and scrubs at his hair wildly, taking a breath. He gets out of the bathroom and gets his free refill from the snack counter and heads back in, walking down the dark corridor with the lighted struts on either side until he gets to their row, dread and nausea rising through his body like fumes off a cesspool.

They said accepting it is supposed to make it easier. It certainly doesn't _feel_ like it's getting easier. He's not sure when it's supposed to happen. When it's going to stop feeling this awful. When or even _if_ the day will come that this won't effect him anymore.

   He can't imagine it. Waking up one day,  seeing Kagami locked in a kiss, and feeling... nothing.  


To his relief, they’ve apparently decided to take a break, because by the time he’s back at his chair, those two are watching the movie again and leaning against each other a little, as if they’re on the couch at home. They look natural like that almost. The content look on Kagami’s face is what does it. Aomine feels a lump in his throat, but he can't swallow it down.

He sits down and they don't react, absorbed in the film. Kagami’s eating popcorn, relaxed and stretched out, the side of his head resting on Hitoshi’s cheek. They’re holding hands on the armrest. Not even regular holding hands. Their fingers are laced. It’s obscene.

Aomine spends the rest of the movie trying to watch but his mind wanders. He feels like he does when he’s in his room at night on his phone, coming across those pictures. Two guys smiling and swinging a child between them. Kissing. Holding hands.

There's an amazed sort of curiosity and a twinge of something that feels a little bit afraid, a little bit revolted. Something he doesn't understand and instinctively flinches back from. Something that despite it all, is undeniably... captivating. 

A set of hands, fingers linked together, Kagami's short nails and thick knuckles, a tan palm cradled in his grasp.

You'd think something that bothers him so much would be easier to look away from.  


     He really wishes that he could.   
  


 

 

 

When they get out of the theater, Aomine’s quiet and subdued. Shell-shocked almost. He keeps his hands in his pockets and follows the others out. Kagami’s stretching and he and Kimura are chattering together, noisy and cheerful as they talk with Tetsu about how they enjoyed the movie.

“Dude, when he jumped onto the hood of that car, damn, that was awesome!”

“I know. I liked the hyper-beam ray gun part,” Kagami blurted, and then made some stupid sound effect and pretended to zap Tetsu in the side, then doubled over when Tetsu drove his bony fist into his spleen.

“Kuroko, goddammit!” Kagami wheezed.

“Sorry. I was irritated,” Tetsu said, not very apologetic, which gets Aomine to smile a little. Kagami laughs it off.

“You guys wanna’ get something to eat?”

Kimura laughs, giving him an incredulous look, but Kagami just grins. “Are you serious? You just drank like a gallon of soda.”

“That was just to tide us over before dinner! What about some street food?” Kagami tried, looking to Tetsu for any enthusiasm. He glances back at Aomine too, but he just offers a silent shrug. He’d been in the mood to eat afterwards before, but now he doesn’t think he has much of an appetite.

“I don’t think anyone else has enough room for a whole meal,” Kimura teased, poking Kagami in the stomach, sinking his finger in. Kagami smiles, wide and pink-cheeked.

“How about some dessert, then?” Satsuki suggests. “The cafe Dai-chan and I go to for parfait is really close.” Thank fuck for Satsuki. Aomine could use some parfait to feel better. If he can even choke it down.

He’s quieter than usual as they head for the mall exit, and if anyone notices, no one says anything. “Momoi, do they have banana split? Ahh, I miss home,” Kagami mutters, and starts talking about this monstrous sundae that they serve in America. It sounds really good.

They get out of the atrium and through the glass doors. It’s dark outside but for the street lamps. The front of the parking lot is well-lit and clean, lined with pits that have bushes planted in them and filled with small stones. They’d screwed around there earlier on the way in a few hours ago, and if Aomine weren’t too distracted, he would’ve thrown Kagami into a bush again.  


He snaps out of it when Tetsu mentions, “Kagami-kun, where’s your ring?”  


The chatter goes abruptly quiet as Kagami stops in his tracks. Aomine looks up, just having let go of the door, lazily trailing at the back of the group. It swings closed behind him with a clang.

“Huh?” Kagami blinks and slaps a hand to his chest, feels at his shirt.

His face drops when he realizes it’s gone. He looks down and turns around, checking the ground and frantically pats himself down all the while, his pockets, his jacket.

“Kagamin, your necklace is gone?” Satsuki realizes, hand on her mouth. Kagami always wears that necklace. Aomine's never seen him take it off.

“Shit,” he hisses, turning in another circle and then standing still, looking around and clearly not knowing what to do. He puts his hands on the top of his head and bites his lips. “The chain musta’ broke,” he moans, teeth gritted.

“Your necklace?” Kimura asks, brow furrowed.

“We’ll help you look, Kagami-kun,” Tetsu immediately offers, standing at his side faithfully. Kagami nods once, seeming to gather himself a little at that, a forced breath coming from his mouth.

“It’s okay, it won’t be that hard to find,” Kimura agrees. "There's only a few places it could be." Satsuki offers to help too. Kagami nods.

“Okay. Okay, thanks guys.”

They search around outside where they’d been fucking around earlier, using their phone flashlights. Kagami goes back inside with Satsuki to check by their seats, even though an employee had already cleaned the theater out and hadn’t found a ring. The place still lets them look and promises to call if they find any lost items, but they return empty-handed. Kagami looks a little crazed.

They dig through the gravel lining the mall for ages. Kagami crouches on his knees and scans the rocks over and over, jaw clenched. Tetsu stands nearby. “You had it when we went in.”

“Did I?...” He looks lost, like he can’t think straight, face drawn and bleak.  
  
“When do you last remember having it?” Satsuki tried.

“I... I can’t remember.” Kagami stands up and kicks the wall. “Damnit!” He paces a little and goes back to looking.

Aomine stares at Kimura with narrowed eyes.

They all try to help Kagami for as long as they can, but eventually everyone starts to give up hope. Kagami takes the longest to accept it. Tetsu puts a hand on his shoulder. Kagami lets his head drop and he gives a long sigh, hitting the gravel with his fist. “I’m sorry, Kagami-kun,” Tetsu comforts. Kagami fists a hand around his bangs and tugs on them for a minute and then finally stands up.

He’s trying to let it go, but anyone can see how messed up over it he is.

“It’s okay, Taiga.” Kimura pats his back a little. “That ring was really old anyway, now you can get a different one.”

Kagami looks up, lip and chin quivering as his mouth contorts with momentary fury. “My brother gave it to me,” he snapped viciously. Kimura takes a step back in surprise and Kagami bites his lips. “Sorry,” he mutters, and then his head drops again and he takes a long breath to calm down.

He turns around and mumbles, “I have to get it back.”

Kimura’s quiet for a second, hesitant, like he hasn’t seen Kagami upset before and doesn’t know what to say. “Is this about basketball again?” he finally hedges, and Kagami’s shoulders tense.

“Yes,” he grits out, but uncoils his fists after a second. “It’s fine if you don’t understand,” he says under his breath.

“I’m really sorry,” Kimura tries to comfort, suggesting, “Maybe he can give you a new one.”

Kagami grinds his teeth and stares at the ground, and Aomine knows he can’t just buy a new one. Some things can’t be replaced.

He crouches back down and starts digging through the gravel again. Tetsu’s jaw slackens, eyes widening in pity. Aomine swallows at the sight of Kagami’s back.

Kimura’s face falls. “Taiga…”

“You guys don’t have to stay,” Kagami rasps.

They all help for a little longer, but it’s gotten dark and everyone’s getting tired. They haven’t found anything, not even a piece of the chain. The ring’s nowhere to be found. Kagami won’t quit and no one else knows what to do.

Aomine finally says, “Kagami, I don’t think it’s out here.”

He sighs, but seems to swallow it at long last. He stands up glumly. “Yeah,” he agrees. “You’re probably right.”

Tetsu offers kindly, “We can come back later and look some more in the daylight, Kagami-kun. It may have fallen inside the mall.”

Kagami looks up, meeting Kimura's gaze, and lets out a long sigh, turning away. “Nah, I…” He looks down at his palms. “I think it’s gone.” It’s like he can’t process it. His voice is dull and numb. He looks really ripped up over it.

Aomine knows that ring is important. Kagami’s always wearing it. He’s never seen him without it, actually. He’s worn it since they’d met. He’s probably told Tetsu the story behind it, but Aomine doesn’t know much about it other than it’s to do with a promise he and his brother made back in America. He can’t just get another one.

“Sorry guys,” Kagami mumbles, and everyone says it’s okay and they’re sorry they couldn’t find it. “Thanks for trying to help.”

Kimura rubs Kagami’s back and they all head to the subway and say goodbye. Aomine rides home with Satsuki and closes his eyes and thinks about Kagami’s face, pitiful in its sadness, wide open and pained, the way a person does when they don’t expect the loss.

The same way he’d looked when Aomine had hit him with the words back then — _Don’t try to explain yourself to me._

Kagami can’t just get another ring.

Some things, when you lose them, if you can’t get it back then that’s the end of it, because you can’t just replace it.  


     There’s only one.


	14. Chapter 14

_Have I found you or lost you? Flightless bird, American mouth—_

_. . ._

  


It’s Wednesday.

Aomine jerks off in the morning to a magazine. He eats breakfast and goes to school. He meets Kagami on the court in the afternoon.

He’s wearing the red shoes Aomine gave him all that time ago. They’re old and worn out by now, scuffed and faded and just barely holding together.

They try to play basketball, but can’t really get into it. Aomine tries to get him riled up, but Kagami’s half-hearted and can’t keep his mind on the game.

Finally Aomine gives up and asks, “Somethin’ the matter?” Kagami looks up stupidly, like he hadn’t expected him to realize. Like he didn’t know how obvious the glum mopey look was on his face.

“Oh.” He sighs, rubbing his neck. “It’s stupid.”

Aomine plops down on the bench, but Kagami just keeps standing there on the court, holding the basketball in his hands and staring at it. Finally Kagami forces a laugh and confesses, “I’m still bummed about losing my ring.” He half-laughs again, like he expects Aomine to groan in annoyance or something and wants to be ready to brush it off.

Aomine frowns. Kagami keeps smiling and turns around, dribbling the ball twice. “Sorry, I know. You can tell me to just shut up already.” Kagami coils up and springs, making a basket and walking over to pick the ball up after it falls. “I know Hitoshi’s tired as shit of hearing me mope about it.”

Aomine raises a brow, nose scrunched up. “Seriously?”

Kagami grimaces, drumming his fingers on the ball some more and then dribbles it through his legs, back and forth. “Yeah I know, I should just get over it, but—”

“No, I mean—” Aomine shook his head, scowling, “What’s with his fucking attitude. Isn’t that like your prized possession?”

Kagami looks up with his mouth open, dopey and blank-faced for a second. He fumbles the ball and then straightens up. “Oh.” He seems to take another minute to process it and then kind of scratches his hair, muttering, “Oh, that’s okay. He didn’t know.”

“It’s not stupid,” Aomine said sharply. Kagami looked away.

He clenches a fist and exhales through his nose. Neither of them know what to say for a while. Kagami seems embarrassed, like he needs to explain himself but doesn’t know how, and Aomine keeps his mouth shut because he doesn’t want to let his foot get in there when he inevitably says something rude about Kimura.

Kagami finally clears his throat and Aomine looks up. “I know I said I was feelin’ up for a game, but I was thinking about going back to look some more.” His shoulders are slumping and his mouth is twisted in a grimace.

“It’s probably a dick move to ask you to come out and play and then just ditch, so I’m sorry to blow it off, but—”

“I’ll come.” Kagami pauses. Aomine stands up and stretches his arms. Kagami watches him silently while he picks up his sports bag and shoves his jacket in there.

“... Nah, you don’t have to,” Kagami finally mutters uncertainly, giving him the side-eye.

“It’s whatever.” Aomine shoulder-checks him and starts heading off the court. He glances back at him with a raised brow, flashing his teeth. “You’re not gonna’ owe me or anything— like you still owe me for those shoes.”

Kagami seems kind of flustered, but happy enough that Aomine’s tagging along. Maybe he’d expected Aomine to tease him for being such a weenie about it and is pleasantly surprised. It feels sort of good, to catch him off guard like that.

“Like hell I still owe you, that was ages ago! I’ve beaten you since then!”

Kagami stops being embarrassed after a couple minutes and Aomine comes with him to look some more, searching around the gravel and the bushes in the daytime. They walk through the mall too, trying to retrace their steps from the night before.

It can only be a couple of places. They’ve already concluded it’s not in the theater because the staff has told them they haven’t found anything, so they go back and forth over the stretch of mall they’d traveled that night and the area out front in the bushes they’d screwed around in.

Aomine has a hunch where the ring actually is but Kagami’s pretty convinced that it had to have come off when they were roughhousing, so Aomine doesn’t say anything about his suspicions and helps him look without comment.

A couple of the police officers stationed near the front of the mall have already curiously come over to ask them what they were doing and if they needed some help with anything. They’d explained that they’re fine and that they’re just looking for something they’d dropped earlier and were okay on their own, thank you though— After asking what they dropped so it could be returned in case an officer found it, they’re left alone other than some occasional looks.

“Damn, it can’t’ve just disappeared,” Kagami gripes, looking put-out when they don’t find anything in the first ten minutes of digging in the gravel. “The chain and everything too— how can it just be gone?”

“You'd think you would've felt it fall off,” Aomine mutters, biting his tongue when Kagami looked crestfallen.

“I know, right?” he agreed.

“Where did you even get it in the first place,” Aomine asks, even though he knows it’s from that guy on Murasakibara’s team, Himuro — Kagami’s brother from America.

Kagami sighs. “Me and Tatsuya both have one,” he says and then goes quiet. Aomine doesn’t speak, not even to prompt him further, wary that Kagami might not tell him anything else if he does. Or that he’ll do the snail thing and suck his body up into his shell if he’s poked too hard.

After a minute or so of silence, other than the crunching of their shoes as they dug around in the gravel, Kagami spoke up again. “When I went to the states, he was the first friend I made there. He got them for us to show that we’re brothers.” Kagami pulled on the front of his shirt like he expects to feel it there— like he’d actually meant to take the ring out and show it to him for a second.

“I dunno’ if I ever told you, but I had some rough times while I was over there. Especially before I could speak English. Sometimes I felt pretty isolated, and… I dunno’, lonely, I guess,” he admitted. “But meeting him helped. He’s the one who started me playing basketball.” 

Aomine hums in thought. It makes sense why it would mean that much to him then. It's kind of got the same feel to it that the fistbump he and Tetsu share does.

Knowing what it means, Aomine can’t help but feel a little vindicated. He’s always wondered about it but never asked, figuring Kagami would say so on his own if he wanted. And he did! He’d poked out his snail foot!

He’s feeling pretty proud right now, because more importantly, Kagami hadn’t told _Hitoshi_ that — hah!

“I’ve gotta’ get it back.”  
  


    “Yeah.”  
  


They dig around in silence for some time, and Aomine finds his mind wandering. He keeps coming back to one thing over and over, unable to get it out of his head from earlier—

Aomine crouches in the stones and looks on the underside of a bush he knows they’d trampled through. “Kagami?”

“Hm?”

“Whadda’ you see in him?”

“Huh?” Kagami looks up, squatting a couple yards away. It takes him a second to figure out what he’s talking about. “In Hitoshi?” he asks after a beat.

Aomine looks back to the ground, picking around in some rocks, letting them spill through his palm. He reaches out for a gray one that kind of looks like the ring. Kagami’s quiet.

He’s about to tell him to forget it, it’s not like he’s that curious, even though part of him wants to know — but Kagami hesitantly divulges, “I dunno’, he’s… He’s cool, I guess?”

It’s kind of half-assed, like he’s still just trying to figure out why Aomine would ask that and isn’t really thinking about giving a real answer. Aomine buries his hand in the cool pebbles, squeezing a larger rock in his fist.

“He’s a really nice guy,” Kagami mutters, and then starts to get more into it as he tosses rocks idly, letting them clatter to the side as he searches. “He likes surfing. And he plays guitar. He’s funny too — and he likes trying new things, and I think that’s cool.”

“You like nice guys,” Aomine hums, and it must sound critical, because Kagami shoots him a look and closes up all at once, and it’s like the old times, latching onto anything so they can start an argument.

“Yeah so? You got somethin’a’ say?”

“Is it ‘cause he’s good looking?”

Kagami pauses, taken aback. His mouth shuts.

_“What?”_

Aomine dumps a handful of pebbles out and lets them rattle back into the pile.

“You coulda’ told me he was one a' Kise’s modeling buddies and I’d a’ bought it,” he mutters, and he sounds like himself, casual, lazy. He’s always been good at sounding like he doesn’t care.

“Oh,” he mumbles finally, looking down. “I mean… I’m not complaining.” He would’ve sounded like he was bragging if not for the way his ears turn a little pink and the uncertain way he said it.

“Guess I don’t see him as your type.” He doesn’t know why he keeps talking. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he figures Kagami will eventually tell him to shut up once he goes too far.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing.” Aomine shrugs, standing up and stretching. “Maybe I thought you’d end up with someone scrawny. Or someone as dumb and tactless as you.” Kagami scowls.

“And you go for this elegant polished guy — who belongs in a boy band.”

Kagami glares and defends, “Not all of us only care about if someone has a nice rack or not.”

Arms behind his head, Aomine closes his eyes. “One of the many benefits of being me.”

“Whatever.” Kagami lets it go. He sighs and seems more at ease. Maybe it’s because they’ve finally gotten to the point where they can joke about it, where Aomine can tease him without any hard feelings. It’s felt like such a long time.

“He’s got a soft side,” Kagami notes. “You’re right about me being tactless though.” He groans a little and sits on his butt in the rocks, tired of crouching for so long. Aomine stretches his neck out and rests on the curb.

“I’m acting like a kid over losing my ring. I think it’s all I’ve talked about for days now. It’d get on anyone’s nerves.”

Aomine raises an eyebrow. _‘Not really,’_ he thinks.

“It’s okay,” Kagami begrudgingly mutters. “It just…” He huffs through his nose. “I feel guilty for losing it,” he admits petulantly.

“It might turn up.”

“Maybe,” Kagami agrees hesitantly, but it’s obvious that he’s losing hope. Aomine frowns for a second, then leans back on his hands.

“It’s not like you need it to remember your brother though, huh?” he points out, even if it might be kind of mean. “Or your promise.” Kagami doesn’t blow up. He doesn’t move, really, eyes kind of just flicking around the stones, expression tense and unchanging as he puts his fist up at his neck.

“No,” he murmurs. “No, you’re right.” He closes his eyes and lets his forehead fall against his knuckles.

He gives one last tired disappointed sigh. “You think I oughta’ apologize?”

Aomine blinks and glances back over his shoulder. Kagami’s looking at him, waiting for an answer. “What? To your brother?”

“To Hitoshi.”

Aomine’s face scrunches up. “Uh. No?”

Kagami looks uncertain, and Aomine wonders if the price of being able to tease him about his boyfriend is that now Kagami’s going to occasionally ask him for advice — and actually take the advice seriously. Because in that case, he can’t just bullshit.

“He seems like a reasonable guy,” Aomine muttered, brow still furrowed. Obviously they haven’t talked much and he doesn’t really _know_  Kimura, but he at least knows that. “Just tell him what it means to you, it’s not that hard to get.”

They stand up and get out of the rocks.

“Thanks Aomine,” Kagami says, even though they didn’t find his ring. He half-smiles even though Aomine didn’t give him any profound advice. He seems to feel better even though there’s no reason to.

   “Sure.”

 

Aomine goes home on his own. He walks into his house and heads to his room and shuts the door. That evening he opens up the drawer in his desk and lays on his back in bed with a magazine.

He holds his shirt up in his teeth and lays flat on his back, magazine propped against his leg. He jerks off, teeth gritted, chest tight with what feels like anger and frustration.

 

When he’s done, he pants and stares at the ceiling. Eventually he grabs a tissue and wipes his stomach off. Then he rolls over and goes to sleep.

  


                  Just let it go, Aomine-kun.

 

. . .

 

_Have I found you?  
_ _Flightless bird, brown hair bleeding—  
_ _Or lost you?  
_ _American mouth, big bill, stuck going down—_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your continued comments are really appreciated. ♥ Thank you for your support, it's keeping me motivated as I write the sequels to this work.


	15. Chapter 15

_I’m not used to losing. Bye-bye, sugar blue eyes._ _  
_ _You’re home with the angels, thank you for being so kind._

_I’m holding on and I don’t wanna’ let you go, oh—_

_And it feels like summer, yeah it feels like summer to me._

  
. . .  


It’s the middle of July, and it’s hot and humid enough that everyone decided to get together and go to the water park. Aomine’s old Teiko teammates and some of their current team members have all shown up, which Aomine’s glad for, because the last few times Aomine’s been around Kagami and his boyfriend have felt like some weird double date he was accompanying.

At least this way he can enjoy himself. Aomine loves being outdoors — and swimming. Besides, in a big open park like this, there’s crowds, and enough of their buddies there that Aomine doesn’t have to focus on those two the whole time.

By the time he arrives with Satsuki and gets through the locker rooms, most of their friends are already wandering the park, competing and hanging out and lounging in a pool. “Dai-chan, why don’t we find Tetsu-kun, then we can all put our stuff together.”

“Why not just rent a footlocker.”

“I don't want to put my bag away.”

“Fine. Let’s scope it out first though,” Aomine hums, shedding his shorts. He’s got a summer bag, a black brief speedo, and a button-up shirt that he leaves open, plus some sandals and shades.

He and Satsuki walk around together, enjoying the sunshine. There’s a bunch of different outdoor swimming pools, one with a volleyball net set up, a flat area with a fake beach lined with fountain jets for kids to play in, and there’s wooden staircases set up, jampacked with people waiting to get on the water slides. Abandoned inner-tubes litter the park. Aomine thinks about grabbing one.

“Hey, there’s a two-person,” he notes, tipping his shades up.

“Dai-chan, wait!”

“C’mon, we can go together. I’ll carry it.”

“I have to put my sunscreen on first!”

“Aw,” Aomine gripes.

“Let’s find a place to sit. Maybe we’ll find Tetsu-kun.” Aomine complains that he doesn’t want to wait, but he’s content to trail her as they make a full round through the park. She searches for a suitable place and eventually sets her eyes on a prime spot next to the sports pool, a cushioned beach-chair underneath a cloth umbrella.

There’s picnic tables and a snack hut set up nearby with a row of footlockers and changing stalls. Aomine scans the menu. Snow cones sound pretty good. He likes the watermelon kind the best—

Satsuki heads over to get the chair, but a guy goes to take it right before she can. Aomine notices in time to head over there, because usually, seeing some huge guy looming behind Satsuki scares boys off. Sure enough the guy takes one look at him and gives the chair up.

Satsuki lays out their towels and bags there. Aomine stretches and waits while she gets her sunscreen out and wriggles out of her shirt and pants, bikini already on underneath. He leans down and lets her put some lotion on the high points of his face — nose, cheeks, ears — and just on the tops of his shoulders.

As soon as he’s set, he throws his shirt off and hops in the pool, giving an appreciative shudder and then floating on his back with a hum of enjoyment. He swims around for a bit, sizing up the basketball hoops and how securely they’re mounted to the edge of the pool. Then he finds a free ball and makes a few trick shots to entertain a couple kids.

That’s around the time he spots Kagami standing over by the row of footlockers. He’s in trunks and a shirt, and the boyfriend is next to him, tanned and beautiful in boarding shorts, a tank, and a shark-tooth necklace. They both look like they came straight off a real beach.

Aomine remembers that Kagami learned how to surf in California. It looks pretty hard to do, but it’s probably a lot of fun. If he remembers, he’d said Hitoshi knows how too. He wonders if Kagami would ever teach him, if he asked.

He didn’t realize how long he’d been watching them until Satsuki leans over the back of the chair and calls, “Kagamin, over here!”

Kagami looks up, taking a second to realize who called him, then smiles and heads over. When he comes up to the side of the pool, he gives Aomine this weird look, brow scrunched up.

“Whoa… Why’re you wearing that?”

“Huh?” Aomine glances down. He’s in the water, and he’s not wearing anything but his bathing suit. “What? These?” He climbs out of the pool and Kagami takes a step back to avoid getting wet just yet. Aomine ruffles his hair out and adjusts his speedo, dripping onto the warm pavement. “What’s wrong with ‘em?”

“Nothing,” Kagami shrugged, eyebrow raised in bewilderment. It’s like his eyes are glued to them. “It’s just kinda’ like underwear, isn’t it?” he teases, giving Aomine this shitty grin. “Leave it to you to go to the pool in a thong.”

“Who’s in a thong — they’re briefs. It’s not like my ass is hanging out.” Aomine turns around and jokingly wiggles once, pulling on the waistband and releasing it with a snap to show how securely they stay in place.

Kagami looks unimpressed. “Don’t you get a wedgie like that?”

“Nah.” Aomine hops back in the pool and reclaims his basketball.

“You talking about speedos?” Aomine glances back and Hitoshi’s at the edge of the pool next to Kagami, standing in the shade of the umbrella.

“I’d say they’re pretty choice,” Aomine jeers, raising an eyebrow at Kagami, who’s rolling his eyes and grimacing.

“Some people think they’re choice. And some people live normal lives.”

“Whatever, Kagami. This is why I can swim faster than you,” Aomine brags, turning over in the water and folding his arms on the stone siding, using one hand to slick his hair back. Kagami scoffs. “Trunks drag.”

“Meanwhile, while you’re busy _not_ dragging, everyone can see your dick outline. Not that there’s much to see—”

“Shut up, it’s cold in this pool.”

“It’s like a goddamn rudder,” Kagami deadpans. “Or the world’s most pathetic shark fin.” Hitoshi snorts. Kagami opens his mouth to keep going, and then realizes Satsuki’s right there. “Shit, sorry Momoi,” he mutters, but she’s giggling into her hands.

“Kimura, you know this fool wore trunks to an onsen?” Kagami narrowed his eyes, glaring at Aomine as Hitoshi burst out laughing.

“Shit, for real?”

“Maybe I’m not as eager to show my ass as _some_ people,” Kagami pointedly eyed Aomine one more time.

Aomine put his elbows on the side of the pool, legs dangling. “I thought Americans weren’t afraid to show some skin.”

“Pff’. Please.” Kagami took his shirt off. Aomine stares up at him. From this angle, the sun lights up his hair from behind. It’s almost red like that.

Hitoshi whistles, biting his lip flirtily and smiling, and Kagami ducks his head a tiny bit. Aomine’s smile falters. After a bashful second, Kagami flexes for him, showing off his bare back, pink-cheeked and grinning.

Aomine narrows his eyes. _‘Aw, no you don’t.’_

He scowls and then pushes off from the edge of the pool, swimming back to the kids. He kicks off the bottom and leaps out of the water, slamming the ball down through the hoop and hanging on it for a second, letting it snap back and rock back and forth, creaking on its bolts.

They squeal and splash around and he launches back out, doing a fadeaway, throwing the ball just as he plunges backwards into the water.  
  
When he comes up, Kagami’s in the pool.

They have a blast playing basketball in the water, splashing around like idiots and swimming around together, wrestling and pulling each other under in their efforts to get the ball first.

Kagami drags him below the surface, sinking with him and holding his shoulders, and they thrash back and forth in a flurry of bubbles. Aomine opens his eyes when his back hits the bottom of the pool. Everything’s a blur of white and aqua blue, but Kagami’s close enough that he’s crystal clear, his hair in a wispy cloud around his face. Underwater, with the sun shining through it, his hair is glowing a vibrant coppery red.

Kagami’s eyes are open too, and when Aomine blinks at him, Kagami grins, bubbles floating through his teeth. Down here everything sounds far away, echoing distantly, quiet and calm, the bottom of the pool warmed by the sun. The surface looks like crystal, choppy and glittering. The basketball is floating up there.

Aomine spits out the rest of his air in Kagami’s face and Kagami shakes his head and laughs, letting out another cloud of shimmering bubbles as he kicks off for the surface.

When they get to the top, they gasp for breath. Kagami’s hair is dark and flat on his head, and when Aomine blinks, Kagami smacks the surface of the pool with his forearm, blanketing him with a sheet of water. He can hear him laughing.

Aomine doesn’t retaliate, wiping his face dazedly and staring at him and the way the sun glistens on his head.

He watches Kagami burst out of the water with the ball, the sun shining through a thousand beads of water like diamonds.

Kagami crows and finally drops, plunging down below the surface for a second and coming up again with a dopey grin, hair in his eyes. Aomine can’t help the laugh that shoots out of him. What an idiot.   
  


_‘I take it all back. You really are the best— Kagami!’_  
  


Swimming with him, splashing and playing, throwing the basketball back and forth, Aomine forgot his worries for a little while, his heart alive with joy—   but it doesn't last. It never does anymore.  
  


Hitoshi’s sitting on the edge with his feet in the pool, watching them screw around, and he can tell he's starting to get tired of it, mouth pursed.

Aomine doesn’t give a shit, since it’s not his business to entertain the guy if he doesn’t want to be included. Kagami, the oblivious fool, is so wrapped up in playing basketball with him and having fun in the pool that it takes him almost another ten whole minutes to realize that Hitoshi’s not in the water with them, and is probably feeling completely ignored or whatever.

“Oh, sorry Hitoshi,” Kagami winces, swimming over to the edge. He pushes his wet hair back and grins, floating there in between Hitoshi’s knees, looking up at him, water lapping at his broad shoulders. “You wanna’ play?” he offers, sticking his hands out and smoothing his wet palms on Hitoshi’s sides like he’s thinking of sliding him into the pool with him, right into his arms. “C’mon an’ get in.”

“We were supposed to hit the water slides together,” he reminds, and Kagami winces guiltily.

“Right. Sorry. I got distracted.”

Hitoshi smiles, leaning back on his hands. “That’s okay. I like watching you.” Kagami boosts himself out of the water a little and folds his arms, resting them across Hitoshi’s tanned legs, his chin cushioned on his forearms. Hitoshi grins down at him. “There’s not much of a line on the inner tube one, wanna go now?”

“Sweet, yeah sure.” Kagami climbs out of the pool, a puddle forming beneath him. He glances back to Aomine, who’s watching from the deep end with a basketball floating by his head.

“Sorry Aomine,” he calls absently as he follows Hitoshi, who’s gotten up and walked off a few steps. Aomine sinks into the water, blowing bubbles out of his nose resentfully. Kagami stops and turns back around, and Aomine blinks. “You uh… You gonna’ come?” he offers. “We can get the tube going crazy fast.”

Hitoshi’s looking back at them with a raised eyebrow and this expression that asks, ‘are you _kidding_ me?’

Aomine stares for a couple seconds, waiting for Kagami to turn and catch him with his face like that, but he just keeps looking at Aomine, waiting. Aomine glances to Hitoshi, who’s keeping his cool but looks pretty close to getting visibly irritated.

He’s tempted to say yes, because for one, going on the slides with Kagami sounds really fun, and for two, it’s the perfect opportunity to annoy the shit out of that guy.

He wants to say yes— but he’s not gonna’ give him the satisfaction.

“Nah, I’ll hang back,” he declines, floating on his back leisurely.

Kagami seems a little uncertain with that reply, like he wonders if Aomine just doesn't want to hang out with the two of them on their own. “You sure?”

If he’s trying to coax Aomine and Hitoshi to get to know each other, Aomine could tell him right now there’s no point and that keeping a civil acquaintanceship is the best option for everyone. Plus no one likes a third wheel — including Hitoshi apparently.

“Yeah, go on. You’re blocking my sun.”

Kagami snorts, and walks off. He looks a little disappointed, but seems happy enough to take his boyfriend’s hand and swing it between them as they head to the line for the slide. Aomine watches him grin and heft a tube over his arm.

He grinds his teeth and gets out of the water. Satsuki’s found Kise and Tetsu in the pool with the volleyball net, so he goes and soaks with them and listens to them blab, mostly Kise — he’s not moping, he’s just getting some sun. Now that Kagami’s not there to block it with his big dumb head.

“Where’s Kagamin?” Satsuki asks, floating in an inner-tube. Tetsu’s holding onto one of the grips to keep afloat.

“Kagamicchi’s here? I haven’t seen him yet today,” Kise hummed, lifting his shades onto his head and craning his neck.

Tetsu’s a little breathless from treading water for so long. Aomine moves an ownerless pool noodle towards him. “Kagami-kun is probably with Kimura-kun,” he notes once he’s taken it, prompting a sour scowl to cross Aomine’s face.

“Ugh,” he groans, pushing off from the bottom and floating on his back. “Don’t even talk to me about that guy.”

Kise decides to come around and be annoying, swimming close to him and flicking water onto his face as he does it— probably on accident, but it still miffs him. “If you’re still moping that Kagamicchi would rather be with his boyfriend than you, I’d say keep it to yourself.”

That gets him more than a little irritated. He opens an eye and gives him a warning glare. “What? Who said I’m moping,” he denies, tone deceptively lazy and mellow.

“Seriously?” Kise raises an eyebrow, giving him a wide-eyed incredulous look. “You’re pretty lucky Kagamicchi even talks to you after what you said.”

Aomine grumbles a little bit, lips pursed in an embarrassed pout. 

“Kagami-kun let that go, so I think we should as well,” Tetsu points out in his defense, and Kise hunches his shoulders, looking appropriately abashed for a second.

He doesn’t shut up though, pushing his luck, and Aomine’s jaw tightens as he opens his eye a sliver. Kise’s hair is still dry.

“You did try to punch Kimura-san too, so I’m just surprised that you’re not still in the doghouse—” Like lightning, Aomine lurches up and spitefully dunks Kise in the pool, holding him under and letting him struggle for a couple seconds.

“I’ll punch whoever I think deserves it,” Aomine snaps when Kise comes up, sputtering and flailing and crying dramatically to Tetsu.

“So mean! Why did you do that!”  
  
“I felt like it. Whiner.”

“Hitoshi-kun is really nice, Dai-chan. He probably doesn't hold it against you that you tried to hit him,” Satsuki said, which Aomine thinks is pretty naive, but Tetsu hums and seems to agree. Kise sulks, sopping wet, lower lip protruding.

“Well then why are you two not getting along?” he mumbles petulantly.

“I am getting along,” Aomine denies, and when all three of them give him skeptical looks, he mutters defensively, “What, just ‘cause I don’t have a problem with Kagami being a gay guy doesn’t mean I have to like his boyfriend.”

“But what’s wrong with him?” Kise needled, frowning and then snorting ungracefully when his long wet bangs got a drop of water in his nose. “He seems like a really nice guy — he’s got a great instagram,” he notes unnecessarily.

“That fool can’t play basketball,” Aomine grumbles, not liking to explain his dislike, because his reasoning sounds more and more immature each time he has to say it. He lets himself sink low into the water, sulking. “So what’s he worth.”

“Ugh,” Kise groans, rolling his eyes with an exasperated huff.

“What!” Aomine demands defensively. “It’s not like Kagami cares about anything else anyways.” He waves a hand and blows off, “He’ll get bored.”

“Are you sure?” Kise looks kind of skeptical and Aomine’s getting deja vu. “Kagamicchi may love basketball, but clearly he has other interests too,” he says with a little smirk that gets on Aomine’s nerves.

He stretches his arms above his head carelessly, eyes shut. “It makes sense that you’re moping now that he’s got no time for you,” he teases. Aomine childishly splashes him in the face. “Hey!”

“Don’t worry Aomine-kun,” Tetsu says, and Aomine starts a little. He’d forgotten he was right there. “You are still Kagami-kun’s rival.” Aomine’s shoulders lower and he cools his temper, because that thought does comfort him.

Satsuki chirps that it’s lunch time, so she and Tetsu get out of the pool and they follow behind.

“You might be his rival, but what else do you have going for you besides basketball,” Kise pointed out, completely uninvited, mind you.

Aomine stares him down, standing on the pool steps, ankles deep. Kise kind of falters when he sees how intensely he’s glaring at him. “I don’t know what the fuck that means,” he says slowly, biting out each word so Kise knows he doesn’t like being fucked with.

Kise grimaces, giving him this confused pitying look, like he doesn’t get what he’s getting so worked up over. “Well if it weren’t for basketball, would Kagamicchi even hang out with you?”

Aomine blinks. Stares speechlessly. Rejects that idea on reflex. Can’t react to it.

Would he? Of course he would. Why wouldn’t he. He feels confident about it, but the knot tightens, sharp and sick, twisting violently. Because… he’s not actually sure.  
  


   Would he?  


The thought makes something go dark on the inside.

       “Whatever,” he mutters, breaking eye contact.  
  


  
They wait in line to get some ice cream and snacks and then sit at the picnic tables. Aomine gets his shirt and bag so that he can pull out his phone and screw around while they eat. They run into a lot of their other friends who’ve gotten the same idea about eating lunch. Things get rowdy enough that Aomine doesn’t have time to think on the bullshit Kise said earlier anymore.

While they sit in the shade under the white umbrellas set up at the tables outside the snack booths, Aomine catches sight of Hitoshi and Kagami together, soaked and huddling in front of the wall of Gashopon vending machines. They put coins in and each get out a plastic pod and then Kagami picks up their massive order of food and settles them down together a few tables over with some Seirin members. 

Tetsu and Kise are bickering next to Aomine but he only occasionally chimes in, finishing his snow-cone and moving on to his lunch, repeatedly glancing over at those two.

They’re laughing and eating, and when Kagami slows down long enough that they can open the pods and see what stupid little toys they’d got, Aomine sees that Hitoshi got a tiny tiger plush and Kagami got a plastic hamburger. He picks it up and plays with it a little, being a total dope. He pokes Hitoshi in the elbow to get his attention, then jokingly puffs his cheeks out and makes the tiger eat the hamburger, pretending to chew.

Aomine snorts into his cola.

Hitoshi doesn’t laugh. He rolls his eyes, shaking his head — and not in a fond way either. Like he’s annoyed. Aomine takes the straw out of his mouth, watching, Kise’s chatter going in one ear and out the other.

Kagami’s smile falls and he stops screwing around. He seems to nuzzle Hitoshi under the table with his leg or something with an apologetic smile, and then scoots a little closer next to him. He leans in and they look through something on Hitoshi’s phone together, then smile for a couple pictures.

Aomine doesn’t like him. Kise’s right about that. He dislikes Hitoshi. He probably shouldn’t; he’s a nice enough guy. Kagami’s happy and everyone says they’re a cute couple. Aomine shouldn’t be this irritated with him when he’s nice. It'd be a lot easier to hate him if he was a huge jerk, but he's admittedly not.

_He seems nice to me — He hasn’t done anything to you. Has he? — You’re jealous because you’re used to having Kagamin to yourself — You’re always like this, Dai-chan._

Something bitter is in his mouth that he can’t wash away, even though he zealously sucks at his soda, lowering his eyes to the tabletop and picking at his food.

_‘I’m not gonna’ pretend just so you don’t have to think about your fucking issues.’  
_

Once he might have not known what that meant — _what do you mean, issues?_ — but the knot that sits in his gut says otherwise.

He looks up again and the sun has shifted from behind a cloud, lighting up that part of the patio. Kagami’s a creamy gold, his nose pink from a light sunburn. Hitoshi’s a rich brown. What really makes it is the expression on Kagami’s face: carefree happiness.

They look like one of those couple photos he'd dug up on the internet in the darkness of his room. Hitoshi’s tanned and beautiful, and Kagami’s… well, he’s okay. They look good together.

It sticks in his throat like vomit. It feels like being choked up. A bitterness in his heart, because no matter how selfish and awful it is, part of him sees that and gets that soda up his nose feeling that happens when he swallows too much rage at once.

Part of him sees that happiness on Kagami’s face and resents it.

Their friends are starting to get done eating and disperse again in groups. Kagami and Hitoshi finish their food and then hurry up to go leap in the pool together, making a tremendous splash and coming up laughing. Aomine gets up and moves to their table where some of their garbage is left behind, sitting down with one leg on either side of the bench.

He pops the top off his soda and drains the rest, and thinks about taking a nap by the pool on that chair Satsuki nabbed. He looks down at the tabletop.

The toys are still there. He picks up the hamburger and looks at it, then clenches it in his fist to throw. He can probably huck it pretty far. He squeezes it hard, but looks down at his hand and uncurls his fingers again.

He glances around a couple times and then stuffs them in his bag.

Aomine ends up lounging on a pool chair with his sunglasses on, bare legs sticking out of the shade for some sun. He holds his phone on his stomach, but his gaze overshoots it.

Those two are in the pool, flirting and playing. Kagami’s holding onto Hitoshi, hugging him from behind and letting him tow him around on piggyback. Their legs kick and hang below them as they tread in the deep end together. They go underwater and their blurry heads brush together, bubbles appearing at the choppy surface of the pool.

In the shallows, they chatter, lazy and happy, feet skating the bottom, broad shoulders above the surface. They’re touching so much. Kagami boosts Hitoshi onto his hips in the front, carrying him. Hitoshi’s legs part, one on either side of Kagami’s waist, and Kagami’s hands loosely link at the small of his back, supporting his weight easily in the pool.

Hitoshi’s arms are around his shoulders and they float together like that, water lapping between their chests. The sun gleams on their wet heads, their faces rosy and young and stupid looking from how much they smile as they talk. Kagami keeps them afloat, their faces only inches apart as they drift around together without a care. They look like they’re completely wrapped up in that moment, can’t see anything else but each other. It’s sick how openly romantic it is. They look oddly... _perfect_ that way.

Aomine swallows hard.

They don’t kiss or anything out in public, but they’re cuddling too much for people not to guess. Strangers are looking, but no one says anything about the mushy teenagers in the pool.

Kagami grins and lets their wet noses touch, grinding their foreheads together, and then he gets Hitoshi under the armpits and boosts him up and down, one, two, three times — and then launches him into the air. He crows and then splashes down hard, coming up laughing.

He tosses Kagami next. Aomine closes his eyes, drifting off to the sounds of kids running around and splashing in the water, people talking, and Kagami and his boyfriend laughing and playing.  
  


At the end of the day when everyone’s piled into the communal locker rooms to rinse off the chlorine and get dressed, Aomine sits on a bench and stares at the locker in front of him, hair dripping.

When he came from the showers, he saw those two kept to separate stalls. Kagami’s out of the shower and quickly finds him, taking a spot next to him. “Aomine, you wanna’ play ball tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Aomine’s already in his underwear, and is sitting around airing out lazily. Satsuki usually takes a while, so he’s not in a rush.

“The weather’s gonna’ stay nice all week, so I’m gonna’ live at the court if I can,” Kagami says. Aomine glances to the side in time to see Kagami strip his trunks, back facing him.

He’s still talking about basketball. Aomine grunts in response. “We’ll be blazing hot by the end of it so we can probably jump in the river next time. It’ll be like last summer.”

Kagami bends to pull his wet trunks off his ankles. He’s got a little bit of a tan line.

“If we end up staying out late you can just sleep at my place. I ordered a tape of Jordan’s plays we can watch.”

Kagami straightens up, the muscles in his back working as he towel-dries his bare body, skin damp and sticky from an entire day in the water. He works his underwear up his sticky legs, tugging them an inch at a time when they cling and bunch up on his thighs. They’re the black boxer briefs with the little white stars on them that Aomine’s seen in Kagami’s laundry at home.

Kagami lifts his arms and ruffles the towel around on his hair some more, his back and shoulders flexing.

Hitoshi walks in, still in his bathing suit, and Aomine swings his head back towards the lockers. He grabs his shorts and clenches them in his hand.

He can hear them talking next to him as they get dressed. Blood pounds in his ears and it feels like he’s underwater. People move around him, naked little boys running free and fathers following, wrangling them back into their clothes, but he sits still, motionless and silent, breathing slow, head hanging.

You always get like this, Dai-chan. When you’re scared, you get mad — just so you don’t have to think about your fucking issues. But the only one who feels like that is you.

Aomine stares into the dark tomb of the locker, towel over his head.

  


_Nasty, nasty, nasty._

  
  
  
. . .  


 

_June bride shine so bright, flowers in her hair but it just ain’t right—_  
  
_We look good together, oh yeah. We look good together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's finally happening next chapter


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment you've been waiting for.

Aomine spends most of the next week with Kagami on the courts — sweaty, suntanned, and careless. It’s just like last summer. On days like this, it's almost like nothing’s changed, and will never have to. He keeps pretending for a while. He'll keep pretending for as long as he can. 

It's been getting harder though. He’s been lying awake at night a lot lately, unable to drift off. When he gets like that, usually he just jerks off because it helps him fall asleep.

But there’s this thing inside of him that he can’t let go. It’s just always there, lingering in the back of his mind, and lately it’s only getting worse.

He ends up on the internet again, night after night, eyes crusted and barely open as he thumbs through — this thing, always on his mind, the thing he can't ignore. Something he doesn't think he could face even if he wanted to. Even if he knew how.  


He should probably stop. Stop now. Before you see something you don’t want to. _Before you learn something you can’t unlearn—_  


But he doesn’t stop. Because of course he doesn’t. He can’t stop himself no matter how upsetting it is. In fact, it doesn't seem to matter at all how much it bothers him, because the more distress it causes, the sooner he comes crawling back, maybe to try and reconcile these thoughts, but it only digs the hole deeper.

The more he reads about it, _how they do it,_ the more concerned he gets, a pit of revulsion forming in his stomach, something horrified but fascinated, a curiosity that won’t let him leave it alone. He bites his lips and swallows and feels disgusting. This is disgusting. He should probably stop. It would be better if he did.  


He reads about it and even watches a video for as long as he dares — about gay sex.

  
He already knew that you can do it in the butt with a girl. In one of the adult videos he’s got they do it in the butt, but he’s never thought about it too hard before now, that it’s how gay guys do it too. What he’s found on the internet tells about how you have to take a lot of time to get ready, by like, using your fingers and stuff, which he’d never really considered, because he hadn’t seen that in his AV. They’d hardly even shown much nudity with the pixelated blurs.

He hadn’t realized that since it’s a porn they probably just don’t show the parts where the girl gets ready beforehand — y’know, washing up and… stretching herself out. There isn’t much foreplay in the tape, probably because it wasn’t as sexy. There’s only solo shots of her and then the guy appears and puts it in. Aomine’s never thought about it past that.

But everything’s he’s reading isn’t telling him anything like what he saw in his AV. It’s way more complicated, and involves a lot of foreplay. You have to use your fingers first. And you can lick it, if you want. Apparently girls have to do it too, because a butt is a butt. It had just never occurred to him before that anal’s kind of complicated compared to regular sex. 

Maybe part of him had assumed that girls were different and it just _goes in_ really easy, because that’s what they showed in the video. Now that he thinks about it though, the internet explanation makes more sense, because if he considers his own personal context, he can’t even fucking imagine something _going in_ — there’s no way it’ll work.

His AV hadn't bothered him. Hadn't made him feel this gross. But that's probably because the things he feels watching his AV are all what he's used to. It makes sense to enjoy watching it. He's supposed to. 

This.  _This._ It bothers him. It scares and upsets him, even though it's not so different really, other than, in these videos, the participants are guys. It shouldn't trouble him so much, but it's something he keeps coming back to, time and again.

He doesn’t know why anal seems so different when its gay, but it does. And the more he reads about it, it really… sounds dangerous. You can’t just stick it in, you’ve gotta’ do all this stuff beforehand and take extra care, or else you might hurt yourself or the guy you’re doing it with. He doesn’t know why anyone would want to do that. It sounds scary.  
  
And you can get sick from doing it. Really really sick.

He puts it off for a few nights, but in the end he can’t let it go. He's paralyzed by it, like an obsession. Unable to stop thinking about it, finally Aomine tentatively searches for a video example, a knot in his throat. Maybe he’ll feel better if he can visualize it. People wouldn’t do it if it was that bad.

It’s not like his AV. They show everything.

There’s almost ten minutes of it at the start, just of them doing stuff to each other, like, licking it and putting in their fingers and just… touching each other. Kissing. Making noise. They never show this part in his AVs, and he can’t look away, even though there's no censor blurs at all, even though he felt completely nauseated,  _horrified_ but oddly transfixed, hands tingling like they’ve fallen asleep.

_Stop. Just stop._

He watches until the guy goes to put it in — it still doesn’t go in easy like in the AV he’s got with the girl, even after ten whole minutes getting ready. It looks like it hurts really bad. Teeth gritted, eyes screwed shut, clinging onto the other guy's back, it looks like it's the most agonizing thing he's ever experienced—

Aomine abruptly stops, covered in goosebumps.

He wipes his internet search history and gets out his magazines, sweaty-palmed and clammy all over.

Staring down at the pages unseeing, he tries to swallow. Why would anyone do that to each other. Why would anyone want to be like that. That’s awful.

If he’d thought finally seeing it would satisfy his curiosity and give his mind the closure it needed to move on, he’d been wrong, because the more he thinks about it, the worse it gets. He can’t fucking stop. What he saw was messed up and it's burned into his head.

It’s not even right to do that with a girl. It probably hurts girls just as bad, but they don't show that on camera because it’s not sexy. Normal guys don’t want to watch that. Aomine doesn’t want to watch that. Fuck, he’s really shaken up.

He doesn’t look for any more videos, but he does keep reading about it, because it sticks with him. He doesn’t understand how gay guys want to do something that takes that much effort, something that hurts — and something that you can die from doing. Anal can’t feel _that_ great that you’d risk your life for it.

It’s probably even worse for boys to do it. You’re putting it in the butt, isn’t it dirty? What if you aren’t careful enough when you get ready and the guy actually rips your ass when he puts it in? What if you bleed? What if you can’t hold it anymore after that when you need to use the bathroom? What if you have to go to the doctor, bleeding from the ass, you’d have to end your life from the shame.

It can’t be worth it. People can’t want to do this to each other.

 

Does Kagami know about this? Has he seen videos like that? Does he know what gay guys are supposed to do? Aomine wonders if he’d learned in America, but he would’ve had to be like fifteen, maybe even fourteen— _that’s so fucked up—_

He forgets about what he saw. He moves past it, because he’s never going to have to see it again if he doesn’t want to — he’s so glad he’s not like that, that’s fucking _terrible—_ But the thing he can’t forget is that _Kagami’s_ like that. He can’t get it out of his head. It makes him feel an undeniable pang of worry.

Does Kagami want to do that someday, if he hasn’t already? Does he know that he can get sick from that? So sick that you can’t play basketball anymore? That you might  _die?_

The thought hurts. They’re at that age. People in his class have had sex whether they’re in a relationship or not. Kagami told him to his face that he thinks Hitoshi is good-looking, and the way they’d hugged each other in the pool, legs apart to fit to the other's hips, Aomine can’t forget it. They’ve probably done things. The thought gives him a stomachache.

But the ten-minutes long getting ready time, the putting it in— Do Kagami and Hitoshi do that together? They’re a couple, sure, but does that mean they’re, like… _active?_ Maybe they’ve already tried it.

No, no, he doesn't think Kagami's that stupid and silly to do something so painful, they probably didn't go all the way. But maybe— They already cuddle and kiss and hold hands and look as happy and as in love as the gay couple photos from the internet do, and is it such a stretch of the imagination that they might, possibly, have thought about trying some of the more adult things he's discovered too?

Aomine lays awake night after night and starts to get worried as he wonders over and over, has that guy convinced Kagami to do things with him? Have they already done it or is Kagami on the fence? Maybe he should say something, before it’s too late. He can probably try to warn him about it, in case he doesn’t know. Maybe Kagami doesn't know about that, and that's why he's still deciding to be in a gay relationship. Maybe he just doesn't know the risks and the downsides. Kagami doesn’t look sick yet, but maybe they’ve only done it once or twice. He hopes they haven’t.

This convoluted mess of thoughts devolves and  _devolves_ _,_ ruminating in his mind for days upon days, getting more uncomfortable and upsetting the longer he holds onto them and wonders on his own. Eventually, they build up into a sense of panic. As Kagami's friend, doesn't he have some responsibility to try to stop this, if he can— 

And part of him, the part that's frightened and shocked and maybe a little traumatized by what he'd seen, part of him wants to understand, wants it explained to him, so maybe he can find some comfort and put it to rest.

All of that pressing in on him at once, building up and building up— That might be what finally makes him blurt, out of the blue, during a warmup before a Seirin game, “Hey, you know gay guys will get AIDS?”

Inelegant, awkward, and blunt as all hell. Great job.

“What?” Kagami predictably sputters, fumbling the ball.

He felt a little flustered to be bringing it up, but he’s been letting this stew for too long and the concern overrides the embarrassment momentarily. He saw what happens to those people when he was reading on his phone. They waste away and die. Blood comes from your dick in some cases. Your body can’t fight germs anymore. Kagami had better know about it so that won’t happen. If he knows what Aomine knows, he’ll definitely get spooked enough that he won’t do it! It sure spooked _him!_  

Aomine repeats himself — _AIDS virus! —_ and Kagami just gives him this weird look, barely holding in confused laughter. “What did you say?”

He glares at Kagami from across the parking lot. They were fucking around a little outside the Seirin locker-rooms’ outer exit. He knows he probably shouldn’t be saying this to Kagami, especially not before a game, but it just came out before he could stop himself, and there's no point trying to put it back now. 

“It’s English! You should know it!”

“Ay-zoo, bee-rusu,” Kagami sounds out in bewilderment, trying to copy what Aomine said. His accent must be too thick. “… English, what the hell is that in English. Something something, _wheels?”_ he guesses.

“AIDS virus,” Aomine repeats seriously, not liking it when Kagami just keeps furrowing his brow like he’s crazy, a confused smile on his face. This isn't something to laugh about. It's not funny.

“You literally just repeated the same thing again. What the fuck are you saying to me.”

“Fuck, Kagami — _AIDS._ Gay guys catch it!” he blurts, frustrated. “From doing it in the butt!”

“What?!” Kagami seems to catch on finally. “Oh, you mean AIDS?” he says, probably how it’s meant to sound in English.

“Yeah, _AIDS,_ ” Aomine tries to repeat, and he must still be doing it wrong because Kagami snorts in amusement. “You know you can catch it from doing anal, right? Since you’re a guy?”

Gay guys are the ones who catch it. As if their lives weren't hard enough. Kagami had better take this seriously.

Kagami blinks, starting to dribble the ball a little while he stares at him. “Okay?... What—”

“So you should use condoms, even though you can’t get pregnant!” he blurts. “If you use them, you can’t catch it!”

“Aomine, what?!” Kagami sputters back, reeling. Aomine’s too far gone to feel very embarrassed, so he doesn’t let Kagami’s reaction fluster him.

“Are you guys doing it?! Cause if you are, you can catch AIDS, so use a condom for sure!” he tells him, because if he can't stop him, then at least—

“Where is this coming from?” Kagami demands, and to his credit, even though his ears are red, he doesn’t seem too upset. Just confused.

“I told you that you can talk about stuff around me and I won’t get uncomfortable,” Aomine grits out, staring Kagami stubbornly in the face and refusing to make this awkward even though he’s talking about him and Hitoshi doing buttsex and that will never _not_ be awkward.

“We’re cool. And since we’re cool, we can talk about sex. See how comfortable I am?”

Guys are supposed to be able to talk about sex and tell each other about the action they got, y’know, brag and stuff. It’s not weird! Why should they be left out from that time honored tradition just because Kagami's gay. Aomine's totally  _fine—_

“Dude,” Kagami narrows his eyes, an incredulous laugh escaping. He puts a hand to his eyes and laughs some more. “You’re such a disaster,” he snickers, head going back.

“The AIDS germs are in saliva too, so to be safe, you might not wanna’ kiss either,” Aomine recommends. “So… y’know, so you don’t catch anything.” He scratches his nose and looks away. Kagami’s not getting mad or telling him to shut up and butt out. Suddenly he felt a little anxious, shooting him a look. Maybe he's gotten this wrong. Maybe he's missing something.

Kagami’s just squinting at him, still smiling, but with this expression that tells him he’s done something funny, but really really stupid.

“Aomine, I won’t catch anything,” he tells him, almost gently, like he's trying to calm him down. As if Aomine was freaking out or something. Aomine swallows hard and looks away, scowling. It’d be easier if Kagami would just get steamed like usual and tell him to fuck off with the personal questions.

“How can you be sure.”

“You can’t get AIDS from kissing. Didn’t you learn that in school, man?” Kagami’s looking into his face like he’s trying to understand why he’d brought this up out of nowhere, and now Aomine wishes he hadn’t.

It’s starting to rain just a little.

Kagami shoulders the exit door open and gets back into the lockers, and Aomine follows hesitantly. Seirin’s members have already screwed off somewhere and it’s just them, walking through. Their steps echo.

“Do you guys…” Aomine can’t get it off his mind. He wants to know. Just so he knows he doesn’t have to worry. “So…” He makes some vague gestures. “Which one of you…”

“Mind your own business, Aomine,” Kagami finally groans, rolling his eyes in exasperation. It's probably a good thing. Aomine probably should have stopped by now anyways.

He just scuffs his toe and stands there like a chump while Kagami fucks around in his locker, changing into his jersey.

“We haven’t even been together long enough for that,” he says, even though he doesn’t owe Aomine an explanation. A bit more hesitantly, Kagami pulls on the back of his hair. “We’re still getting to know each other, so.”

Aomine looks up, staring at Kagami’s back.

“Just ‘cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I move _that_ fast.”

He hears himself make a noise in response, and feels so inexplicably relieved that he doesn’t know what to do. This thing that had been clutching his heart and closing his throat for the past week or so, _panic,_ suddenly releases. He feels kind of stupid now for getting so worked up. That was really lame of him, wasn’t it. “Hm,” he mumbles.

“But thanks for the concern — I guess?” Kagami says, still a little confused, and then starts laughing again when he sees Aomine’s face and his hunched-up shoulders.

“I’m not,” he denies grumpily, “You won’t be able to play basketball anymore if you get sick, that’s all.”

“I’ll keep it in mind in the future,” Kagami snorts, and then lets it drop.

 _‘The future—’_ Aomine thought, and felt even more relieved. They’re not doing it yet. At least not all the way. That's such a relief. 

Perking up, Aomine smirks, hands in his pockets. “Maybe you can’t catch AIDS from kissing, but more importantly, don’t catch cooties. I’ll barf,” he jeers, and Kagami laughs.

For a minute he feels good. He feels so much better. He waits with him by the door while he stretches one last time and tucks in his jersey.

“Kagami.”

“What?”

He looks good like that, brown hair gleaming under the fluorescent lights, broad shoulders set, shoes double-laced. He’s wearing the red ones for his game. It's indescribable how something so simple can mean so much.

“If you don’t win tonight, I’ll kick your ass,” he hears himself say.

“Heh.” Kagami smirks, eyes glinting, and then he watches as he leaves the locker room.

The door shuts, and the silence settles as he’s left completely alone. He can hear the crowd outside as the game starts a few minutes later, echoing through the walls.

Aomine wanders back out so he can get up into the stands. On his way through, he passes the hall of lockers they’d been standing at earlier. Kagami’s jacket is there on the bench still. He walks over and picks it up.

He doesn’t know why he does it. It's never crossed his mind to do this with a girl’s clothing. It’s like an impulse that he doesn’t think about until after he’s already done it. He’s by himself so there’s no one to see him do it anyway.

He puts it to his face and smells the collar.

It smells like Kagami’s house. Kagami’s laundry detergent. And the soap he uses. Aomine would know it was his jacket even if he hadn’t recognized it on sight.

It feels like hugging him. It’s probably what it feels like to hug Kagami. It's hard to imagine.

Aomine finds a spot on the crowded bleachers and watches Kagami on the court. It’s Seirin versus Josei. They’re doing well tonight. Kagami’s a blur, aggressive and focused. He can get to the second door because of being able to use teamplay, the door that’s still barred to Aomine who works better alone— He wonders what it’s like.

Kagami’s in the zone. His team pass in tandem and Kagami leaps from the freethrow line and dunks the ball viciously. He seems to hang in the air like that, the intense lights on the ceilings above setting his sweaty skin aglow, sparkling like a thousand stars, jersey number ten burning itself into his brain.  


Something’s wrong.  


Kagami moves around the court with a savage grace, a blaze of passion and energy that can’t be matched. He’s amazing. The other team is putting up a fight, but Seirin is comfortably ahead. Aomine’s eyes feel itchy. His stomach hurts.

When Kagami wins, he stands up and looks into the stands as his team piles onto him, lifts him up, shoves him around, but in the wild crowd, Kagami’s looking for someone. Aomine stares down at him as Kagami’s face scans the bleachers for a second and then land.

The Seirin team parts in the front as Kagami opens his arms up. Someone steps down from the bleachers a few rows, climbing into the dogpile, and Kagami drags Hitoshi into a hug. His team jumps and screams, but there in the center, Kagami’s smiling for one person.

Aomine stands up, tries to swallow, but it feels like he’s tried to choke down splintered up toothpicks.

Something’s wrong. He hurts all over. Kagami looks elated. When your friends are happy you’re supposed to be happy for them, but all he feels is bitterness. Why does it hurt this bad. It’s not supposed to. What kind of person is he if he can see _that look_ on Kagami’s face and feel this rotten.

    — _Joy._  


Something’s wrong. The knot in his stomach, this tangled mess of things he doesn’t want to understand, this thing that scares him and makes him angry, shoved into the corner of his mind when he doesn’t want to think about it, the thing that makes him feel resentment when Kagami seems so content — all those vague murky unrecognizable feelings seem to burst out all at once, too much to bear.

He’d never thought about Kagami that way before, Kagami as a boyfriend, Kagami interested in dating, not until it had happened before his eyes in the last months — he didn't like it. It irritated and inconvenienced him, because they can’t play basketball or hang out.

He doesn’t want to grow apart from him. He doesn’t want someone to be closer to Kagami than he is, it makes him mad. Like Kagami’s a toy that he doesn’t want to share. Something special that he never thought he’d have to let go of.

When he sees those two together, he doesn’t feel happy for them. It feels unfair. It makes him sick; he feels nasty and shaky all over. Fear and inadequacy. When he thinks about them going all the way, he feels sad — _panicked,_ almost.

_Jealous, jealous, jealous._

   
He’s supposed to let it go. He’s not supposed to feel like this after this long. He’s supposed to move on and just accept it, because the quicker he does that, he’ll feel better sooner and he’ll stop letting this whole situation bother him. But it doesn’t get better, it just gets worse. He thinks he knows what it is. Otherwise why would it hurt this bad.

Aomine heads outside in a daze. Most people have left by now. He ends up at the street court, the really shitty one with the cracked pavement and the flickering street light. This is where they always meet after a game. It’s one of their favorites—

It’s drizzling lightly. Aomine’s clothes are already damp.

He’s there. Like he always is. It’s too wet to play basketball but the lights above the court are on and Kagami’s there. Hitoshi’s with him and they’re both soaked, and they’re playing, slipping and sliding on the wet pavement and splashing in the puddles. The ball won’t bounce right and their shoes are squeaking, but they’re both smiling.

Kagami goes slow, his smile full of so much sweetness and care. He plays with him slowly, trying to teach him, trying so hard to have fun with a guy who can’t give him a challenge or play any better than a little kid could. But they’re laughing. Kagami’s laughing as Hitoshi crouches comically and then tries to make a shot.

It goes in, and he crows a surprised victory. Kagami’s yelling with him. Their laughter echoes off the surrounding buildings, cutting through the rain like bells. Kagami runs at him and picks him up under the arms and flings him around, spins him — _and spins and spins—_ wet heads glowing under the street light.

Aomine stares at him, standing there in the rain, cool rivulets running down through his drenched hair and onto his face and neck, soaking into his clothes.

And really, he’d probably known it already. He just hadn’t wanted to think about it, because not thinking about it was easier. He’d known already but admitting it is like ripping something out.

Something he can’t just put back once it’s gone — something that can’t be replaced so easily. There’s just one.

The knot has moved up into his throat.

It feels like it did when he’d lost Kagami. When he’d fucked everything up and hurt his feelings so bad that Kagami had just decided to leave his life. It felt like that month when he didn’t have the energy to do anything, not even to leave the house or get out of bed. He looks back on that and sees it for what it was.  
  
Heartbreak.

This feels like that. Magnified by one thousand.

The drizzle picks up, the drops growing heavy enough that they mist when they hit the ground. Kagami’s laughter keeps echoing. Aomine hangs his head, staring at the pavement, watching the drops fall down towards his feet.

He walks home with his bag over his shoulder, back turned on a basketball left to roll abandoned on the ground. He walks away from a couple who’d slowed in their elated spinning, slowed to a stop and then taken each other’s faces, palms slow and warm on their wet cheeks.

The silhouette of two boys on the court, kissing in the rain without a care.

  
. . .  
  


_Oh… how wrong can you be? Oh, to fall in love was my very first mistake._


	17. Chapter 17

Aomine takes it really hard. The next few days are rough.

Realizing and accepting how he feels isn’t all it's cracked up to be, no matter what Tetsu and Satsuki said. This fucking sucks.

Everything looks different now in hindsight. He can finally explain to himself why he’d been so godawful _mad_ about Hitoshi coming into their lives. Like, okay, he already knew that he was jealous, but putting it together and understanding that he’s been mad because he’s wanted Kagami to himself, and not just as a rival, but as...  Well, it sucks.

He’d spent all of last summer with Kagami and it’s never crossed his mind. Maybe because he’d never had to think about how lucky he’d gotten to meet Kagami. What if he hadn’t come from America in time, for instance? What if they’d never met?

_Where are you gonna’ find someone like Kagami again — you stupid, stupid idiot?_

He’d never thought about it before. It’s never even occurred to him. Kagami as a boyfriend. Kagami dating. Kagami having romantic and sexual feelings. Kagami falling in love. It’s always been basketball until now.

He’s never looked at Kagami from a distance before and thought about how many of his qualities were the same qualities of a good boyfriend. He’d never even considered that there were people out there who might like Kagami like that, so when he'd turned up with Hitoshi, it came as a horrible shock—

But now it seems so obvious. Looking back it all seems so obvious.

Aomine rolls over and grabs a magazine, jerks off, tries to go to sleep. His arm is strewn over his eyes, but the thing is still there. The thing he can’t get out of his head.

The knot in his gut. A void in his heart.

Aomine goes to school and tries to carry on living as he usually does, because he doesn’t know what else to do. He hasn’t seen Kagami since their game. Kagami’s been texting him for a match but Aomine’s standoffish. He spends the next few days stewing on it and hoping it’s just a fluke that’ll pass, but it only gets worse.

He’s dozey and distracted, and he only feels more and more hopeless the more he thinks about it, because in accepting that this tiny fluttering thing exists in there, this thing that sees Kagami and just _lights up,_ this thing that hurts to see him with someone else — along with that realization comes a whole crop of others.

When Tetsu had first met Kagami, he’d known he was the guy who could take Aomine’s place, strong enough and driven enough when it came to basketball that he could take up the mantle as _light._ Aomine hadn’t recognized him as his rival right away, too jaded and bitter after waiting that long that he’d given up hope, but Kagami hadn’t given up. He’d knocked Aomine out of the stupor he’d been living in since he’d fallen out with Tetsu, and after that, it had been like waking up. Everything had changed after that.

Kagami had torn into his life like a comet, white-hot and blinding. He’d bridged the gap between him and Tetsu and made him feel like he could let go of that pain. He’s the reason he’s felt more like himself than he’d ever thought he could feel again. Basketball came back into his life — Aomine loved it again, because suddenly Kagami was there.

And that was all he’d needed, really. Of course it was. He’s the best.

It seems so obvious. This blaze of happiness and relief he’d felt upon finding Kagami, being able to play him over and over and never getting tired of it, never feeling stagnant and exhausted and _bored_ like he had for so long. It’s been right there in front of him, glowing away the entire time. It was already there inside him the whole time. It seems so obvious now.

Last summer’s the summer he fell in love. There’s nothing else to call it.

Maybe he hadn’t been _in love_ yet then, but that’s when they had started getting close. When he’d really known he’d found someone who got him. When he’d really started to feel better and leave the dark days behind. He hadn’t a care in the world for what any of it meant, just as long as they could have fun and play basketball together.

Joy, joy, joy— Is that what happiness is like? Is that what _love_ is like?

It makes sense. Because really, it’s always been Kagami. It couldn’t have been anyone else. It’s always been him.

“Fuck,” Aomine says aloud in class. Satsuki looks at him in alarm.

He gets sent out into the hallway for that one.

What really sucks is that this just makes everything so much worse. Because there’s nothing he can really do with this now that he has it. This stupid achy heart. What’s he supposed to do with that.

“What’s wrong, Dai-chan?” Satsuki asks when she finds him on the roof later, laying around.

He almost wants to ask her again. If she believes in fate.

                “Nothing.”

  


It takes a while to come to grips with. It’s still something that’s kind of scary to think about. Something that feels nasty. Because he _knows_ he likes girls. He knows he does. He’s not gay — at all. And that’s not him trying to deny it at the final hour to save face. He really is a regular boy with a regular attraction to girls.

This is just… an anomaly. A complete and total fucking anomaly that he doesn’t know what to do with.

He can’t reconcile the way he feels about Kagami with what he’s known about himself since puberty. He likes girls. Still does. But that thing he feels when he thinks about losing Kagami forever, the feeling he gets when he plays basketball with him, the dark twisted ugly knot that appears when he’s confronted with Kagami’s relationship with Hitoshi — all of that is _very real_ too.

It’s awful. It makes him feel anxious and unhappy. It’s not supposed to be like this. When you find out you like someone, it’s supposed to feel like butterflies in your gut, a baby bird in your heart — isn’t it?

This _hurts._ This is absolutely awful.

The worst thing is that if he’d been a little bit quicker about it, if he’d come upon this last summer, maybe it _would’ve_ been the baby bird. If he’d fallen for Kagami sooner, maybe he could have done something about it.

The thought felt impossible, not even an option — not now anyway, but he can’t stop thinking about it once it crosses his mind.

If he’d cared enough to think about why he’d felt so happy just to be with him, playing on the court in the baking heat till they tossed their lunch. If he’d cared about swimming in the river together in their underwear, shirts and shorts hanging on a tree branch, if he’d cared about staying up late at Kagami’s house playing Smash Brawl, wrestling and flicking chips and popcorn across the room into Kagami’s big mouth. If he’d cared what any of that meant, if he’d thought about it more, about what Kagami meant to him, maybe he would’ve fallen in love in time. He might have even acted on it. If he had, maybe then Hitoshi wouldn’t be the one in Kagami’s heart.

He thinks that even if Kagami had told him sooner about how he was, if he’d told him he was gay last summer before it all happened, maybe it would have planted the seed and Aomine would’ve gotten the idea then — before he ever got the chance to hurt Kagami’s feelings, before Kagami even met that guy. Maybe then, Aomine would have been brave enough. Maybe he would have worked through his fucking issues by now.

If he’d felt the stirrings of what can only be one thing just a little bit sooner, he might’ve tried to say something to him. Maybe he would’ve been brave enough to say something and things would have turned out differently. Maybe by the end of that summer, they would’ve been laying under a tree together, fingers touching — just a little.

What makes it so awful is that it wasn’t even impossible. Kagami likes boys. Aomine already knows that Kagami’s into guys, so it could have worked in theory. He could’ve tried to make Kagami feel the same way for him. Things could have ended up completely differently.

But things are fucked up instead ‘cause he’s a goddamn fool. Because of course he is.

“Why’re you moping around again. I know Kagami took your ass back,” Wakamatsu notes at practice.

Aomine grunts but mostly isn’t paying attention, so he keeps his temper and makes another distracted rebound.

“You look pathetic. Like you’re in love or something.”

Aomine whips around, staring at him wide-eyed. He takes two steps over to Wakamatsu and grabs him by the collar, watches him gulp and sweat. _“YOU’RE in love!”_ he hollers in his face, spit flying. _“Your whole FAMILY’S in love!”_

Wakamatsu falls on his ass when he lets him go. “What the fucking _shit!”_ he sputters, but Aomine’s storming off, irate — everyone lets him go.

He trudges in the front door, head hanging. His mom pokes her head out of the kitchen and greets him, but he just heads to his room and throws himself down on his bed, smothering himself in his pillow as long as he can stand it.

Stop now. Just stop.

It’s not like it matters. It’s not like it even matters that he feels like this — because even if Aomine had decided to tell Kagami, it doesn’t fucking matter. Kagami’s got someone else already.

And even if those two broke up, who says he has a chance after that? It’s not like he even knows Kagami would’ve been into him in the first place. Why would he be. Especially after he’s made such an ass of himself.

He pokes his head out to the side, looking over at his desk. His laptop and school stuff. A little plastic hamburger and a plushie toy are there on the shelf above.

Everything seems different now. Everything makes sense, but it’s all wrong. It’s so messed up.

It fucking sucks. Being in love for the first time isn’t supposed to be like this. It’s supposed to feel good. Exciting. Scary. Happy. Nervous. Crazy. Awful should not be among those descriptors. It’s not supposed to be this fucking awful.

But that’s how things are gonna’ be. Because this love had come straight to a broken heart. Dead on arrival.

He’s been a fool and there’s nothing he can do now. It’s too late. Last summer he’d touched Kagami’s heart, they’d gotten each other, he’d felt such an untamed blaze of joy that he’d forgotten what it was like to live without that. He’d been too stupid to think about what it meant, and now he’s left it too long.

He’d left it too long and now another boy has Kagami’s heart.

None of it matters, because Kagami’s already in love. And even if he wasn’t, it’s not like it would change anything. Why should Kagami like him back, even if he’d had a chance. He’s not special. In the end it’s just him, hanging on and fucking himself up over someone who doesn’t even care that much if he’s there or not. Someone who doesn’t miss him or think about him like Aomine misses Kagami.

He can’t go back and change things, and he can’t exactly sabotage Kagami’s relationship now, so there’s nothing to do but keep quiet and go on like this with a knife in his back. There’s nothing he can do and maybe that’s why it hurts this bad, because he feels so helpless to escape this awful pit of pain and sadness. That’s why nothing about this is good. It’s not a baby bird. It’s standing in the rain and knowing it’s already over.

Because as soon as those feelings appeared, he immediately knew that they had nowhere to go. They’re unwanted. There’s nothing to do with them and that’s the way things are.

It doesn’t matter. It’s not like Kagami would’ve liked him back anyways, even if things had been different.

Even if those two split up someday, it’s not like Kagami would ever feel the same way. It doesn’t matter how special Kagami was to him or how much he’d done to change Aomine’s life, how much joy he brought him. He’s not special to Kagami. Not like he is to Aomine. He’s alone in those feelings. It’s just him.

He’s not even sure if Kagami would hang out with him at all, if it weren’t for basketball.

It’s just him who’s caught feelings and is stuck here feeling like shit while everyone else gets on with their lives — while Kagami’s busy being happy with another boy. And he’s just going to have to figure out how to deal with that now. It’s not like he has any other choice.

Once Aomine swallows that, he resolves himself to just get through this on his own — _the quicker you accept it, the quicker you’ll feel better._

He doesn’t know what else to do. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with feelings like these other than keep them quiet.

It’s okay in the beginning. He can get from day to day. He’d worried for a little while that he wouldn’t be able to face Kagami again without being obvious, but things are like they always are— and that eases some of the hurt.

“What’s that sour look on your face? You got speedo butt?” Kagami teases, cheeks full of cheeseburger.

“The fuck?”

“Wedgie,” Kagami clarifies, mouth crammed full. He’d gotten over being nervous to see him again within the first five minutes when Kagami hadn’t immediately called him on crush, oblivious as ever. But that just makes it more frustrating, almost. Because it feels like things should be more different than they are.

Aomine squints at him and tries to unravel this new component to what he feels in their friendship. Kagami hasn’t changed as far as he can tell.

He’s definitely still gross. He’s still big and dumb. He’s like he always is. Aomine shouldn’t be feeling any different. But he does. Because that stupid face of his, crumbs on his cheeks… It’s awful how fucking loveable it is.

“Since you wear those tidey-whities all the time.”  
  
“Tidey-whities,” Aomine repeats slowly, but his accent fucks it up. Kagami snorts and says it a couple more times for him until he more or less gets it. Aomine likes when he tells him stuff in English.

“Y’know. Briefs,” he clarifies.

“The hell is wrong with briefs?”

“I dunno’, maybe all the cheek-action?” Kagami mutters, raising an eyebrow.

“Cheek action?” Aomine scoffs. “What kinda’ briefs are you wearing,” he gripes.

“Boxer briefs are way better. You get more room.”

“Quit bragging, you don’t need that much room.” Kagami thinks that’s funny, so Aomine starts grinning too. “What about basketball. If you’re not gonna’ wear briefs then what’re your options. A jockstrap?”

“I guess. Isn’t that gonna’ be kinda’ distracting though?”

“Why. You can’t get a wedgie.”

“True. Because there’s no fucking ass in it. Like I said, too much cheek-action.”

“Briefs are a legitimate athletic support, I will fucking fight you.”

“Yeah okay,” Kagami admits, and goes back to chewing thoughtfully. “Boxers are out though. I’ll die before you catch me playing basketball in those. Might as well be playing commando for how secure they keep you.”

“Agreed.”

He’s seventeen. Club activities and eating snacks and masturbating should be his main priorities. Things shouldn’t change faster than he can handle. He’s not ready for it.

He and Kagami should be playing basketball and ultimately not worrying about the rest. That’s how they are together. That’s how it’s supposed to be.  


“Kagami.”  
  


“Huh?”  
  


“How do you say underwear in English.”  
  


“Panties,” Kagami says, straight-faced.  
  


_“Panties_ . . . Hey,  wait, isn’t that girl’s— _Why are you laughing?!”_ he barks when Kagami practically has a wheezing fit, pounding on his own chest as he coughs on his food. Aomine tries to scowl, but in the end he can’t stay mad at a face like that.

Other than that one instant where he feels his heart swelling up hearing him laugh like that— Other than feeling something weird happen in his throat like he’d felt all the time the year his voice dropped— Other than that, everything’s as it should be.

He doesn’t feel worried anymore.  


           They’re just seventeen. That should be enough.

  


For a while it’s fine, and he’s relieved about it, because he’d thought that he might not be able to carry on normally — but he can, and he does, and for a while it’s okay.

He acts as usual around Kagami and doesn’t let it get to him other than feeling kinda’ down. For a while he thinks he can learn to live with it and it’s not going to be so hard.

But after the night of the game, everything seems different. He’s different — but not just him. Everything else too.

And most notably, _Hitoshi_ is different.

At first it comes to Aomine that Hitoshi must have somehow realized that he likes Kagami too. He’d thought he was acting just like always but maybe it’s something he can’t hide. Maybe that’s how Wakamatsu knew. Does everyone know? Does _Kagami_ know?

The thought paralyzes him with dread. He’s absolutely stricken. How could Hitoshi have figured it out this fast? Maybe he can see it right on Aomine’s face or something—

Maybe his expression changes when he looks at Kagami, something he can’t help, this little ache in his heart that he can’t control anymore. Maybe people can look at his face and just _tell._ Maybe he’s obvious about it and Hitoshi already knows how he feels for Kagami. The thought makes him terrified.

Makes him close up so tight he doesn’t think he could unravel again if he wanted to. He’d only just come upon this himself and the idea of anyone else knowing about it frightens him.

No one’s supposed to know. No one can ever find out.

He considers the fact that he might just be going a little crazy. Maybe he wants so badly to keep it a secret that he’s seeing things that aren’t there, paranoid to be exposed. But it keeps happening. 

     Hitoshi’s acting different. And if it doesn't have anything to do with Aomine's coincidentally simultaneous revelation of _feelings,_ then he's got no idea why.  
  
  


They’re out playing on the court. When they’re playing basketball, it’s almost bearable. It brings it back, the thing that had let him know how he felt for Kagami in the first place, and for a second, it almost feels like his heart is alive and dancing again like last year. It’s just them.

“Wooh!” Kagami crows, having beaten him five to four. He’s a sweaty mess but the sun makes him sparkle when he's like that. “I’m on fire!”

He’s the best.

Aomine just pants and stares at him for a second before wiping his brow and reacting as he usually would.

He acts the same as always but on the inside he has to wonder how it had taken him this long to realize, because everything’s different now and he’ll never be able to look at it the same again. He doesn’t know how he could possibly hide it.

“Yeah right!”

He does what he always does. Bickering. Goading Kagami into an argument with his attitude. Playing the afternoon away and gabbing about whatever.

That’s how they are together and when they’re like that, it feels almost normal. It’s just them for instants at a time, and the fluttery feeling in his heart blooms—

But that only makes it harder the rest of the time. 

The cicadas have started singing. When the sound of the basketball hitting the court dies, their long chirpy screams ring in his ears, buzz in his chest. They sound like how he feels. 

“Do you think cicadas have families?” Aomine muses as they cool off with a shared water bottle and grab their stuff. Hitoshi snorts.

“Dude, what?”

“Yeah, like if you squished a bug, do you ever wonder if their mom’s in their nest, waiting for them to come home?” Kagami tries to put the water to his lips but ends up taking it away, shoulders hunched in a laugh.

“Once I accidentally stepped on a cicada as a kid and I’ve never been the same since,” Aomine said solemnly, grinning when Kagami keeps laughing. “Its dying scream still keeps me awake at night—”

It almost feels okay, watching him like that. It’s almost like it’s last summer if he were able to do it over again with the perspective he has now. Every time he makes him laugh, his chest feels too small for his heart. He feels elated, just to be the one making him smile. Even if he doesn't understand hardly anything about what he feels for Kagami yet, even if it's all a mess, one thing Aomine knows is that his laughter makes him swell up with _joy—_

“I always forget you’re bug-crazy,” Kagami said, a high-starting sigh at the end of a laughing fit.

“I played with one for a whole week one year. His name was Cheeper.” Kagami snickered. “I’ve still got his shell somewhere. I hope he got out there and made a bunch a’ littles.”

“Aw, the skin? Why would you keep the skin that long?” Hitoshi wondered, a little repulsed.  
  
“I was like, five.” He probably cried about it, now that he remembers. “I wanted to keep him as a pet. And he goes and ditches me.”

“Yeah Hitoshi,” Kagami teases. “That skin is all he has.” Aomine snorts and Kagami starts laughing some more.

“There’ll never be another Cheeper!”

“No big loss to me, I hate looking at those creepy eyes,” Hitoshi mutters.

“Eh, they’re not so bad,” Kagami disagrees, giving Aomine this little smirk, and Aomine feels like he’s swallowed glitter.

They start heading to the convenience store for some drinks and snacks. Those two walk side by side and Aomine trails in the back.

“I mean, they’re crazy ugly, but it’s not like it can hurt you,” Kagami boasts. “It’s way smaller than you.”

“Taiga, you’re scared of Kuroko-san’s puppy,” Hitoshi teases, and Aomine laughs and joins in when Kagami scowls.

Hitoshi reaches out and holds Kagami’s hand. Kagami looks surprised, but pleased, and swings his hand a little, going on talking like nothing’s amiss.

Of course it’s not. Why would it be.

Aomine lets it go, even though it really sucks, even though watching them is twenty times worse than it used to be. That’s just what he has to live with now. It’s probably better that way, actually. He’ll have an easier time keeping these feelings under control, and maybe even get over them eventually without anyone ever having to know.

Great idea in theory, except it doesn’t get easier. Because of course it doesn’t.

Wouldn’t you know, it starts happening more and more frequently — the Hitoshi being weird thing.

He's way.... _touchier_ than Aomine remembers. Like, touch-feely.

He’s started being more openly affectionate with Kagami out in public, right in front of him. It could be that Aomine’s just noticing it more now that things have changed, but he’s pretty sure Hitoshi really is being flirtier than usual. He didn’t used to do that — not as much anyways. Or at least not around him. Probably because of the whole calling them fags and trying to get in a scrap incident. At any rate, he must not be concerned anymore with how Aomine’s going to react to seeing them do things, because he sure isn’t very shy about it.

After school, they meet at the court to play. Tetsu and Hitoshi are there with them, and when they leave after a few games to go get some Maji’s, Hitoshi feeds Kagami a fry — right into his mouth.

Aomine bites down on his straw and casts his eyes down. He can’t lose his temper. Can’t show anything on his face. Can’t let him know how much it bothers him. He wonders if Hitoshi already knows. He wonders sometimes if he’s doing it purposefully to get on his nerves, to make this harder. To see if he can make Aomine lose his shit and throw a tantrum. Maybe it's all in his head.

They chatter well into Kagami’s burger stack. Apparently Hitoshi took Kagami out dancing recently at some sort of music festival. Aomine looks up when it’s mentioned that Kagami can do the moonwalk.

“No shit?” Aomine blinked. “For real?”

Kagami shrugs it off and says, “I mean, I’m not _good._ I can sort of do it.”

 _“Sort of?_ Taiga, you were so cool,” Hitoshi denies, and Kagami rubs the back of his neck, pleased with the praise. He always squirms like that when Hitoshi compliments him, instead of puffing up with pride like he would if it was anybody else.

“You can _definitely_ do it.”

“Only in my socks,” Kagami denied humbly.

“You never told me you liked Michael Jackson,” Aomine blurted, feeling rubbernecked. It hadn’t occurred to him that Kagami liked much of anything other than basketball. Kagami looked up, raising an eyebrow, and he swallows hard, trying to school his expression.

“Everyone likes him. He’s _Michael Jackson,”_ Hitoshi said, and Kagami nodded. Hitoshi reaches out and ruffles Kagami’s hair and Aomine’s shoulder lower.

It’s already hard to admit it to himself. To accept what the little flutter in his chest means. Every time he sees Kagami smile or makes him laugh and his heart squeezes, every time he realizes that he’s actually kind of funny, and wow, he’s handsome, he’s good at basketball and he likes the things Aomine likes— Every time Kagami lights up his heart just a little bit more and Aomine has to accept what that _means—_

That’s already hard enough. And being reminded that he can never let anyone know about it, that he has to sit here and be quiet and not give it away that he’s upset and frustrated and _jealous—_

Watching them be like that and having to endure it in silence— That seems impossible sometimes.

“Last exams are coming up,” Tetsu mentions, getting them back on track, and Aomine manages to choke down a bite of food.

“I should probably study. My grades last year really sucked,” Kagami muttered. “My dad was kinda’ disappointed.”

“I can help you, Kagami-kun.”

“Me too,” Hitoshi offers, and Kagami perks up. His body shifts a little, probably Hitoshi bumping his leg under the table. Aomine huffs into his drink, and then blinks when Kagami looks up.

“I don’t hear you wanting to study,” Kagami snorts. Aomine puts his nose in the air.

“What’m I gonna’ study with a guy who’s got bad grades for.”

“Hey!”

“So can you seriously moonwalk? I don’t believe it, you big idiot. I’ve seen you walk into a telephone pole,” Aomine accused. Hitoshi started laughing at that one.

“Oh, like you can dance!”

“The hell I can’t! I can _kill_ it! Not all of us are as clumsy as you!”

It’s probably a bad idea to rile him up and tease him. It’s probably not good to go poking around and let this feeling grow. But apparently he can’t stop himself. He’s always been kind of dumb like that.

“Whatever, Aomine,” Kagami scoffs, starting another burger.

“Maybe you can moonwalk, but I can do the tilt move,” Aomine brags.

“Bull- _shit_ you can.”

“I can!”

Kagami squints at him for a second and then calls him on it, “Go pound sand. Man, you’ve got some _shit.”_

“Hey, I sort of can. I can’t lean as far as he did, but I can,” Aomine insists.

“Isn’t it like, literally impossible? Even Michael Jackson couldn’t actually do it without those shoes.”

“Okay, okay, you know what I _can_ do?” Kagami raised an eyebrow. Aomine smirked and stuck his tongue out. “The crotch grab.”

Kagami busts out laughing and Aomine can’t help but smile boyishly, teeth and all. He feels silly, his heart beating too fast and his palms feel warm. He can’t help it, the swoop of happiness he feels making Kagami laugh. It’s nice actually, talking about something other than basketball once in a while.

Kagami finally stops and lets out a long sigh, “Aomine, you’re somethin’ else.”

That really hits. Right in the heart.

And so does seeing Hitoshi lean in and whisper in his ear. It sucks to see Kagami start laughing again, his cheeks a little pink, eyes flicking down. It’s awful to see them being like that together.

Aomine gets up and throws his trash away and tries to pretend.

     What else is he supposed to do.  


It keeps going on like that. It doesn’t matter where they are either, or what kind of company they’re in. Hitoshi doesn’t even care that he’s there. He’ll cuddle on Kagami a little, or rub his back, or call him _baby._ All Aomine can do is look away, equal parts nauseated and anguished. It really sucks, but he can live with it. He’s got no other choice.

Out on the court, the one in the park’s rec area, those two are sitting on a bench together while he goes to douse his head under the faucet and refill their water bottle. It’s not like he’s even out of sight, but Hitoshi leans right over and kisses Kagami on his sweaty cheek, snaking an arm around his waist.

He should look away. He knows he should just turn around and mind his own business, but he can’t tear his eyes off them.

“Can I sleep over?”

“... Are you sure? It’s a school night.”  
  
“C’mon, I won’t keep you up late.” Kagami smiles at that and turns his head, leaning in. Aomine stops and just stands there, and if he’s quick enough about it that he can close up in time, it doesn’t hurt. It’s like he’s just a pair of eyes without a heart attached. It all rolls off like rain on a windshield and just feels numb instead.

Kagami’s lips slot onto Hitoshi’s perfectly. Kagami kisses with his eyes shut — he looks almost sweet like that.

When Aomine comes back into the cage, quiet and subdued, head down, Kagami shies out of Hitoshi’s grip, looking a tiny bit uncomfortable. When Aomine gets a look at him, he's honest-to-god blushing, pink from his forehead to his neck. He must’ve forgotten he was there.

Hitoshi holds Kagami’s hand on the way to the bus stop, repeatedly leaning in to try and whisper in his ear, and Kagami looks happy about it, smiling like a silly fool, but he looks a little embarrassed too. He keeps shooting Aomine the side-eye, like he wishes they were in private.

It’s the worst kind of unwelcome he’s ever felt.

So maybe it’s better when he slowly starts to see Kagami less and less. He’s had to watch them together a lot more than was probably good for him lately.

Kagami hasn’t texted him as much and hasn’t been free to hang out very often. He should probably be glad for that. Distance should make it easier to cope — just as long as Aomine doesn’t end up thinking about him during the time they’re apart anyways.

Good luck on that one.

            _‘F— U — C — K.’_  
  


In any case, yeah, Hitoshi’s been weird. Not just the sudden burst of being affectionate either. Something else is up.

Now mind you, Aomine’s accepted that Hitoshi had beaten him to Kagami and that he’s the one Kagami wants. Aomine’s boned himself in that regard and there’s no getting around it— but he’s mostly over that and only resents the guy for it a little bit at this point. Falling for Kagami had pretty much broken him, and Aomine doesn’t feel like he’s got much energy left to hate the guy with. Not at the moment anyways.

Thing is, Hitoshi doesn’t seem to see things the same way, because this entire time Aomine’s been irritated with him being there, Hitoshi has been really mature about it and kept his cool and been polite with him for Kagami’s sake— but things have _changed._

The tables have turned. Aomine’s at a really low point, and Hitoshi must be able to sense it, because just as soon as Aomine’s lost the will to be a dick, lost the will to hold animosity and malice in his heart because of the ache that’s taken root there— just as soon as Aomine’s down, Hitoshi takes up the mantle for him and starts being a dick in his stead.

Like, he’s being a dick to him to the point where Aomine knows he isn’t just imagining things and is positive the guy’s doing it on purpose.

It’s nothing super noticeable at first, usually just back-handed comments about how his grades suck or that he’s got a nasty attitude and that people only put up with him because he’s good at basketball — all things that Aomine’s heard before. Even Kagami tells him those things all the time, but it’s the way Hitoshi says it. The way he _looks_ at him when he says it.

Like he thinks Aomine’s trash. Like he hasn’t forgiven him for hurting Kagami.

Kagami never seems to pick up on it, because he either laughs as if it was harmless teasing, or is completely oblivious to the comments having any kind of double meaning.

It’s not that it hurts Aomine’s feelings even a little bit, because what is this guy to him. Who the fuck cares what this tool thinks. But the point is, that’s what makes Aomine think that Hitoshi _knows._ Because he doesn’t know why he would do it out of nowhere like this otherwise.

There’s a possibility that it’s just pure pettiness, which Aomine understands better than anything — but it doesn’t make sense when Hitoshi’s gotten along with him for this long. He’s really starting to wonder if he’s figured it out or something and is trying to punish him for it, put him in his place. Aomine doesn’t know or care much, because it doesn’t make much difference.

 _Until suddenly it does. Because of fucking course—_  


Kagami’s got a bunch of people over at his house. It’s summer and he probably misses America because he’s grilling a bunch of burgers and hotdogs with this mini barbeque grill he’s got on his balcony. He’s making homemade pizzas in the oven too. Aomine gets there early and Kagami even lets him help with a few and sprinkle the cheese on.

The Seirin team, Aomine’s old Teiko buddies, Tetsu, and Satsuki are all there. Hitoshi came too. They’re all crammed into Kagami’s front room, fucking around and causing a ruckus, stuffing their faces.

Aomine’s hogging the sofa, the tiniest bit salty that he’s not the only person who gets to come over to Kagami’s place anymore, even though he knows Kagami’s invited other people over even before he got a boyfriend— Other than that it’s a really fun night. That pizza is super good, and Kagami keeps putting more burgers out on the grill, long after most of them are stuffed.

He’s so busy cooking and feeding everybody that he doesn’t get long to talk, and Aomine only gets a glance at him every time he crosses the living room, going back and forth from the kitchen to the balcony.

Aomine gets up and decides to wander in and pester Kagami about giving him ice cream. He’s in the kitchen, and Aomine walks in just in time to see Hitoshi standing next to Kagami at the counter, hand firmly planted on his butt.

Not his back. Not his hip. His _asscheek._

Aomine freezes. Kagami looks over his shoulder and promptly jumps out of his skin, whipping around towards him. “Uh—! Aomine!” he blurts guiltily. Hitoshi glances back, seemingly unconcerned that he’s right there, and just puts his hand out again to cop a feel on the other side. Aomine’s mouth is too dry to swallow.

“Hey,” Kagami muttered. He’s really red in the face, but he’s trying to laugh it off. “I’m trying to cook.” Hitoshi lets go. Aomine’s still so surprised that he doesn’t know what to do, just keeps standing there. Kagami gulps and kind of fiddles around with the towel hanging on the oven-door.

“You need something?” Hitoshi directs at Aomine, staring him right in the eye, a brow raised. Kagami stills, but doesn’t say anything.

Aomine stares back for a beat and then grits his jaw and walks out of the kitchen. He thinks he hears Kagami hiss something about how rude and completely inappropriate that was, but he can’t be sure, his entire head is buzzing.

It’s not like they have to hide. Everyone who’s over at Kagami’s house already knows they’re together. Why should they have hide. They don’t have to hide the same way they would if they were out in public.

He’d been so surprised that he hadn’t had time to detach, and it had hit him right in the gut. He spends the rest of the night simmering, but he keeps quiet. He doesn’t even say anything to Kagami before going home.

He’s almost let himself forget. He’s let himself pretend that maybe it’s not happening, because he’s never seen him do anything like that, but Hitoshi’s hand on Kagami’s back pocket makes it comes back in a rush. He wonders if those two are having sex. 

Does that guy get to fuck Kagami? After everyone went home tonight is Hitoshi going to stay over and sleep in Kagami’s bed with him? Take his clothes off and put it in? What about the couch, did they do it there? The kitchen counter? The floor? Kagami lives alone, he could get away with it really easily— 

At any rate, he barely got any sleep that night. He lays facedown in his pillow, completely miserable.  


Kagami tries to text him the next day, a tentative invitation to the street courts. It’s awkward. Aomine knows he’s probably feeling weird about what happened too.

As he stares at the message, he doesn’t know if he’s dreaded or hoped for it. Maybe part of him wants an explanation. An apology, even if Kagami doesn’t owe him one. Some kind of tacit reassurance that everything’s going to be fine even though it all feels like shit right now— 

Aomine’s hesitant and standoffish, a little put out. Kagami promises, _‘Just us. A one-on-one.’_ He eventually agrees when Kagami sends a basketball emoji, because apparently he can’t help himself.

However much he might want things to be normal, however much Kagami’s clearly putting in an effort to keep things light, Aomine doesn’t talk much that afternoon. He’s still sore over the other night and has been brooding about it.

It’s not even so much that he’d walked in on them again, it’s the challenging look Hitoshi had leveled him with, as if daring him to do something about it. As if he was deliberately trying to humiliate him. Having to swallow that and walk away was almost worse than seeing what he saw.

If it wasn’t already hard enough to forget about it and just let it go— what’s worse is that Kagami’s shown up to their match with a limp.

It throws him into a shaky-palmed panic, that dread shooting him through the gut all over again. At first he couldn’t figure out what was wrong, but then when he realized Kagami was definitely walking funny, Aomine felt heat rush to his face all at once and his heart plunges.

He walks like something’s hurting him. He plays basketball like he’s in pain. Aomine can’t stop the way his mind races to conclusions, he must’ve been right all along— Last night, did Hitoshi sleep over? Did they do it? If that’s the case, he thinks Kagami might be the one who…

Aomine doesn’t know how he’s supposed to live with it if it’s true. He doesn't think he can take another crushing blow. The next one will surely finish him.

“Sorry for the other night,” Kagami mumbles after they’ve played a couple games, slow and halfhearted, avoiding each other’s eyes.

Aomine’s shoulders immediately lock up. He doesn’t turn around, won’t look at him. Maybe if he doesn’t, Kagami won’t think they need to have this conversation. This part of him that had kicked and screamed and begged for an explanation, small and stupid and heartbroken, that part of him suddenly didn’t want to hear this—

“Hitoshi had some beers… He wasn’t trying to be a dick.” Is Kagami trying to defend Hitoshi to him, or is he actually concerned that Aomine got his feelings hurt— It’s hard to tell.

“And y’know… I didn’t mean to make you see that,” he mumbled, rubbing his neck. “I know that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, so…”

“I dunno’ what you’re talking about,” Aomine denied. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s almost worse to know that it had stuck with Kagami too. He probably feels awkward about what Aomine saw.

“You know. When you walked in, and—” Kagami gave him a look, like he can’t tell if he’s bullshitting or not. Aomine resolutely looks away, jaw tight and eyes hard, and after a few moments Kagami seems to decide to let it drop.

“Anyway,” he murmurs, like he wants to say more but doesn’t want to start a fight. He almost sounds disappointed.

Aomine wants to tell him he shouldn’t be letting Hitoshi bring alcohol over to his house, that no matter how discreet he is with it and whether he participates or not, Kagami could get in a lot of trouble for it, especially as an athlete. He wants to tell him that it’s a fucking disgrace for him to have a party at his apartment and let his boyfriend bring a sixpack to get messed up on even though no one else was drinking. He wants to tell him that he shouldn’t let Hitoshi grope him in mixed company, that if he sees something like that again, he won’t be responsible for what happens. There’s a lot of shit he wants to say, but he doesn’t say any of it.

He just checks the ball to him, almost vicious about it, spitefully satisfied with the way the breath is punched out of Kagami’s chest.

Things suck after that. It’s hard to focus on the game, and it’s horrible, because they’ve never let anything affect their basketball before. Whatever’s happening in their lives, that’s not supposed to creep onto the court with them, but today, he can tell by the sick feeling in his stomach and the pinch in Kagami’s brow that their minds are elsewhere.

When he finally can’t stand it anymore, dribbling alone on the court while Kagami staggers to the bench for some water, Aomine blurts out, “Why’re you limping?”

Kagami looks up and curses, leaning down to rub his leg. “Strained a muscle in my calf during practice earlier.”

Aomine about falls out from relief.

He doesn’t even care that Kagami notices.

However much things are still _not okay,_ it still feels like five tons has lifted off his back— and it all feels just a little more bearable.

“You’re in a good mood all of a sudden,” Kagami notes some time later when they’re cooling off with some ice pops from the corner store. “How come.”

      “No reason.”  
  


Aomine would have let it go. Hitoshi’s probably entitled to throw a little shade considering their first impression. He would have just moved on and not thought twice about it, just included it in the load of bullshit misery that he’s had to deal with lately and written it off as an extreme example of Hitoshi’s recent bout of getting too cozy with Kagami — but it’s not a one-off.

The spiteful eye contact while copping a feel thing is _not_ a one-off. Stuff like that keeps happening, and Aomine can’t figure out what the fuck is going on.  


Finally it comes to a head at the Seirin student fair.  
 

Aomine’s there because his school day is already done and Tetsu had invited him, but he’s mostly just bumming around, bored. Wandering back and forth through the sparse crowds of students and enjoying the gentle sunshine, he samples some snacks and checks out the basketball club booth. There’s a beetle near the art-show tables.

He runs into Kagami a couple minutes later, who was eagerly checking out the mock-cafe some girls had going. It was set up like a host club and they were serving strawberry shortcake.

“Oh, Aomine! What’s up?”

“I’m about to deck those fucking football players,” he grumbles. He wishes he’d still had the beetle to show Kagami, but it had flown away earlier when the human embodiment of a used jockstrap had barrelled into him.  
  
“Ugh, god, I know,” Kagami groans in agreement. “They’re even worse in America.”

“Worse?”

“I _know.”_ He lets out a short huff and then wonders, “What are your plans for the summer?”

“Other than hitting the courts every day?” Aomine hummed. “Probably visit my old fishing hole. I haven’t gone to catch crayfish in a while.”

“Crayfish? Like… the mini-lobster things?”

“Didn’t I ever tell you that? I thought we did that last year when we went swimming,” Aomine hummed, but now that he thinks about it, he can’t remember catching animals together. How had he not taken Kagami with him when he visits that mudhole and creeps through the woods with his plastic bughouse?

Well, to be honest, he hadn’t gone for a couple years when he’d gotten into a depressive slump — he’d stopped taking pleasure in his old hobbies and interests. But he’s sure he’d gone out with his net last year, he must have, didn’t he? It’s not like he's outgrown doing stuff like that. And it’s not like last summer had been a sad one.

“No.” Kagami’s actually paying attention, like he gives two shits about crayfish. Aomine feels like they haven’t had a chance to talk about nothing like this in so long. “You catch crayfish too? Like… in a net?

“Sometimes. With my hands too. My dad taught me.”

“Do they bite?” Kagami wonders, looking interested.

“They pinch sometimes, but not if you do it right.”

“The only one who can pinch me is me, huh?” Kagami teases, flashing his teeth, and Aomine felt his heart swell up three sizes too big.

Has he always felt like this? He can’t have. Seeing Kagami’s face, he doesn’t think he’d felt his heart soar seeing him smile — not like this. If he’d always felt this way, he would’ve realized sooner. He would've noticed something this enormous. Even the joy he’s always felt at playing with Kagami, he’s sure he should’ve seen it for what it was, if it had always been the thing he felt now…

There’s only one thing it could be.

Standing here and seeing that Kagami’s wearing the red shoes. Watching the sun light up his hair and feeling just a little bit breathless. Wishing he could’ve shown him the rhinoceros beetle. He’s not in his jersey but Aomine can see the ten in his mind plain as day.

A tiger toy with his face stuffed on cheeseburgers. Dumb and gross and annoying, the one person who really gets him— When he’s in the cold depths of the zone or sinking in the underwater prison of his own thoughts, what’s the one thing he can always feel on the edges, even if he can’t see him—   What hand plunges through and shatters the silence, reaching out for him—

Life’s worth living. Basketball’s worth playing. A California ten. His true rival, come to meet him where he’d stood alone on the court for so long. He’s the best. What else does he call it. 

 _‘L — O — V — E.’_  


     If it wasn’t love, then what was it.  


“You know it!” Aomine puts his hands in his pockets and plays it cool, but he’s sure his eyes are too bright. He feels twelve years old again. “You should come with. It’ll be like last summer.”

Kagami grins, like he likes the idea, and Aomine felt a burst of excitement.

No, it is the same. It does feel the same as that breathless joy, but so, so unbearably intense, almost unrecognizably so. It’s so fierce that it’s like he’ll lift right off the ground. It’s got to be glowing right out of him. It’s got to be right on his face. How could it not be.

“I’ll see if I—”

He snaps out of it like a bucket of ice water when an arm comes around Kagami’s shoulder, and Kagami looks up at Hitoshi, distracted. “Oh hey,” he says with a grin.

“Wanna’ come look at the science exhibit?” Hitoshi invites, already leading him off, like Aomine’s not even there and they weren’t clearly in the middle of a conversation.

“Yeah.” Kagami glances back over his shoulder at Aomine and waves, and Aomine just stands there and tries to breathe past the pain in his gut, clenching his fists — he hates watching them walk away. Hates how helpless he feels. Because there’s nothing he can do except watch and let it happen.

It just sucks. No one’s ever told him this is how it feels — that along with the insane heart-stopping highs, love can take you on an immediate nosedive, a sharp debilitating dip in your mood that can move you to the verge of tears or the point of disastrous rage.

No one ever told him that it felt like falling in love and having your heart broken over and over several times every day. It sucks. Really bad.

Well, he knows how to spell love, but he can spell fuck too so he’s probably set for now.

Aomine puts his hands in his pockets and turns a little to go rejoin Tetsu, but Hitoshi glances back at him, drawing Aomine’s eye.

That’s when he straight up _glares,_ hand in the middle of Kagami’s back, and Aomine stops in his tracks.

He doesn’t get the chance to confront him until later in the night, when everyone’s cleaning, taking down the booths, and packing up. They end up standing a couple yards away on the lawn, watching each other in silence for a minute or so.

“Do you have some sort of problem with me,” Aomine starts, low and sharp.

“Figure it out,” Hitoshi replies, eyes narrowed — oh, he definitely does.

Aomine doesn’t know why he’d decided to catch an attitude when they’d been getting along fine for this long. He doesn’t know what this guy wants him to do about it. Is he trying to start a fight? Is he taking another stab at getting Aomine to fuck off so he can have Kagami to himself? Or is this personal, and he just has beef with _Aomine._ As a person. Specifically.

“Are you still pissed ‘cause I called you fags,” he wonders. “That was ages ago and Kagami’s forgiven me.”

“I didn’t.”

“Am I supposed to care?” It’s not like Aomine had been out looking for this guy’s forgiveness. What’s it to him if he holds a grudge.

Hitoshi shows his teeth, dark eyes glittering. For such a handsome face, when it contorts like that, it completely changes. “Quit acting like you’re Taiga’s best friend or something.”

An incredulous laugh actually escapes his throat, because seriously?

“Who’s acting. He decides who he wants to talk to, doesn’t he? Not my fault if I’m more interesting than you.”

“That’s what you think,” he says under his breath, glaring at him with this icy stare, and when Aomine opens his mouth to give him a piece of his mind, Kagami jogs up.

“Sorry that took so long. Let’s go, Hitoshi.” He’s panting lightly. “Oh, you’re still here?” He says bye to Aomine too, and he heads off with Hitoshi, who turns around, putting his arm around Kagami and walking back with him.

He glares back at Aomine again, hand on Kagami’s waist.

_Oh._

Oh this is such bullshit irony. That guy’s jealous, isn’t he. He feels insecure about Kagami’s rivalry with him. If he hasn’t guessed how Aomine feels, he at least has sussed him out as a threat.

He’s trying to drive a wedge in between him and Kagami. Aomine’s noticed how irritated he gets when he distracts Kagami from him when he’s trying to have time with him, just as his boyfriend. That’s why he’s been so lovey on him in front of him lately, isn’t it. That’s what the butt-grab was about.

He’s marking his territory.

 _‘Oh so this is a competition now, is it.’_ Aomine glares after that fucking tool and feels a dirty smirk spread on his face.

It’s probably come at the right time, to help him stop feeling so goddamn miserable about his broken heart. Pity the fool who doesn’t anticipate just how nasty and petty Aomine can get when he’s feeling spiteful.

Kagami doesn’t love him. Big fucking deal. Just because he can’t have Kagami doesn’t mean Aomine’s going to lay down and die over it if Hitoshi tries to rub it in his face.

At least not forever. Because he had kind of laid down and died for a while there.

It would’ve been different if Hitoshi had just gone on being the person that has made all their friends say, ‘Hitoshi-kun seems nice.’ If he had gone on being this generic friendly guy that was hard to hate, maybe Aomine would’ve stayed down and kept his mouth shut— Like he’s been doing ever since he made up with Kagami.

What other choice does he have than to swallow his pride and lay down his swords and just try to let it go when Kagami’s words still live in his heart— _You’re a good friend, thanks for being so cool about it—_

What else is he supposed to do but tolerate it for his sake. Especially if the guy’s not even that bad other than having what he wanted.

But if Hitoshi’s going to start gloating and being a shit? That’s a whole different beast.

No, if this guy wants to fuck with him, he’s in for it. Ever since Aomine’s realized he’s got useless feelings for Kagami, he’s gotten pitiful, subdued, so broken up and devastated by the realization of what’s grown in his heart— he’s so bereft and pathetic that he’s gotten _meek_ and resigned to watching silently from a distance. Because it felt like there wasn’t any other choice. He hadn’t considered getting _mad_ again, but it’s an attractive option, especially if this guy is selling him a fight. Hurting someone else is just what Aomine needs. He’s needed the excuse to hate this guy anyway. He’s going to _regret_ trying to fuck with him.

_‘What, you think you’re gonna’ prove something?’_

It’s nice. Because getting mad feels so much better than stewing around in a fog of gloom and despair. It feels less hopeless. Because even if what he’s doing isn’t productive, isn’t mature, it’s still something.

If this is the game they’re playing, Aomine doesn’t care anymore about doing the right thing. He hasn’t been the best job getting along with Kagami’s boyfriend, but at least that guy has been pretty good at ignoring his shitty attitude. Aomine’s been over here crippled with an achy heart, no will to fight back— but it’s been bearable, watching from a distance, because Kagami’s happy and Hitoshi has at least made himself tolerable.

But Aomine’s never backed down from such a complete and utter fuck-you.

If he’s going to be a dick back then Aomine has zero incentive to keep being civil. He’s felt miserable for too long and this is the perfect outlet.  
  


_‘Jokes on you. Only one who can beat me is me.’_  
  


He’s been nice to this guy for Kagami’s sake, but even Kagami isn’t going to keep him from making this guy’s life hell. Not if he’s starting it first.

 

_‘— And Kagami on a good day.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go.


	18. Chapter 18

_Always gonna’ steal your thunder, watch me like a dark cloud—_

_. . ._

  


At first it feels good. It feels really fucking good to be a conniving petty piece of shit, because he doesn’t have to feel pathetic anymore. Maybe that makes him a bad person, but he’s always been kind of immature and awful that way, and doesn’t care about taking pleasure from doing bad things. Spite is his fucking _fuel._

It feels great. It’s a lot of fun to get on that guy’s nerves and see how mad he can get him, because Aomine can basically do anything to him as long as it’s in front of Kagami, because Hitoshi can’t and won’t retaliate.

He doesn’t even have to feel guilty about it because if Hitoshi already hates him in the first place, then there’s no point in breaking his back trying to stay on his good side and be nice to him — not even for the sake of making Kagami happy.

Well, if he’s honest, that’s the only thing that’s keeping him even a little bit reigned in. He wouldn’t do anything so bad to Hitoshi that it’d get Kagami mad at him. He can’t do things that brazenly and openly _awful_ that it’ll make him fall out with Kagami again. That's off the table. Everything else though is a go, because he sure doesn’t care anymore about being friends with Kagami’s boyfriend. Hitoshi’s made it clear that he doesn’t want him around, period.

Not that Aomine hasn’t felt the same, but he hasn’t said it to the guy’s face like that. He’s been tolerating his presence for a while now. Hitoshi’s the one who decided to suddenly get jealous out of the blue and not want him hanging out with Kagami.

If this is some popularity contest, or some pissing match to see who Kagami likes more, Aomine doesn’t give one _fuck_ about what kind of insufferable little _rat_ that makes him. He don’t care if he’s in the wrong. He doesn’t care how immature he looks or how low the blows are.

If that guy’s starting it first, then hell if he’s not bringing on the competition. Aomine always wins.

It’s what he deserves. Aomine doesn’t feel sorry for him at all. You don’t get to pick a fight with him and then walk away. That’s what he fucking _gets_ for trying to put Aomine in his place.

No one gets to try and make him look like a fool.

It’s not like Kagami’s ever gonna’ love him anyway, so Aomine doesn’t have to hide what a complete fucking asshole he is and always has been anymore. He doesn’t have to hide his nasty side, because Kagami already knows how ugly he can get.

He wouldn’t hold back at all if not for this tiny thing that bugs him and makes him ache all over — _‘Thanks, you’re a good friend.’_

It gives him pause, admittedly. It keeps him from going too far.

But it’s not gonna’ stop him.

      Sometimes he wishes it would, but not this time.  
  


First he tries being a general nuisance, just to take pleasure in watching that guy get irritated and see if he can actually make him lose his temper whether they’re in front of Kagami or not.

Kagami's turned him down for basketball today, so he knows what that means. They’re out on a date. As luck would have it, by some bullshit coincidence, Aomine finds them in the same park that he and Kagami like to play basketball in. It’s not like he’d planned it that way, but hell, he’s an opportunist, so when he sees them, he goes for it.

When he’s out wandering around some distance from the sports facilities, he sees them on the lawn by the pond together. They’re under a tree cozied up next to each other, sitting on a blanket and everything, talking and eating. Hitoshi’s feeding Kagami and Kagami’s looks pretty damn happy about it.

It still hurts. It sets off that conflicted knot in his gut, the warring emotions flaring to life, jealousy and disgust both trying to overpower each other, the thing that finds it nasty to see them like that and yet makes him feel nasty for wanting to be in Hitoshi’s place — but instead of retreating inward and getting messed up over it, now Aomine smirks and rolls his shoulders. He's always been better at taking out his inner turmoil on other people.

This is gonna’ be good.

“What’re you two doin’ out here?” he hums as he comes up on them. Kagami’s head pops up immediately, whipping around at the sound of his voice. Aomine gets right on their blanket and reaches over Kagami’s shoulder, sticking his finger into his bento and taking a taste. “Mm. Gimme’ some,” he demands, crowding against Kagami’s back. 

He takes another bite and makes eye contact with Hitoshi, who’s glaring daggers, but also gawking in disbelief. “Hey!” Kagami gripes, trying to hold the food out of reach after a beat of sitting there in stunned surprise. “Aomine, will you fuck off? Where did you even come from?”

“The courts.”

“We’re kinda’ busy here,” Kagami mumbles a little hesitantly, trying to see him off. Aomine’s not having it. “Can we talk later?”

“Yeah, do you _mind,_ man?” Hitoshi mutters, keeping his voice level but Aomine can definitely detect a snarl. 

“Nah,” Aomine droned, swiping for the food again. He loves Kagami’s homemade lunches. Even though he lives on his own, he still makes the effort at making his food look nice. He crams it full with all the good stuff — he even makes those little apple bunnies.

“You’re so goddamn annoying,” Kagami mutters, but doesn’t do much to keep Aomine from taking the umeboshi off his rice, a cute red one.

Hitoshi’s eyes are glued to the spot where they’re touching, and Aomine smirks a little, popping the plum in his mouth.

He’d never dream of flirting with Kagami on his own, because the idea sets off this nervous fluttery feeling in his gut, one that _scares_ him quite frankly, but to do it meaninglessly just to annoy this guy? He’s on it.

He scoots up against Kagami, gratuitously pressing on his back, and Hitoshi looks ready to burst a vessel.

“Aomine, can you _not?”_

Kagami’s getting pretty irritated, but no more than he usually does when Aomine comes around with his bullshit. Hitoshi’s clenching his teeth, sitting there in silence like he’s putting all his effort into not blowing his stack and making an ass of himself.

One of them isn't limited in that respect, because Aomine’s never had a problem showing his ass, so he’s enjoying himself, even though Kagami’s getting a little steamed too.

“Seriously, can you piss off?” Kagami tries, glaring at him and thrashing around a little to jostle Aomine off his back, but he just reaches around him again. “We’re kind of on a date right now.”

“You can date later — come play basketball.” Hitoshi audibly huffs through his nose, and Kagami starts to squirm uncomfortably.

“Why are you this needy. Can’t you hang out with Kuroko?” Kagami suggests, grinding his teeth back and forth, glancing at Hitoshi, who’s chewing on his tongue and keeping quiet, glaring at nothing.

“Dude, seriously, you need to leave,” he mutters, and Aomine’s feeling bitter about that, so he decides to bring out the big guns.

“Fine,” he drawls. ”I was on my way somewhere anyways. Me an’ the guys from the south courts are gonna’ play Knockout.” Kagami’s quiet for a beat, and then double-takes.

“What?” he complains, looking disappointed. “Now? Aw man…” Hitoshi’s staring at him incredulously, and then openly scowls at Aomine. He smirks back.

Maybe it makes him a fucking jerk. Maybe he’s a bad person, but he doesn’t care. It feels mean and rotten and awful, but it feels so good, fucking with that guy.

“Gimme’ one more,” Aomine grabs for Kagami’s food, nabbing an apple.

“Yo, quit breathing in my ear! Aomine, I’ve fucking had it with you!” Kagami snaps, setting the bento down and finally shoving him off. Aomine smirks and keeps picking at him, grinning his ass off when Kagami gets mad enough to tackle him and wrestle him in the grass. With the sun shining through the leaves above them, parts of Kagami’s hair glow bright red.

He leaves them alone and heads to the courts and plays for a couple hours, not that it’s as fun as it could be, but it passes the time.

Kagami ends up showing up though, late in the afternoon, Hitoshi on his heels.

Smug, Aomine smirks in satisfaction. He and Kagami play long after everyone else has gone home, and he’s feeling pretty good. Maybe he doesn’t get to be with Kagami like Hitoshi does, but he can still steal his attention like an expert.

They get each other, and that idiot can’t say no to basketball. He might not see him as much, but Kagami can’t stay away. Not forever. Aomine just has to play the long game.

He can outlast this guy. He’s not going to lose his cool first. In fact, it becomes Aomine’s new favorite pastime — pestering those two like he used to pester Kagami back when he was single. Kagami just reacts the same as always, but Hitoshi’s eventually going to crack, he knows it.

He doesn’t take it lying down though.

Hitoshi’s only got a couple ways that he can get Aomine back, but they’re all dirty tricks. Usually it’s something like getting Kagami’s attention back by kissing him. Right where Aomine can see.

Which, _fuck,_ that really hurts — but it only fires him up more, makes him more determined to show this guy what’s what.

Once after school, Aomine shows up at Maji’s like usual, and it looks like Tetsu’s already gone home, because Kagami and Hitoshi are on their own in a booth together and Aomine decides to barge in. 

Kagami lets him join, and they chatter about basketball for a while. It must not be a date, because Hitoshi doesn’t seem as irritated as usual to see him. He just sits with his chin resting on his hand, listening and gazing at Kagami’s face.

“I swear to god if I ever get to see MJ dunk in person, I’ll just—!” Kagami balls up a fist and makes an expression like he’s about to weep actual tears. “I’ll just pass away. Deceased.”

Aomine snorts. “Nah, man. Lebron James all the way.”

“You can’t beat the king,” Kagami insists, eyes bright. “I don’t care what Lebron says, he’ll never surpass the ultimate.”

“I mean, sure, but if I get to pick who I’d rather see play? Lebron every time.”

“Dude, really?” Kagami groans.

“Hey, at least it's more realistic. I'm _way_  more likely to see him in person than MJ,” Aomine hums, sipping his drink while Kagami shakes his head scornfully and finishes off a burger. “Why do you think I wanna’ join the Cavs — Duh. Lebron.”

Kagami rolls his eyes and Aomine points a finger in agreement. “He’s totally fucking wrong if he thinks he’s the GOAT though. No one can stand up to MJ.”

“He’s so good,” Kagami groans dramatically. “Oh my god, _legend._ If I ever saw him, I would just die. Right there, on the ground, facefirst. I’d _die.”_

Hitoshi’s laughing a little, grinning at Kagami. Aomine’s probably doing the exact same thing.

He feels like he knows what it’s like to be one of those cartoons where the heart bubbles start popping out your ears. Kagami’s dumb and gross and loud and silly as ever, but he’s perfect. He’s perfect to Aomine.

“Imagine being able to play a game with him.”

“Dude, I would DIE.”

Aomine snickered as Kagami just kept nerding out. “I would let him sign both of my asscheeks and then my face. I would let him slamdunk me. I would sell my soul for his jersey—”

“Whoa, okay man, chill out,” Hitoshi teased. “If you like him so much, why not marry him.”

“You don’t _understand!_ When I make it onto the Chicago Bulls, I’m going to fucking lose my shit. Man, if I ever get close to being as good as him—”

Aomine grins, Kagami’s words starting to tune out as he focuses on that look on his face. He can’t take his eyes off him when he’s like that. Fired up and excited and talking about basketball. He’s… perfect.

“Isn’t he like, almost sixty now?”

“Hitoshi, you don’t understand, he’s MJ. There’ll never be another. You don’t get it.”

 _‘I do,’_ Aomine thinks. He looks at Kagami’s sparkling eyes, and he gets what it’s like to see something and know there’s only one like it.

“He took his team to the—” Hitoshi reaches out and pops a fry in Kagami’s open mouth and then directed his face towards him with a finger on his chin. “Eh?”

Kagami blinks in surprise as Hitoshi leans in and plants a wet one on him, closing his teeth around the fry and kissing him on the mouth. Aomine tries to control his trembling breath, watching as they stay locked together for a moment that seems to drag on and on—

He must be getting more bold about it, because he’s kissed Kagami in front of Aomine before, but never in a Maji’s. Never around this many other people.

 

Kagami’s frozen for a second, stunned and silent, and a moment later his face flushes a violent red all at once. He clear his throat and stares at his tray for a second, and then ferociously crams another burger in his mouth. He looks really flustered. Hitoshi laughs a little. “Sorry. You’re just so cute when you get excited.” Kagami coughs again and looks away, embarrassed.

He seems happy with how Hitoshi’s been doting on him recently. He’s definitely liking it, to the point where he looked overwhelmed with all the affection — even if he does get a tiny bit shy if they’re in a crowded place. Or maybe that's just because Aomine's there. 

They’re a nice couple. They look good together.

Something he still asks himself every night, day in and day out— if he had the chance, as happy as Kagami is, if he had the chance to destroy his relationship, if he was given the perfect opening to get his one-up on Hitoshi and pull them apart—    

Would he ruin it all for Kagami if he could?

And Aomine has to wonder, for all that he was supposed to have learned his lesson, if he really had, shouldn't he be feeling better by now. Shouldn't it be easier. Shouldn't he have matured. Become a better friend. Stopped feeling so spiteful and angry, even when it was to his advantage? If he had the chance handed to him, would he wreck Kagami's life again if only to make himself feel better— he honestly can't say, and that might be the worst thing. He doesn't know what he would do. Feels like he's teetering on the edge.

 

Aomine should be happy for him. He should be happy that Kagami’s happy — but he’s always been a spoiled, rotten, selfish jerk, and this ugly dark thing is still there, this thing that feels sad and horrible when he sees Kagami smiling with that guy, when he sees Kagami _liking_ that guy.

They’re cute. They seem to really like each other a lot, like any other couple newly in love. And Aomine knows now that the feeling of revulsion he always feels when he sees them kiss or touch, it’s because… well, because it hurts him to look at it. And when he's hurting, he hurts other people.

He doesn’t want to face the fact that watching them together hurts this much because he wishes it was _him_ that Kagami liked. It makes him uncomfortable because part of him feels like he’s missed out on something. Like maybe if things were different, that it could’ve been him Kagami was kissing.

It feels fucking awful.

It’s awful, but... but he has to accept it. The sooner he accepts it, the sooner he can move on, and maybe get over it eventually. He has to let it go, even if he doesn’t understand it or even _like_ it.

As long as he’s happy— even if Aomine’s sad about it, as long as Kagami’s happy that’s all that matters. That's all that  _should_ matter.

Kagami squirms in the booth, big and dumb and flushed and stuffed with cheeseburgers while Hitoshi smiles with those pretty white teeth and bumps his big shoulder onto Kagami’s — and Aomine’s got to live with that.  
  


They look good together. Aomine can admit that. They do.  
  


What he wants to know is how long it’s going to hurt like this. How much longer till he hits the bottom.

 

. . . 

 

Aomine sort of gives up on his quest of being an asshole for a while and does a lot of thinking on his own, because it’s felt so much worse lately and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to bear it.

Seeing those two, thinking about those two, it just hurts him so goddamn much. He’s so jealous and sad that he thinks he could die from it.

It’s not just the jealousy though. It’s the thought that comes to him at night, the knot of disgust and curiosity and absolute terror still clogged up inside of him that tells him, _even if you were in time, even if you did realize how you felt in time, what would you have even done?_

Even taking Kimura out of the equation completely, if he’d never existed, would he feel any less scared and repulsed? 

He thinks he would. He hopes he would. But he’s not sure.

He's not even sure he would’ve been brave enough to tell Kagami how he felt, whatever the circumstances. He’s not even sure he’d _want_ to— because this thing he’s feeling still makes him scared, still makes him feel _nasty, nasty, nasty._

It’s because the little flutter he feels when he imagines what it would be like to be in Hitoshi’s place, it’s this pure, sweet, nervous little thing that lights up when he sees Kagami’s face. He feels absolute, unfettered, rip-your-heart-out, _joy_ when they’re playing together, something he can’t control. What his heart does when he’s with Kagami feels innocent.

But the twist of disgust he feels when he thinks of that video, when he watches Hitoshi bite a fry out of Kagami’s mouth, when he sees the hands appear on Kagami’s back — it’s so nauseating and horrible that he feels scared by it. He hates it, he fucking _hates_ it.

The worst part is that he can’t separate the two. They both exist together.

It’s these two things that are snaring each other, the nervous excitement of these tender feelings and the dark ugly jealousy and repulsed pit of disgust sitting in the bottom of his gut. They’re knotted together and he can’t untangle them.

So maybe it’s better like this.

Because knots are made up of rope, and he’s got one wrapped around his heart a couple hundred times judging from the way it feels. It just tightens and tightens like a noose until the twists and turns of the string are too convoluted to unravel, turning into one huge mangled mess.

Knots are made of rope, except the rope is a wick and his heart is a bomb, and if it caught fire and went off, what’s going to be there on the inside under all that mess? What’s he going to see when nothing’s left to hide it, nothing to hold it together? Could he face what he would find there?

Maybe it’s better that he never got the chance to do anything with this fucking thing. This horrible nasty selfish heart. Maybe it’s better that Kagami didn’t like him back. It’ll be better for everyone if Aomine just keeps this inside and never has to let it see the light. 

It's not like he deserved reciprocation. He's not even sure that he would have started loving Kagami if not for Hitoshi coming around to cause him problems. Would he have had the incentive to self-reflect? Would he have even realized and recognized what had grown into his heart if he hadn't been  _made_ to see it? Would he even have loved Kagami if not for that?

He doesn't even know anymore.

Besides. What does Aomine have to offer other than basketball. If it weren’t for that, he’s not even sure that Kagami would bother with him. So really... this is better.

Whatever he's been trying to do here, driving a wedge between them and irritating Hitoshi, Aomine should really just be focusing on getting over this... this, whatever it is. 

And he would be ready for it. He'd be ready to bury it all again and try to just get on with life any way he can, surviving high school while dragging this ten-ton weight on his conscience. He’s ready to like Kagami from a distance with his lips clamped shut and just hope, _hope_ that it doesn’t get any worse.

But then something happens.  
  


     Something isn’t right — with _Hitoshi._  
  


Don’t get it twisted. Aomine’s never liked Hitoshi. He’s honest about that and knows that he’s been biased against the guy from the start. He hates Hitoshi because he’s got something Aomine doesn’t have, he’s got something special that Kagami seems to like. He hates him because he came out of nowhere and messed up Aomine’s easy life and now everything sucks, he hates Hitoshi because he has what Aomine wants. He gets to love Kagami and Aomine has to let him.

But if he had to be honest… even though he hates him, he’s never thought he was like, _a bad person_ or anything. If he wasn’t Kagami’s boyfriend, if Aomine had met Hitoshi in some other context, he’d just be a regular schmoe that Aomine wouldn’t have any problem with. He’s never thought Hitoshi was a genuinely bad guy.

But something happens that starts a seed of doubt growing. He has a gut feeling that something isn’t right.

He’s had suspicions before, to be fair. He’d thought for a while that there was more to Kagami losing his ring. It had crossed his mind that Hitoshi might’ve been behind that, but he’d never said anything because he doesn’t have any proof other than a gut feeling.

He’s complained about the guy to his friends, but more along the lines of saying he was annoying and that he’s not that special and that Kagami shouldn’t like such a boring guy who can’t play ball. Offhand criticisms that come naturally from a bitter mouth.

But he hasn’t told anyone about _this —_ because, for one, why the hell are they gonna’ believe him. He’s been prejudiced against the guy from the start. Even Aomine wasn’t sure for a while if it wasn’t just his own mind playing tricks on him, wanting so badly to hate the guy that he was seeing things that weren’t there. He was looking for something awful to point to just so he could explain away why he hates him. Every time he sees those two acting weird together, he just tells himself it’s his bias against Hitoshi that is making him read into things.

What happens make Aomine positive that he’s not imagining it this time.

He’s seen little things before. Little things that have built up over time that are making him slowly start to wonder if this guy is more than what he seems. Stuff that made him pause and frown, that afternoon at the waterpark for example, when he hadn’t laughed at Kagami’s jokes. It was weird, but on its own it didn’t mean anything.

He’s never had anything he could point to to prove, even to himself, that something’s up other than this gut feeling, because again, if he’s brutally honest, they’re a cute couple. They look good together and Kagami’s clearly been happy, so all that stuff he thinks he sees, it must not mean anything.

But then it starts happening, and for the first time, Aomine wonders if something might be wrong in their relationship.

He and Kagami are playing basketball after one of the last days of school. It’s a Friday and they’re out enjoying the weather before the sleepover they have planned, and Hitoshi’s decided to tag along and watch, wanting to spend some time with Kagami probably.

It’s not that big a deal at this point, because Aomine’s used to having that guy there, gotten used to sharing Kagami’s attention as much as he’d always sworn he never would. Maybe this is what being heartbroken is like. It’s like the stuffing gets kicked out of you nine ways from one and you have to put all your energy into not showing it on your face.

Aomine’s feeling alright, because he and Kagami are having a good time together and they’re going to hang out this weekend — not to mention he gets the whole night alone with him at Kagami’s house. He doesn’t mind so much if that guy wants to butt in and make kissy faces at Kagami in front of him, as long as he only has to put up with it for a little while.

He’s fine with it, but Hitoshi still seems pretty irritated to be sharing air with him, even though this is clearly not a date and Aomine hasn’t barged in uninvited this time. He’s still acting like Aomine’s imposing on him and Kagami instead of the other way around. Aomine doesn’t know what his problem is, but he’s not that interested, too exhausted to play this game today and focusing on having fun playing basketball instead. It keeps Kagami’s attention on him with no extra effort. At least he’s got that.

They take a break to stretch and get a drink, and Aomine walks around in the shade for a bit. As he’s wandering, he sees a toad in the grass by a tree, and stoops down to look at it.

It wriggles in his hands when he picks it up, its soft belly warm and damp against his fingers. He holds on when it kicks its feet, gently closing his palms over it without squeezing on its squishy body. Wow, it’s a big one. He should show Kagami.

He carries it singlemindedly back to the court where Kagami’s sitting on his own, flapping his shirt on his sweaty chest. “Kagami, check it out, I found a toad.”

Kagami looks up, brow quirked. “Wanna’ see?” Aomine squats down next to him, showing it to him.

“Oh, that’s… cool?” he notes. Aomine grins, because fuck yeah, it is.

It’s brown, with big ol’ orange eyes and a white belly. He runs his finger along the bumps on its back a couple times.

“You can hold it if you want,” he offers.

“Uh. I’ll pass.”

Aomine keeps trying to share the toad with him, eager to let him hold it too, because he’s a nice guy like that— and eventually Kagami deigns to put a finger out and rub its back a couple times. Pleased, Aomine grins.

“Here.” He sets it on Kagami’s bare knee, laughing when he tenses up.

“Aw, it’s _moist,_ take it off!” Kagami yells, but he doesn’t jerk around or slap it away, not wanting to hurt it.

“Huh. He’s not running away,” Aomine notes. “I think he likes you.”

“Aomine, take it back,” he demands, but keeps still until Aomine picks it up again.

Aomine floats it towards Kagami’s face, making fish lips and loud kissie noises. Kagami hurls himself away, shoving Aomine back by planting his forearm on his chest, but Aomine leans forward, holding the toad out. He grips it around its middle, letting its legs hang down and kick wildly. “Hey!” Kagami blurts, “Get that _away_ from me!”

He pretends like he’s going to set it on his head until Kagami’s riled up in annoyance.

Aomine keeps teasing him a little more, until all of a sudden, he realizes— _oh no._

Was this him trying to _flirt?_

Shit, don’t try to flirt. Do not.

Especially not with toads, like a five year old. Aomine sheepishly takes it back, abruptly going quiet. Kagami huffs and puffs, indignant, but lowers his shoulders.

“I don’t want your toad, so keep it,” Kagami grumbles half-heartedly, giving him a tentative sidelong glance, and his face must’ve fallen or something, because Kagami seems _guilty_  suddenly.

“... Look, he’s cool, okay? I just don’t feel like holding him,” he mumbles, like he thinks he’s actually hurt his feelings. It’s almost sweet, really. Aomine swallows and manages to smirk.

“Fiiiine,” he drawls, and lays on the ground next to Kagami, back against the warm pavement. He sets the toad on his chest and folds his arms behind his head. Kagami lets out a satisfied huff.

“Hey, take my picture,” Aomine says, and Kagami gets his phone out. He picks his head up to look at Hopper chilling on his chest, and puckers his lips at him.

It jumps right onto his face. “Ack!” he yelps, screwing his eyes up.

Kagami bursts out laughing, but has mercy and quickly picks it up before he can reflexively catapult it or squash it in his struggle to get it off. When Aomine sits up, sulkily rubbing his sticky cheek and eye, Kagami’s practically wheezing.

Aomine can’t help but smile. “Geez, I know I’m irresistible, but slow down there,” he hums, taking the toad back and scolding it a little more as it kicks for freedom.

“Oh my god, your face!” Kagami cackles, wiping a tear when he finally calms down. “Oh my god, okay. Okay, you’re cool in my book, little guy. Fuck, that was great.”

They play with the toad for a bit, setting it on the ground and coaxing it to leap after little bits of grass and jump over twigs and stuff, and Aomine only teases Kagami a couple more times, heart beating a little faster than usual.

Do not.

He puts the toad into Kagami’s hands, instructing him to hold it under the arms firmly, _but don’t squeeze,_ and Kagami yelps when it wriggles out and hops away.

Aomine corrals it and scoops it up, letting Kagami cup his hands around his to try taking it again and when he looks up into Kagami’s face, tongue between his teeth from focus, Aomine’s heart stutters.

Dude, do _not._

That’s around the time Hitoshi walks up again. Kagami sits back, wiping his hands on his legs and looking up at him. Aomine tries not to look too sullen at being interrupted.

He’s silent for a beat, and then says, “Whoa, the fuck, is that a frog?”

“Oh.” Aomine looks down at the little head peeking out through a gap in his fingers. “Toad,” he said awkwardly.

“Uh… cool, man,” Hitoshi mutters, eyebrow raised.

“Yeah.” Aomine scowls and stands up. “I’m hungry. Be back.”

“Hey!” Kagami calls after him, but Aomine doesn't stop. “Pick me up something!” He waves a hand overhead but doesn’t turn.

He sets the toad down in a safe place and then goes off on his own to the store down the street to get some snacks. It’s better to leave them alone for a while. He figures Hitoshi might not complain as much about them taking so long to finish playing if he gave them some time to themselves.

Not that Hitoshi can really make Kagami leave with him anyway, not when he and Aomine already have the rest of the day planned. At least he hopes Kagami would never ditch him like that.

Besides that, he needs a minute away from whatever… _that_ just was.

Aomine picks up some sweet rolls and spicy cucumber sandwiches. He gets some ramune, two watermelons and a peach one for Kagami, because Aomine thinks he’s kinda’ sweet — and then stands in front of the fridge for a second. This damned thing that won’t go away, his achy heart, this tiny pure fluttery thing that he knows can’t be anything except love — this damned thing looks at the rice balls and makes something knot up in his throat. Tuna. Roe. Salmon.

There aren’t any cheese ones, but he still checks.

He pays and takes his time strolling back, taking the long way around the side of the court. He can hear Kagami and Hitoshi talking together as he gets closer, and slows to a stop. He leans against the wall with his phone, scrolling and popping the glass marble out of the top of his soda to take a swig.

“Wanna’ spend the night together?”

“Nah…” Kagami sounds apologetic, and admits a little hesitantly, “Aomine’s gonna’ sleep over.” It’s quiet for a second and then he mumbles, “Sorry.”

“Again?” Hitoshi sounds pretty vexed, even a little hurt.

“I told him he could,” Kagami said, sort of defensively and with a tone of finality that Hitoshi took a minute to recover from.

“Next Friday?” he tried tentatively, and Aomine can practically hear Kagami cringe in the beat of awkward silence.

“... Sorry Hitoshi,” he finally says.

He’s glad momentarily that he’s gotten better about asking Kagami in advance, because Kagami’s good about keeping promises.

“What, _then too?”_ Hitoshi gripes. “You have him over an awful lot.”

“Hitoshi, it’s how things were before you an’ I met,” Kagami tries to explain. “We play basketball and he’d come over after. It’s like, our thing.” Aomine stares down at his phone, rubbing his thumb over the home button mindlessly. Listening to Kagami defend him always hurts a little. This sweet ache.

“Now that we’re together, I can’t just blow him off,” Kagami mumbled uncomfortably. “That’d be shitty. He’s my friend.”

“Because of basketball,” Hitoshi sighs, sounding disappointed. Then his voice turns a tiny bit clipped and short. “I know.”

Kagami’s silent for a long time. “... I dunno’ what that means,” he finally says, slow and careful, like he can tell he’s annoyed and doesn’t want to start a fight, but is getting a little upset himself too.

 _“It means—”_ Hitoshi started off, sarcastic and huffy, “you hang out with that guy too much. You drop me for him _all the time.”_

“What?” Kagami sputters. “I— No, I don’t.”

“You always seem pretty damn excited to see him, that’s all I’m saying,” Hitoshi accuses, grumbling a little, sounding butthurt. “You don’t get like that with me…”

“Huh? Like hell I don’t!” Kagami blurts, taken aback. “What’re you even talking about?” His voice quiets all of a sudden, into something hesitant and almost fragile. “Hitoshi… Hey, c’mon.”

Aomine edges a couple steps closer to the corner and glances over at them. They’re sitting together against the fence, not far away, facing away from him. Kagami’s scooted up, trying to make eye-contact with Hitoshi, who’s got his arms folded across his knees, shoulders slumped.

“I’m always happy to see you,” Kagami coaxes, but when Hitoshi lifts his chin, Kagami just wilts in a frown.

“Not like you get when you hear something about basketball, you don’t,” he bites out, and then runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it up and letting out a long sigh. He sounds tired then instead of mad.

“It’s like that’s all that’s in your brain sometimes.”

Kagami sits there like he doesn’t know what to say for a minute, lips parted, brows pushed together. He looks guilty, and for a second Aomine’s gut twists up, because Kagami’s a comet rocketing through space, Kagami’s a fucking blaze of light when he plays and the last thing he wants to see in this world is for Kagami to apologize for loving basketball, to feel like he has to say sorry for that intense, blinding passion.

To see that light go dim.

He eventually puts a hand out to Hitoshi’s shoulder hesitantly, rubbing just a little. Hitoshi shrugs him off, letting his forehead drop onto his elbow so he doesn’t have to look at him. Kagami’s hand floats there for a second and then fists, dropping away.

Aomine watches him bite his lip and sit there next to his unhappy boyfriend in silence, his big dumb body tensed and almost meek, like he’s hurt that his boyfriend’s hurt and doesn’t know what to say to him to make him feel better.

“You knew basketball was my favorite thing,” Kagami says tentatively, voice alarmingly small. “That’s my dream, Hitoshi… To go pro.”

“I know.” Hitoshi lifts his head and they look at each other. Aomine swallows hard as Kagami puts a hand out and gently, _gently_ brushes a piece of Hitoshi’s hair, fingertips lovingly stroking his cheek.

“If you’re feeling a little insecure, it’s okay,” Kagami comforts, face open and sweet with kindness. “Just ‘cause I wanna’ see my friends doesn’t mean I don’t care about you too,” he assures, and he’s so nice about it that Aomine looks away. It’s too intimate. He hadn’t known Kagami could sound that sweet.

“I’ve got some big dreams, you know that. But it doesn’t change how I feel about you. So don’t worry, okay?” he coaxes, palm on Hitoshi’s cheek, thumb stroking back and forth.

Hitoshi closes his eyes and sighs slowly. He gives a half-smile and Kagami looks pleased. “It just feels like you never have time.”

Kagami scoots closer, putting an arm around him, and Hitoshi rests his head on his shoulder for a second. It’s fascinating how well they fit together like that, even though they’re both big tall boys who take up too much space.

“I told you it’s okay for you to come along when I’m out playing,” Kagami reminds, rubbing on his back, seeming encouraged that he’s starting to cheer him up. “Basketball’s a huge part of my life, but you can be part of that too. I like it when you watch me play.”

“I know,” Hitoshi hums, and Kagami takes his arm away.

“Aomine’s my rival. He’s the best.”

Aomine swells with pride, clenching his hand on the snack bag and retreating a step. “That’s why it seems like we’re always playing.”

“I get that. But the going to your house thing?”

“I know you don’t like being around him very much, so I thought it’d be better if I didn’t try to force you two ta’… y’know,” he mumbles, scratching at the back of his neck. _“Gel.”_

“Whatever,” Hitoshi mutters. “I just don’t get why a guy like him is so important.”

Kagami looks away, hands in his lap, shrugging a shoulder. “It’s fine if you don’t understand,” he says under his breath. Hitoshi snorts.

“Heh. I’m trying. It’s just hard,” he says a little sadly.

He lets out a long sigh and then seems to get an attitude adjustment, giving Kagami a grin, eyes twinkling. “Thanks for being patient with me.”

And he thinks for a second that maybe he was mistaken. When he’d thought Hitoshi was starting to lose his temper, getting jealous of him, maybe it was a fluke and the guy just didn’t know how to deal with Aomine's bullshit. Anyone would get fed up with it. It didn’t make him a bad guy. Everyone gets insecure sometimes. He couldn’t fault him for reacting like a normal person when he’d messed with him.

Kagami perks up. For being so scared of dogs he sure looks like one when he’s happy. He’s practically wriggling like he has a tail to wag. “Yeah,” he chirps, and leans in to meet Hitoshi in a kiss.

Then another, and another. Their heads twist and turn as they bump noses and switch sides. Kagami lets Hitoshi hold his face in his palms. Aomine watches on numbly, a subtle ache holding back a tidal wave of emotion.

His gut doesn’t twist that time. He just feels emptiness, and a little bit of longing. It’s almost sweet, the way Kagami closes his eyes when he kisses.

They break apart and Kagami takes one of his hands in his own. “If you got to know him—”

“That’s alright,” Hitoshi snorts. “I don’t think we’ll ever get along.”

 _‘Damn straight,’_ Aomine agrees, and Kagami sighs, exasperated.

He backs up and then comes around the corner, pretending like he didn’t hear anything like an expert — but it sticks with him for a long time. In fact, it’s on his mind when he and Kagami start to play again. Even though Kagami’s attention is back on him again and he should be cheering up, this gloomy uncertainty keeps creeping back in.

When at last they finish up to stretch and cool down, Aomine sits a ways from them and snacks on the last sweet bun. They’re on the other side of the court together. Hitoshi’s got one leg over Kagami’s, ankles crossed. He occasionally jiggles his foot to love on him.

“Can I eat dinner at your place after my exams?” Aomine asks, playing with his empty soda bottle, flipping it in the air and catching it by the neck.

Kagami takes a breath, opening his mouth, and then stops, glancing at Hitoshi for a microsecond. “Actually, we’re having a date night. Sorry,” he says when Aomine doesn’t immediately respond. “Friday instead?” Kagami offers conciliatorily.

“Kay,” Aomine agrees, because he figured Kagami had just caught enough hell and could use a break. He looks a little relieved when Aomine leaves it there, and nudges the basketball with his foot.

“One more round?”

Aomine snorts through his nose. They’re both pretty wiped already. He starts to say he’s basketball-crazy and he should’ve had enough by now, but he stops when he sees that along with Kagami’s expectant hopeful look, Hitoshi’s staring at him too, hard and unblinking.

“Nah. I’m good for tonight.”

That’s when it really starts, and part of him realizes it’s not just a case of a person who blows hot and cold. It’s not a case of a reasonable guy who’s getting tired of sharing his boyfriend with a best friend who’s purposefully being a complete jerk. Aomine knows it in his gut that it’s not just a one-off.  
  


Something’s _wrong_ with this guy.  
  


    He tries to tell Tetsu.  
  


They’re gonna’ play basketball together in the park a little on a day he knows Kagami isn’t available.

He must be too obvious about it that he’s lost in thought and kind of down, because Tetsu out of the blue says, “I know you miss Kagami-kun. You’re not yourself.”

“Ah, whatever,” Aomine brushes off, careful not to come off as too defensive, because he doesn’t want Tetsu to figure him out. He doesn’t want Tetsu to know how much of an idiot he is, to be a complete jerk to Kagami finding out he was gay, and then fall for him himself. It’s the pinnacle of loserdom.

Plus the last thing he needs when he’s barely accepted it himself is for other people to realize. It’s hard enough sorting through it on his own without adding another layer of denial.

“Is he with Kimura-kun today?”

“Yeah,” Aomine groans, dribbling the ball as they walked. “Tetsu… I think there’s something wrong with that guy.”

“What do you mean?” Aomine blinks, having gotten really distracted for a second, enough that Tetsu’s actually snatched the ball from him. “Kimura-kun seems nice to me.”

Disgruntled, Aomine huffs. “I dunno’. I’m telling you, I don’t like him.”

“Yes, Aomine-kun, we all know this,” Tetsu says, long-suffering. “It’s time to let it go.”

“Yeah, but I—!...” Aomine grits his teeth and sighs, unclenching his fists. “Whatever.”  
  
It’s not like he’d expected him to believe him anyways.

Kagami and Hitoshi must like having their dates in the park, because on their way to the courts, he and Tetsu spot them taking a walk together. Kagami sees them too and waves at them. Aomine motions that they’re going to the courts, pointing over his shoulder. Hitoshi immediately latches onto Kagami’s wrist and Kagami looks a little disappointed, waving again as they continue on.

“Still on for Friday?” he hears Kagami call, the loud-ass, and Aomine shoots a thumbs-up.

He makes himself forget about it for a day or two, because Tetsu’s usually right about this kind of stuff and can read people really well. He tries to _let it go, Aomine-kun,_ but then—  
  


_Then._ Then things get even more complicated.  


After school he takes the slow way home. He stops in a convenience store and goes in the back by the magazine racks, figuring he’ll treat himself to a new photo-book since he’s been feeling down lately and deserves something nice.

He looks around for the best one, flicking through one with some pretty skimpy swimsuits.

“Hm, scandalous,” he murmurs.

He stands in the back there shamelessly and flips the pages, vaguely aware of an occasional schoolkid or businessman passing behind him in the aisle.

He ignores them and enjoys himself, taking his time in selecting the one he wants to keep. He vaguely notes that there’s another kid next to him who’s standing there reading the JUMP update. Aomine picks out the keeper, a new Mai-chan book, can’t go wrong there, and then glances over at the covered rack clearly marked _adult._

He’s just about considering whether he can get away with sneaking a peek when he hears a familiar voice.

“— never around anymore, man. Bringing him along _everywhere.”_

“Sorry, can’t help it. My boyfriend’s crazy cute.” It’s definitely Hitoshi. Aomine picks his head up, magazine spread in front of him, school-bag on his back.

“Bros before hoes.”

“Hey,” he scolds, to his credit. “Shut up about Taiga—”

“I thought he was pretty cool that time you brought him for karaoke.” There’s two other guys with him. Aomine can see the tops of their heads a few aisles over.

“Yeah, his English was pretty good, I guess.”

“He grew up American,” Hitoshi says, sounding proud.

“Dude, sick.”

“Yeah, he’s awesome,” he agrees.

Hitoshi goes on about Kagami for a while, and Aomine grits his teeth. It sucks to listen to. Hearing another guy talk about how great Kagami is, nice body, cute smile, caring, attentive, driven— It’s all true. He just feels bitter to be reminded what’s out of his reach.

He’s staring at his magazine, flips a page, focusing on the bikini spreads. They’ll leave soon and he can pay for this and get out of here. Whatever.

He manages to tune out for a minute and then pops back in a moment later in disbelief, because he thinks he just heard something about... what? It’s probably one of those things that just sounds bad out of context—

“I mean yeah, he’s kind of an airhead.”

Hitoshi goes on to say something about Kagami being oblivious to what’s going on around him, like the type you have to watch close to make sure they’re still yours because they’re so easily distracted. Aomine picks his head up, flabbergasted.

“They way you talk, his true love is basketball already,” one of the guys jokes, and Hitoshi groans.

He stands there with his brow furrowed in offense, listening closely.

His fingers tighten on the magazine, crumpling the pages slightly. Kagami isn’t _loyal?_ Are you kidding? Kagami’s good-hearted. He’s kind. He messes up sometimes, but he’s a loving person who cares about his friends and to talk like he was the type with a wandering eye, these guys must be _insane._

Kagami talks about Hitoshi like he’s the best thing since sliced bread, which means a lot because that guy can _eat._

“He‘s a basketball player, so.” There's no way Hitoshi’s not gonna’ take that back, right? There’s no way he’s not going to assure those guys that that’s not what he meant and Kagami’s not that type of person.

“Nice.”

“Yeah, he wants to go pro and everything.” He lets an exasperated laugh then. “I’m serious when I say he’s got a basketball for a brain though. It’s cute an’ all, but damn. He’s completely _obsessed_ with basketball.”

“It’s gotta’ be hot watching him play at least.”

“I mean, yeah, and it’s not like he’s not good. He’s _really_ good — but it’s all he _does,_ y’know?” Hitoshi gripes. “He’s practicing every day, and even when he’s not, he fucking _talks_ about it. He won’t focus on anything else.” Aomine stares forward and furrows his brow, this gut feeling wrenching tighter and tighter. Something’s very wrong.

“I’ve gone over to his house the day before a game and he didn’t sleep the whole night.” 

“For all kinds of reasons,” his buddy jokes.

“Word,” the other one says.

Hitoshi laughs it off and they go on fucking around on the other side of the store for a while. Aomine puts his magazine under his arm and picks up another one, staring at the pages unseeing.

“He seemed like he was into other stuff when we talked. Like surfing an’ shit. You didn’t mention he was a basketball guy when you introduced us,” one of them notes.

“I was trying to keep him from bringing it up for a whole night at a time. When you guys met him, I’m not even joking, that’s the longest he’s gone without talking about it.”

Aomine doesn’t know if he’s breathing. He’s just standing there motionless, the only things he feels is his grip on the pages and his heart pounding in his ears. All the hair on his neck is standing up.

“Aw dude.”

“Dude, what the fuck. Just tell him to give it a rest.”

“You have no idea,” Hitoshi groans.

“Man, whatever, you’re just salty ‘cause you don’t play.”

“Yeah, I don’t, but at least I don’t talk his ear off about me and the stuff _I’m_ into all the time.”

“Oh my god, Kimura, _shut up._ You sure don’t mind his basketball body, so quit humblebragging already.”

“If he’d stop dribbling long enough to suck some dick,” the other guy jumps in.

“Working on it.” They’re heading up to the counter to check out.

“Nice.”

“But god, if I have to hear one more fucking thing about Michael Jordan,” he groans, and his buddies laugh.

Aomine stares forward. His heart pounds hard, this gross disgusting pit of dread in his gut. He’s known that the guy doesn’t play basketball or have much of an interest in it, but this whole time, Aomine’s thought he and Hitoshi at least had one thing in common, and that was the thing they felt when they looked at Kagami.

When that fire of passion goes into his eyes, when he lights up and goes into the zone, when he goes on and on about the thing he loves most, that pure sweet thing in Aomine’s heart flutters like a baby bird.

He’d never considered that Hitoshi isn’t the same. He doesn’t love Kagami for that. Hitoshi’s been putting up with it. When Hitoshi sees Kagami get like that, all he sees is a problem.

Whatever small part of Kagami that wasn’t taken up by basketball, that was the part Hitoshi was there for. Not the rest.

“Get him busy with something else.” The door of the shop chimes as they open it to leave.

“Right?” Hitoshi agrees, and then mutters, “Just shut up about that damn game, I don’t care.”

The door shuts, and Aomine just stands there, stunned almost.

He pays for his magazine. He heads home on the train. He eats dinner with his family and then lays in his room to read his book on his own — but those words stick with him. He thinks he might be in some kind of shock.

Hitoshi hates basketball. He doesn’t understand it and he resents that Kagami’s so in love with it. When Kagami talks about basketball with him or tries to teach him to play, all along he’s just been going along with it to amuse him. He doesn’t really care.

All those moments Aomine’s seen Kagami lit up and glowing like the sun could beam out of his face, playing with Hitoshi on the court, going slow and careful to include him. The times he’s helped Hitoshi shoot a basket and looked so proud and happy for him when he’d started getting it. That moment in the rain when it had played like a romantic movie, the way Kagami had spun him around and kissed him—

All the moments he’d watched Kagami overflowing with so much tenderness and care, the moments he'd seen Kagami falling in love, and Hitoshi… Hitoshi had been looking at those moments completely differently.  
  


     Aomine thinks about that for a long, long time.

  
He sits on it for days. He sits on it until he’s over at Kagami’s house for dinner after an afternoon at the courts. It almost feels like old times. He’s laying on Kagami’s sofa reading a magazine, a little glum, and Kagami’s in the kitchen fixing the meal.

He’s been a little quiet all afternoon. He’s not sure if Kagami’s noticed or not. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, really. If you had told him some shit about Hitoshi a month ago, he wouldn’t have hesitated to tell Kagami _immediately,_ anything to make that guy look like a complete ass.

Hearing that, he should feel smug and self-righteous. Vindicated even — he should feel happy that he’d finally caught that guy, that he’d finally heard something that proved he’s not what he seems, that he’s been an awful person all along. That he was never good enough for Kagami. He should feel happy that he finally has a reason to hate him.

But instead, he wished he’d never heard it. When he thinks of what Hitoshi said, he felt completely rotten. He felt sick with dread and nerves.

Kagami comes out to clean in his slippers and his apron, and Aomine likes him so much that everything just hurts. He doesn’t know why the sight is so much different than every other time. He watches him push the swiffer around and dust, tidy up Aomine’s messy stack of magazines, and Aomine likes him so much he thinks he’ll die.

He should tell him. He should tell Kagami about his gut feeling and that he’d heard Hitoshi say some messed up shit, because in the long run, isn’t it going to hurt Kagami more, if he doesn’t warn him that this guy isn’t what he seems? 

The saddest fear enters his mind — what if Kagami doesn’t believe him? What if he tries to tell him and Kagami thinks he’s just trying to start shit and make him look bad on purpose?

It wouldn’t be the first time.

He doesn’t want to fuck things up with Kagami again. He doesn’t want to let Kagami down. _You’re a really good friend, Aomine, thanks for being so cool about it —_ he doesn’t want him to stop thinking of him like that. He doesn’t know what to do, really.

He should tell Kagami. He should tell him that Hitoshi had tried to start something with him at the student fair. He wants to tell on him and get him in trouble. He wants the satisfaction of seeing that guy crash and burn.

But he can’t forget the gentle look on Kagami’s face, the way he kisses with his eyes closed, the way he cuddled him in the swimming pool, spun him in the rain, brushed his hair off his face — and the words stick in his throat.

Because despite it all, he knows telling Kagami is going to hurt him, is going to make him sad, and a month ago he might not’ve cared if it meant getting what he wanted, if it meant seeing those two break up. But now, after the baby bird feeling and the achy heart and the stupid awful knot… now he can’t seem to do it.

It’s the first time it occurs to him, but even if it hasn’t made sense to Aomine why, Kagami sees something special about Hitoshi. He likes Hitoshi a lot and he probably gets that same feeling Aomine gets.

He hasn’t thought about it this way before, but… what if Kagami really loves that guy?

Aomine miserably lays on the sofa. “Kagami?” he mumbles.

“Huh?”

“Why’d you get together with that guy?” he wonders, hands resting on his stomach, eyes roving the ceiling.

“...” Kagami picks his head up, pausing, and then scratches his neck a little, standing there with the mop. “... It’s… what I’m into, Aomine,” he said awkwardly, coughing once. “It’s not like I’m the only person our age who’s started dating, it’s not that hard to understand… I do think girls are cute too, you know— ”

“No. What?” Aomine picks his head up for a minute, making a face, but Kagami’s looking away. “No. I mean, why him specifically.” Kagami pauses again, seeming to consider, glancing over at Aomine after a second, but he’s studiously looking at the light fixture again.

“What made you like him.” He doesn’t think he’s ever asked Kagami that, how he’d met Hitoshi, how they’d gotten together. He doesn’t think he’s ever even wondered what Kagami’s type is.

If he thinks about it hard, he can remember pretty far back, maybe last year, someone had asked Kagami what kind of girls he likes. It’s funny now, looking back, because none of them knew Kagami was gay at the time, but if Aomine remembers what he’d said when they’d quit joking around, Kagami had said, gentle, modest, refined, elegant — all pretty much the opposite of his loud, clumsy, brash self.

The more he thinks about it, the more he remembers it. Someone had called bullshit and Kagami had laughed it off, but if Aomine thought of what he’d said and compared it with Hitoshi, at least who he’d always thought Hitoshi was before recent events… he can kind of see it.

“Oh,” Kagami says, livening up after a second spent squinting at Aomine, probably trying to figure out whether he’s being teased or not. “What do I like about him?”

Kagami has a lot to say. It’s like he’s been waiting for the invitation, because he goes on and on about the guy and Aomine just listens in silence.

“He’s cool, makes me laugh. Uhh, I like that he can play guitar? He’s really good about trying new things, so we do all kinds of stuff together. We go on a lot of fun dates. I just like being around him, he’s…” He kind of trails off after a while and Aomine’s gut clenches uncomfortably, listening to Kagami give that sigh that you hear all the time when they talk about stupid teenagers. He sighs like he’s in love.

“...”

“Why do you ask?” Kagami prods, and Aomine throws his arm over his forehead and shifts on the couch.

“Can’t understand why you didn’t go for another basketball player.”

Kagami’s quiet for a second, and Aomine closes his eyes. He can feel him looking at him, and he lies perfectly still. It’s the closest he’s ever gotten to dropping a hint. He hadn’t even really meant it that way, but for an instant, he’s paralyzed.

“Like who?” Kagami muttered, and Aomine’s gut twists.

He shrugs, because he doesn’t have the balls. Doesn’t think he ever will. Even years from now, when those two can’t possibly still be together. Even then, he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to admit it out loud.

“Just thought you would. Since it’s all we ever do.”

Kagami just looks at him for another moment, brow furrowing. “I do other stuff,” he says, a little bit defensive, mostly focused on dusting off the TV and the shelf. “Besides, it’s not like it’s easy for me to meet guys here. I couldn’t exactly pick and choose, or like, _network_ the other basketball teams. Gay guys don’t just _know_ each other on sight.”

Aomine snorts. “You sure? It’s all in the butt, Kagami,” he teases, and Kagami twists up his dust rag and playfully whips him in the arm with it on his way by.

“Ah shut up. I don’t have a magical ability to tell who’s into me,” Kagami clarifies, and Aomine lays back and stares at the ceiling.

 _‘Ain’t that the truth.’_  

“So I don’t get to be super selective. People aren’t as open about it here.” He shrugs slowly. “I mean… it’s not like you knew about me,” he hedges, giving him the side-eye.

“No,” he admits, and stays quiet for a minute.

“So like… It’s just cause he was _there?_ And you didn’t have any other options?”

“No,” Kagami denies, brow pulled down.

“Then why,” Aomine pushes, and Kagami starts to get chafed.

“What the fuck are you trying to start?” he demands, staring Aomine down like he’s trying to figure him out. “I like him, so what? Why do I need a reason for it. What, do I have to explain myself for it to count to you?”

Aomine grit his teeth, because he is not in the mood to fucking fight about this again. He cannot fucking handle Kagami defending his boyfriend to him right now. Not when he’s already going through some shit and trying to decide what the right thing to do is. The last thing he needs is to impulsively blurt out what an asshole Hitoshi is just to win some bullshit argument with Kagami.

“He doesn’t even play,” he bites out, keeping his voice tightly leashed and his breath closely controlled. If he doesn’t get visibly upset, usually Kagami won’t escalate past a point.

“He can’t.”

And this is what Aomine has had such a hard time trying to understand. He still can’t understand why Kagami would be interested in someone who doesn’t care about basketball. When Kise said that Kagami clearly has other interests, when Hitoshi growled that common interests can’t keep two people together forever, when Kagami’s world is suddenly big enough to hold things besides basketball, when Kagami didn’t care that that guy was useless with a ball, Aomine still can’t wrap his head around it.

“Just ‘cause he doesn’t play doesn’t mean I can’t _like_ him, Aomine,” Kagami mutters, giving him this frustrated look. “It doesn’t mean he can’t be a part of my life.” Aomine lets a slow breath out of his nose to keep his cool, elbow over his eyes.

“He lets me teach him,” Kagami insists. “He comes to my games.”

“Do you even know if he likes it?” Aomine droned lazily, but his body is tense, waiting for a response.

“Just because he’s not into it as much as I am doesn’t mean anything. We don’t have to have all the same interests. Even though he’s into other stuff, he knows my dream.” He tells this to Aomine like he really wants him to understand, like he’s really trying to convince him it doesn’t matter that this guy doesn’t play or even _like_ basketball. That he likes him despite that.

Maybe the reason that he can’t wrap his head around it is because if he does— if he accepts that Kagami’s heart has moved on from basketball, then he has to think about the other thing. The bottomless dread he feels when the question creeps in, _would he even hang out with you if not for basketball—_

“It doesn’t matter if he’s not as good as we are.”

If basketball isn’t the only thing Kagami cares about anymore, then what’s Aomine supposed to do.

Basketball is all he’s ever had to offer.

If that doesn’t matter anymore, then…

His voice is soft; loving almost, and that’s what really kills him, because he murmurs, tender and vulnerable, “I know I’ve got his support.”

“...” Aomine stares at the ceiling, and feels sick and sad and achey. He feels rotten. He feels like a bad friend. He wishes he’d never heard what he’d heard and didn’t know what he knew.

After that they’re both quiet for a long time. Kagami went on cleaning but the atmosphere is tense and uncomfortable, and Aomine wonders if it’s better to leave it there.

Maybe it’s better, because the things Hitoshi’s told Kagami, all the little encouragements and smiles he sends Kagami every time he talks about basketball or plays in front of him or watches the game next to him, no matter how fake all of that was— it meant something to Kagami.

The picture of a boyfriend content to listen to his partner chatter on about something he doesn’t understand because he’s just happy to see how excited he gets, how he lights up, the picture that Aomine had believed himself too for the longest time, maybe it’s better that the illusion hasn’t been shattered for Kagami. Maybe it’s better that he still knows that Hitoshi’s happy enough just to support him. It’s better that he hadn’t heard what Aomine did, the thing that nauseates him and sits in his stomach undigested.

It’s better, because he thinks that Kagami really might love that guy. He can’t stop thinking of the sweet look on his face he’d seen, watching Kagami watch Hitoshi. He can’t stop thinking of a soft tired smile on Kagami’s lips as he told him, _you’re a good friend, thanks—_

And maybe it’s better that way, because as much as Aomine wants to see that guy get what he deserves, as good as it would feel to tell on him and get him in trouble and fuck Kagami’s relationship up, as much as he wants that, he can’t do it. Not after that.

Because the satisfaction he’ll get out of being selfish and immature and petty, it’s not worth hurting Kagami. No matter how good it’ll feel to get what he wants, it’s not going to feel good to watch Kagami’s heart break.

Aomine would never do that to him.

So his only choice is to walk away, and just like that day in the stairwell, it feels like the hardest thing he’s ever done, to just keep quiet. He walks away, because the sooner he accepts it, the sooner it’ll make sense.

At length, Aomine mutters, “He gets on my nerves is all.”

And he swallows the bitter pill, he balls up that knot of dread and nausea he felt when he thought of what he’d heard Hitoshi say. He balls it up and swallows it and he buries it deep, because that's better.

It’s better to see Kagami with that tender look than it is to see him wide-eyed and wounded. It’s better than hurting him. Of course it is. If that’s all, then it’s not even a question.

Kagami exhales, short and satisfied. He looks like he wants to say something, but he never does — he lets it go, and brings Aomine’s dinner plate right over to him at the couch and sits on the floor next to him in front of the TV.

That moment ends and the night goes on. It’s like it always is, talking and laughing and goofing around, but it sticks with Aomine. It feels bittersweet.

  
It’s worth it. He just wishes it _felt_ more worth it than it does.  
  


That night when he gets home and takes out a magazine and flops onto the sheets, he doesn’t open the cover. When he pulls the front of his pants down and masturbates before bed, this time he leaves the magazine next to him.

He just lays on his back and touches himself, eyes closed.  


      It’s time to let it go.

  


Friday, the day they’d planned to sleep over, Kagami wasn’t at the court waiting for him.

After an hour waiting, Kagami wasn’t answering his phone, and Aomine figured he’ll just meet him at his house. Kagami usually answers in a timely manner unless he’s got a game or something, so Aomine starts to wonder if he’s sick.

He heads up to the penthouse level of Kagami’s building and goes up to his front door, raising his hand to knock.

As he does, he hears something that makes him pause. He leans in just in time for it to start up again. 

For a second he thinks Kagami hurt himself, or is on his own doing dumbass things and making the dumbass noises that people make when they’re by themselves —

“Ahhh… Mm…” Soft laughter. Aomine’s heart starts to race, eyes widening, mouth drying out.

Something’s wrong.

It even crosses his mind for a second that he might’ve caught Kagami jerking it, but Kagami's not alone, and the longer he listens, the more he makes sense of what he’s hearing.

He can’t move for the longest time, trapped there, until the spell breaks with a sudden sharp muffled _groan_ — he recognizes it instantly as Kagami’s. He backs away from the door, staring at it in disbelief.

“Taiga.” Aomine recoils sharply.

Rustling. Heavy breathing and Kagami’s muffled hums. Another piercing groan and a ragged inhale ring endlessly in his head, and if he’d thought it hurt before, if he’d thought he’d known how it felt that day in the rain, this is like drowning, the drops coming down so hard that they swallow him up and encase him in a prison of his own tears. This is like watching the last bubble float up out of his mouth into the dark crystal sky.

Numb and cold on the floor of the ocean. How can his lungs burn when they're filled up with water. His chest, his face, his head, it’s all on fire.

He hadn’t thought it could hurt this much.

Another soft sigh meets his ears and something goes dark on the inside. Aomine turns, teeth gritted. His heart is pounding like a knife in his back, and it doesn’t stop all the way home.

He always wins. Almost always.

. . .  


_And I just can’t look, it’s killing me…_


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To 'Grateful' : I'm really glad to know this story helped you through a difficult time and I'm so glad to hear you're doing better.

_ I don’t know if I’m the one to blame but every time I hear you say my name, I can’t move, I can’t eat or sleep, I’m doomed, it’s not fun for me—  _

_ Now I’m sucking on a bottle of Jim Beam, wishing it was you—  _

 

. . .

  
Aomine doesn’t talk to Kagami all weekend.

  
Kagami’s been texting him, trying to talk to him, but Aomine just ignores it. He has a really rough couple of days. He doesn’t think he even comes out of his room to do anything other than eat and use the toilet. 

He obsesses over it for days. He probably has no right to feel this devastated, but he's downright betrayed. Kagami had told him that he and Hitoshi weren’t doing it, and at the time, it had reassured Aomine. He’d even brushed the guy off when he’d heard him in the convenience store, dismissing it as some dumb idiot bragging in front of his friends, but now he can’t stop thinking about it.

Did he get Kagami into bed? Is that what he heard when he’d stood there outside Kagami’s door, listening to them gasp and moan in there together? Were they— … in the middle of it?

Whatever he heard, he knows what he’d felt. A knot in his throat. A heart breaking into a million pieces.  


_ ‘Shit! Sorry! I forgot our plans, didn’t I.’  
_

Aomine lays in bed, phone next to his head, staring at the ceiling. Kagami’s never broken a date with him before. 

That guy must’ve had something to do with it. It was all him. This was him getting back at Aomine for all the times he’s interrupted their dates to try and annoy him, isn’t it. He knew Aomine was coming over and he’d distracted Kagami on purpose, made him forget all about Aomine. This was him getting him back one last time.  


_ ‘I hope you didn’t wait at the court long.’  
_

Aomine can’t stop thinking about it, keeps replaying the sounds he heard Kagami make over and over and tries to imagine what they were doing. He obsesses over whether those two are having sex or not all weekend long. 

Was it the first time? When did they start doing stuff together? Does that guy get to fuck Kagami? Big as he is, does Hitoshi get on Kagami’s back and rail him? Has he seen Kagami naked? He imagines it, Kagami and Hitoshi on the couch together, Kagami letting Hitoshi put his hand in his underwear — Kagami letting him do everything.

Touch his naked body, look at him with no clothes on, kiss him and touch each other in his bed — do they go all the way? Kagami said they haven’t yet, but what if that’s changed. What if all that stuff Kagami said about taking it slow and getting to know each other was all a bunch of garbage?

It can’t be true. It can’t be fucking true. Not after what he’d heard Hitoshi say about basketball. He doesn’t even care about Kagami the way he should. Doesn’t love him right. Doesn’t deserve him. He shouldn’t get to do that with Kagami. He doesn’t deserve Kagami to love him that much that he’d lay down and let him put it in—  There's no way Kagami would do that with him if he knew what Aomine knew—

Fuck, he’s going to vomit. He’s going to cry. It’s not fair. It’s not fair, and it hurts so bad.  


_ ‘I’ll buy Maji’s next time to make up for it.’  
_

He knows Kagami didn’t mean to forget. He knows he feels bad, because he keeps texting every few hours. Aomine doesn’t know how he’s supposed to face him again, how he’s supposed to look him in the face and not die where he stands, not break down, not lose his mind imagining Kagami on his back with his legs open—  


_ ‘Aomine, c’mon, I know you’ve read these. I’m sorry, man.’  
_

It hurts so fucking bad. He can’t believe how much it fucking hurts. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to go on with life when it hurts this goddamn bad. Hearing that… it fucking broke him.  


_ ‘No hard feelings?’  
_

Aomine swallows and puts an arm over his face when he sees Kagami’s most recent text, a single basketball emoji staring at him, as if to tentatively ask, are we still cool?

He stares at the screen and feels numb and achy. Because in the end, that’s what’s so horrible about being in love. It can hurt that bad and yet— 

It can hurt that bad and the memories of last summer still fill him with longing, no matter how bittersweet and awful it feels right now. Maybe that’s why they say love makes fools of us all.  


He types one back and sends it. No hard feelings. We’re cool.  
  
That guy knew he was coming over, and this was some sort of fucked-up revenge. It wasn’t an accident. Aomine knows it from the way Hitoshi had looked him dead in the eyes last time he saw him at the court, the way he pinned him there silently, eyes narrowed.

What, he thinks he’s won? Was that him trying to mark his territory and tell Aomine to back off? Did he think he had Aomine beat and that he’s not going to do anything about it? That he’ll just stay here and cry forever?

No hard feelings, indeed.

He’s going to make that guy wish he’d railed Kagami harder, so that it would’ve been worth the beating Aomine’s gonna’ give him. He’s going to show him a thing or two about who gets to make Aomine feel like garbage. Nobody gets to pull one over on him like that. No one gets away with fucking around with  _ him. _

He works himself into such a blinding rage that it even leaves the first time he saw them together behind, and the next time he sees that piece of fucking shit, he looks just as mad.

They catch each other after school in the pay-lot outside the 7-11. That’s when Aomine knows for sure it had been on purpose, because Hitoshi didn't look surprised about how fucking mad he was. He was ready for a fight too, fists coiled, shoulders tense.

Good. It’ll be better if he tries to fight back. It’ll make this satisfying. It’ll make him feel better.

He’s so mad he doesn’t care about anything. He doesn’t care about fucking things up with Kagami, or about the trouble he’ll be in, or any of the aftermath. All he cares about is making that guy pay, making that guy hurt, making him regret the day he thought he could fuck with Aomine.

“What’s the matter?” Hitoshi starts first, glaring at him coldly, feet squared on the pavement. “Hear something you didn’t like?” 

Oh, he’d definitely meant for Aomine to catch them. He’d _meant_ for him to hear him and Kagami together, wanted to stick it to him and rub it in his face— 

“Stay away from us and maybe you won’t fucking hear that again,” he growls, and Aomine stares at him, seething. 

“You sick freak,” he spits, clenching his fists until his knuckles crack.

“Taiga seems to like me. A whole lot,” he grits out, raising an eyebrow.

_ ‘That’s because he doesn’t know what I know,’  _ Aomine thinks, but he just stares him in both eyes and lifts his lip in a disgusted smirk. 

_ ‘He doesn’t know you think him loving basketball so much is exhausting. He doesn’t know you only play with him to keep him happy. He doesn’t know you’re tired of hearing him talk about the thing he loves most and would rather he shut up about ‘that damn game.’ He doesn’t know you’re not good enough for him. Maybe you don’t even know that — but I do.’ _

Maybe it’s not that big a deal to Hitoshi. Maybe any other normal person would think too much intensity about basketball really is tiring and there’s nothing wrong with feeling burnt out over it. Maybe if you’re not into it, you’re just not into it — but pretending to care? Pretending to care is fucked up.

_ ‘I know I’ve got his support.’  _ That means something to Kagami.

That means something  _ real _ to him. Maybe it’s not a big deal to Hitoshi, but it’s a big deal to Kagami.

And if nothing else, he’s wanted to punch this guy from the very beginning— and now he finally, finally deserves it.

“You piece of fucking shit,” he grits out, and Hitoshi seems emboldened.

“I’ve had enough of the mindgames, Aomine. Stay the hell away from me and Taiga.” His eyes are dark, his teeth set hard, and Aomine huffs a laugh out his nose, posture deceptively relaxed. 

This guy still hasn’t forgiven him for what he did to Kagami back then. He holds a grudge over what he did in the beginning — and he hates Aomine for picking on him and weaseling in between him and Kagami for the last few weeks. 

All that is allowed; he gets to do all that. It’s reasonable to believe that  _ anyone  _ would do that. Hitoshi gets a pass to do all that stuff, but he doesn’t get to tell Aomine to stay away. No one gets to do that.

Especially after the shit he pulled back there in Kagami’s apartment.

“What if I don’t,” he hums. “Are you gonna’ make me?”

“If I have to,” Hitoshi promises, showing his teeth, wow, he’s really pissed. He might look as pissed off as Aomine feels. He’s not even trying to appear like he’s keeping his cool, he looks a second away from ripping into Aomine. 

“I’m not afraid of you,” he says, and Aomine can see he’s not. He’s ready to fucking fight him right here. He’s not afraid to get punched if it means getting to punch Aomine, and he feels the same way. “You might be good at basketball, but I can fight you fair and square. If you don’t fuck off and leave us alone—”

“What, you’ll kick my ass? Or you’ll try to bag Kagami some more,” Aomine mutters, curling his lip. “You think you got me, huh. Oh yeah, look at you, that’s  _ great _ for you. Do you want a fucking trophy or something?” Hitoshi bristles as Aomine starts walking towards him, slow deliberate steps. “That’s so fucking sad. Is that why you’ve been so butthurt lately? Because you think I was cockblocking you and you couldn’t handle it? Was that you trying to get back at me?”

That’s really pathetic, and however mad Aomine had gotten, it’s satisfying just to say whatever he can to infuriate this guy as much as possible, however true it is or not. 

However much this guy's behavior feels like looking at himself in the mirror.

“Seriously, I mess with you a couple times and you have a meltdown and need to prove something to me? What the fuck kind of total bitch are you, man?”

Hitoshi seethes, and Aomine wonders again if he knows. Does Hitoshi know how he feels about Kagami? Was this his way of like,  _ cucking _ him or something, to try and make him feel like an idiot by having sex with the person he likes where he can hear? Does he know Aomine loves him too and sees him as competition he needs to scare off, or is he just plain old insecure and can’t handle Kagami’s best friend getting in his way and picking at him until he cracks. He’s not sure which makes him a more pathetic person.

“Well you got what you wanted,” Aomine growls. “Congratulations. But if you’re hoping that’s gonna’ get me to fuck off, you’d better think again — because I was here first.”

“Who gives a shit if you were. Is that supposed to mean you care about him more or something?” Hitoshi spits. “You’re not his  _ friend.  _ A friend doesn’t do what you did,” he says, not flinching or ceding any ground as Aomine slowly advances, stopping right in front of him, right in his face. “I don’t care if he forgave you or not, all you do is cause problems.”

“You know what’s really fucked up?” Aomine murmurs, getting right in his face. “That you’d actually tell your boyfriend’s buddy to stay away from him just because you got a little salty — and you’d do it behind his back.”

Hitoshi’s teeth are clamped together, flashing as Aomine lifts his lip in a sneer and bites out, “I never knew Kagami would be into such a little punk bitch.”

The veins pop out in the guy’s forehead as he growls, “I’m  _ warning  _ you, man.”

Aomine wants him to stop fucking warning him and just snap already. He should stop trying to hold back because Aomine  _ wants _ him to snap. He wants to see this guy explode, he wants to antagonize him until he loses his temper and finally, finally tries to fucking deck him.

“He doesn’t even know what a two-faced motherfucker you are, and you’re gonna’ tell  _ me _ ta’ fuck off? Who the  _ fuck  _ do you think you are,” Aomine spits.

“You rotten piece of shit.” Hitoshi’s eyes are dark, his face contorted with rage. “You are fucking done coming around to fuck with Taiga’s head.”

Aomine almost laughs, because it’s so easy. It’s too easy and it’s so fucking awful how funny it is, after the months of wrecking his own life and ruining his friendship with Kagami and tearing out his own heart because the ugly nasty thing is living inside him too. 

It’s so easy to smirk in this guy’s face and hiss,  _ “Jealous?” _

Hitoshi swings.  


Aomine’s ready for it, so he dodges the first hit, heavy-handed and rough. He’d really put some power behind it, because the wind whips past his ear in a huge rush. When his fist meets air, Hitoshi overshoots, and Aomine reaches out and grabs him by the shoulder, yanking him off balance, forcing him to stagger forward a step.

“Was it nice? Getting your dick wet?” Aomine rages, getting a handful of the guy’s hair as they grapple at each other and scuffle on the pavement, dragging each other around and struggling back and forth. “You think you can fuck with me?”

Hitoshi thrashes in his grip and Aomine is clipped in the face by his elbow. He just needs one solid punch, just wants to get this guy in the face really good  _ one _ fucking time so he can watch him drop like a sack of potatoes. Problem is this guy isn’t all talk and his muscles aren’t just for show, he’s pretty strong, and he looks like he wants to rip into Aomine just as bad as he does. He can’t wrangle him as easily as he’d thought he’d be able to.

He hates looking at him. He hates looking at this guy’s fucking face. He doesn’t care about the consequences. He doesn’t even care if he gets his ass kicked. He’s overloaded with adrenaline and rage, and he doesn’t care what happens afterwards.

_ ‘Oh I hate you. Oh I fucking hate you—’ _ Aomine seethes.  _ ‘You’re gonna’ make me listen to you fuck Kagami? Just wait till I get done with you—’ _

He gets his arm around his neck to hold him still so he can punch him in the teeth, but Hitoshi hits him in the stomach a couple times to try to get out. He gets Aomine pretty good once, he can hit  _ hard, _ and he has to fight not to vomit, but he doesn’t loosen his grip. “Fuck. You,” Hitoshi grits out, getting his hands up on Aomine’s face when he still doesn’t let him go, digging his fingertips in and shoving backwards to try and pry him off. Aomine drives his knee up into Hitoshi’s gut and they separate.

Hitoshi stumbles backwards, Aomine cracks his neck to the side, lowering into a half-crouch, breathing heavily, hands at the ready. They jump on eachother again in a flash.

Hitoshi grabs him by both shoulders and just as Aomine’s gripping his collar and winding up to punch him in the nose, Hitoshi rears back and hits him in the face with his fucking head as hard as he can.

He cracks their goddamn skulls together and yeah, wow, that hurt way more than expected. Honestly, everything goes black and fuzzy for a second. Stunned and reeling, Aomine feels around for him and gasps.

“Oh I’m really gonna’ wipe you now,” he pants, almost misstepping. 

Hitoshi’s a few paces away, swings for him again and practically falls over. “Get over here,” Aomine demands, trying to make two swirling sets of vision line back up. 

“Get the fuck over here, I’m gonna’ kick you in the nuts so hard you’ll be peeing blood,” he wheezes.

“You— You leave Taiga alone or— Shit,” Hitoshi heaves, doubling over, hands on his knees.

Hitoshi’s stumbling around, shaking his head like a dog and groaning. They tussle a little more in slow motion like goddamn idiots, but fucking shit, everything’s buzzing, his ears are ringing, and eventually they just end up flopping down on the curb, holding their foreheads and groaning.

He’s not sure if either of them really won that. If not for the goddamn headbutt, he thinks he would have, because Aomine isn’t afraid to fight dirty. He hates this guy enough that he doesn’t care how he wins, he’d be okay with like, biting and shit. But as things stand, they’re both bruised and cross-eyed, and that’s how Tetsu finds them a minute later.

Aomine looks up and he’s just standing there looking at them. He can’t have just walked up either, because he doesn’t look surprised or even alarmed. He just looks stern, which is so much worse.

“How long have you been there, Tetsu,” Aomine grumbles, turning back around and staring across the lot. Honestly, he’s surprised they weren’t interrupted sooner. It’s not like they’re in a super secluded area. 

Hitoshi jumps a mile, stumbling to his feet. “Kuroko-san!” he blurts, aghast.

Aomine chews on the inside of his cheek and sulks, and doesn’t even bother making an excuse. Doesn’t bother hiding from that disappointed knowing look on Tetsu’s face. Because Tetsu’s already seen how ugly he can get. Tetsu’s already seen his worst and there’s no point trying to lie his way out of this one or pretend what Tetsu had seen wasn’t exactly what it looked like.

Shoulders tense, Aomine sits there in silence. Because in the moment, he’d been so mad that he hadn’t even stopped to think about what Kagami would say. When Kagami inevitably finds out that Aomine had hit his boyfriend what’s he going to say? At the moment, he hadn’t cared — and he’s not saying it wasn’t worth it, but it probably would’ve been better not to lose his temper like that. Kagami's going to be pissed.

And hurt. He’s going to be so goddamn hurt. 

Hitoshi looks like he feels just as guilty, or maybe he’s scared of getting in trouble too, because he’s sputtering and looking nervous. “We were— Uh, we just…” 

Aomine stands up, hands in his pockets. He doesn’t make eye contact with Tetsu, rolling his shoulders and pacing a few steps. Tetsu saw them fighting. Who knows how much he heard. 

“You were fighting,” he says, short and clipped, stating the obvious, and Hitoshi clams up, cowed. Tetsu’s not saying much. Aomine’s not sure if that’s good or bad.

“Whatever’s going on, this has to stop,” Tetsu insists.

“Yeah,” Hitoshi agrees, scratching at his hair. “Yeah, you’re right. We just got out of control. I shouldn’t have lost my cool like that,” he mumbles guiltily.

Tetsu must’ve been there for a while. He’d heard part of their argument. He must’ve, because he scolds in that calm and icy way of his, “Both of you are very important to Kagami-kun. It would really upset him to know you two were fighting because of him.” Hitoshi winces and Aomine closes his eyes, letting out a long breath through his nose.

“Yeah. I know,” he murmurs ashamedly. He’s quiet for a couple seconds, apologetic and meek. “Kuroko-san, don’t tell Taiga about this, okay?” he pleaded.

“Aomine-kun?”

He looks up, and Tetsu’s staring him in both eyes, expression stern and serious. It takes him a second to realize what he’s asking. It takes him a second because for all this time, he’s been telling Tetsu he doesn’t like this guy and Tetsu’s always brushed it off as some jealous bullshit. Aomine hadn’t really expected the show of trust, but that’s what this was. Tetsu’s his friend, and no matter what he thinks of Aomine’s rash judgement, he’s on his side and is waiting for his input. He’s not going to keep this guy’s secret for him unless Aomine agrees.

Aomine glances at Hitoshi, and there’s a hint of doubt in his eyes,  _ fear —  _ like he’s just realized that by losing his temper and fucking around and trying to get Aomine back for all his bullshit, he’d just given Aomine the perfect opportunity to get him in a lot of trouble with Kagami. And he looks scared.

He thinks of the look on Kagami’s face when he said Hitoshi supports his dreams. He thinks of how he looks when he says what he likes about Hitoshi. He thinks of that and then he imagines Kagami’s heart breaking.

Not just that. He thinks of Kagami’s soft smile and the awkward heart-to-hearts they’ve had. Kagami confessing that he’d been bullied in America. Kagami seeming happy when Aomine told him he didn’t mind that much if Hitoshi hung around. Kagami looking so glad to have him as a friend that he could rely on— Aomine doesn’t want to let go of that. He doesn’t want Kagami to know how ugly he can get, how low he can stoop. 

He thinks of Kagami looking at him with such contempt and muttering what a goddamn disappointment he turned out to be, and he doesn’t think he can face that.

_ ‘You’re not who I thought you were—’ _

When he thinks of that, he wishes they hadn’t fought.

Aomine’s quiet for a long time. Tetsu’s waiting, but Aomine eventually drops his gaze and mutters, “Kagami doesn’t need to know.”

Tetsu’s silent for a long time, but eventually nods, seeming uneasy, but ultimately in agreement with them. They part ways, and Tetsu and Aomine walk home together, largely in silence. 

“Sorry Tetsu,” he mutters, because he knows he’s disappointed him. He wishes he could feel more sorry than he is.

“I heard what you said,” Tetsu says quietly, and Aomine feels something small curl up in his gut, something small and ashamed.

“What did I say.” He tries to remember if something stood out, but he’s not sure what Tetsu’s referring to.

Tetsu holds eye contact with him for a long time, brow slightly furrowed, but after a while, he just looks forward again, seeming to let the subject drop. 

“You may want to use some ice when you go home, Aomine-kun,” he advises. “I’m not going to give you two away, but that won’t stop Kagami-kun figuring it out on his own.”

Aomine groans in exasperation. He hadn’t even thought that far ahead yet. He’s going to have to hide out for a while, isn’t he. He doesn't know what his face looks like, but his forehead is fucking throbbing.

“Kagami-kun’s an idiot but he’s not stupid.”

Aomine snorts humorlessly. 

When he gets home he goes straight to his room, not wanting to upset his mom looking all bashed up. Later when he eats dinner and his parents ask about it, he mumbles something about walking into the pole of a basketball hoop. He’s pretty sure his dad knows he got in a fight again but he doesn’t say anything about it. He must already look like he’s learned his lesson.

Over the next couple days, Aomine tries to avoid Kagami, and he’s pretty sure Hitoshi does too. Their stupid bruises aren’t going away that quick though, so they can only hide for so long. 

Satsuki’s been picking on him the last few days trying to get him to spill but Aomine’s kept his mouth stubbornly shut. This afternoon is no different. He meets Kagami and Tetsu outside of Maji’s, where they’re apparently waiting for Hitosi to show up.

“Will you stop yakking already,” Aomine hums lazily, picking his earwax and yawning as he strolls up to them. 

“Why are you being so difficult?” she huffs.

“Mind your business, Satsuki.”

Kagami’s looking down at his phone with his brow furrowed, not paying attention to their arrival. 

“Hello Aomine-kun, Momoi-san,” Tetsu greets.

“Tetsu-kun~!” 

Aomine groans and rolls his eyes, but keeps quiet, a little wary of drawing undue attention to himself.

“Taiga,” Hitoshi greets. Kagami’s head pops up eagerly. They all look up as he hesitantly approaches, smiling and scratching the back of his neck. He looks as bad as Aomine does, honestly, a huge purple bump right on the edge of his hairline, dead center on his head. 

Satsuki gasps aloud, and then whips back around, looking Aomine right in the eyes. Aomine sets his jaw and glares at her hard, pressing his lips together. She puts a hand over her mouth.

“Hitoshi!” Kagami blurts, aghast, putting a hand out as he approaches. “What? Look at your face! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I am, yeah!” he assures hurriedly, putting his hand on the door and pressing it open, and they all trail in after him towards a booth. 

“Oh my god, you look awful, what the heck  _ happened?” _ Kagami continues, voice high pitched with concern, face screwed up. Aomine squirms uncomfortably.

Hitoshi laughs a little bit, grimacing, and mumbles. “Ah… You had practice the other day — and since you couldn’t make it out, I went to a concert with my buds and… Well, I got whacked in the face when I was in the pit.”

“Dude, that sucks,” Kagami says sympathetically, buying it right away. As disturbing as the ease with which Hitoshi can lie to Kagami is, Aomine can't deny that it's a relief in this instance. He exhales slowly and looks away as Kagami puts an arm around his shoulder and hugs him to his side. “Have you iced that? It looks like it hurts…”

“I’m okay now. Looks stupid as hell though, doesn’t it,” Hitoshi says with a half-smile, the perfect picture of a guy wanting to minimize his injury to keep from worrying his partner. 

Luckily Kagami’s been distracted enough with that that he hasn’t noticed the matching knot on Aomine’s head.

Aomine gets lost in thought when they all linger at the counter to order. He doesn’t want Kagami to know that they fought — but he does want to tell him what Hitoshi said. He wants to tell Kagami about his gut feeling and tell him the messed-up shit he’d heard Hitoshi say, even if it wasn’t that big a deal. He wants to tell Kagami that Hitoshi set him up on purpose, that he’s been trying to start shit and provoke him.

He wants to get this guy in trouble. He wants to fuck things up for him. He wants to see their relationship tank. He wants the gut feeling he has about this guy to be proven true so that he can show Kagami what an awful person Hitoshi is.

But he can’t stop thinking — what if Kagami really loves this guy?  _Loves_ him.

That kiss in the rain. Kagami laughing and spinning Hitoshi around and around and getting lost in the moment. The tender look on his face as he brushes hair off Hitoshi’s cheek. The stupid blush he gets on the back of his neck and on the tips of his ears when Hitoshi kisses him unexpectedly. 

Kagami loves this guy, and if it gets messed up… he’ll be really sad, won’t he? 

If he gets his heart broken, Kagami’s shoulders will droop. Maybe the fire in his eyes will burn a little bit dimmer. When he’s lost the boy he loves, when he finds out the person he cared about so much was only pretending to support his ambitions, what if it hurts him so bad that when he’s sitting all alone in his bedroom — what if he cries? Aomine’s never imagined Kagami crying before, but it’s a heavy rotten ache in his chest.

He doesn’t want to fuck Kagami up like that. He doesn’t want to tell him bad shit about his boyfriend, not if it’s going to do that. Aomine doesn’t want to be the one to tell Kagami that Hitoshi’s not what he thinks he is.

He doesn’t want to be the one to tell him — and maybe, in the end, it’s because he’s scared.

He’s scared that if he tells Kagami, Kagami might not trust him. Might get mad and throw it back in his face for thinking he’s allowed to get in his business like that. He’s scared Kagami’s going to think he’s a bad friend. 

He’s scared Kagami won’t believe him and will pick Hitoshi over him.

And when he’s scared, he gets mad. It’s probably why he keeps losing his temper and letting this guy get to him when he’d told himself he’d keep his cool no matter what happened. 

Aomine clenches his eyes shut and lets a breath out his nose. Satsuki. She always ends up being right.

When they get back to the table with their tray and slide into the booth, Kagami with Hitoshi on one side, Aomine and Tetsu together on the other side and Satsuki on the end with a chair, Aomine gets to watch Kagami look up, right across from him, and sees his face drop. 

Ah great.

He blurts out incredulously, “Aomine, you too?” He doesn’t know how Kagami went that long without getting a good look at him until now, but Aomine keeps his mouth shut as he huffs and groans, “Did you seriously get in a fight again?”

“Hey, why do you assume I got in a fight,” Aomine grumbles. 

He doesn’t deny it. He’s just salty that he bought Hitoshi’s bullshit story but immediately figures him out.

“Kuroko, did you know about this?” Kagami continues, brow furrowed in exasperation. Tetsu is inconspicuous in his silence and Aomine’s grateful for that. Satsuki’s squirming uncomfortably, bursting at the seams, but she keeps quiet too.

Kagami doesn’t seem to notice, squinting at Aomine’s bruised head. “You big idiot, has your mom seen that?” Aomine’s been studiously ignoring him thus far but at that, he sticks his lower lip out and narrows his eyes. Kagami gives an exasperated sigh, brow furrowed as he puts a finger out to poke him in the forehead.

“Ow!”

“Momoi, did you know?” Kagami wonders, but Satsuki stares at her food. “Aomine, how’d you get that? Who’s been taking care of you?” 

When Kagami says that, Aomine feels a little embarrassed, because Hitoshi’s looking at him silently. Even with Kagami treating him like a helpless fool who can't take care of himself, he says it like he wishes he'd known — so that _ he _ could’ve been taking care of him. Aomine can feel his ears getting hot, because as sympathetic and sweet as Kagami had been to Hitoshi, Aomine can't help but feel cared about too— maybe even a little more. 

He must not be the only one who’d picked up on it.

“I’m fine,” he mutters. “You should see the other guy.” 

He and Hitoshi make eye contact for a microsecond. Aomine hears a tiny sigh from Tetsu. That smartass comment might be what sinks him — but he couldn’t resist.

Kagami gripes, “Jackass,” shaking his head. He unwraps a burger and brings it to his mouth, lifting his gaze back to Aomine’s stupid purple forehead and then pauses. He seems to think about it for a second longer, because realization passes over his face. 

“... Hey, wait a second.” 

Aomine bit hard on his tongue as Kagami looked at Hitoshi, squinting back and forth between them in suspicious confusion. “You…” 

He’s figured it out. It was stupid to hope that he wouldn’t, but it’s probably a hard thing not to pick up on, what with their bruises being identical. Kagami takes a breath, looking vexed, and Aomine’s staring down at his food, refusing to make eye contact.

“Sorry,” Hitoshi blurts, and Aomine holds perfectly still. “Sorry Taiga. I didn’t wanna’ tell you,” he mumbled apologetically, smiling a little, and Aomine doesn’t even think he’s breathing, heart plunging into his gut. “It’s kind of embarrassing.” Kagami frowns.

Wait, is he seriously about to tell him?

Honest to god, for a second Aomine’s completely blindsided, because he sits there in disbelief, not knowing what’s about to happen. Is he going to blow their cover? It even crosses his mind that Hitoshi might be about to blame him for all of it.

And then he goes and says it, and all at once Aomine realizes what he’s doing.

“I was trying to practice some basketball,” Hitoshi admits, looking away and scratching his hair. Aomine stares at him. Tetsu isn’t even drinking his shake, he’s just watching uneasily. 

Kagami’s quiet for a beat, and his shoulders lower, disarmed. He blinks. “You were?”

“Yeah, y’know… so we could play together.” He smiles, eyes lowered, looking appropriately embarrassed, like anyone would if they’d tried to impress their boyfriend and ended up doing something lame like busting their head open. 

“Really?” Kagami starts to smile a little.

Aomine just stares at them both, starting to catch on to what Hitoshi had just pulled and how fucking smart it was — and it gets better.

“Yeah.” Hitoshi laughed. “Aomine saw me playing and came over to, uh… show me the right way, and—” He even throws Aomine a knowing look, as if to say what they all knew — that he and Aomine don’t get along and Aomine had come over to make fun of him. It sounds like it could be true. He’s so natural about it that it even  _ felt  _ true. 

What Kagami doesn’t know is that everyone at the table except for him knows that’s a pack of lies.

_ ‘You fucking snake,’ _ Aomine thinks, keeping careful control of his facial expression. The balls on this guy. Oh, what a crafty son of a bitch. Had he planned that? He’s  _ good. _

“Ugh, it’s really stupid,” Hitoshi mutters. “We ended up cracking heads somehow.” Kagami looks at Aomine for confirmation, but Aomine keeps quiet and looks away.

To be fair, if it had been true, Aomine would’ve been embarrassed and would’ve refused to admit to doing something nice, and to hurting himself in such a dumb way. That’s what must sell it to Kagami, because he doesn’t question it. He’s visibly touched with the idea that Hitoshi would try to learn some basketball to impress him, and is even more touched that Aomine, who is known for not liking Hitoshi, would still help him practice.

“That’s pretty funny,” Kagami snickers. “How did it happen? Like, did you slip?”

Aomine doesn’t contribute to the lie at all, knowing well enough to shut up. He lets Hitoshi fly by the seat of his pants and doesn’t call him on his bullshit, because to be fair, in the end Kagami bought it. He did cover both of their asses. Even if it makes him a fucking liar.

Somehow, even if he’s not the one lying to Kagami, letting Kagami believe bullshit makes him feel shitty.

The days go on and Aomine doesn’t regret his loss of temper. He regrets that he hadn’t hurt Hitoshi worse. He wishes he could’ve fucked him up — especially after that.

Because it keeps running on and on in his mind. _Just shut up about that damn game._ _It’s all he talks about — I don’t care. Maybe if he could stay in the moment, he would’ve put out sooner—_

All the times he’d seen Kagami and Hitoshi playing together and laughing, Kagami had looked so happy. He hadn’t even cared that Hitoshi wasn’t good, just as long as they were having fun. He looked so in love — and the whole time. The whole goddamn time, Hitoshi had only been doing it to amuse him. He’d let Kagami think he liked the game. He would even pretend that he was practicing basketball on his own because he loved Kagami that much and wanted to make him happy instead of telling him the game just wasn’t his thing.

_ ‘If it were me—!’ _

Aomine stops there. That’s where he’s always stopped, before he can imagine too much, before he can let this get any more fucked up than it is. But after all that, he keeps going.

Who knows how things would have turned out. He could’ve treated Kagami right. He doesn’t know a thing about romance, or how to put romance and Kagami together in a way that made sense — but if he’d been that lucky, he thinks he would’ve tried. He would’ve done right by him, would never have squandered another summer like that without knowing he was the luckiest kid in the world.

He could’ve tried.

If it were Aomine, if he ever would’ve been that lucky— It’s enough to have found his rival and have felt his heart and to  _ get _ him, but if he would’ve been given all of that and more, completely undeserving of it, if Aomine had ever been that lucky to have Kagami's heart, he would hang onto that all his life long. He would play basketball with Kagami every day. He would’ve done his best to be good to him and not take that for granted. He would’ve tried not to let him down.

If it were him, he wouldn't pretend. He wouldn't lie to him to make him happy and then secretly resent him. He would never waste a chance like that, what a precious gift it would be.

If it were Aomine, if it was him in Hitoshi’s place, if it was Aomine that Kagami loved— 

 

 

    . . .  Don't. Before you can't go back. 

 

 

 

He’s supposed to meet Kagami later in the park. It’s a nice day. The sun is shining and there’s a cool breeze. 

Aomine walks up to the court and he can hear them talking. 

“Kagami, this is fucking exhausting.”

“Hitoshi.” He sounds surprised. Hurt and taken aback, like he doesn’t know what he’s done wrong.

“No.” A rough sigh. “Whatever. Fine.” 

Kagami holds a hand up but Hitoshi pulls away, and Aomine stops and stares at him, standing there alone, confused and sad.

“...” Kagami looks up and sees Aomine just outside the cage, but Hitoshi’s walked away, heading off. He turns and looks after him, mouth open helplessly.

“Sorry,” he says, vaguely gesturing, “I’ve gotta’...” And then he just goes, chases after him, maybe to try and talk to him some more, soothe whatever argument that was.

Aomine looks after them and then stares at his shoes. The summer breeze pulls at his shirt and his hair and Aomine plays basketball by himself on an empty court. Kagami doesn’t come back.

That happy look. That scrunch of concern on Kagami’s face. The sad surprised frown. Gently brushing hair off his cheek and trying to comfort him. A hand put onto a shoulder that shrugs him off, and then just floats there, hurt and sad and anxious. 

If it were Aomine—

He sighs and closes his eyes and lets it go, because that's what he has to do. Aomine plays basketball by himself on an empty court for an afternoon, waiting, but Kagami doesn’t come back.

He’s all on his own but by the time dusk comes around, he can feel this achy pain, and remembers screaming at Kagami’s back, trying to reach out and having it turn up useless.   
  


_     ‘He doesn’t even like basketball.’ _

  
But then, that doesn’t mean that much, does it. Not in the real ways.

Kagami said so himself.

. . .  
  


 

_ Why are you looking down all the wrong roads,  
when mine is the heart and the soul of the song.  _

__ There may be other lovers who hold out their hands  
__ but he’ll never love you like I can—  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate your continued comments. I read them all, and they're helping keep my drive up as I chug along on the epilogue fics.


	20. Chapter 20

_Jenny, darling, you’re my best friend—_

 

_. . ._

  


There’s only a few more days of school left before summer break.

Aomine goes to class and meets Tetsu afterwards at Maji to eat with him. They’d grabbed the food and taken it a few streets down to the green space, figuring it would be a nice change of scene. Whatever Tetsu's reasons for suggesting they eat together, that's a mystery to him for now. He'd figured at least one other pest would show up and stick in their nose. Likely Kise.

They end up in the park. There's some empty bench space by the fountain, so they wander over there, unwrapping their food and enjoying the weather. If he's about to be interrogated, it hasn't started up just yet, but Aomine keeps giving Tetsu suspicious glances.

It probably just comes down to the fact that Tetsu usually eats at Maji after school with Kagami. At least until Kagami got a boyfriend. Since then it's been either, eat alone while Kagami's absent, or eat with Kagami and his plus one. It hasn't occurred to Aomine until now that he might be feeling lonely.

Or maybe it's the same old Tetsu, able to sense when he needs a friend. And does he ever.

They haven’t gotten much of a chance to talk alone since the parking-lot scuffle incident and the whole lying to Kagami’s face thing. Well, _they_ hadn’t lied exactly, but they’d let Hitoshi lie. Even if it had seemed like the best idea at the time.

Now it sort of feels like he’s dug his own grave, in a way. It feels even harder to tell Kagami the truth.

“You haven’t said much about Kimura-kun lately, Aomine-kun,” Tetsu mentions, pensively sipping his drink and eating some fries.

“Well,” Aomine mumbles, shrugging one shoulder. Lately he’s been feeling really tired. Beaten down. His energy levels and mood are shot. His self-esteem too, which he isn’t used to having issues with.

“I thought you didn’t like him.”

“I don’t.”

“I know you two had a fight,” Tetsu starts and Aomine grumbles, shutting his eyes. The last thing he wants to do is talk about it. God knows he’s put in all his effort to stop thinking about it. All he’s been doing lately is thinking and wants to just— _stop_ for a while.

“Don’t tell Kagami that.”

“He bought Kimura-kun’s story. It’s not in my control if he figures it out for himself.”

“That guy’s no good,” Aomine bites out, low and petulant, not even looking at Tetsu because he already knows what he’s going to say.

Tetsu sighs, and Aomine looks up, incensed.

“No, I mean it,” he hisses, taking a breath to vent, because he doesn’t care if Tetsu doesn’t believe him or thinks it’s all just him being crazy, he’s sick of keeping this weird feeling he’s got about Hitoshi to himself—     “... ! ”

“I was only going to say that I think I know what you mean, Aomine-kun.”

Aomine’s shoulders lower and he swallows when Tetsu makes eye contact with him. There's a small frown creasing his pale eyebrows. “Huh?”

“Kagami-kun hasn’t been himself the last few days.”

“... What are you talking about.”

Aomine stares at him as Tetsu pushes a fry around in some ketchup. “I gave some more thought to what you said, and I have noticed something. Kagami-kun has seemed quieter.” He brings it to his mouth and considers. “Sad,” he clarifies, and Aomine looks away, remembering that afternoon in the park, Kagami chasing Hitoshi off the court.

He knows he and Hitoshi had some sort of fight, but he hadn’t figured it was serious — now that he thinks about it, though, Kagami hasn’t texted in a couple days. He doesn’t know what that could mean.

“I think that—” Tetsu starts but then closes his mouth when they hear an all too familiar voice. Aomine glances up and then quickly ducks again when he sees Kagami with Hitoshi not too far away, on a path together on the other side of the fountain.

The wild thought crosses his mind for a second that they keep running into each other way too often for such a big city— Then again, Aomine always gets off at this stop to hang out with Kagami and Tetsu after school. It’d make sense that he’d bump into them around here at this time of day. It doesn't mean he has to like it.

“What’s the matter? I’m just gonna’ go say hi,” he thinks he hears Kagami say, but it’s hard to be sure. The fountain's gurgling chops it up. 

“And then leave to play basketball when we’re supposed to be on a date. _Again.”_ Aomine and Tetsu make uncomfortable eye contact and keep their backs turned. Tetsu keeps sucking on his drink but Aomine can’t even pretend to eat, gripping the edge of the bench.

“Taiga, seriously. Stay here,” Hitoshi pleads, but there’s an underlying tone of frustration that’s all too obvious. 

“It’ll just be a minute,” Kagami said, sounding confused and a little miffed with the attitude.

“Sure.”

Kagami audibly sighs. “Hitoshi, c’mon, don’t get like this…”

“If you could just focus on us for a while then I wouldn’t,” he bites out, and they go quiet for a second. Aomine dares to take a glance over his shoulder and Hitoshi’s standing there with his jaw set stubbornly. Kagami’s frowning, lips parted, brow furrowed as he seems to realize something.

Kagami’s voice is knowing then, slow and deliberate, barely audible over the splashing of the fountain. Tetsu stops sucking on the straw and Aomine stares forward, unseeing.

“Are you telling me to stay away from him?”

“No.”

“... You know that’s messed up, right?”

“I’m not telling you anything,” Hitoshi denies, backing down a little at how hurt and insulted Kagami sounds. After a breath he grits out, aggravated, “Just that Aomine Daiki is a total asshole.”

“Shh,” Kagami hushes quickly. “They're gonna’ hear you—”

“Who cares if he does. It’s true.”

Aomine hears a frustrated puff of breath and then Kagami mutters, “Can you quit saying stuff like that? Please?” Hitoshi doesn’t respond, and Kagami changes his tone, going back to hurt and almost pleading, “Hitoshi, c’mon, that’s my friend. You don’t know him.”

“I think you’re the one who doesn’t,” he growls under his breath, and Kagami’s silent for a helpless beat.

Aomine’s gut is twisting up more and more. If he’d known they were going to hear them have a real fight, he might’ve left. He doesn’t want to hear this. It’s not like any other argument he’s ever heard Kagami have, and he’s heard a lot, the idiot is always getting worked up over something or other— This isn’t like that. It’s awful to listen to, hearing Kagami sound so sad and upset.

“What?” he blurts breathlessly. “Why are you being like this? I thought you guys were starting to get along. You said he helped you-”

“I didn’t ask for his help,” Hitoshi growls. “Him and his fucking cocky attitude is what got us hurt. He thinks he’s better than me, Taiga. Why do you think he’s always coming around bugging us when we’re on our own, and you fucking let him,” he accuses.

“Hitoshi,” he says, aghast.

“All you care about is playing basketball with this tool who doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself.”

“Hey,” Kagami warns, finally starting to bite back a little.

The second Kagami bristles in retaliation, Hitoshi's confrontational tone switches off. It gives a person whiplash. Aomine can't even hardly follow what's happening.

“Look, I know he’s your friend,” Hitoshi says, sounding exhausted but caring. “I know you two are rivals or whatever, but people like to give their friends an extra pass. They ignore things that they wouldn’t take otherwise.”

“What does that even mean?” Kagami demands, heated.

“Think about it, Taiga,” Hitoshi sighs. “If he couldn’t play basketball, would you even bother with him?”

  
    Aomine felt a sudden chill—

  
“Would _he_ even bother with _you?”_

Kagami takes a breath like he’s going to snap something back, confident and vindictive, but then he lets it out. “Well…”

Aomine waits and waits, but Kagami just struggles silently for a second, and then backs down in the end.

“... Look, just leave it, okay?” Kagami mutters, and Aomine stares at the ground, fists clenched on his legs.

“He’s my friend. So quit trying to start something, or whatever you’re doing,” he says, strained and strung-out. “Please.” They’re quiet for a while, and Aomine almost thinks they’ve left. He's too busy trying to swallow. He can't.

“You never speak up for me like that,” Hitoshi murmurs.

“Why are you being like this?” Kagami blurts, high and squeaky, incredulous, confused, and so, so hurt. Hurt the way a person sounds when they know they’ve hurt someone else and want to make it up. Hurt the way a person feels when they want to please someone so bad and don’t know what they’re doing wrong.

“Hitoshi, this isn’t like you,” he says, concerned.

“Nothing. I’m sorry. I’m just worn out,” Hitoshi eventually replies with a long sigh.

“You never let him bother you before,” Kagami mumbles. He sounds so small. Hesitant.

 _“Before,_ I didn’t realize how many ways you divide your time. Your team, your brother, Kuroko-san, Aomine— What’s left for me, Taiga.”

“What do you mean, what’s left for you? I bring you everywhere with me,” he says, confused and pleading, and Aomine doesn’t know what to make of it, hearing Kagami sound like that. He’s used to Kagami being hot-headed, arguing back and not caring about making the other person mad. Is this Kagami trying to talk a person down? Caring and sweet and anxious to please, heartbroken to have them upset with him?

“I’ve been spending all the time I can with you. You know I have a busy life, but I’ve tried to—” Kagami stops for a second and seems to gather himself. “Look. I’m sorry I haven’t done the best with taking you on dates on our own. It’s hard to balance it all. That’s why I try to bring you along when I go to practice and hang out with friends.”

“I wish you’d try just as hard to get us some time alone together, that’s all,” Hitoshi sighs, and Kagami’s quiet. “It’s like you can’t focus on _us_ for five minutes.”

“We’re on a date _right now,_ Hitoshi—”

“Yeah, we’re finally by ourselves. And you were about to go join them. Again.” He huffs. “Taiga seriously, I’m sorry for being a dick about it, but… it fucking sucks when I wanna’ spend some time alone with you and I feel like I’ve gotta’ fight everyone else for your attention.”

“No. Hitoshi.” His voice turns coaxing then. Patient. Caring. It’s like Tetsu said. Admit that you’re jealous and Kagami will forgive you.

“It’s not like that. You sure as hell don’t need to fight to get my attention,” he murmurs, and Hitoshi tips his chin up. Kagami offers a smile.

“C’mon. Let’s go back to my place,” he coaxes, hand slipping into Hitoshi’s. “Just us…”

He starts to perk up a little, and Kagami seems pleased. “You mean it?”

“Yeah.”

Aomine watches the two of them head off together, swinging their hands between them, and he remembers thinking that it shouldn’t be this hard. It shouldn’t hurt this much.

Tetsu’s talking to him, but it all goes in one ear and out the other. He ends up at home and when he sprawls on his back in bed with his magazines, he stares at the ceiling and wonders if those two do it. If they’re doing it _now,_ as he lies here.

He wonders if Kagami was brave enough for that. When he was younger and first starting to jerk off, had he already known he was gay? Had he tried doing it? Putting his fingers in? Had he been scared? He wonders who Kagami’s first crush was, he wonders when he’d first known he wasn’t like the other boys.

He wonders if he let Hitoshi do it to him — _put it in._ Or is he the one to do it. Does he get on top. He imagines him like that, from underneath, ring hanging from his neck, eyes in shadow by his bangs. He remembers looking up at him from the floor of the pool, the sun lighting him from behind, he remembers laying on his back on the hard floor of the gym, the fluorescent lights sparkling on Kagami’s necklace, and for a second, it makes sense—

His hair looks red like that, with the sun shining through it. He wonders if Kagami’s ears turn red too. If he blushed. If his hands tremble. If he closes his eyes in the middle of it— He already knows what he sounds like.

Kagami told him that he doesn’t move that fast, must’ve been waiting to get to know Hitoshi better— but if they’ve started now, then Aomine wonders what it was that had won Kagami over, the moment he’d been with Hitoshi and decided that he was the right guy. He wonders when he’d decided he wants to go all the way.

He thinks of them doing it and he feels heartsick. Kagami loves that guy. He’s obviously there for more than just a reason to stick it in. Their relationship means something to Kagami—

And the guy doesn't even like basketball. He resents Kagami's passions. He doesn't deserve any of the patience, the kindness, or the care that Kagami has shown him. And he's got him so deceived that Kagami actually thinks he's worth trusting enough to do something like that— something Kagami obviously thinks is a serious step. 

He's got no idea that the guy he loves enough to lay down with isn't who he thinks he is.

And the worst thing is Aomine knows that as much as it rips him up to watch Kagami moon over a guy he knows is rotten, he can't tell Kagami the truth about Hitoshi. It's too late now and his only option is to stay the course. He doesn't want to risk losing him if he doesn't believe him, and even if he did, he knows it would only hurt Kagami, and he doesn't want to do that.

Knowing that he can do nothing to stop this, knowing that he has to swallow it and suffer in silence and pretend it isn't killing him, knowing that poor Kagami is opening himself to a guy that Aomine will never, never accept is good enough for him — it feels like ripping something out.

_‘If it were me—’_

The tiny, anxious, insecure thought flutters through as it has a thousand times, pointless and futile. If it were him in Hitoshi's place, he wouldn't do what Hitoshi does. He would be better.

If there was some higher power out there that he could bargain with, he'd give up all his allowance money, maybe some of his favorite shoes, all his magazines, if he could just be given a chance. He thinks he'd even give up basketball.

That’s what really sucks, is realizing that it’s not just basketball for Aomine. And that’s why it hurt so bad to hear Kagami hesitate in that moment where he could have defended their friendship, could have shut Hitoshi down and told him of course he would, of course he would still hang out with Aomine even without basketball, of course he would still be around.

It hurts because for Aomine— for Aomine, even though Kagami and basketball go hand in hand and can’t be separated, for Aomine, basketball or not, he wants Kagami so bad that he hurts. If he didn’t exactly know that before, he does now.

It’s the realization that it’s always been Kagami, and he’s grown into something that he can’t control or handle.

Aomine… He loves him. He just loves Kagami so much he doesn’t know what to do.

If it were Aomine. If he were the one Kagami loved, he doesn’t even know what he’d do. If his wish were granted tomorrow, where would Aomine take him? What kind of dates would they have? What would it be like, having Kagami as a boyfriend?

If it were Aomine, he’d probably be too scared to even try to kiss him in the beginning. He thinks he’d be satisfied simply with holding his hand. No, it might feel kinda weird...

_‘If it were me that he loved—‘_

Frustrated, Aomine jerks off, eyes closed, no magazine, only him and his thoughts. He puts lotion in his palm and touches himself, stroking back and forth. He chews on his lower lip because he already knows what he's going to do and he shouldn't be doing it, shouldn't go down that road when he knows he might not like where it leads. Why hasn't he ever learned how to stop when he should.

Eyelids shut tight, he squeezes his cock hard in one hand, pressing it flat against his hip and holding it there. His other hand reaches down into the bottom of his underwear.

He tentatively feels underneath his balls, the firm bump of his taint, and then pokes around between his legs, feeling into the crack of his ass. It’s warm and a little bit damp with sweat after laying on his back so long. His fingertips brush against the ridged pucker of his asshole. Heart pounding, he rolls his hand along his cock, back and forth, a feeble attempt to comfort and distract.

He keeps his eyes firmly shut and takes his hand out, rearranging himself with his legs spread a little more and then reaching in again from behind, the heel of his hand planted flat on his sacrum, long fingers hesitantly probing along the cleft of his ass. He lays there and jacks off, mouth dry as he touches himself there a little with his fingertips, feeling around and pressing slightly in curiosity.

  
He takes his hand out after a minute, swallowing hard. It’s probably better that he’s too scared. It’s probably better.

 . . .  
  
  


Aomine spends the next day and a half lazing around. It almost feels like a couple years back. Summertime was just this empty space where he’d lie around and do nothing until school started again, too bored to take advantage of the nice weather even to play basketball.

After school he wanders to the park on his own, the one he and Tetsu went to when he and Kagami had fallen out, the one that looked out over the river. He lazes in the shade under a tree, a basketball magazine held above his face — _‘S — L — A — M.’_

He dozes there for some time before yawning and sitting up to stretch.

Kagami’s over there with his phone. He doesn’t know when he’d gotten there, but it’s definitely him, the brown hair immediately distinguishable among the black of everyone else. Even slumped down like that, he looks humongous and out of place among the other parkgoers. Aomine would know him anywhere, even from behind. In the constant passing faces of the city he’s spent his life in, Kagami is one of a kind.

He’s by himself, sitting on the barrier, looking out over the water.

Aomine stands up and rolls his shoulders, shuffling over to him. Kagami doesn’t react when he walks up, seeming lost in his thoughts. Kagami’s thumb fiddles on his phone screen, and something tightens up in Aomine’s stomach.

The droop to Kagami’s shoulders. The frown on his face. It tweaks the knot in Aomine’s chest, puts a lump in his throat that doesn’t let him say anything. He can’t. He knows something’s been wrong between him and Hitoshi for a while, but it’s not like he can do anything about it. He has to watch Kagami hurt from far away, and maybe the truth is it's because Aomine’s too scared. He’s not brave enough to tell him he’s with a guy who ain’t shit. He’s not even sure it would make a difference anyway.

He didn’t want to hurt Kagami. He was scared to be pushed away. In the end, he can’t stop Kagami from being hurt.

For a second he felt overwhelmed with the urge to just blurt it out. Tell him that if he could give him a chance, if Kagami could learn to love him, then he would be grateful for that every day of his life and he would try, try to be good enough. He’d stop fucking up like he always used to and he’d make him smile. He would try to love Kagami the way he deserved. They’d do all his favorite things and he’d never shoot down his dreams.

If Aomine could just tell him how sorry he was, for everything—

If he could tell him that despite everything he’s said in the past, Kagami means more to him than words can say. If he could do that, if he could make up for all of that and start over, then Aomine would tell him right here.

Kagami’s sitting there with his shoulders drooping, eyes far away, his head hanging, his phone clutched in his hand. It takes him a couple more seconds to realize he’s not alone, but when he does, he picks his head up and says, “Aomine…”

He wants to ask if he’s okay. Wants to ask why he’s looking so down. But he feels farther apart from him than he ever has. It’s like he’s on the outside and can’t do anything but watch Kagami struggle. In that moment, he doesn’t get him, doesn’t know how to reach out to him.

Kagami does a good enough job trying to act normal, but there’s these rings around his eyes that give him away, this tired sad look he can’t erase completely.

“Hey,” he greets. “Sorry about the other day.”

Aomine blinks, and it takes him a minute to remember. For a second he feels a spike of dread when the first thing his mind lands on is that Kagami must mean the day by the fountain— must know that he'd heard them— but then he realizes he meant the day he'd followed Hitoshi off the court and not come back to play.

“I dunno’ what you mean,” he denies, easing down next to him, sticking his legs out over the concrete barrier with him, arms resting on the steel safety-bars.

“Oh…” Kagami seems tired, dazed even. Like his mind’s somewhere else. “For leaving you on the court a couple days back.” He sighs through his nose and mumbles, “Feels like I’ve been ditching people a lot lately.”

Aomine looks at him but Kagami’s staring at his lap, and all of a sudden he feels so bad for him that he doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know how to bring that fire back, doesn’t know what to do when the light’s gone dim.

“Nah,” he denies, voice low and smooth. “You’ve got a lot going on. It’s no big deal,” he hums, and Kagami takes a breath, seeming to pull himself together. “Just don’t forget about our game,” Aomine prods, nudging him with his elbow, and Kagami finally smiles.

At first it’s tired, but his eyes lift and his smile grows eager, a little of the usual glow returning. “Wanna’ play?” he offers, cheering up more. “I’m meeting Hitoshi in an hour but we could fit in a game before that.”

It’s always basketball with him. He’s the best.

“I don’t have a ball,” he mumbles, and Kagami seems a little disappointed, but Aomine jumps to say, “We could just chill instead,” and he lights back up again, like he’s happy enough just to hang around together.

For a minute Aomine lets himself believe that it _is_ enough. That if he couldn’t play basketball anymore, if he didn’t have his basketball skills, Kagami would still be doing this with him. That Kagami would still come around to see him, would still let him visit his house and trouble him constantly. That Kagami would still be his friend.

For one afternoon, it’s like he’s gone back in time. It’s like everything else goes away. Kagami’s boyfriend, the tired slump to Kagami’s shoulders, the confusion and sadness and Aomine’s achy heart, it’s like none of it existed and they’re sixteen — it’s last summer again, for one day.

They go walking around the city together, following the bike route beside the river path. They’re lead through the park and along a long sloped road that takes them past a sunny little neighbourhood and down to the docks. Back up into the trees again, a long stretch of straight bike path overlooks the water, one crystal blue vista stretching out to the right and the dark peaceful shade of the forest on the left, fresh and lush and humming with insects and swaying with flowers. The sun shines yellow through the dark green leaves and speckles the pathway.

“When exams are done, we should get out here and catch crayfish.”

Aomine looks up, a little surprised. His heart is alive, fluttering like a baby bird. Kagami had remembered that?

“For real?”

“Yeah, didn’t you want to go swimming a while back? When we go, you gotta’ teach me how to do it.”

Aomine felt breathless for a minute, before grinning cockily and bragging, “I bet we’ll get a whole bucketful. The shores are probably crawling with ‘em by this time.”

“Can you eat them?” Kagami wonders. “They’re pretty scrawny, but, like, they look like little lobsters, so they probably taste...” He trails off when he sees Aomine looking at him, offended.

“What.”

“Excuse you? How dare you. Next you’re gonna’ tell me you wanna’ catch frogs and then eat them, you monster.”

Kagami snorts and starts to laugh as Aomine keeps scolding him, and it takes so much off his shoulders and from his face. Whatever’s been bothering him seems to melt away, his eyes starting to light up, a warm familiar glow.

They’re getting close to the start of the trail again, having been led in a big loop. Aomine starts to walk slower. Kagami matches his pace, as if he doesn’t care about hurrying to the end, content to stroll along at his side, and for a second, even though the sun is shining, it feels like that day in the rain, where the only thing that existed was the two of them under the cover of his umbrella.

“Hey, look.”

“What.”

“Just a sec’.” Kagami waits on the path while he steps off just past the treeline and cups his hand over the trunk of a tree, palm against the bark as he coaxes a cicada into his hand.

“What’re you doing?” Kagami sticks his head out curiously as Aomine makes sure its got a grip on his finger and then brings it back to show him. “...” Kagami blinks at it silently and squats down next to him on the pavement. Aomine holds the cicada up to observe the brown patterning on its dark body. Kagami keeps a healthy distance.

“Whoa… It’s really big,” he finally notes.

“Wanna’ hold it?” Aomine offers it out to Kagami, who looks a little uncertain.

“Uh… I dunno’,” he mutters.

“They don’t bite. It’s big but it’s gentle,” he assures, and keeps holding it out, looking into Kagami’s face. He still seems a little standoffish, so Aomine snags Kagami’s arm and brings his hand close to his.

“Here.” He places his hand onto Kagami’s, feeling him flinch minutely in his grip as he feels the big bug touch his skin, but he doesn’t yank away. He cups his hand over Kagami’s and waits, coaxing the cicada to unlatch from his finger. Kagami twitches again when Aomine transfers it to him and lets its legs grip onto his finger.

When Aomine takes his hand away, Kagami holds still and stares, fascinated, and lets out a nervous laugh. “It tickles,” he notes, starting to smile. Aomine smiles too, crouching next to him and watching him hold it up and play with it. “Wow.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty scary looking, but they’re actually really cool. Kinda’ just hold onto whatever you put in front of them and then chill there,” he murmurs as he and Kagami huddle together in the middle of the path.

“They’re like my favorite animal besides crayfish. They’re awesome...” He trails off when he realizes again that shit, this might be him flirting, definitely don’t try to flirt.

Just as that thought hits him, Kagami looks up at him, still smiling, and Aomine thinks his heart will burst — Wow is right.

“It’s not singing,” Kagami notes, and Aomine blinks and shakes his head a little, snapping out of it. Kagami tentatively holds out a big fingertip and gently touches the top of its back.

“Well they only sing in the first place ‘cause they’re looking for some action. Obviously he’s not interested in us, so.” Kagami snorts, and Aomine grins back.

“Only the boy ones sing, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So they’re basically screaming for an entire month about how much they want some ass?”

“I mean, it sounds like there’s a lotta’ competition in the area, so keep trying little guy,” Aomine encourages, putting his face by the cicada’s eyes, and Kagami laughs.

“We should name it,” Kagami suggests. Aomine nods. “How about Cheeper,” he teases.

“Fuck you, there’s only one Cheeper.” Kagami snorts, and then they sit and think for a while.

“Kagami?”

“Hm?”

“How do you say cicada in English?” Kagami tells him and Aomine names it Shiek because that’s what cicada sounds like to him in English. Plus, it might be a girl, they’re not sure.

They carry their little buddy with them to the end of the trail and then he plucks it off for Kagami and sticks it on a tree.

“This is the spot,” Kagami says with some reluctance, rubbing the back of his hair. “I’d better wait here.”

Aomine tries not to let his dismay show on his face, shoving his hands in his pockets. He doesn’t want this moment to end. Doesn’t want to let this day be over. He doesn’t want to go back to real life. He wants to stay like this, enjoying the summer, walking side by side in the sun with the person he—

He wants to go back and be sixteen again.

If he could go back to that, he would, because he thinks just for a few months, he could’ve told you what true happiness is like. And for a minute, this afternoon had brought all of that back.

Just for a minute he’d let himself believe that even without basketball, even if it weren’t for basketball, if it were just him—

He wishes he knew a way to hang onto this moment. Wishes he knew how to make it last. He doesn’t want to let it go.

Kagami seems lost in thought too, the relaxed smile and the carefree happiness of their afternoon together starting to fade out of his face. They lean against the boardwalk together, sitting on the barrier, facing out towards the park.

Aomine fidgets, unwilling to go home just yet. “What’re you gonna’ do?”

“Ahh,” Kagami mutters, glancing away. “Me an’ Hitoshi had better talk. We were planning to go to a concert tonight, but I dunno’.”

In the past weeks, Aomine’s gotten to see a new side of Kagami that he’d never even imagined before. He’s seen what Kagami is like when he’s in love. He’s discovered that despite being big and loud and oafish at times, all that drive and passion he has for basketball, he puts all of that same heart into his relationship. He’s surprisingly sweet as a boyfriend. He’s loving. Caring.

Maybe if Aomine was a good person, nicer, kinder, better, it could’ve been him. If he’d been faster working through his issues, if he hadn’t been such a stupid fool, maybe it could’ve been him.

He can’t imagine it. He can’t imagine what that’s like, to be the focus of all that love. He can’t imagine Kagami being sweet to him.

“Kagami?” Aomine murmurs, and Kagami stares at the ground, that tired sad look seeming to creep back in and weigh him down at every joint.

“Why do you like that guy.”

Maybe he expects Kagami to come to his boyfriend’s defense like he did that evening in his kitchen again, tell him all the things he likes about Hitoshi and why he makes him happy, but he seems surprised in that moment, and a silent second passes.

Kagami looks up, meeting his eyes. Looking at him like this with the sun at Aomine’s back, you’d think it would light him up more, but instead the reflection only serves to show how dim Kagami’s eyes have gone, big and soft and deep. He gives Aomine this tired look, his face open and vulnerable for one confused and surprised second, and his lips part, as if to speak.

Aomine holds his gaze, throat tight with longing. Kagami blinks, and Aomine only realizes how long the moment’s dragged on when Kagami seems to start and look away. He bit the inside of his cheek as Kagami glances back again, this tiny confused crease between his eyebrows, and he thinks for a second that it must be there on his face—

How can Kagami not see straight through him just like he always does.

“Taiga.”

They both look up. Hitoshi’s standing there with his hand out. Kagami takes a few steps and looks back to Aomine one more time, like he’s trying to find what he saw there again, but that moment is gone. He smiles and puts his hand up to say goodbye, waving as he heads off.

Aomine holds up a hand and watches him go, heart thudding in his chest.

As he walks off and heads to the basketball courts, the thought feels sadder than ever. Does Kagami love Hitoshi? Aomine doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do if it’s true.

Maybe that’s why this is so hard, why it hurts so much. Because he thinks he understands why Kagami has never cared if that guy can play basketball or not. If he loves him, then maybe it doesn’t matter.

Tetsu and Kise are there, and they let him join. They play until they’re worn out, and Aomine tries to take his mind off it, but he thinks they can tell that his heart’s just not in it.

As Tetsu heads over to the faucets, Kise chatters, “You’ve been in a weird mood lately, Aominecchi.”

That’s what heartache does to a person. It wears you down. He’d seen it in the slump to Kagami’s shoulders. The tired pained look on his face. That’s what love does, the two extremes that can’t be unwound.

He has to be feeling particularly messed up about all of it, because that’s the only explanation he has for why he says what he does.

“Do you really think without basketball Kagami wouldn’t hang out with me.”

Kise blinks and doubletakes, but Aomine isn’t looking at him. He’s looking at the basketball hoops, hands in his pockets. “Maybe,” he admits at last, a bit uncertain.

“Oh.” Aomine closes his eyes, letting out a long sigh.

Biting his lip, Kise seems to cringe. “Well, if I’m being honest,” he reconsiders, “... If he first met you and you didn’t play, I don’t think you two would have become friends. In that way, no. Without basketball, I don’t think he would hang out with you.”

His shoulders sag. It’s better to steel himself beforehand, because then he doesn’t have to feel it. He doesn’t have to feel anything. He’s just numb and achy.

“But I think… I think if you got hurt today and could never play again,” Kise goes on, and Aomine picks his head up, “After everything that’s happened and how close you guys became, I think he would stay your friend even without basketball.”

“How do you figure,” Aomine mumbles.

Kise shrugs, like it’s not that hard to figure out. “Don’t you think the same way?”

He stands there and thinks of all the times he’d given up on trying and waiting and hoping for his rival to appear. He thinks of all the people he cares about who he’s hurt and he thinks about hating basketball. And he thinks about meeting Kagami. He thinks of last summer.

He thinks of everything and he knows he’d love Kagami even if he could never play basketball with him another day in his life. Of course he would.

 

“Yeah.”

. . .  


_Jenny, take my hand, I cannot pretend why I never like your new boyfriend—_


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter of drawn-out sad bullshit, i promise. the climax chapter is next chapter.

_The starlight, I will be chasing a starlight until the end of my life._

_I dunno’ if it’s worth it anymore._

_. . ._

  
_‘Want to come over after school?’_

That’s the text Aomine wakes up to Friday morning — _‘Whatever,’_ he replies, too cool to show enthusiasm.

 _‘I’m making teriyaki,’_ Kagami texts again just as Aomine’s finishing up with cleaning duty at the end of the day.

_‘on my way.’  
_

He meets Kagami at his house and they have a nice night relaxing and hanging out. Aomine brought an overnight bag and stuffed it in his backpack on the off-chance that Kagami would let him sleep over.

“I have to study for exams,” Kagami says as Aomine kicks his shoes off in the entrance and sheds his school jacket and tie and then skids across the floor in his socks to throw himself on the couch facefirst. “You can stay over if you want.” Aomine smiles into the cushions.

He rolls himself onto his back and sighs at the ceiling. “I dunno’ how the hell you think you’re gonna’ focus on studying.”

“If I’m suffering, so are you. Go shower while I cook.”

Aomine lounges around in a t-shirt and shorts, airing out with a towel under his head and a workbook spread in front of his face, pencil in his mouth. Kagami’s at his elbow, hunched over the coffee table, glaring at his study guides and textbooks. They make it probably ten quiet minutes before they crack and start complaining to each other.

Kagami helps him with the English homework even though he’s also pretty abysmal at it. When Aomine teases him about it, he gripes and moans about how none of this is anything like how you’d actually speak English in a conversation. It takes probably twenty times longer than it would normally because Aomine keeps getting distracted and asking about dumb stuff, and Kagami, of course, obliges him. Aomine’s picked up some popular slang from the internet over the years but there's still a lot left to know.

For instance, “What’s the word for butt in English.”

“Butt,” Kagami says in English.

Aomine repeats it — _‘BUTT’ —_ and then puts it in a sentence, reading it back out loud, his accent probably butchering it — _‘My BUTT is SEXY’ —_ and Kagami cracks up.

“Dude, oh my god, you can’t show that to your teacher!”  
  
“That’s an important phrase to learn, excuse you!”

“Never say the word sexy again, holy shit, what _is_ your voice?!” Aomine says it again and grins, but only because Kagami’s pretty much falls over laughing, holding his stomach and slapping his feet on the floor. He loves hearing him laugh like that. It’s so loud and obnoxious, completely un-self conscious in its happiness.

They’re both in remedial math and are doing the trig lessons that the first years get instead of the second year calc, so they eventually end up crouched in front of Kagami’s trig book and puzzle out that bullshit together.

“Ugh,” Kagami groans. “I’d better remember at least some of this shit on exam day.”

Aomine grunts in agreement. “God damnit, my brain’s leaking out my ears. Can we eat already?”

“One sec’.”

They eat together right on the floor in front of Kagami’s TV, and Aomine wishes things could stay this way. Wishes that he could go back to how it was before, so he could do it all over. If he could, he would reach out and tell Kagami how he felt.

Or maybe he wouldn’t do anything. Maybe he’d just enjoy the way things are, maybe he’d enjoy feeling sixteen again before he felt like he had to keep a secret, before everything got so much harder. Back when the world was simple and all he needed and wanted in this world was basketball.

Basketball and Kagami.

“Thanks man,” Kagami hums when they’re all tired out and are lying on their backs with the fan on, exhausted but still completely wired after all the soda they’d drank. Aomine’s eyes are barely open anymore as he lazily pecks at the gamecube controller. Who thought it was a good idea to play Marioparty for fifty rounds. Their ten p.m. selves had been way too ambitious.

“For what,” he mumbles, barely intelligible, and speaking sets off a big yawn, which gets Kagami started too. He’s not even sure Kagami will be able to stay awake to the end, they’re only thirty rounds in.

“I’ve been kinda’ down lately and needed to relax a little, so.” Kagami’s quiet for a second, taking his turn hitting the dice. He gets a ten. “Thanks.”

Aomine adjusts his arm behind his head and takes a glance at him, the glow of the TV illuminating his face. Kagami lets out another big yawn, eyes scrunching closed for a second. He thinks of the last few times he’s seen Kagami out and about, the way his shoulders seemed to droop. He thinks of what Tetsu said about Kagami seeming sad.

He wonders if what Kagami means when he says he’s been down lately— he wonders if he means Hitoshi.

Usually when Aomine sleeps over, Kagami lays a futon out for him in the front room, meaning to go back and crash in his own bed — but they always end up staying up so late goofing around that Kagami just falls asleep out there with him on the couch instead of in his bedroom. Kagami mumbles in his sleep a little sometimes. Not loud. He breathes through his mouth too. It doesn’t bother Aomine anymore, to sleep in on a Saturday morning on Kagami’s floor and hear him nearby, shifting and humming in his sleep.

There’s room for both of them out there. Kagami’s place has a lot of open space and not much furniture around. He’s never thought about it too hard but it might have something to do with why Kagami invited people over all through high school and let him hang around all the time.

For the first time, Aomine wonders if Kagami ever gets lonely when he doesn’t have anything going on and is on his own in here. He always seems lively enough when Aomine comes over, but it had to be hard, being completely alone in a place at their age. Kagami didn’t live with any family. Aomine can't imagine that.

It must be why he keeps so busy all the time. School, basketball club, playing on the street courts. It’s enough to keep him out for most of the day. It’d be sad otherwise.

Kagami stretches out, blanket over his legs, their heads propped up against the base of the couch with some pillows. The minigame starts and Aomine stares dazedly at the screen, fiddling around lazily, out of energy to be competitive.

He wonders if Kagami means Hitoshi when he talks about feeling down. He thinks of the afternoon by the fountain when Hitoshi had all but told Kagami how much he didn’t like it when he hung out with Aomine. He thinks of Hitoshi complaining about Kagami stretching himself too thin between all his different activities and friends. He thinks of Hitoshi and Kagami arguing and sounding tired and frustrated and then Kagami backing down to appease him, anxious to make him happy.

He thinks of Kagami defending him to Hitoshi, thinks of him getting in an argument just because Hitoshi was badmouthing him. He thinks of Kagami calling him a good friend. And then he thinks of the way he went silent when Hitoshi accused him of not caring about Aomine anyways, if not for basketball. He thinks of that and a vicious pain twists his heart.

“Yeah man,” he mumbles back.

They fall asleep and Aomine dozes to the sounds of Kagami occasionally moving next to him in the night, his deep peaceful breaths and soft murmuring letting him rest easy.

When he wakes up, it takes a while to get his sluggish brain to fully rouse. People are talking. It feels way earlier than he should be up on a Saturday. Kagami gets up early sometimes because he’s just one of those people who can do that. He’ll step around Aomine to clean up from the night before, but he always keeps it down and lets Aomine doze for a while longer. He’s never bugged him to get up before ten.

It takes a minute to figure out what he’s hearing and to recognize the voices, then to focus on the words. Aomine opens his eyes and yawns, snuggling into the futon he’d managed to roll onto before passing out last night, blanket pulled up to his ear. His feet have pushed out the bottom, ruining the tucked sheets.

Kagami and Hitoshi are in the back, or maybe the kitchen. They’re not in line of sight, and aren’t in the room with him. They sound far away. He doesn’t know why the fuck Hitoshi is over on a Saturday morning, but he is and he’s got an attitude problem. Aomine doesn’t have to be awake to pick up on that.

Their voices are low, but Aomine can hear them over the hum of the fan, still blowing cool air over his face.

“What, why aren’t you gonna’ kiss me,” he can hear. “‘Cause _he’s_ here?”

If Aomine were more awake he might’ve processed what any of that meant. It might’ve occurred to them that they’re in the back and Hitoshi’s trying to make out, maybe even do more while he’s still out sleeping in Kagami’s front room. They’re talking back in his bedroom with the door open and Kagami must be showing some resistance, because Hitoshi is not happy.

“We’re not in private,” he thinks he hears Kagami mumble.

“We’re in your apartment, how much more private can this get.” There’s a pause and then a frustrated groan. “Ugh, seriously? You won’t even let me kiss you? God, quit being so stuck up.”

“I’m not.” He sounds irritated at that. “I know you don’t care about doing stuff around—” He pauses for an instant, barely noticeable, before he stresses, _“other people…_ ” He exhales in a huff and there’s some rustling sounds. “Hitoshi, c’mon, I’m serious.”

“You don’t want him to hear, huh.”

If he were awake he’d read the irritation in his tone and know that it probably meant he was irked to show up and find Aomine in Kagami’s house again. He’s slow on the uptake, instead listening and letting his eyes stay closed.

“Who cares if he hears us. Maybe then he’ll get out and give us some private time for once.” His voice is sharp and biting, and… breathless, in a way?

“It’s not like he came on his own, I invited him,” Kagami explained, there’s this rustling noise and some shuffling around. “Hitoshi, seriously, will you just—”

“Lighten up, Taiga. Haven’t you missed me.” He sounds just a little sarcastic.

Kagami groans and then admits softly, “You know I have.”

“C’mere then,” he coaxes with a little laugh. He thinks he hears Kagami laugh back. He can hear them moving around, and he can tell that Kagami has relented, because the little smacking sounds and the hums can only be kissing.

Aomine rolls onto his back slowly, bringing his fingertips up to wipe the crust from the side of his mouth and the corners of his eyes. He stares at the ceiling, feeling like a frog when his eyes get scummy as he blinks.

Something’s wrong. Kagami’s voice breaks the silence, ringing out firmly and waking him up a little more with how stern it sounds. “Hitoshi. Seriously, don’t.” There’s a little more rustling around, and Kagami insists, “That’s not funny. _Hitoshi._ ”

Aomine pushes himself up on his elbows and can hear some more kissing sounds as Kagami settles down again.

After almost a minute goes by like that, soft laughter and humming, but something is amiss. “Stop,” Kagami says suddenly, and after a second, repeats louder, _“Stop.”_

Hitoshi’s voice is low and dark, and Aomine stares across the empty living room, wide awake as he hears, “Why do you always tell me to stop.”

The hair stands up on the back of his neck in the silent beat that follows.

 _“What?”_ Kagami breathes.

“I’m your boyfriend. Aren’t you supposed to want me?”

Kagami’s speechless for a moment, and when he finally speaks, his voice is raw and upset. “What is _wrong_ with you lately?” It’s quiet for a second, Aomine’s heart pounding in his ears. Hitoshi seems to hesitate.

“Taiga,” he tries, apologetic, but Kagami just lets out a long frustrated sigh.

“I can’t fucking do this right now. Can you just…” It’s quiet again, and Aomine doesn’t know what to do. Should he pretend to be asleep? Or maybe go out on the balcony and wait until Hitoshi leaves? Maybe he should just get his stuff and go, because he doesn’t want to listen to this, but something tells him he shouldn't leave them alone—

“Look, just go home,” Kagami says, exhausted and bitter. “I dunno’ what your problem with Aomine is, but this is completely out of control, and you—”

Hitoshi growls in aggravation, “Stop fucking _talking_ about him when you’re with _me._ Why the hell is he all that you think about.”

“Isn’t it the other way around?!” Kagami blurts back. “What the fuck, Hitoshi!” His voice turns raw and strained then. “All you do lately is bring him up out of nowhere, it’s screwing with my head!”

“I didn’t mean it like that. Taiga.” Hitoshi’s voice wrenches tight and wild. “I’m sorry. Fuck. I’m sorry — I feel like I’m going _crazy.”_

Aomine stares at the covers and the lumps his knees make under them. As much as he hated them being together, as much as he’s been rooting for their relationship to go south since the beginning, listening to it is different. Seeing it is different. He doesn’t want to hear this.

“Taiga.” He sounds so meek. So small and pathetic. Like a guy pushed to the absolute edge. “I’m sorry. Just tell me what’s going on. Tell me and I swear I’ll believe you,” he practically pleads. “I swear I’ll trust you, just tell me the truth once and for all.”

“You're already supposed to trust me,” Kagami muttered, wounded.

“So you can’t answer me, then?”

“Hitoshi, this is stupid. Can we just stop fighting? Please?” He seems to think he’s getting somewhere, because his exasperated tone changes to something more subdued. “I don’t wanna’ fight right now. Okay?”

“Okay,” he murmurs in reply, soft and guilty. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get like that.”

Kagami sighs, and then seems to cool down. “Please just. Go home and cool off.” Aomine swallows and takes a slow breath, wiping his sweaty palms on the blankets.

“I’m gonna’ see you at the festival Sunday night. We can have a nice time and start fresh. And pretend this never happened.”

“You mean it?”

Aomine can hear the little smile in his voice. “Yeah.”

“Okay.”

He puts a hand to his forehead and pushes his hair back as he hears them exchange a soft kiss.

“We can work this out, whatever this is,” Kagami says, so kind and caring. He’s too nice. Too patient. Some things you shouldn’t just accept. “We’ll get through it.”

“Yeah,” Hitoshi agrees. “I’ll see you, Taiga.”

“See you soon.” Aomine faces the wall as he hears them shuffle out into the front room. He doesn’t know if Hitoshi looks at him on the way out, because he’s silent, and doesn’t know he’s gone until he hears the soft click of Kagami's front door closing.

Kagami sighs, and Aomine glances over, figuring there’s no point pretending he hasn’t been up the whole time. It’s awkward. Kagami’s standing at the kitchen counter, back to him, hand on the back of his neck.

“You probably heard that, huh,” he mumbled, and avoids eye-contact, looking embarrassed.

Aomine looks away. “...”

“We don’t fight a lot, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Kagami starts, taking another breath, but Aomine cuts him off.

“No,” he denies, and Kagami’s jaw shuts with a click.

Kagami must not realize that he’d heard everything, not just the fight, because he doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t try to explain it or make any excuses for why Hitoshi was getting like that. He must not know that Aomine had heard him saying stop.

“...” Kagami looks away, scratching his upper arm sheepishly and shuffling his feet, looking like he feels stupid and small. Aomine waits until he meets his eye again and for a second it just burns.

Kagami immediately looks away again, as if ashamed.

Aomine inhales and then just decides to be direct about it, because he doesn’t fucking understand.

“He’s been acting like kind of a tool lately,” he notes, keeping his voice steady and as casual as was normal between them. “Why are you putting up with it.”

He doesn’t see what’s in Hitoshi that’s worth all of Kagami’s patience and effort, he doesn’t see what's there that Kagami thinks is worth fighting for, but maybe that’s what love does.

_‘If he’s tiring you out, you don’t have to stay. You don’t have to make it work. You don’t owe him anything.’_

If he didn’t think Kagami loved the guy, he would tell him that. He would tell him he should walk away now and save himself the trouble instead of wasting all his feelings and effort and patience on this exhausting, ungrateful, pushy, hot-and-cold jerk. If he didn’t think Kagami saw something there worth fighting for, he would tell him now that he shouldn’t stay with someone who’s draining him emotionally.

Kagami takes a long breath in and lets it out slow. “You don’t know him,” he says, and Aomine sets his jaw, feeling disappointed but resigned. “He’s a good guy,” Kagami insists, and he’s so confident and calm about it that even though Aomine doesn’t believe that’s true, he believes that Kagami has it under control at least.

“It’s just a rough patch. Things are good. They will be,” he amends when Aomine looks dubious.

“As long as you’re happy,” he mumbles, but it doesn’t feel right.

Kagami nods. He inhales, his chest swelling with it, and then he lets out a short breath through his nose.

_‘If that’s all—’_

If he really is happy, then maybe it’s fine.

. . .

 

Sunday afternoon is the summer festival. Lanterns are lit, the walkways are packed with street-food carts and dessert stalls. They all hang out in a group and enjoy the food and games and watching the dancing and drum-music until the sun goes down.

They’re all bit-up by mosquitos, their bare legs hot and itchy in their yukata. Aomine had hoped to hang out with Kagami a little, but every time Kagami approaches to try and talk, he ends up getting pulled in another direction. Aomine doesn’t blame him exactly. Watching him from a distance is fine too. Hitoshi is really _on_ him, making sure Kagami doesn’t wander off, firmly holding his hand. They look like they’re having a nice date at least.

The first time Kagami gets a moment away is when they run into each other in the park bathroom. Facing a urinal, Aomine looks up when he hears his name, and Kagami comes up and stands next to him, undoing his belt.

“Having fun?” Aomine asks as he shakes off and fixes his yukata up, walking over to the sinks.

“Yeah,” he hears from behind him, and glances in the mirror at the back of Kagami’s head. “Yeah,” he sighs again. “Sorry we haven’t had a minute to talk.”

“He hasn’t let go of your hand all night,” Aomine notes. “I’m surprised he’s not in here aiming your dick for you.”

Kagami snorts and finishes up, fucking around with his belt ties. “Heh. We’ve missed each other. Haven’t gotten a lot of time alone.”

He pulls the ties tight and Aomine lets the cool water run over his hands, staring down into his palms. They’ve looked like they’ve been having fun together today. He wonders if later tonight they’re going to go back to Kagami’s place together.

The thought puts a knot in his gut, because even though he’d heard them together before, he can’t stop thinking about how Kagami had said they were going to wait and get to know each other, he can’t stop remembering what he heard in Kagami's apartment _—_

“Kagami.” He can see Kagami look up out of his periphery but Aomine stares studiously at the drain in the sink. “You know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, right?”

He’s quiet for a second, confused almost. “Huh? Where’d that come from?”

Aomine doesn’t look at him, shaking his hands off. He probably shouldn’t say it, but it’s been bothering him. He’s just making sure. No matter how awkward it is and no matter how much it means that he’s also forgotten what’s appropriate for two teenage boys to say to each other— He can’t stop thinking about it.

“Aomine?”

He doesn’t explain what he means. Just tightens his jaw.

Kagami’s silent for a long time, looking at him pensively. Maybe he realizes, because finally he says, “Oh.” He’s quiet for another beat and then says, “Yeah, I know.” It’s soft. Hesitant and concerned. Gentle almost, like that time he told him he wouldn’t get sick from kissing.

“Don’t worry,” he finally says. “I can handle myself.” At least Aomine is assured with that much.

Kagami turns the sink on and Aomine stands around waiting, arm inside his yukata, curling his toes in his sandals.

Kagami has tied his robe too loose, letting too much of his chest show. The more he scrubs in the sink, the more it gets jostled out of place. Aomine teases him and Kagami’s annoyed and for a second everything’s back to normal.

“You’ve got your chest showing too, what’s wrong with mine?”

“You wrapped it too loose is what’s wrong. Here, fix it, stupid, you look like a drunk in a bathrobe.”

“Ugh, fine.”

When he opens it back up to fix it, Aomine can see he’s wearing the boxer briefs with the little stars on them. Kagami folds it again like an idiot, and Aomine yanks it tighter for him, holding it in place while Kagami ties it in the front. “There,” Aomine murmurs, fixing the neckline, positioning it like his own, so that Kagami’s collar bones and a bit of his chest shows — exactly the amount that’s comfortable in the warm summer night. If Kagami still had his ring, it’d look perfect like that, on his bare chest.

He looks up into Kagami’s face and is a little startled to find him already looking at him. “Thanks,” Kagami says.

“Yeah.”

“... Can you roll the sleeves up like you did with yours?”

“Whatever.”

He’s lucky he ran into Kagami in the bathroom because that’s pretty much the only time they get to talk until the end of the night.

Aomine spends the next couple hours with Satsuki, Tetsu, and Kise. Kagami and Hitoshi are around, but they don’t really join their group other than saying hi in passing. He spots them every once in a while, wandering around holding hands and enjoying themselves.

When they all stop at the goldfish scooping stall, he gets to watch across the wide pool where those two are crouched together, fucking around trying to catch at least one fish between them. They don’t, but they’re having fun anyway. Kagami even teases Hitoshi a little by flicking some water up into his face, grinning boyishly.

Satsuki rips her net with nothing to show for it, and is disappointed — but Aomine catches a speedy yellow medaka in one go without ripping the paper, and trades his prize for five pretty little orange goldfish in a plastic bag, which he hands her wordlessly, groaning as she squeals and wells up. “Daichan!”

“Woah, hey, don’t shake the bag,” he mutters, holding a hand out to grab it when she starts to jump around.

He notices Kagami looking a second later, open-mouthed and blinking. He can see him nudge Hitoshi and point. “Whoaaa, look.” Hitoshi snorts, nodding. Kagami pays for one more try and manages to catch one little fish, a spotted brown one.

They walk around and enjoy the hot night air, stuffed with snacks, until it’s completely dark out. People start to gather and find a nice spot along the river on the lawn to sit and watch when the fireworks start.

Satsuki, Kise, and Tetsu are sitting on a rock wall lining a flower garden, eating pink mochi and chattering. Aomine stands across the road on the grass, looking down the hill out towards the river. He glances to the side and sees that Kagami’s ended up next to him in the crowd.

He looks a little vacant, lost in thought, and for a few moments, Aomine just looks at him longingly, the way the lights from the lanterns glow on his hair. He’s perfect like that, and for a second, Aomine felt so overcome with regret that he's trapped in that moment.

If he could just say he was sorry and go back to the beginning, he would do it all again and try to be a better person, a better friend. If he could just go back—

“Aomine,” Kagami notices finally, coming back to reality. Aomine rests his arm inside his yukata, looking out at the water. “Man, I’ll be glad to go home tonight. I’ve got mosquito bites all up my legs,” he mutters, and Aomine snorts.

“It’s worth it. There’s cute girls everywhere tonight — and at least you got to see your boyfriend in a yukata.”

“Yeah, I mean… I guess?” Kagami agreed, not seeming to catch his meaning. “... What’s the significance there.”

“You know,” he begins, and pauses for a long moment. Kagami looks up, raising an eyebrow, and Aomine finishes, “Yukata sex is a man’s dream.”

“Huh?” Kagami breaks into incredulous laughter.

“Yeah, just pop the boobs out,” Aomine demonstrates with his hands, “and pull the skirt up. Just open up the front and get some action on New Years. You probably get like, a life award if you nut right at midnight on New Years.”

Kagami groans, but he’s grinning fondly. “Boob maniac,” he mutters.

For a second he thinks about how it should be harder to act this normal. Pretending he doesn’t care shouldn’t be getting easier. Maybe this is what giving up feels like. Maybe that’s what acceptance is.

“You can probably do it too even though you're gay, you just have to pull up the back.”

“I told you before, I’m not like you, you pervert.”

“You’ve got the luxury of saying that, you and your steady boyfriend, doing high school right, and here I am still single. The disrespect.”

Kagami snorts. “You’ve got one more year. There’s still a chance. I dunno’ why you’re complaining though. It’s not like if you did find a girl to have you she’d even be around next year anyways.”

“One of the many benefits of being me.” Aomine flashes his teeth, arms behind his head, and Kagami groans.

“This is exactly why you’re single. Girls want to be loved back,” he advises, eyes dancing with amusement.

 _‘Me too,’_ Aomine thinks, but it’s easier to act like it doesn’t matter.

“You got me,” he laughs, and in that moment he doesn’t care how much it’s going to hurt later. He doesn’t care that the knot of confusion and denial and self-hatred is going to strangle him later. Because right now, it’s just him and Kagami in the summer night, and Kagami’s smiling, and maybe that alone is fine. That should be enough.

“What’s your New Years’ wish.”

“It’s not New Years, you fucking idiot.”

“Yeah but it’s school break. We’re gonna’ be third years now. It’s kind of like a new year is starting.”

“Okay fine,” Kagami grumbles, but he’s smiling.

“This year I wish to play one on one with MJ, and to fall for an electric mega-babe,” Aomine jeers, eyes closed, cocky grin in place, but when he opens his eyes again and sees Kagami smiling, all he can think is that he wishes he could stay in this moment. He wishes he could feel like this forever. He wishes he could go back to last summer again.

_‘I wish to be with the one I love.’_

“I wish to play a lot of awesome basketball this summer,” Kagami says after some consideration, and then adds, “and for a happy year with Hitoshi.”

Aomine smiles, eyes flicking down, because sometimes it doesn’t ache as much as he knows it should. Sometimes it just rolls off his back, and somehow that’s worse, because it means he doesn’t know how to steel himself when it really gets rough. It means he doesn’t know how to _just stop_ while he can.

“Must be nice.”

“What?”

“Having someone to stick by you.” He looks away, tipping his chin back and hums, “Can’t imagine what that’s like.”

Kagami’s quiet for a second, smile fading as if expecting Aomine to pull another joke, confused with the serious mood. “Like you care one way or the other,” he finally mutters, elbowing him. “There isn’t a romantic bone in your body anyway.”

“Oh I’ve got one bone for sure—”

“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” he groans. “If someone did end up liking you, you'd trade them in a second for an _‘electric mega-babe,’”_ Kagami mimicks, deepening his voice like an idiot.

Aomine shrugs and sighs, a half-smile on his lips. “Probably,” he admits. “But I’ve always been kinda’ dumb.” Kagami snorts and rolls his eyes.

“If I did find someone like that, it’d be the catch a’ my life. Must be nice,” he repeated again, voice a low hum. He means that.

He doesn’t know why he’s saying any of this really. He feels like he’s sinking slowly, numb to what’s happening around him. He doesn’t know what’ll happen when he hits the bottom. He doesn’t know what he’ll find on the inside if he thinks about it too hard or delves too deep inside the knot. There’s only one thing to call it.

Kagami sighed, and muttered, “I don’t understand you.” It’s supposed to come out scornful, but his voice has gone soft and low.

He’s seventeen, and he shouldn’t have to think this hard or feel this much. He should let it go and just stop already, but maybe that’s what it does to a person.  


_‘L — O — V — E’  
_

Just then they both look up at the same time and for one long moment, Aomine feels captivated by that gaze, by the lights bursting and reflecting in Kagami’s eyes, a red and green and gold glow spreading across the side of his face.

They’re closer than he’d thought. Aomine thinks he might even be able to feel Kagami’s breath. Aomine holds his gaze and at last Kagami’s lips part—

All at once Kagami pulls away, swallowing and breaking eye contact, and to Aomine, it’s like being ripped out of the ocean, brought back to reality.

He exhales slowly and looks at his feet. Kagami shifts, and he thinks he hears him take a breath to speak—

“Taiga!”

It’s only then that he realizes that the fireworks have already started. He hadn't even noticed. The explosions are ringing in his ears and the glow is lighting up the sky, and who knows how long they've already been going, because Hitoshi has to shout to be heard. The thuds in his chest have just turned out to be the echo of dynamite cracking off, ripping the sky apart. When Aomine looks up, he’s there holding out his hand for Kagami.

Kagami looks back at Aomine for a second, this lingering softness to his expression, but then half a smile stretches his cheek and he follows Hitoshi, taking his hand. He looks back at Aomine again and waves.

He watches them sit down on the grass together in an open patch of lawn on the river bank, leaning on each other and cuddling together as they watch the sky.

A million people point their faces up in synchrony to watch the beautiful lights, but Aomine stares at the way Kagami’s hair shines blue and green, the way his face glows. He replays that moment over and over in his head, because just for a second, he thinks he’d remembered what happiness felt like.

Something’s wrong. His nose is running. His eyes burn.

He looks down suddenly when he feels something brush his elbow, and Tetsu’s there looking up at him, and he looks so pitying and sympathetic that Aomine recoils, looking away, hand flying to his face.

“Oh… Aomine-kun,” he murmurs sadly.

“It’s nothing, it’s—” Aomine coughs and his head hangs. He can’t swallow. Soda up his nose. Toothpicks in his throat.

“I’m so sorry.”

Aomine tries to say something, but he feels the breath crack before it even makes it past his lips. He looks at Tetsu for an instant and then turns and makes his way out of the crowd, walking all the way home. 

The sky bleeds above him, the glow reflecting on the sidewalk as he trudges back. The fireworks rattle his chest one after the other, _boom, boom, boom,_ like a heart beating, the wick sizzling down to the bottom and finally, finally—  _bang. Aomine explodes—_

What's there, left behind. What did he expect to see. In the end, it’s just him. A boy standing on the empty court, waiting and hoping. Alone again.  


It’s probably better that way. It’s time to let go, Aomine-kun.  


. . .  


_Hold you in my arms— I just wanted to hold you in my arms._


	22. Chapter 22

_Isn’t this why we came? Gotta’ get with you._

. . .

Aomine’s always vaguely known that Akashi was loaded but he’s never been to his house before.

“Damn, this place is Gucci.”

Like, only a few tiers lower than Crazy Rich Asians Gucci. The guy lives in an honest to god mansion and it’s packed with people. There’s a _list_ and everything, and Aomine has to awkwardly give their names out at the front gate where they’ve got a guy doing a valet service for all the adults who’d arrived in their cars. He and Tetsu and Kise had taken the train out here and then walked the rest of the way. Satsuki’s out with Auntie tonight so she’s not coming. He doesn’t know how everyone else is getting here.

Apparently, Akashi’s dad was hosting some kind of upper-class social event for coworkers and friends and Akashi had decided to have some of his own friends over. Aomine hadn’t really known what to expect or how fancy it was going to be, but Akashi had been very clear that it was a party and not some kind of formal dinner, so Aomine had put on a nice shirt and shoes, but he hadn’t bothered with a tie or anything.

When Akashi had said that it was a small party for his friends, Aomine had figured he meant, like, the old Teiko team, plus Kagami maybe, and Akashi’s current team-members. He wasn’t expecting to come upon a house-party of this scale. He doesn’t even recognize over half the kids here, and he _knows_ Akashi doesn’t have that many friends. At least the adults are keeping to the upper levels of the house. Which may actually turn out to be a bad thing, but there you go.

“We should find Akashi-kun and tell him that we’re here,” Tetsu notes after Aomine and Kise just stare around with their mouths open.

He doesn’t know who the fuck Akashi got to help him plan this, because he knows that guy is too stuffy and weird to organize a house-party like this. There’s music playing, and there’s _girls—_ like, _everywhere._

“Akashicchi’s house is crazy!” Kise blurted. “Wait… Are those blue drinks?” Aomine’s head whips around, and one look tells him that yeah, it is _that_ kind of party.

“Oh dear,” Tetsu notes.

“How is his dad letting him do this,” Aomine mutters, still staring around him, agog.

“Does he have one of those black cards or something, how is he _paying_ for this?”

Kise keeps squawking but Aomine gets over it pretty quick, because if it’s on Akashi’s tab, then he won’t hold back. It's not like someone that rich can even spend their fortune in a lifetime anyway, so might as well put a dent in it. “Whatever, I’m getting something to eat, check out that spread!”

Overall the night’s pretty good. Akashi’s got like four or five rooms blocked off and cleared out just for the party, and they’re pretty much completely unsupervised except for the staff bringing the food, the fucking _DJ,_ and the guy mixing drinks at the counter of the mini-bar.

Kise eats a ton of shrimp and crab-meat, and Aomine would be with him on his quest to eat the most expensive shit possible and break Akashi's bank, but then he tentatively goes for one of the blue drinks being carried around on trays, and Aomine’s just in time to slap his hand away and refuse for him. Kise weeps and moans about it until Aomine reminds him about all the fucking shrimp and how much of an ass he’d make of himself if he vomited at Akashi’s house—

“Oh right.”

“You’re welcome.”

“What do you want then?” the bartender asks, long-suffering and deadpan.

“Hey!” Aomine shouts. “Aren't you going to ask for ID?!”

“Do you have them?”

“No! How old do we look.” Indignant, Aomine glares at the guy, who has clearly been paid enough to not care. Kise has his lips pursed and is watching the exchange with round eyes.

“How am I supposed to know. Do you want anything or what.”

“What can you make?” Tetsu wonders, cutting Aomine off before he can start ranting that he, _an adult,_ shouldn’t be helping minors to drink.

“Pretty much anything.”

They order cherry soda floats with five maraschino cherries each just to be obnoxious, thinking the guy won’t be able to make them since it’s an alcohol bar, but he fucking makes them exactly to order and they’re delicious so they both shut up and slurp them down. Tetsu gets this humongous vanilla shake in one of those beer mugs that looks like a goddamn barrel with a handle. The guy even puts foam on the top that had to have been made with dry ice or some shit because fog billows off of it like witch’s brew.

“Oooooh,” they hum, because okay, shit, that’s pretty cool.

Needless to say it only takes like half an hour before he and Kise need to fucking _go._

“Where’s the bathroom in this place? Do rich people pee?” Aomine wondered. He and Kise are directed upstairs. They wander up to the adult area of the house, and it’s so fancy he can see himself in the shiny floor. He can hear violin music and the clinking of those champagne flutes and the subtle vibration of the floor below as the bass pumps downstairs. It's making the chandeliers tremble just slightly.

“Hey, over there.”

“I wonder if it’s like a high-scale hotel bathroom with the marble countertops,” Kise chattered.

“Nah, it’s probably a golden toilet.” They open the door to the bathroom and peer in. The toilet lid slowly opens on its own. That’s fucking amazing.

“Whoaaaa, _sick.”_

“Wow!” Kise blurts, and makes to go in, but Aomine throws a hand across his chest.

“What the fuck are you doing. I’m going first, obviously.”

“What, so mean!”

“Cry me a river,” Aomine says as he goes in and unzips. “Oh hey, I can hear your tears splashing to the ground.”

“Close the _door,_ Aominecchi!” Kise yelps and kicks it shut.

Aomine cackles and finishes up. The toilet auto-flushes and closes on its own. He washes his hands at the sink. Ruffles his hair up in front of the mirror and lets his smile fall.

Kagami’s here with his boyfriend. He’d seen them earlier dancing together a little bit before he and Kise had split to go pee. Aomine knows he should probably talk to him but after the night at the festival he hasn’t been able to face him. It's been tough lately, and he's worried he's going to start getting obvious — obvious enough that even _Kagami_ will notice something's up. Point is he needs to cool off, and constantly being around Kagami when he’s with his boyfriend isn’t helping him to get over this thing.

When they’re back downstairs, Aomine sticks with Kise and Tetsu and dances with some girls. Tetsu eventually splits off and Aomine spots him sitting on a couch. Kagami’s next to him, holding a beer bottle and occasionally taking small sips. Hitoshi’s wandered over to him, a blue drink in each hand. He gulps his own down and holds out the other to Kagami, who smiles and holds up the beer, refusing. Hitoshi offers again but then shrugs and glugs down the other one himself.

Aomine’s trying to enjoy himself, but his mind is wandering. He and Kise are chatting up these girls over at the counter, but he can't stay engaged, instead occupying himself with rolling back and forth on his spinning stool, his eyes mindlessly scanning the crowd.

He tries, really tries to pay attention and have a good time, but his heart’s not in it. He’s so wrapped up just thinking about everything that he can’t focus on anything else. So much has happened in the last two weeks alone that it’s hard to keep up with. It’s consumed everything and just for a second he wishes he could go back to before, when none of it mattered, so he didn’t have to think about his fucking issues anymore. His heart feels so heavy that it's becoming too much to bear.  

He’s seventeen and he should be worried about things like kicking it to the cute girl with the nice boobs, things like being a carefree idiot at his friend’s houseparty. He’s seventeen, and he hasn’t lived long enough that he should be able to feel the toll of regret.

But if he could go back and change things, he thinks he would try to do them differently. He hopes he would.

When he comes back to himself and glances around, he notices that Hitoshi’s staggering around. Kagami’s in the middle of talking with Tetsu, but Hitoshi lumbers up like Tetsu isn’t even there, and Aomine only has a minute to scornfully note that the guy’s already a mess before his gut suddenly tightens up.

Something’s wrong.

Hitoshi takes Kagami by the upper arm and kind of manhandles him off the couch. Kagami’s frowning as he gets to his feet, and is promptly dragged against Hitoshi’s front, swaying to keep balance. Hitoshi puts his arms around him, shamelessly letting his hands run all the way down his back onto his butt as he sucks at the side of his neck.

Kagami’s trying to extract himself, looking around awkwardly. He’s got a forearm braced on Hitoshi’s chest to try and pry them apart.

“Hey,” he mutters lowly, so as not to attract undue attention. Aomine can barely make it out from this distance. Hitoshi keeps pawing at him, going to kiss him but Kagami leans away, avoiding him. “Hitoshi, c’mon, quit it.”

Hitoshi’s trying to get at him some more, sloppily mouthing at his ear and pulling him towards a spot in the corner, an unoccupied sofa where the lights only occasionally flash. Kagami’s digging in his heels, so Hitoshi just feels him up right there with no sense of shame or self-awareness. “Hitoshi, can you _stop?”_

“They don’t mind.”

“You’re a mess. You need to calm down.”

“Cmere, baby,” he slurs. “I just wanna’ dance.”

“Get off,” Kagami insists more firmly, breaking away and holding an arm up to keep him back as he keeps grabbing for him and groping at him, advancing a step each time Kagami backs up. “Hitoshi, I mean it, get off.”

“Whasa’ matter? Why’re you getting so pissy.”

“You’re embarrassing me,” he hisses, brows tight and ears burning, glancing around uncomfortably. The people around them have stopped dancing and are starting to look over at them as Hitoshi gets sloppier and _louder._

Tetsu is staring up at them wide-eyed, still sitting on the couch in silence like he doesn’t know how or when to intervene, or even if he should— Aomine grits his teeth as he sees that Kise has noticed too. His stomach feels sick, body charged with what feels like adrenaline, the kind of nervousness one feels when you know something bad is coming but you don’t know when—

“You just need another beer. Then you’ll quit caring as much.”

“You’re drunk, you need to stop.”

Hitoshi doesn’t pay attention, grabbing at Kagami again. _“Stop it,”_ Kagami repeats louder, pushing his hands away. Hitoshi lets his arm fall and his face goes sour in a second flat, his attitude completely changing.

“Hey, what the fuck. Why are you always fucking doing this, huh? I'm your boyfriend. You're supposed to let me kiss you.”

“Hitoshi, shh— C'mon, you know that's not it. Stop, shh,” Kagami urges as he yells, quiet and placating, shooting furtive glances to either side.

“What, you don’t like me? You won’t dance with me in front of them? You wanted to until you saw _him_ watching,” he spits. “You’re no fun anymore. Loosen _up,_ Taiga.”

That must've hit a nerve, because Kagami set his jaw then, fists tight as he looked around uncomfortably, brow pulled low. “Can you just stop for _five minutes?_ People are staring,” he grit out.

“What’s the matter with you?” he accused, not making any effort to lower his voice, stance locked and confrontational. “You were into me before. So what’s your damage now, Taiga. Why are you so fucking stuck-up all the time.”

“You’re being. A jerk.” Kagami’s teeth are clenched and he’s clearly trying his best to keep his cool under the pressure but it’s starting to show.

“Oh, are you gonna’ go cry about it? Have another beer and maybe you'll stop with that pathetic look.”

Kagami seems on the edge of losing his temper for just one instant, but he seems to swallow whatever he was going to say and fight it down. He just looks away for a minute, jaw muscle working. “Whatever,” he finally mutters, tight and hot, and then turns around. “I need some air.”

He starts weaving through the crowd, head down, making his way to the patio doors. “Fine! Run away to your fucking basketball friends then, since you care about them so much,” Hitoshi calls after, infuriated, like he’d been expecting a different reaction.

“Not like you’re good at anything else other than that fucking game!” he hollers, and Kagami halts, but doesn't turn around. His shoulders are tense and after a second he disappears around the corner. 

“Oh my god,” Kise hisses, wincing.

Aomine gets off the barstool and weaves his way across the dance floor, gritting his teeth against the hushed murmurs and weird looks that Hitoshi’s shouting had attracted. 

When he gets outside, the sounds of the party grow muffled and faded, and the humidity of the summer night is like a warm blanket on his face and arms. After a few twists and turns past some white linen curtains on a white-stoned pathway, he stops and looks around.

There’s a pool out here, empty and still. The lights are turned on, making it glow a bright aqua blue under the dark night sky. For a second he doesn’t see where Kagami went, but after taking a few steps out from under the terraced patio, he sees him over by the pool, sitting on a stone ledge filled to bursting with tropical plants.

He’s sitting there by himself, staring up at the sky. The gleam of the water illuminates his bare skin, glowing on his face and hair in the darkness like blue crystals. After a second, his head drops into his hands and his shoulders heave once.

Stomach in knots, Aomine hesitantly approaches, sitting down next to him silently. He picks at his thumbnail a little and tries to swallow. He can't think what to say. He wants to comfort him or put a hand on his shoulder, but his gut feels like a pit of snakes. Kagami picks his head up from his palms but doesn’t turn to him, instead staring at his feet. He doesn’t say anything. Aomine’s probably the last guy that he wants to see him like this.

“You okay?” Aomine mumbles finally.

Kagami looks up at him, and Aomine’s heart jumps into his throat at the sight of those raw watery eyes and the way the corner of his mouth contorts and quivers just barely, almost unnoticeable. He gets an instant to take in the aqua blue light of the swimming pool sparkling on the two wet rings underneath those sad brown eyes before Kagami turns away again and coughs, bringing a hand up to rub at his nose and mouth.

“What do you mean?” he says, but it comes out raspy. 

“Don’t ask me that after what we all just saw,” Aomine mutters. Kagami stares at his hands, shoulders drooping.

“I know.”

“Kagami, that was _fucked up.”_

“He’s not normally like that. I swear.” Kagami looks up as Aomine’s about to say something and he cuts him off. “I know how that sounds, so don’t even start. He’s not.”

He’s pulled himself together. Now he just looks lost. And so, so tired. Aomine doesn’t even have to say anything else to prompt him, it just all comes tumbling out like he’s been waiting so long to just say it to somebody— like all he’d needed was for Aomine to show that he wouldn’t make a joke out of his troubles, wouldn't tease him for getting emotional, and be there for him to lean on.

“He just… He gets that way sometimes.” Kagami rubs his upper arm. “He was drinking, so… he didn’t mean any of it.” Aomine presses his lips together and keeps quiet, grinding his teeth as he replays the past few minutes, Hitoshi humiliating Kagami like that, berating him in front of everyone—

“When we’re on our own he’s fine. Just lately it’s… I dunno,” Kagami sighs, frustrated and so wounded and ashamed that Aomine doesn’t know what to say. “He gets upset and then he… he’s completely different. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I’m really trying, but I just… Sometimes it feels like...”

He laughs a little, but it’s not a good laugh. It’s so self-deprecating and small that Aomine can’t swallow around the throbbing pain in his throat. “Never mind, I dunno’ why I’m telling you this. It’s not like it’s your problem.”

Aomine knows it’s not the time to blow his stack right now. It’s not the time to lose his temper and tell Kagami what a piece of shit Hitoshi is. It’s not the time to go on an unhinged rant about how fucked up what just happened in there was, or insist that it’s not Kagami’s fault and try to turn him against his boyfriend. It's not the time to tell him everything about Hitoshi and that he's never been good enough for him and that he should walk away now. It’s not the time to make this about him because Kagami doesn’t deserve even more bullshit and drama.

So as much as he’d like to rage and scream and rip into that guy and try to make Kagami see how awful he was for how he’s been acting, somehow sitting out here with Kagami looking so beaten down and sad and wounded, Aomine feels sad too — and all he wants to do is make him feel better. Bring his smile back. Wants to stop him from hurting.  
  
“He’s a problem in general,” he mutters flippantly, and Kagami sniffs, wiping his nose and letting out a small laugh.

“Heh.”

“It’s gonna’ be okay, man,” Aomine says, even though he doesn't always feel it. He leans back on his palms next to him and tries to ease the pain in his chest. Kagami takes a deep breath and lets it out slow.

“Thanks.” Aomine looks up and Kagami’s smiling wanly, the blue glow encircling his cheek like a ghost.

“I know you never really liked him and you guys got off to a rough start, but he’s a good guy,” he insists. “He is.” He looks away, scuffling his feet on the white tile. “It’s just been… tough lately.”

Aomine stares out over the pool, and for a second it’s just them. The music and laughter coming from inside is a thousand miles away.

“The truth is…” Aomine gives a quiet sigh, and bites his tongue. “The truth is I _don’t_ like him.”

“I know.” Kagami’s shoulders are hunched and he reaches up to pinch his brow and the bridge of his nose, rubbing the damp sockets of his eyes. When he opens them again, he looks up and meets Aomine’s gaze, jaw slackening when he sees his expression.

“But only ‘cause I think he’s a loser and that you deserve better.” Kagami blinks, like he’s confused and is waiting for Aomine to break and crack a smirk. When he doesn’t, Kagami withdraws again, seeming to shy away in shame from Aomine’s serious tone. “You’re too good at basketball to be hanging around someone like him.”

“He’s not a bad person, Aomine, he just…” Kagami sighs, but even to him the defense sounds exhausted. “He gets jealous.”

“Well he’s a real idiot. Has to be, if he’s acting like a fuckin’ fool the way he is,” Aomine mutters. “Like he doesn’t give a shit if he fucks things up with you.” Kagami presses his lips together and fiddles his thumbs.

He doesn’t know why he says it. Why he keeps pushing his luck. But it’s something about the look on Kagami’s face. The sad pitiful droop to his whole body. It makes everything ache and Aomine can’t help it.

“There’s some stuff you can’t just get back if you wreck it. Only the biggest tool in the goddamn world would risk losing a guy like you.” He means it. He really means it.

Kagami’s eyes are suspicious and vulnerable, like he can hear the sincerity in Aomine’s voice but is waiting for him to crack a joke or blow it all off. He’s waiting for him to flinch. He looks like he wants to believe him but is just so tired and hurt that he can’t find the will.

Kagami breaks first, looking away uncomfortably. “Quit bein’ weird,” he muttered.

“I mean it,” Aomine insists, and it’s somehow easier to not feel awkward and insecure about saying stuff like that if Kagami’s looking like he feels fifty times worse. It’s easier to say embarrassing stuff if it’s to make Kagami feel better.

“You're good at basketball — not that he cares,” Aomine lists, “but you cook. You’re not hideous.” Kagami pulls on his ear, sliding his palm along the side of his neck, but he starts to straighten up just a little.

 _‘And you’re headstrong. And determined. And fiery. And passionate. And big-hearted,’_ Aomine thinks, but he doesn’t say it.

_‘And you’ve got this light inside you that just—’_

If it were Aomine, if he were lucky enough to be the one who got all that love, he’d be grateful for that every fucking day. He would never fuck it up that badly or treat Kagami like shit. He’d be grateful for what he has, the incredible gift he's landed with. But the thing is, he knows it's never going to be him. And it doesn't have to be. Kagami doesn’t have to love him back for him to do all that anyway. It doesn’t fucking matter if he’s special to Kagami or not.

It wouldn’t stop Aomine loving him, it wouldn’t stop him caring about him and knowing how blessed he is to have had him as his friend for the past year and a half. It wouldn’t stop Aomine knowing how amazingly lucky he is just to have known Kagami, just to have him enter his life like a blazing comet and save him from his own misery. Show him that basketball is still worth it. There's still something out there for him.  


_‘If it were me, in Hitoshi’s place—’_  


It doesn’t matter. Not really.  


If Kagami could ever know how much more he’s worth than wasting one bit of all the love in his heart on someone who doesn’t appreciate any of that. If Kagami could ever know how grateful Aomine is just that he’s in his life. If he could tell Kagami how much he means to him—

If someone as great as Kagami could see something good in a piece of shit like him, then maybe it’s all worth trying for. Life worth living. Basketball worth playing. A heart worth loving.

“You look like you’re a pretty great person to be with,” Aomine says slowly. “You put in a lot of effort at being a good boyfriend. Y’know, making things work.” Kagami listens in silence. “It makes sense that… _those_ kind of guys would be into you. It’s not your fault he’s taking you for granted.”

“Sheesh,” Kagami muttered, swiping under his nose. Aomine exhales.

“To be honest, things could be better lately,” he admits at length, and Aomine keeps his mouth shut. “It’s good to know someone’s on my side.”

Kagami runs a hand through his bangs and looks up at the stars. “I feel like I’ve been going crazy lately. Being able to say it out loud is… It’s a relief.”

“Everything’s gonna’ get better,” Aomine promises. It’s something he still struggles to believe sometimes, but up to this point in life it’s always proven true. Sometimes it just takes longer than you expect.

“I know you never liked him, so it just means that much more that you’re rooting for us,” Kagami said, and gives Aomine that look— _thanks for being so cool. And understanding. And trustworthy. You’re a great friend._

That look that’s filled with so much gratitude, like the day under the umbrella, open and unashamed. That look makes Aomine wish he could live up to being just half as great as Kagami thinks he is. That look that makes him want so badly to be as good a friend as Kagami has been to him.

“Do you like him?” Aomine says.

Because really, he’s come that far, and nothing else matters really. Let it go. The sooner you accept it, the sooner things will get better. They always do.

“Yeah.”

If he could do it all over and be a better person, if he could show Kagami what he means to him, he thinks he would. Hopes he would. But he can’t, and maybe that’s fine. Maybe it’s okay that it’s not Aomine. It’s probably better that way. Maybe just this, being the person Kagami trusts and admires and relies on— just this is enough for a seventeen year old boy.

So he cuts the string. 

“Then who the fuck cares what I think?” 

Kagami meets his eyes and seems to realize he’s being genuine, and Aomine can see how much that acceptance means to him because he gets to watch a small bloom of happiness grow. His face softens with dawning relief, his heart glowing in his eyes, twin reflections of bright aqua blue. He’s perfect like that. He’s perfect to Aomine.

“I was never gonna’ warm to a guy who doesn’t care about basketball anyways,” Aomine jeers, but his tone is gentle. More gentle than he’d thought he could be.

Kagami huffs a laugh. “Heh. Thanks Aomine.”

He doesn’t say it’s for making him feel better, but he doesn’t have to.

“I know the way me and Hitoshi are weirds you out, and that you haven’t always been on board with it, so I just wanted to say…” He looks down with a smile for a second. “I really appreciate it, man. You didn’t have to change, but you did, ‘cause you’re my bud. And I’m really glad.” He laughs it off then when Aomine’s silent for a beat, not knowing what to say.

“For a while I thought I wasn’t gonna’ get a good game ‘till I went back to America,” he jokes to lighten the mood.

“I might’ve been kind of a dick about it at the start,” Aomine admits.

“Yeah, you were,” he agrees a little teasingly, and Aomine snorts, catching his eye.

“Looking back now though, I think I just got mad.” Kagami’s quiet for a second, and Aomine’s heart starts to pound harder.

This is what he always does. He can’t stay behind any boundary for long. Even one he’s made himself. No one can ever know, least of all Kagami, and here he can’t stop giving him these obvious fucking _looks_ and saying shit that no guy who hasn’t caught feelings says otherwise. He’s always got to poke the snake. Cross the line. Tell his mom to shut up to see if she’ll finally spank him. Call Kagami a fag to see how bad he can hurt him. Provoke his boyfriend until he finally swings. Tell Kagami he thinks he should’ve ended up with a basketball player and see if he figures it out—

Admits he was jealous.

Kagami’s smile fades a little. “I know I’ve blown you off to make time with him,” he starts guiltily, misunderstanding.

“Yeah, but that wasn’t all of it,” Aomine mutters a little uncomfortably. “Seeing you two be like that just made me realize that you’re, like…”

 _‘My best friend,’_ he wants to say. Tetsu and Satsuki are really important to him too, but Kagami’s something special. Kagami gets him like no one else does. If he were to lose him— He honestly doesn’t know what he would do with a life without Kagami.

“We were hanging out together all the time and then all of a sudden it just felt like— I dunno’, like it was all gonna’ change.” It sucks to admit something that lame and insecure and completely pathetic, but Kagami doesn’t laugh. He just looks confused.

“We’re always gonna’ be friends,” he says, like it had been obvious to him but is now a little uncertain whether Aomine felt the same. “I mean. We weren’t always friends, but now it’s different,” he trails off questioningly.

“Yeah.”

“You’re my rival,” he goes on, like he doesn’t get it. “We promised to go to the NBA together.”

“I know that _now,_ but.” He shrugs, clearing his throat. “At the time.”

He shrugs a little. “I probably should’ve been prepared for it, but I’d never really thought about it before. What it would be like if you stopped being able to hang out all the time.”

He doesn’t know why he’s saying any of it out loud. Maybe to comfort Kagami, explain himself. Or maybe it’s just to make himself feel better. He doesn’t know why.

“All of a sudden there’s this other guy who you cared about more than you care about playing basketball with me,” he muttered slowly. “I probably shouldn’t have gotten as pissed off as I did, but…”

He looks up and meets Kagami’s eyes and this is what he does. He always goes too far. Too late to take it back.

“I guess I got a little jealous.”

The silence seems to last forever between them.

“What?” Kagami breathes after what feels like an eternity, and from the look on his face, Aomine realizes that he's just confessed.

They’re staring right at each other. Aomine’s heart is pounding in his throat. He can’t hear anything but Kagami’s soft breath.

They look into each other’s eyes for a long moment and something seems to open up in Kagami’s gaze after a second, something innocent and fragile. Disbelief. Confusion. Recognition. Denial.

_Hope?_

They’re closer than he’d thought. Aomine swallowed hard and tilted his head, blood rushing in his ears, palms sweating as he slowly, _slowly—_ Kagami just sits there, lips parted, air rushing past his teeth, forced and trembling, and Aomine felt magnetized. His eyes start to slip closed. He can feel Kagami’s breath on his lips—

 

  
       They never get to touch.

 

It all happens in what feels like an instant. An enraged howl rings out and the world lurches as a vise-tight grip seizes him by the hair and his head is yanked back. He’s sent sprawling backwards and tumbling to the ground, and everything flashes a violent black and white as he whacks his head _hard_ on something solid.

His ears are ringing and his head feels stuffy, a stabbing pain throbbing out from the upper left side of his skull. He can’t tell up from down, can’t do more than groan. His leg feels cold, and as he tries to get his hands under him and push himself up, still seeing stars as he blinks, vision swirling, he thinks he can see blood on the ground next to his face.

The blue glow, the black sky, and the white tile, that’s all he can make sense of. He’s halfway in the pool, one leg hanging over the edge, his body weighing him down. His head and neck hurt like hell, his face is tingling like a thousand pins, and he just lays there for a minute, trying to crawl.

Everything sounds like its underwater or coming through a fog. He can hear Hitoshi screaming. _“I knew it! All this time you’ve been telling me it’s all in my head and I fucking knew it!”_

And Kagami. Kagami sounds closer.

“Aomine!” he makes out, but he can’t even push himself up. His forehead touches the ground, the cool tile against his cheek.

“What the fuck did you do?!” he hollers, sounding absolutely horrified. It’s too loud, way too loud, making his ears ring. “Why did you _do_ that?! Aomine?!”

Something is wrong. He can smell metal. He can feel a warm puddle pillowing his face, thick and viscous, a dark stain spreading further and further away. Something is wrong— He’s got no strength in his limbs, he can’t get up. Did he just break his neck?

"Oh my god, he's bleeding-"

“Look at _me!_ Would you forget about him for once?!” He sounds really drunk. _Crazed_ almost.

“He’s not moving,” he hears Kagami mutter, low and shaky. “Aomine!” he calls, panicked. "Hey! Say something! Aomine?"

Aomine tries to make a noise, tries to pick himself up, but then a groan is punched out of him when he’s slammed in the ribs. He curls up, forced onto his side, feeling like he’s been hit by a truck. Twice in the chest, once in the gut, viciously rough— He blindly locks his arms up around his head to protect his face.

“Hitoshi, _stop! Stop!”_ Kagami cries, and Aomine can see him, or what he thinks is him— a red form cutting through the hazy blur, wrestling Hitoshi. “Get away from him!” He gets in one more kick, and Kagami yanks him back just as Hitoshi shoves him in the chest with his foot—

The world spins again and all at once he’s encased in coolness and silence. He feels himself sinking slowly in the pool, eyes open, the beautiful blue glow engulfing him.

He can hear shouting, but it’s muffled and too far away to make out. It’s just him and the beat of his heart in his ears, and the trail of blood rising above him up into the darkness of the night sky. The water reaches through his clothes to caress his bare skin, comfortably cool as his weight drags him deeper and deeper. He’s almost to the bottom now.

The fire light of the torches are distorted orange flickers, and he can make out two dark silhouettes shoving around up there. There’s a splash at the choppy surface, a hand shoving through for a second, clawing at the water, but it disappears. The splash sounds like glass shattering, a momentary echo in the peace and stillness.

His feet touch the bottom, and Aomine raises his hands to his head, feeling at the side of his face, blood pouring off and clouding around him, suspended in the water. He can hear the yelling, but it’s as if he’s floating in the void, so far away that it’s impossible to understand.

He’s stopped sinking. The realization makes him pause for breath.

Aomine sucks in involuntarily and immediately spits out a lungful of bubbles. He pushes off the pool floor, swimming up to the top.

His head breaks the surface and everything comes back, too raw, too loud, completely disorienting. He coughs and sputters, flailing and smacking about, struggling wildly for something to hold onto, and a hand grabs his wrist, bringing it to solid ground. Aomine gets his elbow up on the edge of the pool and Tetsu holds onto him under the arms. He can’t pull Aomine out, but he doesn’t let him sink. Tetsu’s shoes and jacket are strewn on the ground next to them. The music’s still going, it’s too fucking loud—

Bloody water is soaking the edge of the pool. Tetsu puts his hand on Aomine’s back, patting as he gasps and chokes. Breathing hurts. It’s funny that water going in your nose and throat can make you feel like it's on fire— His fingers are trembling, straining at the slippery stones and at Tetsu’s body, trying to hold on so that he doesn’t fall back in again. He wheezes and coughs, trying to get enough air to quell the black spots speckling his vision.

The shouting is what brings him back, the sounds of a struggle. Kagami’s tone is calm, but he’s talking fast, ineffectually trying to get defuse the situation as Hitoshi bursts out shouting and gets in his face. Aomine practically pukes into Tetsu’s lap, head hanging, shoulders heaving, but he manages to wipe at his eyes.

Hitoshi and Kagami are locked together, throwing each other around. Hitoshi has Kagami’s shirt in his hands, one gripping either side of his collar. Kagami’s got his shoulders, holding him at arm’s length and trying to brace his feet as he drags him around the patio like his weight is nothing.

“Hitoshi— Hitoshi!” Kagami says, and to his credit, he doesn’t sound scared. If not for the tiny quake of panic that’s starting to work its way in, you might think he had the upper hand. “You have to stop. Calm down,” he demands, steady and controlled. “You’re overreacting. You have to stop.”

Aomine doesn’t know why he’s bothering. He’s clearly past talking to. He’s towing Kagami around like he isn’t six foot and doesn’t weigh a solid one-eighty, and precisely because of those things it’s clear that Kagami's getting freaked out by it, completely unused to being thrown around.

“You can’t do this here. Stop.” Kagami tries to get out of his grip, the hands grasping at his shoulders and yanking him back and forth. One large palm takes his face in its grip and squeezes it, manhandling him roughly, squishing his mouth, covering it, and Kagami gives a furious thrash, tossing around. _“Stop!_ ” he finally shouts, shoving away from him in a burst.

“I know what I saw!” Hitoshi howls.

“You’re insane!” Kagami yells back, panting, eyes so wide that Aomine can see the whites all the way around.

“No,” he growls. “I’m done feeling insane. All this time you’ve— you’ve screwed with my head and strung me along, and—!” Breathing heavy, Hitoshi seethes, dark and ugly, “I’m done obsessing over what I know is going on behind my back. You’ve made me think I was crazy, but I was right.”

 _“What?”_ Kagami sputters helplessly, shoulders hanging.

Aomine’s trying to get up, heaving himself up as he tries to climb out of the water. Tetsu helps drag him onto the edge, flat on his stomach, soaked to the skin, his underwear, his socks and shoes, sopping wet hair, he’s completely drenched.

“You’re pathetic, Taiga,” Hitoshi spits scornfully. “You know, now I know the reason I never got it in—”

 _“What the hell is your problem?!”_ Kagami hollers, embarrassed and enraged, sounding on the edge of complete despair.

“You really had me going there for a while. Thanks for wasting my time.”

Aomine heaves for breath, each gasp of air burning on its way down. It’s like he can see the words tearing Kagami apart right before his eyes.

“I didn’t even fucking _do_ anything!” he yells, the frustration and betrayal overtaking the hurt. “I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Did you ever actually care about me, or was I just a replacement for what you know you can’t have.”

Kagami stops, body heaving with anguished breaths. He takes a step back, blinking and shaking his head in disbelief.

“Did you think I didn’t know?” Hitoshi curls his lip. “Yeah.” He nods, grimacing.

Kagami holds his hands up, brows scrunched together. “Hitoshi…” He shakes his head, not understanding. At a loss, in the smallest most pitiful voice Aomine’s ever heard, he says, “I really care about you. You’ve got no reason to get like this, you’re the only one I—” He clenches his jaw, cutting off. “... I’d never do anything to hurt you. I’d never— Why would you think I’d do something like that?”

“You say that, but I can see it on your face,” Hitoshi grits out, and for a moment his face looks eerily devoid of expression. “I’ll always be second best.”

“I never thought of you like that,” Kagami insists, voice high and pleading. “If I made you feel that way, I’m sorry. I told you when we met that basketball is my life.”

There’s a beat of silence and Aomine seems to realize at the same time as Kagami does that Hitoshi hadn’t meant basketball. Not really.

Hitoshi’s head drops and he shakes his head with a scornful huff. “It’s always basketball,” he breathes. “Why is everything always about basketball.”

Kagami’s face twists with guilt, and for a second Aomine can see the knot form in his throat, because his whole body looks ready to crumple where he stands.  


     “... If you don’t understand, it’s—”  


Hitoshi’s face contorts with rage in an instant and he coils up before Kagami even has a chance to flinch. He punches Kagami right in his face— _h_ _ard,_  the crack of the blow echoing loudly as his head snaps to the side.

Kagami stumbles back, covering his eye with his hand, and there’s a moment of surprise, his expression changing almost too quickly to pick up on all of it. Surprise. Humiliation. Disbelief.  _Hurt— ‘You hit me.’_

Aomine only gets about half a second to process all of that— He recognizes blood on Kagami’s cheek when he takes his hand away, and the sudden flash of the whites of his eyes just before Hitoshi’s on him again.

He just starts _beating_ on him, like he doesn’t care how bad he hurts him, like he _wants_ to just kick the absolute snot out of him. He viciously kicks Kagami in the shin and starts punching him anywhere he can reach, stomach, chest, head—

It’s like he doesn’t even want to try to work things out. All he’s doing at this point is venting his anger, a pot of rage boiled over, taking his aggression out on Kagami like he’s a fucking sandbag—

And the worst thing is that Kagami doesn’t even fight back. He isn't cowering exactly, and he doesn’t look scared or even _surprised_ anymore, but he doesn’t fight back. He retreats around the side of the pool, facing Hitoshi, arms up, palms out. He’s not hitting back, he just keeps ceding more ground and backing up more and more as Hitoshi keeps swinging at him and punching and shoving him. Kagami won’t hit him back, and it’s not like he can’t. Aomine _knows_ he can. He knows Kagami can fight because _they’ve_ fought. They’ve hit and slapped and punched and wrestled each other. They’ve even beaten each other up for real that day in the gym. But Kagami won’t hit Hitoshi— doesn’t even try to.

He just keeps backing up, blocking and ducking out of range as he keeps trying to talk him down. And when Hitoshi starts going for his face again, he puts his hands up over his ears, his face, uses his arms to try to block his head as he shies back from the blows and tells him to _stop, stop, calm down, stop Hitoshi—_

It all happens so fast that Aomine would wonder otherwise why no one’s come to help yet, why more people haven’t come out to see what all the screaming and yelling and fighting is about— He’d wonder why no one’s doing anything to break up the fight between the trashy teen couple from earlier in the night that are now scuffling out by the pool. Even if it’s to be dismissed as a fight between boys, no one’s come to pull Hitoshi off Kagami, everyone’s just letting him beat Kagami’s ass.

Aomine can’t process what he’s seeing, can’t process what’s happening, because it’s happened so fast and devolved so suddenly. It’s like it isn’t real. It feels like it can’t be real. Why are there no adults around, why isn’t anyone helping him. How has no one come out to stop this. How can this be happening, it can’t be real—

Stop, just stop now, _god_ stop—

Hitoshi seizes Kagami by the shoulders, one big handful of his shirt on either side and Kagami flinches back, throwing his arms up to protect his face and frantically bracing his feet at the edge of the pool when Hitoshi forces him back another step—

Kagami’s heels scoot back and meet air, and he grabs onto Hitoshi, because there’s nothing else left to grab onto.

His hands fly to the front of Hitoshi’s shirt as he staggers backwards, struggling to balance and not be thrown back into the water. Hitoshi’s face contorts, clouding over with absolute fury, and all of a sudden he grabs Kagami’s throat and squeezes viciously, shaking him. He does look scared then. Really really scared. Kagami grips Hitoshi’s wrists, eyes wide and mouth open on a silent gasp, his head snapping back and forth as he’s thrown around like a ragdoll.

Someone screams.

Aomine doesn’t remember moving. He doesn’t know how he did it, because he shouldn't be able to fucking stand through this goddamn vertigo. He hadn’t even been able to move a minute ago, let alone get up, but one second he's sprawled in a heap on the ground, the next he's on his feet, and he goes for it—

He slugs Hitoshi in the side of the head as _hard_ as he fucking can, hard enough that Hitoshi let go of Kagami and hit the dirt. He doesn’t give him a chance to do more than put his hands up and roll onto his back, Aomine picks his fist up again and slams it into his crown, bouncing his skull off the pavement. The crack echoes. Hitoshi thrashes and kicks his legs as Aomine grapples with him, struggling to hold him down and pry his hands off from where they’re covering his face. One fist is wound back and ready to strike the second he can pull his hands away from protecting his head.

They’re rolling on the ground, gripping each other’s shoulders, the world is spinning— the bright blue of the pool, the dark night sky, the stark white of the ground and splatters of blood as his temple bleeds. Hitoshi manages to grab both sides of his head and clenches them hard, his thumbs digging in just beneath his eyes.

Girls are screaming, people are yelling and clamoring around, he thinks he can hear Kagami, but the adrenaline is rushing too hard. He can’t think, just acts immediately.

Hitoshi’s thumbs press upwards, jamming into his eye-sockets and in a wild burst, Aomine scrambles to grab two handfuls of his hair and heaves backwards, slamming him back onto the ground with all his weight, once, twice—

“Stop!” Kagami cries. “Aomine, stop!”

Hitoshi lets go of his face, cringing and cowering, arms over his face, trying to shrink away, but he’s trapped under him. Aomine plants a hand on the side of his head, kneeling over him and holding him flat on the ground. Spit coming through his clenched teeth on a rough inhale, he pulls his fist back and nails him in the temple the way he should have all that time ago on the gym floor. He'll make him sorry, _he'll make him fucking sorry_ —

It’s solid. He’d thrown his whole shoulder into it. Blood gushes out of his hand, the skin on his knuckles breaking on impact as he slams his head into the cement, the sickening crunch cutting above the rest of the noise. He doesn’t stop, winds up again in an instant, punches him again and again as hard as he fucking can— People are grabbing him under the arms, around the chest, but he fights them, trying to hit this pathetic, disgusting son of a bitch as many times as he fucking can—

“Aomine-kun,” Tetsu says, and Aomine stops.

Heaving for breath, Aomine trembles all over, and he lets them pry them apart, pulling them away from each other.

Hitoshi groans and gets to his feet, stumbling backwards a few steps and promptly vomits onto his shoes, aqua blue like the pool water and dark with blood from his split lip. He staggers a few more steps, the torchlight flashing over his puffy eye and his swollen bloody ear, he's only staying on his feet because a couple guys are holding him up by the arm. Adults have come to intervene, finally—

People are checking Aomine, trying to talk to him and doing the finger test, muttering about a concussion and that he needs an ambulance. Someone’s helping him stay sitting up and is asking him how he hit his head, does he remember his name, was he drinking anything tonight— but Aomine doesn’t speak, eyes trained on Hitoshi’s face.

He wipes his mouth and grits his bloody teeth, and makes like he’s going to try to get at them again, but a burly staff member wrangles him back, holding him by the collar. Aomine stares until he’s corralled away and taken out the back gate, sent off in a cab.

Aomine pants, face sticky with blood, cold and wet, heart pounding in his ears. Now that the adrenaline is starting to fade out, everything’s starting to hurt. His lungs are on fire. His head hurts so, so bad.

It's the worst, Kagami’s shell-shocked expression as he stares after Hitoshi for the longest time, shoulders tense and heaving, the way he turns and looks at Aomine, eyes wide and horrified — that might be the worst part.

He hadn’t even stood a chance.

. . .

 

_I’ve been crossing all the lines, all the lines. Kissed your girl and made you cry._

 


	23. Chapter 23

“We broke up.”

Aomine looked up. Kagami’s dribbling the basketball and resolutely staring at the hoop.

After Akashi’s party, things have been kind of crazy. He hasn’t actually seen Kagami much since everything went down.They’re only together today because Seirin has a game and Kagami had asked for a warm-up outside in the parking lot like usual.

Aomine had shown up and they hadn’t talked much. He’d kept his mouth shut because he'd thought maybe Kagami wouldn't want to hear about Hitoshi or that shitty night at all and just wanted to stay focused before the game, let off some steam and shoot some hoops, but he'd come out with that all on his own.

“Obviously,” Kagami mutters, and Aomine doesn’t say a word.

The aftermath of the fight sucked. He’s had to unpack a lot of it in retrospect because most of it had seemed to happen so fast. It still didn't quite feel real, and after the blow to the head, most of the start of the night seemed kind of muddled. Looking back, the time spent sitting next to the pool felt like a million years, and the fight felt like it had all been squashed into twenty seconds or so. Twenty violent, _violent_ seconds.

He found out later that there were parts he’d either forgotten or hadn’t seen, because he heard Kagami’s side in the hospital when they were being questioned by the nurse, and a few days later, Tetsu had told him more of what happened as well.

Hitoshi, vexed by their argument, had apparently downed a couple more drinks at the bar, he and Kagami had disappeared outside and then Hitoshi had gone after them, looking agitated — presumedly, he was just in time to catch Aomine leaning in towards Kagami and that was the point that he'd thrown Aomine backwards, and as Kagami had told it, he’d fallen off the rock ledge and clipped the side of his head going down, tumbling sideways towards the pool.

Luckily, most of the blood had just been the result of it being a headwound, and the cut was actually pretty small, a gash on his temple and some grazes to his cheek and brow. He'd hurt his neck and sustained a minor concussion, the blow sending him into a temporary shock.

That's the part that still feels fuzzy. Some dreamlike state, floating underwater, not realizing he was drowning for several long moments. Eerily relaxed, so much so that he didn't even think to breathe. Almost like the zone. It's a sensation that he wishes he could forget.

Tetsu told him later that he'd heard Kagami shouting over the music and had come outside to investigate, only to find that Aomine was motionless in the pool, hanging in the water in a bloody cloud, and Kagami was screaming his head off, fighting tooth and nail trying to jump in for him.

He looked like he could have been dead, Tetsu had told him. He wasn't struggling. There weren't even any bubbles.

Assuming Aomine was unconscious and unable to prevent himself from drowning, Tetsu had taken off his coat and shoes so he could jump in and try to drag him to the surface, but Aomine had swam up on his own. Kagami and Hitoshi were fighting on the deck, grappling and knocking over patio furniture, making a tremendous racket, which was around the time people started coming outside to see what was happening.

Aomine remembers most of the rest. There’s no way he could ever forget the way Kagami had looked just before Hitoshi had started beating the piss out of him.

The way Tetsu tells it, when Hitoshi had gone to throw Kagami in the pool, he’d just _tackled_ the guy.

Needless to say, the police weren’t called, but an ambulance showing up kind of put a dampener on the party, and Akashi was livid that such lowlife scum had been admitted into his father’s home. He’s surprised if Hitoshi can show his face anywhere near that neighborhood again.

Speaking of that fuckface, he'd heard through the grapevine that the guy was doing alright and had gotten medical attention, but not much else. That put the little anxious twinge on his conscience to rest, the one that remembers the blood on the concrete, the way he'd gone berserk and punched Hitoshi in the head, punched him until he'd laid alarmingly still, the worst, most violent fight he'd ever been in by far— If he was okay, then there was no reason Aomine should feel guilty. And even if there is, it doesn't mean it wasn't worth it. Not even close.

In any case, his disappearance doesn't bother him. If Aomine never sees that guy again, it'll be too soon.

He and Kagami had spent the rest of the small hours in the hospital. Aomine didn’t know this, but after he’d ripped Hitoshi away from Kagami, Kagami had slipped backwards, almost going ass-first down into the pool. He’d banged his shin on the edge, completely ripping up the front of his leg in his efforts to catch himself.

Plus y'know. He's all bruised up— from getting fucking _punched._  

The marks on his chest are hidden by clothing, but he has this awful black eye, puffy and squinting halfway shut. Not to mention there's an angry rash encircling his neck, having been squeezed hard enough that it had left a red ring. He looks pretty beat up.

They don’t talk while they’re at the hospital. Kagami had seemed like he’d gone into shock, staring forward numbly, teeth gritted, refusing to look at Aomine.

Kagami has a thin strip of skin gone, raw and bleeding, and just needs a bandage and some ice for his face. Aomine needed a butterfly bandaid and a gauze pad, and they’d shone lights in his eyes and done all sorts of scans on his head to make sure he hadn’t fractured his skull or anything. A concussion is the last thing a kid in the sports club wants in high school— but he seemed to be fine other than this wicked headache. It didn’t stop his mom from crying when his parents rushed in for him. His dad seems torn between anger and relief, and his mother is just beside herself.

For going to the party, for getting in that fight, for scaring her — “Sorry, Mom,” he’d said, because even though he’d do it again, he hates to see her cry. They took him home and he got in bed and fell asleep almost instantly. The stern and worried talking-to came later.

He wouldn’t say anything to his mom, stubbornly silent, not wanting to upset her worse, but deep down it’s probably because he feels guilty to have scared and disappointed her. She hates it when he gets in fights. 

He doesn’t know how he got out of that one without being grounded, but surprisingly, his dad is the one who goes soft when Aomine finally stops being tightlipped and explains that he didn’t start the fight, he’d been trying to help his friend. His buddy had been getting the _hell_ beat out of him when he didn’t do anything wrong and no one was stopping it, he’s not sorry, he'd do it again—

That got him a sigh and a heavy hand on his head, messing up his hair. He knows Dad must’ve told Mom too because they’re both really gentle with him for the next few days, giving him even more leeway than usual, which he’s not sure he deserves.

Kagami had texted him a couple times since then, but not much. Aomine hasn’t answered beyond one or two words at a time. Two scrolls on his phone of their text conversation is just them sending basketball emojis back and forth, because that’s always what they’ve done when it’s been too hard to talk, when things seem like they’re broken. It’s like being able to check in with each other that even if things are really bad right now, they’re still going to be okay.

Seirin has a game today and Kagami hasn’t been benched. He’s going to be in the match because despite getting battered, those bruises had only taken about a week to heal up and his leg’s only got a scab. Even his black eye, with the swelling receding and the discoloration around the edges, all that’s left now is a brown shadow with some red and purple pinpricks where the vessels had burst under the skin.

Whatever his emotional state is, Kagami’s physical injuries are negligent enough that it doesn’t mean he can’t play. Aomine's a little miffed about it, because the way he sees it, Kagami should _not_  be on the court today, but he knows what would happen if he tried to tell Kagami he can't play, so he bites his tongue.

He’s asked Aomine to meet him at the court beforehand to play a little, and Aomine comes because of course he does.

Right away he can tell things are different. His black eye is barely a ghost but Kagami is far away, and Aomine has to think again to that night, how Kagami had hardly even shied away from his boyfriend viciously punching him, but the pain in his eyes, the anguish in his voice as Hitoshi had screamed and accused him again and again, the emotional exhaustion and betrayal, he can see it on Kagami like a physical weight. That heartbreak wore on him even after the bruises had faded.

They’d played for around ten minutes pretending that nothing’s happened, and then Kagami had come out with that.

Aomine had assumed they’d broken up. How could they not have. But of course, some tiny part of him had wondered.

Seeing the slump to Kagami’s shoulders, Aomine wishes things had been different. He wishes that entire night had never happened. He doesn't know how it could've been avoided, doesn't know what he could have done to stop it, but he wishes it had all been different. 

The thing that sticks in his throat, is that no matter how much he knows that ultimately it was Hitoshi who’d done what he did and that no one else could ever be responsible for that but him— no matter how much Aomine knows it’s Hitoshi’s fault and no one else’s, he can’t help but feel like some of the blame lies with him. Whatever Aomine had done, whatever he’d deserved for pushing his luck with Kagami in the moonlight by the pool, Hitoshi never should’ve taken that out on Kagami—

Kagami hadn’t even done anything wrong. Aomine’s the one who leaned in when he did, and if he hadn’t done that, maybe Kagami wouldn’t have been hurt.

He doesn’t know what happened to that guy. He doesn’t know where he ended up but Aomine’s glad he’d gotten the chance to lick that guy good. It’s probably better that he hasn’t seen Kagami much either, because looking at his bruised-up face takes him right back to that hot pit of blinding rage and anguish— _how could you hurt him, how could you—_

However much he hadn't liked the guy, he'd never doubted that he at least _liked_ Kagami. He'd seen how gentle and caring he'd been of him, at least up until the end. It hadn't crossed his mind that he would be capable of hitting him like that. He hadn't seen that coming at all. He'd figured Hitoshi would hit _him,_ but the last thing he would've expected was for Hitoshi to strike _Kagami,_ no matter how upset he'd gotten. It apparently had been a shock to Kagami too. The look of surprise on his face haunted him more than anything.

When he’s lying in bed and the fury washes over him and then seeps away again like a wave on the beach, he’s taken back to that moment before. Before it was shattered.

The soft rippling of the pool and the hum of the filter and the heavy beat of the bass coming from behind them, people laughing and drinking and dancing — the blue glow and the firelight of the torches, the open night sky. Kagami, so perfect and sad, their eyes locked—

Aomine had confessed to him. Whether or not he’d known what he was doing, whether or not he'd meant to, it was a confession nonetheless. He’d told him he was jealous. Sure, he’d said it before, but the way he’d said it this time, the way he’d set it up to mean that he’d never thought of the possibility of Kagami dating before and he’d felt like they were pulling apart, and when he saw how he and Hitoshi were together, he felt jealous—

It could only mean one thing, and he’d watched Kagami realize what that thing was.

Whatever he’d said and whatever those words meant, Kagami had understood, he’d seen recognition cross his face for one solitary second before it all went to hell.

Aomine had confessed his feelings to him.

He doesn’t know if Kagami remembered. Maybe he’d forgotten it in all that chaos. Aomine wouldn’t blame him if he had. God knows Kagami had probably had even more shit to deal with afterwards, breaking shit off for good. Who knows what else Hitoshi might have said to him to twist the knife at the end. Maybe he'd even apologized and begged to be taken back. Whatever it is, he and Hitoshi had to have talked again a couple times, and it had ended in splitting up— Aomine can’t imagine the humiliation and struggle Kagami had to be going through right now.

He doesn’t know if Kagami even remembered what he’d said. He doesn’t know if Kagami had even realized at all or if it had just been him deluding himself into seeing what he so desperately wanted to see. He didn’t know if Kagami had realized, or if that moment where they’d been about an inch apart, their lips almost brushing, if it had just been Aomine alone in that moment— if it was just him—

Whatever the case, Aomine thinks that maybe it’s better that way. Maybe it’s better that he has another chance to just keep it to himself. It’s better if he does.

“Can’t say I’ll miss him,” Aomine says at last, and Kagami’s standing there with his back to him, the sun shining on his head, shoulders squared.

“But it sucks the way things went.”

That’s such a fucking understatement. That guy had snapped his chain and beat up his boyfriend for something he didn’t even do, a patient and loving boyfriend who even in that moment, even when he was getting his ass beat, couldn’t bring himself to hurt him back, even to stop him—

That’s what haunts him. The look on Hitoshi’s face. Unfettered, murderous rage. Aomine honestly doesn’t know when or even if Hitoshi had been planning to stop. When it came to kicking Kagami around, he didn’t know how far would’ve been far enough, how much longer he would’ve gone before relenting. The worst thing is that Aomine’s not even sure that Kagami would’ve lifted a hand to stop it, no matter how bad it got.

It wasn’t even his fault. He didn’t even do anything wrong. Whatever Hitoshi had thought he’d caught them doing, even if he was right he was about seeing Aomine lean in, it’s not like Kagami had been to blame for that.

It just fucking sucks. He wishes he had the words to tell Kagami how sorry he is about it all, how much he wishes things hadn’t turned out that way. That Kagami had never had to be hurt.

He wishes he could tell him that he didn’t do anything wrong, that nothing he could’ve done would’ve made him deserve for things to go that way. But he can just feel that Kagami doesn’t want to hear that right now. That he’s ashamed and humiliated and hurt and that all he wants is to be left alone.

“It really sucks.”

Kagami nods just a little bit. “Yeah,” he murmurs. He shoots. The ball hits the rim and then goes in.

They’re outside the gym locker room in the empty lot, their bags against the wall. There’s a practice hoop set up, and some lines scratched into the pavement that Aomine had done himself one afternoon with a rock.

Kagami picks up the ball and seems to be working up the courage to say something, and whatever it is must be the reason he'd raised the subject in the first place. Standing there with the basketball in his hands, eyes uncreased and open, he looks filled with a vulnerability that made Aomine feel naked.

He looks like he’s trying to open up, but it’s not at all like that day under the umbrella, calm and unashamed and completely confident that he can tell Aomine this and not be berated. Now he looks withdrawn about it, hesitant to let his guard down, even to him. He looks humiliated and hurt and so tired but still seems to latch onto the chance to talk to him, to someone who he’s clearly trying to trust won’t throw it back in his face, won’t blow it off as nothing. Someone who gets him.

“Do you know why we were fighting so much towards the end?” Kagami mutters, and Aomine looks up, hands in his pockets. 

“Why.”

“He kept trying to make it an ultimatum.” Kagami runs his nail along the black line on the ball, staring at it. “Like, you or him,” he clarified, and when Aomine doesn’t say anything, he looks up for his reaction.

“Are you serious?” He thinks he knew that already, but hearing it is an entirely different feeling.

“Deadass,” Kagami mutters, brow furrowed as he sighs and pulls on his bangs.

“...” Aomine looks at his shoes. “Well… Sorry,” he mumbles. “I know I fucked things up for you.”

“No.” Aomine looks up and Kagami’s staring at him imploringly, and he realizes all at once that this was Kagami trying to apologize to _him—_  “Aomine, no.”

He just clenches his eyes shut and sighs, rolling his head back. Kagami comes over to stand next to him and they lean on the brick wall together, staring out over the lot, eventually sinking down into a sit.

Kagami let out a frustrated breath, and went on, “When he said that, I was like, what the fuck, you can’t make me pick between you and my friend, that’s _messed up,_ y’know?”

“It is.”

“But that’s when things started to get rough.” Kagami rests his elbows on top of his knees. “And after that, every time I hung out with you it got worse. I didn't want to drag you into it, but I... I don't know, nothing seemed to help.”

It certainly makes the last few weeks make sense in the most horrible way, the reason he’d started to see Kagami’s relationship deteriorate more and more quickly. He just doesn’t think he’d connected it that directly until now.

Aomine’s quiet for a long time, wondering why Kagami’s telling him all of this now. Maybe he just wanted to vent and since Aomine was the one who’d been there during the fight, since he knows Aomine’s seen them arguing, since he knows Aomine never liked him, he wanted to vent to him. Maybe it’s because he’s his friend and he trusts that he can open up about it.

It sucks. It really sucks to hear that all the times Aomine had been messing with Hitoshi, being a selfish ass and trying to make himself feel better in his misery, that the whole time, Hitoshi might have been taking it out on Kagami, not necessarily by kicking him to shit like at Akashi’s house, but there are other ways to hurt a person. Maybe in some small way, Kagami blames him for driving Hitoshi to the brink. For wrecking his relationship.

“... Is this why you haven’t said anything to me before now?” Aomine muttered, fiddling with his hands.

“No.” Kagami’s looking at him earnestly. “I’m not mad. I don’t blame you for how things turned out, you have to know that.” Kagami put a hand to his forehead for a second, scrunching his brow up and let out a stressed huff. “It had nothing to do with you, it was all him, being insecure. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Aomine tries to swallow past the knot in his throat, because Kagami’s so patient and good and perfect. He doesn’t know that Aomine’s a selfish rotten jerk and that he’d prodded and picked at Hitoshi and that he’d provoked and aggravated him and all that time, he’d been taking out that frustration on Kagami instead of him, pressuring him with sexual aggression, dragging his heart around on a string, making him feel like the bad guy… Kagami hadn’t deserved that.

“Honestly, I should be apologizing to _you,”_ Kagami mutters a little guiltily, and Aomine’s head snaps up.

He fidgets with his hands a little, looking so sorry that Aomine can’t bear it. “You shouldn't have had to be involved in that.” He swallowed and then looked up, the words coming out raspy and hesitant. His eyes keep flicking to Aomine's own, but stray to the cut on his head, his temple, still bashed purple and black. “I didn't mean for you to get hurt…”

Aomine doesn’t break eye contact, jaw clenched tight. “This is nothing,” he finally says, low and calm. He means that. Kagami ducks his head.

“Well even so…” He rubbed the back of his neck and Aomine chewed on the inside of his mouth and tried not to blurt out all the reasons that Kagami shouldn’t blame himself, all the reasons it wasn’t his fault— because he knows it wouldn’t help.

“He acted like he’d caught us at something, when you’re not even like that anyway. Gay, I mean. It’s not like I told him you _were_ or anything, so I don’t know why he would accuse you like that.” He sighs, rubbing his hands together with a little bit of uncertainty. “Nothing even happened. Not that— not that it was going to, but… Ahh... This is coming out weird.”

So maybe he didn’t remember after all. Or he hadn’t realized the way Aomine had thought. Maybe he’d thought he misinterpreted it, when in reality, if he’d thought Aomine had confessed his feelings and had gone in for the kiss, of course he’d be right.

“I hope…” Kagami trails off, rubbing his neck. “I’m sorry he made you look bad, is all,” he finally murmurs.

“Kagami,” he says, and it comes out a little sharper than he’d meant, but it makes Kagami look at him. He can see his adam’s apple bob in apprehension. “That’s horseshit. The only person he made a fool of was himself. That guy showed his entire ass. Why should you be sorry about what he thought he saw with his deranged fucking mind.”

“Yeah but… I dunno’, I feel like I should’ve seen it sooner.” He rubbed his upper arm. Aomine frowned.

“It took me a long time to figure out he was getting jealous of you and that’s why he was acting the way he did,” Kagami hummed, eyes distant and tired. “It feels stupid now, but I didn’t realize.” Aomine looked away.

“He just got more and more worked up and then I guess he finally snapped at Akashi’s party. But it wasn’t the first time.”

Aomine closes his eyes and tips his head back on the cement wall, gritting his teeth. “... Did he hit you before?” he rasps, after swallowing.

“No.” He opens his eyes and stares at Kagami, but he just avoids his gaze. “He didn’t,” he insists. “Not like that. Honest to god I had no idea he would do that.”

“Kagami.”

“It’s not that big a deal,” he insists, but still won’t look at him. “It’s not like it hurt that bad. You and me punch each other all the time, so it's not like...”

“That’s different,” he grits out.

“It doesn’t matter now anyway,” he dismisses, fidgeting and rubbing his elbow. “What hurt more is that everything was always about…”

He stares at his feet for a long time, and then finally sighs. “Never mind.”

Aomine doesn’t know what to say.

“But thank you. Y’know.” Kagami scratches his nose. “For having my back.” He smiles just a little bit. “I guess I kind of froze up.” Aomine swallows. “So thanks. For coming to help me. Man, you were like a superhero...”

Aomine thinks he nods. He knows he doesn’t manage to say anything.

“To be honest, I’m a little embarrassed. You should be the one who’s mad at me. You can say you told me so. Falling for a total jerk,” Kagami grit out, voice slipping into a whisper when it starts to crack and tremble. “Fucking stupid.” He brought his hand up to his brow.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Kagami was silent, not responding. His expression pinches, sad and ashamed, and then he puts his hands to his face for a second, hiding it in his palms. Aomine swallowed hard and tried, “It probably hurts right now, but… it wasn’t your fault things went that way.” He hopes Kagami knows that.

Kagami took his hands away and nodded, trying to smile. “I thought he was such a cool guy,” he muttered. “Confident. Mature. I didn’t expect it, y’know. When he started to change. If I could’ve done things differently,” he trails off. “I can’t stop thinking that maybe I really didn’t pay him enough attention… He was wrong to go off like that, but...”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Aomine says firmly. “It’s like you said, it was all him.”

Kagami’s head hangs, and he tries to smile again. “Yeah. I know.” His mouth twists. “I dunno’ why I’m getting this messed up over it now,” he wrenches out, voice breaking, and something knots up in Aomine’s throat too, hearing him get emotional. Kagami must be able to tell, or at least assumes he’s getting uncomfortable, because he tries to laugh it off, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so serious.”

He wipes his eye and looks away, letting out a long sigh. “It just fucking sucks,” Kagami breathes.

It’s almost time for the game. Kagami’s got to change into his jersey. They stand up and wander over to the door. Kagami sniffs and lets out another big shuddery sigh, coughing and rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes. Aomine grips his shoulder.

“He couldn’t shoot a hoop anyways.”

Kagami smiles, still scrubbing at his face. “Heh,” he huffs. “Yeah.” He takes his hands away and looks up at him, half-smile spread on his cheeks, his eyes red-rimmed.

Aomine’s heart softens out of his control. Of course it does. He’s perfect like that. To him, he’s perfect.

“His loss,” he hears himself say, and stares into Kagami’s eyes for a silent beat.

Kagami’s lips part, his smile fading in an instant.

Aomine takes him by the shoulders and shoves him into the locker room where his team are waiting to receive him, and when the door shuts Aomine stands there, chest heaving, fists clenching. He leans against the wall and puts his head in his hands, scrubs his hair, and then closes his palms around his nose and mouth.

Why doesn’t he know when to shut up. When to keep it inside. When to just _stop_ for once.

He’s not supposed to tell him. He’s not supposed to drop hints or ever let him know. He can’t let Kagami think that he wasn’t a good friend after all. He can’t let him know that the entire time he’s been trying to comfort him and has been watching him with Hitoshi, he can’t let him know that he’s liked him for all this time. Just because they’re broken up now doesn’t matter.

He can’t let Kagami know. He can never tell him. He’s got to stop being so obvious.

Aomine takes a slow breath and rubs at his face, and then he gets inside to watch the Seirin game.

Kagami does well in the first half. _Really well._ Either he’s taking his pain and frustration out on the other team and going hard, or maybe Aomine really had managed to cheer him up enough that he can focus on playing.

He’s using the ball like it’s a weapon, the squeak of his shoes on the waxed floor is like the squeal of tires burning on a racetrack— He’s wearing the red ones. Jersey number ten holds Aomine’s eyes right down to the buzzer.

Something happens during halftime, because as soon as the third quarter starts, he can tell something’s wrong.

Kagami’s suddenly off his game.

Aomine watches him with concern, but he’s sloppy, disorganized, and even though his face is clenched with determination, his mind is somewhere else. Seirin ekes out a narrow win, but Kagami’s clearly off in his own world, not even managing more than a smile when the game’s over. His team is patting his shoulder and ruffling his hair, like they’re trying to comfort him, like they know what’s up. Someone slaps a wet towel over his head and gives him a sports drink, and they disappear into the locker room.

Something’s bothering him. Aomine can’t have expected that Kagami isn’t still sad. He’d gotten _choked up_ right in front of him for god’s sake. His breakup has to still be on his mind. It’s not like it happened that long ago, he can’t be expected to get over it that quickly. And Aomine hadn’t exactly given him a great pep talk before the game. Maybe it had just hit him really hard all of a sudden.

Afterwards when he gets out of the stadium, he heads to the lot out back where Seirin’s going to catch their bus, thinking maybe he can catch Tetsu and Kagami and bug them a little. His primary motive is to check on Kagami, of course.

He can tell right away from all the noise that something’s wrong. They’re supposed to be heading home, maybe celebrating their win, but the commotion he hears isn’t jubilant. It sounds like a fight.

Kids are yelling and swearing, and as he comes around the corner and catches up with them along the side of the building where the pick-up station is, it only takes him a second to realize what’s going on. Kagami’s standing there with his shoulders tense, squaring off across from Hitoshi, who’s a few yards away on the other end of the sidewalk. Tetsu is standing straight-backed and stern-faced at Kagami’s side, a tiny but stubborn shield. Luckily it hasn’t gotten physical, but that’s almost worse, because it’s clearly still just as messy to have a shouting match right out in the open.

He looks like shit even with a week or so to heal, and at least Aomine’s proud about how bad he’d fucked him up. All the same, he grits his teeth at the idea that this guy is still hanging around trying to harass Kagami after the shit he pulled.

Kagami’s team has congregated in a crowd a little ways back, and they must at least know that they’ve broken up and maybe even know about the events of Akashi’s party, because they’re glowering and shooting dirty looks and shaking their fists at him, telling him to leave Kagami alone, but it doesn’t stop him.

“Hitoshi, go home,” Kagami says, exhausted but firm, and his team shuts up. Aomine hangs in the back by a streetlight. He can’t really see his face too well from behind like this. “You know it’s over, so why come back to rub salt in the wound. What’s the point of this.”

“Don’t act like it’s all my fault for how things were between us. What I did might be messed up but you’ve been making me feel like shit for weeks,” Hitoshi spat.

“What are you _talking_ about?” Kagami denied. “I’ve told you a million times, you’re the only person I was seeing. You’re the one who started turning everything into an argument. You blew up over _nothing,_ Hitoshi,” he grit out, clearly trying to keep his cool but starting to get emotional as he raised his voice. “I didn't cheat on you. I didn’t do anything wrong. Okay? I didn't do anything wrong that night.”

“No,” he growled. “Because I wasn’t good enough for you.” He scoffs and shakes his head, sneering. “Maybe I shouldn’t have lost my temper, but you made a fucking fool out of me. I never should’ve fell for a guy who still carries a torch.”

Kagami’s face is blank. _“... What?!”_ he blurts.

“Why would I ever be able to compete with the ace from Touou.” Aomine stares in silence, lips parted, and Kagami gapes like a fish, speechless.

Hitoshi ground his jaws together and smiled, showing his teeth. “What, you think I didn’t know? You think I never knew that you’re still hung up on him?”

Blood is pounding in Aomine’s ears. He tries to stay calm, he already knew that Hitoshi thought this, it shouldn’t be getting him worked up, but somehow, hearing it out loud, seeing Kagami’s reaction, everything’s different this time. It means something completely different.

“It's not true,” Kagami said quietly, but his chest is starting to heave.

“You know the only reason we never fucked?” Hitoshi’s voice rings out, and Kagami starts to grit his jaw, face growing red with anger, fists coiling up. “I knew if I got to spread ‘em, you would look me in the face and call for someone else—”

 _“Shut up!”_ Kagami bursts, voice echoing like thunder, and his team startles.

“But then it was never about me, was it. There was always somebody else.” Hitoshi huffed, sneering, clearly trying to twist the knife just a little bit more, because he spitefully jeers, “I’m glad you lost that piece of trash ring too.” Kagami stills. “I wish I would’ve seen where it fell so I could’ve thrown it away myself—”

Kagami lunges. The older boys on his team nab him under the arms and strain as he struggles against them. Tetsu’s hand is on Kagami’s arm, but he glares coldly at Hitoshi.

“You know what, Taiga?” Hitoshi bites out, jabbing a finger towards him. “I might be a fool but you’re a fucking mess. There’s nothing more pathetic than a person who pines over a straight guy.”

“What?” Aomine hears himself say, and Kagami goes motionless, body falling completely slack.

Aomine’s heart is pounding so hard that he feels light-headed. Kagami’s team has let him go but he looks absolutely broken, head hanging low in defeat, eyes sharp like a wounded animal.

“Just go,” Kagami demands.

Hitoshi takes a minute to narrow his eyes at him and shake his head slowly in disgust. He bitterly makes eye contact with Aomine for a second but Aomine’s reeling, can’t react.

They’re all telling him to get the fuck out of here and don’t come back, and Hitoshi eventually leaves. Kagami just stares after him for a second and then turns, and Aomine can see that the blood has drained out of his face, leaving him pale and sweaty.

“What?” he breathes, and Kagami just stares at him like he’s seen a ghost, white-faced and horrified. He looks like he’s going to vomit. Like he hadn’t known Aomine was there and hadn’t wanted him to hear any of that.

Like what Hitoshi had said was _true._

It can’t be true. That’s not possible.

Aomine just stands there numbly as everyone checks on Kagami to make sure he’s okay, patting his shoulders, closing around him and ushering him towards the bus-stop.

“Are you alright? You need some water? You look pale.”

“C’mon, let’s get you home, Kagami.”

Aomine meets Kagami’s horrified stare for a moment longer before Kagami breaks it like it’s burnt him. He turns and lets his teammates huddle around him and lead him away, and Aomine stares after them.

_  
     ‘What?’ _


	24. Chapter 24

_I was in a rush, I was out of luck — Now I’m so glad I waited._  
  
_You were almost there, almost mine, yeah._  
_They say love ain’t fair, but I’m doing fine._

_… ‘Cause I swear it’s you, I swear it’s you, I swear it’s you that I’ve waited for—_

  
. . .

Aomine's floating. He thinks he felt this once before, but he can't remember how long ago, or even why. It's some dreamlike haze, maybe a coma, or maybe he was hit by a train. He can't react to anything going on around him. He's moving through a fog. At the bottom of the ocean. The top of a mountain where the air is too thin—

Kagami… felt the same way? Kagami has feelings for him?

He sort of just stands there long after Kagami, Tetsu, and his team have left. Stands and stares until he can snap out of it and drag himself home. He doesn't know how to describe it. It's like all his emotions are being held at bay, locked in with a key for later, and for the moment he's just held there in some sort of fugue state. Not like the zone, he's aware of his surroundings, he can go through the motions, but it's like he's unable to react emotionally to what's just happened. 

Aomine wanders around in a daze for almost a week as he processes it all. He doesn't know what to do now, and even if he did, Kagami’s avoided him completely anyways. He won’t answer his texts even though Aomine says they have to talk. They have to, don't they?

When they do, what would Kagami even say to him? Deny it again? What should  _Aomine_ say? 

Just thinking about it made the tiny toothpicks holding back an ocean started to creak and splinter, butterflies swarming in his throat in a wave of nervousness.

He’d thought that he’d never be able to tell Kagami the truth. He’s barely even let himself dream about what it would be like to have Kagami feel the same, hasn't even hoped for the possibility, because the last thing he needed was more fuel for an achy heart, the last thing he needed was a thorn in his side every time he thought, _‘If it were me—’_

It takes a while for him to even wrap his head around it, because it just can’t be possible. It doesn’t make any sense for Kagami to love him. Loving Kagami, _that_ makes sense. He’s a good person. He’s kind-hearted, he’s surprisingly sweet and loving for such a hotheaded boy. He’s a gorgeous passionate _blaze_ of light. No matter how hard and how scary it’s been to come to terms with and how hard he's fought and denied it, Aomine’s come to know in his heart that it's always made sense. Nothing makes more sense than falling in love with Kagami.

It  _doesn't_ make sense for Kagami to love  _him._

His heart should be flying away on wings to hear that maybe, for all this time, Kagami's quietly loved him back. He should be overjoyed with the realization. But it just doesn't make any sense. What has he ever done to deserve that. What has he ever done besides cause him trouble and pain and grief. Especially this summer.

Hitoshi had to have been fucking around. It was his jealous mind going crazy and making him see things that weren’t there. It was his temper that made him see Aomine leaning in towards Kagami that night by the pool, it was hindsight that made him say that Kagami had never really given him his heart because it was already Aomine’s— It's the ravings of a deranged mind trying to justify what he’d done. It can’t really be true. It wouldn't make sense for it to be true—

He must have been spouting bullshit. He was just trying to hurt Kagami right at the end by saying whatever he could to be awful. He’d been trying to humiliate Kagami in front of his team, his _friends,_ by accusing him of cheating— maybe not physically, but in his heart.

Aomine has to write it off as nothing more than a spiteful lashout from a jilted lover, except—

Except. Kagami’s face said differently. When Hitoshi had said all that to him, even though Kagami had denied all of it, he’d _reacted_ like it was true. Especially when he’d realized Aomine had been there the whole time and that he’d heard all of it. He’d turned white as a sheet, the way a person does when the thing they’ve so desperately tried to hide is torn out and laid in the open.

The look on Kagami’s face — that tells him that it’s true.

He… doesn’t know what to do with that.

What does he do. God, he doesn’t know what to do. What’s he supposed to do now that he knows? All this time Aomine’s thought he could never have Kagami and had resolved to never say anything, to keep this secret buried, and all this time… Kagami’s _loved_ him?

Kagami loved him back?

This little seed of hope starts to grow through the dazed numb shock of it all. Is it really true? He doesn’t know what he’s going to do if he starts to hope and it turns out it's not. There’s nothing worse than false hope.

He has to know the truth.

Aomine pesters Kagami through text with no response. It’s not like he’s busy; school is out. He knows he’s avoiding him on purpose. Just another reason Aomine starts to swell to bursting with the thought,  _he wouldn't avoid me if it wasn't true, would he?_

He asks friends to arrange a meeting with Kagami, intervene on his behalf and tell Kagami that he's looking for him. He asks where Kagami's been seen. He’s tried all the places he usually runs into Kagami with no luck, but in the end, he finally manages to corner him on the basketball court.

It’s a popular one. It doesn’t have a cage around it, but it’s in a green space near a picnic area. It’s a hot day, the sun beating down on the blacktop until it’s practically sizzling. Most people, if they’re out at all, are sticking to the shady patches under the trees. Kagami’s the only one out there playing, arms gleaming with sweat, shirt and hair dark with it. He’s slow, like he barely has the energy to lift his head — but it's not a physical fatigue. He dribbles through his legs, behind his back, lazy and sluggish, a glum look on his face.

Aomine’s been in a fog since the evening after Seirin’s game when he’d heard those words about Kagami carrying a torch. He doesn't even know what he's come here to do, really, just knows that he has to confront Kagami, find out the truth for sure. He hasn't thought ahead past that, hasn't thought what he'll do if it's not true, what he'll do if it  _is—_ he just has to know— he’s so out of it that he doesn’t even try to sneak up on him, approaching in plain view.

When Kagami notices him standing in the grass at the edge of the asphalt, he tenses up immediately. Aomine can see his face change, his forlorn expression going stern and steely. His jaw muscles pop as he clenches his teeth, but his eyes are firmly fixed on the hoop. Kagami doesn’t budge, doesn't look at him, as much as his body coils up like he wants to bolt. He just tries to keep playing basketball like nothing’s up. He crouches slowly, readying to spring up and make a basket.

With the sun setting his hair aglow, skin golden and gleaming, muscles tight and eyes hard, he’s perfect like that— He’s perfect to Aomine.

He can’t hold it in for a single second longer. He has to know. If there’s a _chance,_ if he can be with Kagami, if he feels the same, Aomine has to know.

“You like me?” Aomine blurts without introduction, breathless, and Kagami’s motionless for a second, crouched there, ball held up.

He slowly straightens back up without shooting, turning to face him head on, and Aomine swallows hard.

“What?” Kagami mutters, brow furrowed like Aomine’s lost his mind. Like he’s brought it up out of nowhere. Like he’s stupid for even asking. He’d pull it off too if not for how his teeth are clearly gritted. “What the fuck are you talking about.”

He can even meets Aomine’s gaze as he says it, steady and firm, staring him dead in both eyes. There’s something cold and sharp there that promises a fight if he pushes too hard. The way he sets his jaw dares Aomine to brush it off, to say they should forget about it, to back away from the ledge— but Aomine can’t, not now that he knows it could be true. He can’t process it. How can this be real. He has to know one way or another or he thinks he'll just  _die—_

“Do you?” Aomine repeats. His feet leave the grass and hit the court. Kagami’s rooted to the spot, holding his ground even though he bristles at his approach. Aomine puts a hand out for his shoulder when Kagami finally turns away with the ball, glaring at the hoop. “Kagami, you like me?”

He can’t fucking believe this. He hasn’t even had time to feel excited really, even though he’s sat on this for a week. He’s still in shock over it. Can’t believe it. What’s he going to do if it’s true. How’s he going to live if it’s _not_ true.

He touches his shoulder for an instant before Kagami takes a step back, shrugging him off violently.

“No, I don’t fucking like you,” he bites out, and he’s vicious about it. He’s scowling and bad-tempered, expression twisted with irritation and disgust. “What the fuck would I like you for.”

“Kagami,” Aomine says, staring at him, the way his big sweaty body heaves and strains. He’s like a wounded animal, trying to puff himself up and look dangerous, but in the same moment he’s shying away in retreat, eyes wide with a sort of crazed terror, ready to bolt at any second.

“How long have you liked me? Why didn’t you tell me?” he sputters and Kagami has to understand, doesn’t he? It has to be showing on Aomine’s face. How can it not. It’s all just spilling out of him uncontrollably, adrenaline pounding hard, stupid and young and impulsive as always, no thought for the consequences. Can't Kagami see it in his eyes, this dawning hope, doesn't he know what that means?

It feels like that knot, this horrible disgusting thing that’s been tangled up inside him for _so, so long,_ it’s like he’s been shot through with this uncontrollable blaze— a fireball, a gunshot, the blast of a volcano, the tail of a comet—  and this nasty thing knotted up so tight that he could never unravel it completely on his own, it’s suddenly being burst apart, it’s caught fire and is sizzling like the cord to a bomb.

And when he explodes, what’s there on the inside? What else can it be.

“Do you think this is funny?” Kagami suddenly growls, and Aomine pauses.  
  
Kagami looks furious, his gaze dark and hateful, his posture tense, like he’s ready to fight. “Knock it off  _now_ or I swear to god I’ll never talk to you again,” he promises.

“You do,” Aomine realizes, face wide open with disbelief.

“No!” Kagami denies, eyes wild, face pinched with desperation, and Aomine puts a hand out to try and keep him from retreating.

“Just tell me,” he says, and gets closer, and this time when Aomine touches his shoulder, Kagami lashes out, shoving away from him hard. Because an angry, frightened, and wounded boy behaves the same way as a cornered animal.

Aomine stumbles back a few steps, staring in surprise.

“Get away from me,” Kagami fumes, voice low and threatening, and all Aomine can do there for a second is stand there. “That’s not funny. Get the _fuck_ away from me, that’s not _fucking funny,”_ he snaps.

“What?” Aomine hears himself say, at a loss, brow quirking in confusion, shoulders slackening.

“Do you think I need this right now?” Kagami grits out, shaking his head at Aomine and letting out a short huff of a laugh. “I got dumped because my boyfriend got jealous of my best friend. I picked you over him. What the fuck more do you _want,_ Aomine.”

Aomine opened his mouth, taking another step back as Kagami’s mouth contorts, and through his surprise he realizes that Kagami thinks he’s come to gloat, come to kick him when he’s down. Come to say _‘I told you so.’_

“Do you think I need you playing with my feelings or joking around with me because he said some bullshit to humiliate me right at the end?”

For a minute, it feels like that day in the gym when Satsuki and Tetsu had sent him in to apologize. It feels like the day Kagami had finally lost his temper and really let him have it and Aomine just had to stand there and just shut up and take it all in. He stands there aghast as Kagami rages and glares at him with so much hurt and bitterness that he doesn’t know what to do.

“He wanted you to freak out again like before. He wanted you to reject me so he can feel good about me losing everything,” Kagami spits. “He’s already hurt me bad enough, I don’t need you jumping on top.”

“What?” Aomine says, furrowing his brow. “Kagami, no.”

Glaring Aomine in both eyes, dark and wounded, Kagami bares his teeth and wrenches out, “He just said the one thing he could think of to try to ruin my life and embarrass me in front of everyone and you’re gonna’ try and make me _confess?”_

The anger goes out of Kagami’s voice for a second when it cracks near the end and he actually stops to bite the inside of his lip and huff out his nose, eyes shooting downwards. Aomine stands there motionless, horrified, throat closing up.

He knows he should try to head him off before he can get any more worked up. He knows he should say something, but seeing Kagami get emotional like that felt like being electrocuted, just like always. He can’t do anything for a second but stare in shock, completely mortified, heart in his throat.

Rationally, he knows that Kagami’s just upset. He’s just lashing out at him because he’s ashamed and hurt and _fucked up_ because everything’s happened so fast, too much to handle. It had to feel like it was falling out from under him all at once— Getting accused of cheating with his rival, the emotional exhaustion of a relationship strained by jealousy and being pressured for sex, being beaten up and seeing the two people he cared about fuck each other up, getting publicly humiliated and _exposed_ in front of his team and his rival— He can’t take any more. The last thing he needs is for Aomine to come around and dredge it all back up.

He’s frayed down to the wire, Aomine gets that, but Kagami has to know that Aomine hasn’t come here to hurt him worse. He isn’t here to rub it in or fuck around with him. He isn’t here to make him say it just so he can laugh and throw it in his face.

He isn’t here to break his heart.

He’d never do that to him.

“You were right about him being no good. Can’t you be satisfied with that? What the fuck are you trying to accomplish coming around here to make me admit it,” Kagami accused, shaking his head at him, and the look on his face is truly awful.

It’s like he’s finally realizing that all the times he’s thanked Aomine for being a good friend, he was rotten all along, taking advantage of him and waiting patiently until he was too low to defend himself. Like he’s finally seeing the shitty, nasty, fucked up parts of him and can’t take the disappointment.

“This isn’t a fucking game,” he rasps, and then throws his arms up and lets them fall pathetically. He glares at Aomine in disbelief, eyes glittering with hurt and betrayal. “My feelings aren’t just some bullshit I can replace.”

Aomine shakes his head, because for a second it just doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense that at the end of it all, after everything they’ve done together, the year or so that Kagami’s been his friend and rival and brought light into his life and back into his heart— All the times he’s thanked Aomine for sticking with him and being cool about it and being a good friend even though he’s always been the opposite, even though he’s always taken Kagami for granted and treated him poorly and imposed time after time— After so long that Kagami’s put up with him and seen the good in him, seen something worth saving, how can it end like this.

After all of that, how can Kagami think this is why he’d come. To drive in the nails a little further. Twist the knife. Salt in the wound. He can't think that he'd go that low.

“Kagami, no,” Aomine denies, bewildered. He shakes his head, holding his hands out to appease him, but Kagami swells with rage. He tries to tell him that he’s got it wrong, that he would never hurt him like that, but he doesn’t want to hear it.

“No, fuck you,” he refuses, coiling up and then he bursts, face red and hot— a violent sudden scream, _“Fuck you!”_

Startled, Aomine jumps, glancing around. Quieter, he coaxes, “Kagami, no. I wouldn’t do that.” He hadn’t meant to come here and make Kagami snap. He hadn’t come looking for a fight. All he’d wanted to know was the truth. But he hadn’t known that doing that would drive Kagami over the edge like this. He wouldn’t have if he did.

“That’s not what— No,” Aomine denies, because this isn’t how this is supposed to go and he doesn’t know how it’s gone south this fast or how to turn it around now that it has.

Trembling and seething, Kagami bites out, “If you were my fucking friend you wouldn’t be playing with me like this.” He can’t seem to stand the sight of him anymore, because his body just... _crumples_. Aomine swallows hard as he gets an instant of Kagami’s face, pathetically twisted with shame, exhaustion, _grief._

Kagami puts his hand up to his face and covers his eyes and croaks, “Just leave me alone.”

Speechless, Aomine stares at him as he grabs his stuff and walks off the court, cutting through the grass, head hanging down like he’s completely broken. That expression on his face of abject humiliation sticks with him—

Because for all that Kagami had told Aomine that he wasn’t going to get him to confess, he’d basically admitted it. It _is_ true.

He spent the next few days floating around in a daze. It’s true? It’s really true what Hitoshi said about Kagami being hung up on him? Had he known all along? He must have figured it out at some point, that Kagami cared about him as more than a friend. How had he known? Had Kagami had some sort of tell? _When_ had he realized? Is that why he’d started acting the way he did halfway through his relationship with Kagami? Aomine had always thought it was because Hitoshi had figured out that _he_ had feelings for Kagami but maybe it was the other way around.

Hitoshi must have slowly realized that along with basketball, there was someone already there in Kagami’s heart _—the ace from Touou.  
_

_‘Pining for a straight guy. Holding a torch. Why is it always about basketball with you.’_

Kagami’s been hung up on him for who knows how long. Kagami loves him back. He’s loved Aomine for a lot longer than Aomine’s loved him. What Hitoshi said — it wasn’t bullshit, it was _true._

It takes him a few days to stew over it, which is probably better, because he and Kagami both need to cool off after that confrontation. Kagami seemed pretty liable to punch him in the mouth if he pushed any more at the moment.

So he stews. He has to, because Kagami _loves_ him — _him! —_ and Aomine doesn’t know what to do with that. Because everything seems different suddenly.

All the times Aomine had looked into his eyes a little too openly for a little too long and Kagami had held his gaze. All the times he’d opened up to him about Hitoshi, shown his belly and trusted Aomine not to tease too bad. The heart-to-hearts under the umbrella and in the lot outside the gym before a game. Kagami telling him the story of his necklace and letting him help look even after he’d stopped asking everyone else. Kagami asking who was taking care of him. Everything, every day they've spent together playing basketball and eating dinner and spending the night. He can’t look at it the same way anymore. He has to look back and wonder. He looks back and _knows._

Kagami had shared why he liked Hitoshi, the slow progress of their physical relationship, even a little of their troubles towards the end as the emotional toll started to weigh on him. He’d shied away from Hitoshi’s affection just a little if Aomine was watching them; that moment he’d caught them in the kitchen during Kagami’s house party. Kagami defending him to Hitoshi, telling him not to talk about him that way. Kagami kicking and screaming and fighting to get to him, bleeding and drowning at the bottom of the pool.

Kagami telling him it wasn’t his fault. Everything seems different.

Last summer. Swimming in their underwear. Playing basketball. Kagami cooking American barbecue for him on his balcony. Talking trash and getting into stupid beefs with the kids from the uptown courts. Eating watermelons and spitting the seeds. Stripping butt-naked in the lockers and whipping each other with wound-up towels. Last summer seems different looking back, to know that Kagami had done all that with a fire in his heart.

It must've been like that all along. He just couldn’t see it before.

Maybe Kagami hadn’t even really been hiding it. Maybe he hadn’t really been hiding that he was gay, or hiding his true feelings. Maybe it was just the simple fact that to Kagami, it honestly didn’t matter to him if Aomine felt the same way back. He loved him and loved being with him even if he’d never have him. The flame burning in his heart was enough to keep him warm. That and Aomine at his side and a basketball game. Even if he never got anything more, just being together was enough.

Playing on the court as the July sunset blazed behind them late in the evening, the cicadas singing and the fireflies blinking, the warm night air ghosting over their sweaty necks— Just being sixteen, carefree and foolish, that was enough.

Of course Kagami doesn’t want to admit how he feels. Not if it means there’s a chance that will end. Not if it means that has to change. Aomine’s suddenly reminded of how he’d reacted when Kagami and Hitoshi had first started going out, how he’d acted like such an ass because he’d gotten insecure. Because he’d gotten so attached to Kagami over the last year, and then it had felt like he was pulling away, growing apart from him — and he hadn’t wanted that to happen.

Being backed into a corner, being made to confess or do anything that might end in Aomine rejecting him, of course Kagami was going to lash out. It’s exactly what Aomine would’ve done.

Kagami’s always been like him in that way: starting a fight and yelling when he gets scared — because being mad is always easier. It’s always easier to turn it into a fight because then they can hide that the pain is something real. A hot head is better than an achy heart.

It’s true, what Hitoshi said. He knows it deep down in his bones, in the pit of his gut. Kagami’s pale sweaty face told him it was true. Kagami screaming that after everything he’s had to deal with, the last thing he needs is for him to come around trying to make him confess— that told him it was true.

 _If you were my friend, you wouldn’t be playing with me like this_ — those words mean that it’s really true.

He’d only found out that he loved Kagami so recently and yet it’s already felt like ages that he’s told himself that he can never have him. It’s felt like ages that he’s been out of reach. Even though he and Hitoshi have broken up, it’s not like that should make any difference. It doesn’t mean he has a chance. It doesn’t mean he’ll ever, ever love Aomine back. If he didn’t play basketball, Kagami probably wouldn’t even hang out with him. He’s told himself that so many times and crushed it down so tightly—

But now, this tiny little _hope_ is alive and fluttering in his heart. Sweet and nervous and shaky with disbelief. He doesn’t know what to do.

How can it be. How can it be him that Kagami loves. A guy like him — how could a guy like him possibly deserve Kagami loving him. It doesn’t make sense. Of all the people out there, Kagami gets stuck on the sorriest, most selfish, rotten, conceited, good-for-nothing asshole to ever step foot on a basketball court.

Of all the people in the world… Kagami’s heart is _his?_

He’s let that daydream float through so many times, if he were Kagami’s boyfriend, if he were the one Kagami loved—

_‘If it were me, I’d shape up and treat him right. I’d never make him cry. I’d be a better person, I’d try harder than I’ve ever tried at anything, if I could just deserve to be the one he loves—_

_‘If it were me I would show him my shoe collection and let him pick out whatever he wanted — even the limited edition Jordans— I’d take him to Maji’s every day, and the zoo, and the beach, and anywhere he’d go with me—_

_‘If it were me I’d hang onto him because I know there’s only one like him, there's no getting another—’_

It’s been so long with these stupid impossible thoughts that suddenly having it within reach, it’s a sort of a numbed shock — because it’s not an _if_ anymore. He’s the one Kagami loves.

He loves Aomine so much that even his boyfriend had figured out that he’d never have Kagami’s whole heart. That he’d always be second-best. Because there’s a torch still burning there. 

What’s Aomine supposed to do with that.

Kagami’s loved him all along and he’d never known. Just as much as Aomine had never guessed he was gay, Kagami’s never dropped any hints about having a crush on him either. He never would have realized. Kagami’s loved him and had never told him. He’s loved him for longer than he’s been dating Hitoshi from the sounds of it. Who knows how long he’d felt that way.

What was the moment. When was the exact moment that Kagami had realized he’d fallen in love with him. What was it that Aomine had done that had silently won Kagami’s heart — and god, how had he not known? How could he have let that moment pass him by?

The thought comes to him that this might be why Kagami had never told him that he was gay. This might be why Kagami hadn’t seemed opposed to everyone else knowing he had a new boyfriend, but had specifically kept him in the dark.

What fucks him up is knowing that Kagami had loved him all along and had started dating someone else. Kagami had given up before it even started. He’d never even tried to drop a hint and see if Aomine would be interested. He must have figured that there was no hope and had tried to move on, fall in love somewhere else with someone new.

He’d tried, but in the end he hadn’t been able to replace the feelings he had for Aomine. Not completely. Not enough that he could hide them. 

And even now that Aomine’s found out, he’s still trying to hide them. He’s still trying to lie about it. He doesn’t want Aomine to know the truth. His anger and his refusal to admit it and his violent emotional outburst in response to Aomine trying to make him talk about it makes more sense now. He’s already going through a rough time, having a messy breakup. Hitoshi’s fucked him over on the way out, spilling his secret feelings into the open for everyone to see. The last thing Kagami wants right now on top of all that is to have to go through Aomine rejecting him.

Aomine ridiculing him. Aomine laughing at him. Jeering. Calling him disgusting. All for feelings beyond his control, for feelings he’d never wanted him to know about. Feelings that he’d hid so well, kept private, never intended to reveal, feelings that had gotten slung out like dirty laundry.

He’s hurt too badly already, and he can’t survive going through that. He can’t take anymore shame. Not now.

So of course. It makes sense that when Aomine had approached him in disbelief — how can Kagami possibly love him too, is this a dream — Kagami had lashed out.

He felt ashamed. Betrayed. Scared. He’s scared enough that he’s accused Aomine of being the kind of asshole who would try to coax him to confess just so he could reject and humiliate him. He’s scared enough that he’d sooner think Aomine was messing with him than let himself open up, just in case he’s lying. He thought Aomine had come to hurt him worse, right when he’s at his lowest point.

Aomine doesn’t know what to do with that, or how to turn this back around — how does he turn this around without making it even worse. Kagami’s already pissed at him, and Kagami’s a tough guy to get _unpissed_ once he’s on the defensive. And this isn’t like most times, where Aomine would be gleeful to just wind him up even further. Seeing Kagami upset like this feels really, really rotten.

So of course, he does what he always does when he’s confused and doesn’t know what to do — he finds Tetsu.

It’s only been a couple days, but so far Kagami’s seemed serious about the whole _leave me alone_ thing, because he won’t agree to meet Aomine anywhere or even text back hardly at all. He’s sent a basketball emoji and Kagami had sent one back a day later, but he won’t say anything else.

Aomine’s been hanging around Maji Burger trying to bump into him, but he never shows. He ends up finding Tetsu instead.

“Aomine-kun, I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s happened,” Tetsu says once they’re at a table together. “I remember what you said.”

“What did I say,” he muttered.

“To Kimura-kun. When you two were fighting in the parking lot.” Aomine lifts his gaze. Tetsu’s face is stern and sad. “About him being two-faced,” he clarified.

“I was just thinking that I wish I hadn’t written that off. Because I saw the signs too towards the end.”

Aomine stares at the table. It’s always easier looking back. It’s easier to tell that the last weeks of Kagami’s relationship, watching his shoulders droop, his face grow tired and sad, what they’d really been seeing was a boy folding under relentless emotional abuse.

“I did see the signs. They just didn’t make sense until afterwards,” Tetsu said slowly. It always makes sense afterwards. After Hitoshi finally hit Kagami in front of everyone. Who knows if he’d done it before or not. Kagami had looked so surprised about it that Aomine would guess that it _was_ the first time. The look on his face in that moment absolutely haunted him.

“I’m not sure what I would have done, but…” Tetsu trails off and looks down at his food, no appetite. “I’m just sorry it ever happened.”

He thinks of Kagami’s face, taught with horror and disbelief— _you hit me—_ He thinks of Kagami’s voice growing tight and strained as he fended Hitoshi off in his room. Kagami brushing hair off that guy’s cheek, the love in his eyes, the tenderness in his expression, Aomine’s truly sorry it all happened.

He’d never been happy about their relationship. He’d been rooting for them to split up from the beginning — but he’d never wanted this.

Aomine and Tetsu still haven’t talked much since the blowout at Akashi’s party, and none at all since that day outside the gym with Kagami’s team, and one question’s been lingering in his mind.

“Did you know?” Aomine mumbles, and he knows Tetsu knows what he’s talking about because Tetsu had been there too. He’d heard everything that Aomine had. He’d heard what Hitoshi said, and he wants to know if Tetsu had known all along.

“Did you know the whole time? About Kagami?”

“I may have suspected, but Kagami-kun never told me, no,” Tetsu admitted.

So Kagami hadn’t even told _him._ He’d kept it a secret from everyone else in the entire world. Locked it up in his heart and meant to take that to his grave with him — and Hitoshi had figured it out and that’s when the strain on their relationship started.

It’s all making sense in retrospect. It made sense the way Aomine had gazed at Kagami so openly and he would look back for just a little too long. It made sense that Kagami wanted so much for Aomine to accept him, valued his support so much more than he would say.

It makes sense he was the one person he’d never told that he was gay. It makes sense how Kagami had been so ready to forgive him after he'd been so incredibly cruel and selfish. It makes sense the way Kagami had reacted when Aomine had rejected him and called him disgusting.

_Heartbreak.  
_

All along. Kagami’s loved him all along.

All this time Aomine had thought he’d never be able to tell him how he felt. He’d never imagined Kagami could ever feel the same way or that there was even a _chance_ for them to ever be together. Kagami must have thought the same thing, he must have thought it was hopeless from the get-go. He must have told himself it was impossible enough times that when Aomine showed the signs, when Aomine took it too far and looked into his eyes for too long or told him he should’ve fallen for a basketball player, Kagami would just dismiss it as his imagination, as his achy heart trying to trick him into hoping.

Aomine knows because he’s done the same thing. He hasn’t let himself hope. But that was only because he didn’t know that Kagami really _did_ feel the same way. And now that he does, that seed of hope has burst into a full bloom, completely out of his control.

Because if Kagami feels the same way, then that means there’s a chance— 

Things are on shaky ground at the moment, considering the last time they’d talked Kagami had told him pretty clearly to fuck off and quit making fun of him when he’s feeling this low.

But that’s only because he doesn’t _know._

He doesn’t know that Aomine’s got this thing living inside him that comes alive and squirms like a happy puppy when he sees him smile. Kagami doesn’t know that when they’re laughing together Aomine feels like this light is just going to glow right out of his body— _how can it not?_ Kagami doesn't know that when they play basketball together, Aomine’s heart is alive and dancing— He doesn’t know that no matter how scared Aomine is of what he feels, however terrifying and thrilling it is, it’s undeniably _there._

Kagami doesn’t know that he loves him back.

And why should he. Aomine had never told him.

It’s kind of dumb for the thought to strike him then, because it’s pretty obvious really and was a stupid thing to forget, but he’d never gotten around to telling him. The last time they’d talked, Aomine had still been so surprised that it had already turned into a fight before he could confess back. It sort of made sense for Kagami to think that he was just being an ass. It’s not like he’d told him he felt the same, so how was he supposed to know.

It's funny that Aomine has confessed so many times on accident. In what he says. In how he looks at Kagami. It slips out in all these little ways, on impulse, in the heat of the moment when he can't stop himself, and then he has to rely on Kagami to either ignore it or misunderstand, safe for one more day. Confessing from his heart, being purposeful about it, it felt frightening. The idea of putting himself out there like that gives him the shakes. He doesn't know if he can say it out loud, or if Kagami would even accept it—

It sucks, because they’re both in love with each other, and you’d think that would make things simple.

Love’s not supposed to go like this. They’re seventeen, and they should be enjoying summertime in the river with a bucket of crayfish, clothes on a branch. They should be running wild all day and playing basketball until the muscles in their legs will hardly support them, and then sleeping all night at Kagami’s place. They’re young and their only concerns should be what the score is and what’s for dinner. They’re seventeen, and if they’re in love, then…

Then they should be together. Shouldn’t they?

It’s not supposed to be harder than that. That’s how Aomine feels about it. Which means there’s only one thing left to do.

 

So all night long all he can think of, in a sort of numb and panicked excitement, is: _‘I’ve gotta’ tell him.’_

 

Aomine finds him a couple days later in the evening on the court by the Maji's they always visit during the school year, thanks to a tip from Tetsu. Apparently he’d been here earlier with Kagami but had since gone home, leaving him to continue playing by himself.

By the time Aomine gets there, it’s just starting to get dark. He can hear the ring of the basketball rhythmically slapping the pavement and the scuff of Kagami’s shoes. The mosquitoes are out and the cicadas are humming in the warm mist of dusk, the edges of the sky glowing gold and purple as the sun begins to go down. The fading light is casting long shadows across the pavement, dragging Kagami’s silhouette from one end of the pavement to the other.

He takes a minute just looking at him, the shape of his body moving, dark but for the red streak where the sunset touches the top of his hair. He thinks he could stand there and stay in that moment forever, watching him play.

There’s something about the peaceful mood of the approaching night, the sleepy pounding of the basketball hitting the ground, something about it takes Aomine back to last summer. There’s something about that sight, a boy standing alone on the court in red Jordans.

It steals his breath. And for a second he has to wonder how there’d ever been a day when he hadn’t known.

Aomine opens the cage door, letting it rattle shut behind him. “Kagami.”

The drum of the ball on the court stops, and the abrupt silence breaking the rhythm is like a heart skipping a beat. Kagami looks up, frozen like a startled deer.

There’s a long stretch where they just stand there, Aomine trying to swallow the fact that Kagami really looked like he’d been about to bolt for a second there, and Kagami taking a minute to try and save face and act like he hadn’t just jumped a mile.

After the instant of surprise and dread he’d shown plain as day, now he just looks guarded.

He’s eyeing Aomine like he already knows why he’s come, already knows what he’s going to say, but is halfway wondering if he’s just going to butt in and demand a one-on-one like always instead. He looks like he really hopes Aomine’s just here to reconcile with him by going on as if nothing’s changed and that they’re going to leave all this awfulness behind. He looks like he wants Aomine to just let it go, no matter how much that’s going to hurt and disappoint him.

His face is tense and cautious, and his eyes are wary. He looks like he wants more than ever for things to just go back to how they used to be. Like he really honest to god hopes that Aomine’s just going to pretend that conversation from the other day never happened.

Like he wants Aomine to pretend like he _doesn’t know._

Aomine stands there on the basketball court in the warm night air of mid-July and he knows. He knows that if it’s true that he has to tell him he likes him back. He has to tell him that he can’t forget about what he’s heard and go on as normal, because his heart is on fire. There’s no going back and there’s no pretending, not for even one more day.

“How long have you liked me?”

Kagami’s quiet for a second, his shoulders rising, eyes guarded and raw with pain. The ball drops out of his hand and bounces a couple times, rolling away. Aomine expects him to get mad again like last time, but this time he just looks vaguely sick. Scared even. Like he knows that Aomine isn’t going to let it drop and that he can’t escape what’s coming.

“Stop,” he breathes, so much quieter than expected, and it brings Aomine’s heart up into his mouth.

Everything about his expression is hurt and even skittish. He’s coiling up in anticipation of Aomine’s inevitable rejection, and for all he’s told Aomine in moments of anger that he doesn’t care what he thinks, he can see Kagami’s heart there, quivering and ready to break.

“Last year?” Aomine says as he takes a few steps towards him, slow and cautious, maybe in an effort to keep from spooking him and getting him pissed off and loud again— or maybe it’s because he’s feeling pretty unsure of himself too.

Aomine stares him in both eyes and Kagami drops the gaze almost immediately. Throat dry and palms clammy, Aomine shifts. He swallows and guesses, “Was it last summer?”

 _“Stop,”_ Kagami demands, voice echoing on the open court, raw and sharp, almost desperate.

“Look me in the face and tell me right here. Was it true, what he said?” Aomine searches Kagami’s face, glancing from one eye to the other over and over. He watches his expression contort as he struggles to keep his cool, as if staying calm and not getting overly defensive will somehow convince Aomine that it was all bullshit.

“He said you were hung up on a straight guy.”

“He was lying,” Kagami said, low and composed. At least he’s trying to seem that way, but even to Aomine, the words come out strained.

“The ace from Touou,” he goes on, like Kagami didn’t even say anything. “Is it me?”

“No,” Kagami repeats, a tiny breath of panic entering his tone when Aomine doesn’t buy it. As if he could convince anyone with a face like that. “I said no.”

“You like me?” Aomine stands there and lets his expression soften, gazing at him longingly, making no attempt to hide it. He watches as Kagami swallows and backs up a step.

His heart pounds rough and heavy, he can feel it in his lips and his eyeballs and his fingertips. He feels like he’s going to _vomit,_ his heart is racing so hard and his stomach is flipping. It feels like a baby bird is trapped in his chest, naked and fragile.

“Don’t lemme’ get my hopes up if it’s not true,” Aomine breathes, lays his heart on the ground for him. 

Kagami stares at him in silence for a beat, stock-still. Aomine can see the pulse pounding in his neck, can see the whites of his eyes encircling the red-brown center completely, he can see the way he slowly coils his fists as he moves back another step and just blinks at Aomine wordlessly.

Aomine bites the inside of his lower lip and waits. He knows Kagami understood what he’d just done. He’d just confessed.

He expects it to take a couple seconds. He expects Kagami to be surprised, maybe even a little dubious, but those couple seconds of waiting for a reaction _suck._ Really bad. He's shaking all over. His tongue feels too thick in his mouth. He wants to press a fist into his gut to make the feeling stop.

Even though he already knows that Kagami likes him back and that he’ll probably be happy, _overjoyed_ even, to find out that their feelings are reciprocated— as much as Aomine _knows_ that, it still feels unimaginably scary to reach out across the abyss to him like this. Admitting how he felt that openly, it was even harder than he’d thought it would be. It’s scary, opening his heart and showing Kagami this tiny, fluttering, innocent thing that _loves_ him. It feels like if he has to wait much longer, the world will just end, he'll die where he stands.

Kagami’s chin starts to pinch, puckering just a little as his mouth contorts in a wrenched frown. His brows shove together and he looks absolutely anguished. Aomine doesn’t move. He doesn’t even breathe. He’s holding so still that he thinks even his neurons have paused in firing.

“Don’t fuck with me.”

He says it so softly, but with such a bite that it sounds like he has to physically choke it out. Aomine’s heart clenches and aches, brows loosening, eyes wide.

“Why the hell would you do this,” Kagami breathes, and then shakes his head, croaking, “You’re so fucked up.”

 _‘He doesn’t believe me,’_ he realizes.

“What? Kagami,” Aomine tries, but Kagami goes on, voice raw and wet, so openly emotional and betrayed that the words die in his throat.

“I thought we were friends, so why the fuck would you play with my head like this.” Shoulders hunched, Kagami grits his teeth and glares up at him through his bangs.

“You told me it was gross. You called me a fag,” he wrenches out. “You’ve thought it was nasty this entire time, so don’t string me along now.” His voice goes incredibly small and fragile and Aomine feels his heart bunch up in his throat.

“Don’t pretend you like me right at the end just so you can play a joke,” he breathes, his voice crackling through the words as the anger flickers out. He takes a long sigh with his eyes shut to get a hold of himself and then stares at Aomine hard.

“This isn’t funny to me. So just—” He takes another big breath, steadier that time, and demands, “Stop.”

“Kagami,” Aomine tries, and Kagami must still hear it in his tone, must still know what he’s about to say, because he grits his teeth and heaves.

 _“Stop!”_ he bursts, coming completely unhinged in an instant, the carefully composed facade torn to shreds. His voice echoes, desperate and ringing with the sort of panic that comes from being ignored too many times when he’s said that word. Aomine takes a few steps towards him, hands out in a placating manner, heart pounding hard — because all of a sudden it feels as though a yawning abyss has burst open between them.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he whispers, and when Kagami put his hands over his eyes, Aomine stops short, aghast, frozen as he watches Kagami’s shoulders heave once. He manages to breathe again once Kagami lets out a short huff and scrubs his palms roughly across his face over and over, as if to snap himself out of it.

“Things didn’t go like I planned,” Aomine blurts out, voice high and breathy, wanting to get it all out before Kagami can keep jumping to conclusions and pulling away further and further.

“I didn’t expect it to go like this. It took me a long time to... to accept it,” he admitted, shoulders drooping. He swallows, curling and uncurling his clammy palms. “I… I did things I shouldn’t have. 'Cause I was scared. And I ended up ruining it all for you.”

Their shadows are starting to fade as the night creeps in to swallow them up, the sun obscured completely below the horizon, it’s remaining glow a dark orange bruise on the skyline.

Kagami seems the tiniest bit placated, because he doesn’t say anything else, mouth drawn in a taut line. His gaze is wary as he tries to read Aomine’s face for a moment or two. “Whadda’ you mean,” he mumbles at last, low and suspicious.

There’s nothing left to say but the truth, so Aomine just blurts it out, letting it leave him like the last bubble from a drowning corpse sunk to the bottom of the ocean, the lights sparkling above him like stars.

“He figured me out,” he admits. “He knew I liked you an’ that’s why he started getting crazy jealous, ‘cuz he knew you wanted me an’ he realized that I liked you back.”

Kagami stares for a silent beat. The dim light is making Aomine’s vision grainy and he has to blink hard to get a clear view of Kagami’s face, cast in shadow, his eyes dark but for the twin reflections of the streetlight glinting off them. Kagami shakes his head and backs away. His shoe slides on the pavement, gritty and strained as his heel drags a piece of gravel with him.

Aomine advances another step and Kagami matches him, chest heaving faster and faster, expression blank with what looks like horror. Disbelief. Anguish. Denial.

“I’m just sorry you were hurt. I’m sorry for everything.” Kagami puts his face in his hands and Aomine takes a shaky breath, digging his thumbnail into his fist.

“But I can’t go back and change it. That’s why I’m telling you now,” he mumbles, “and if you felt that way for all this time, I just wanted to tell you I feel the same and that if you really did hold a torch, I’m so glad you waited this long.”

“Don’t,” Kagami says into his palms. “I’ll never forgive you if you don’t stop.” 

“'Cause I really like you,” Aomine finishes in a whisper, nervous, because this isn’t going at all like he would’ve hoped.

He doesn’t know how they’re supposed to come back from this, especially with Kagami taking it this hard. He doesn’t know how they’re supposed to go on as friends after today, and for a second he feels terrified, and wonders if that month of Kagami walking out of his life, cutting him out completely, if that’s just going to be his life from now on. If that happens, he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, so if he’s already fucked then there’s no point keeping anything back.

“A couple months ago I couldn’t imagine feeling like this but now I can’t imagine _not_ liking you,” he blurts, and Kagami’s jaw slackens— and Aomine really means that. It’s been such a short time that he’s realized how he feels but he already can’t even remember what it’s like to not love Kagami.

He can’t remember what it’s like to hear Kagami saying _‘Why are you acting like it’s over? I’ll take you on anytime—’_ and the feeling of being pulled out of the quiet depths, a violent splash cutting through the silence and gloom— a blaze of fire, come to save his life. He can’t remember what it’s like to think of that memory and not feel his heart swelling out of control.

“I can’t go back to that again. I can't,” Aomine breathes, the night breeze ruffling his hair and putting goosebumps on his arms. Kagami stands there in silence for a long time, staring with that open expression that Aomine’s seen before in those moments where he’d look at him for too long and Kagami would gaze back—

It just takes longer than usual this time for him to pull away. When he does, his face screws up in bitterness as he shakes his head.

“What the fuck is wrong with you.”

Aomine frowns, discouraged. Kagami’s not supposed to be mad. He’s not supposed to pull away. It’s more than Aomine could’ve hoped for that Kagami loved him back but he would’ve thought he’d be happy to hear that he felt the same way. What else is he supposed to do if he’s told him the truth and Kagami still doesn’t believe him?

Why the hell is Kagami still acting like this is some big trick?

Aomine knows he’s not the best person and he’s been shitty to his friends over the years, but some things were just too cruel, even for him. And breaking Kagami’s heart on purpose— He’d never do that.

So how the fuck can Kagami act like he’s the type of monster who’d do all this as a joke. How the fuck can Kagami think him confessing is a joke. How can he think Aomine’s _heart_ is a joke?

Kagami shows his teeth, furious, looking like an animal backed into a corner, and Aomine squints. Because for a second the wild hysterical thought races through— is he fighting it on purpose?

“You’re so fucked _up_ for this,” he grits out, teeth tightly clenched. His expression is ferocious and aggressive, temper clearly rising. “What are you even getting outta’ this shit? Do you think it’s fucking funny to hurt me?”

Aomine scowls, dismayed, because it’s not supposed to be like this. It’s not supposed to be this hard. They’re seventeen, and if they’re in love, then—

“Stop bullshitting me, Kagami!” he suddenly shouts, and Kagami startles back, fists clenched.

“Do you know how long it’s taken me to get the balls to say this to you? I thought I never would, 'cause I’m too much of a chicken-dick coward to tell you how I felt, but here I am doing it even though I feel like puking, so—”

Aomine gulps and takes a few unsteady breaths, brows furrowed. He gathers himself for a second, then barks, “So don’t be an asshole just ‘cause you’re scared!”

Because he _knows_ what Kagami’s doing. He’s always gotten Kagami because Kagami’s just like him. He runs away from things. He’d rather get mad than scared. He’d rather run away than own up to the fact that he’s afraid to be hurt again. All of this, this vicious attitude and denial, this is just Kagami making excuses.

“You’re the one who’s fucking lying,” Kagami accuses, eyes wild.

“I’m not _lying!”_ Aomine insists, getting frustrated.

“You are so fucked up!” Kagami hollers back, and he shouldn’t have lost his temper because Kagami immediately tops his volume, matching his aggression.

 _“I’ll prove it!”_ Aomine blurts, shouting over him, and that shuts Kagami up, because he seems to absorb that at least. His shoulders drop and he just looks at Aomine for a minute, the mask of anger slipping. For a second it looks like it had gotten through to him on some level, because there’s something vulnerable and defensive in his face. He can’t hide that little gleam of hope that comes creeping through.

“How,” he mumbles uncertainly, small and fragile almost, even though their screaming is still echoing on the empty court. The sun has set completely and even though they’re standing in the ring of light cast onto the court by the streetlamp, Kagami’s front is cast in shadow. Lit from behind like that by the lamppost, Aomine feels breathless looking at him.

 _How,_ Kagami says, like he doesn’t know how Aomine could possibly prove that but hopes beyond hope that he’ll try. Hopes that he’s not just some gullible fool who’s tentatively starting to wonder if this might actually be real.

Hopes that when Aomine says he’ll prove it, that he _can._  

“I will,” Aomine promises, a determination filling his heart at the sight of those big eyes, hesitant and wary, but undeniably _longing._ Fuck if it he isn't going to prove it.

Aomine stares into Kagami’s surprised and bewildered face. “Just you fucking wait,” he says, fired up. Then he turns and stomps away, letting the door clang shut behind him.

When he’s far enough away from the court that he’s left the ring of light glowing down on the pavement and made it into the shadows, he looks back and watches as Kagami stands there on the court by himself, staring after him.

He keeps walking, and he must be out of sight at that point but Kagami keeps looking the way he’d gone. Aomine watches Kagami finally put his head in his hands and pace in a tight circle, once, twice. He sees him punch the gate, rattling the cage on its posts, and then he grips onto it, his forehead pressed against it.

Aomine’s heart pounds, palms damp and shaky, but clenched into determined fists. That had been kind of a disaster of a confession, but hell if he wasn’t going to follow through and win Kagami over.

It’s true, it’s true, it’s true— holy fuck, Kagami loves him.

Just that thought, Kagami waiting for him on the court all alone, sets his heart ablaze. Kagami loves him. And he’s going to make him see that he feels the same way. If Kagami's going to make it a challenge, then he's accepting it, just like always.

Of course he is.

 . . .

 _You take this hand, you take this heart,_  
steal my bones from a thousand miles apart.  
  
_Feels so cold, felt just like it’s ten shades of winter and I need that sun—_

_And I swear it’s you, I swear it’s you, I swear it’s you that my heart beats for,  
and it ain’t gonna’ stop. _


	25. Chapter 25

_There’s a new world somewhere they call the promised land, and I’ll be there someday if you could hold my hand.  
_

_I still need you there beside me no matter what I do—_

. . .  


If you had told Aomine last summer that at some point during the following year that he would spend a weekend breaking his brain trying to figure out how to win the heart of his basketball rival, he would’ve told you to go pound sand.

It’s amazing how much can change in a year. It’s amazing how you can look back and everything seems different. How it can all seem so obvious.

It makes sense too. The way people have always told him that he lights up around Kagami. The way he can go into the zone again, as long as it’s Kagami. The way Kagami plays basketball like no one else can. The way he looks when he jumps from the freethrow line and dunks. The way he can always steal his breath. The way seeing Kagami hold a bug in amazement makes him squirm in boyish excitement. The way Kagami’s had him wrapped around his finger from the beginning. It all makes sense.

Kagami’s big watery eyes staring after him and how they lit a fire in his soul, made him want to stop wishing he could be a better friend, a better person, and finally just _do it—_

It’s never just been about basketball. It’s always been more than that. It’s always been him. It couldn’t have been anyone else.

He’s just gotta’ tell him.

  
    “So you know why I asked you here.”  
  


Tetsu looks up from the vanilla shake he’s bought him. He has to have suspected something like this was coming from the way Aomine had pestered him to meet him here and had even offered to buy him lunch and everything to make sure he’d show. 

They haven’t talked about a lot of what’s happened. They’ve never talked about that night out in the city under the fireworks when Tetsu had seen him looking after Kagami with this forlorn heartbroken expression and suddenly understood everything. They haven’t talked much about Kagami’s fight with Hitoshi outside the gym where he’d told everyone Kagami’s deepest darkest secret. They haven’t talked about it but he knows that Tetsu knows. 

Tetsu knows that both of them like each other, so even though so much has happened in such a short time and even though they haven’t talked about any of it, Tetsu has to know what he’s about to ask.

“I need some advice,” Aomine muttered.

“About Kagami-kun?” Tetsu posits, and Aomine kind of shifts, not bothering to ask how he guessed so easily. “I know you two aren’t talking.” He winces a little.

“How’s he been?” he wonders hesitantly. “Has he talked to you at least?”

“... Yes,” Tetsu admits at length. He doesn’t know what that means or what they’ve talked about, but Aomine doesn’t ask. “Kagami-kun’s taken the last few weeks very hard. He seems better, but I know that he has a lot on his mind.”

“I wanna’ ask him out,” Aomine says succinctly, but stares at the tabletop while he does it. 

“He knows already. That I like him,” he blurts a moment later when Tetsu doesn’t say anything. “So it’s not that I’m tryina’ plan it behind his back, or like, surprise him with it. I’m only telling you ‘cause you already know that we both…” He made some vague gestures with his hands.

Tetsu blinks, and Aomine practically vibrates, gripping his pant legs. He opens his mouth for a second, and Aomine waits. Tetsu closes his mouth again and he groans.

“Ugh c’mon, don’t act like this is unexpected.” He _knows_ that Tetsu already knows and that he’s probably known for way longer than it’s been obvious and for _much_ longer than he’s let on.

It’s a little embarrassing. Even though Tetsu’s already known about his big stupid homo-crush since the summer festival, Aomine still feels weird about it. One, because he’d acted like such an ass back in the beginning and then ended up falling for Kagami anyway, and that’s embarrassing enough— Two, having his buddy who’s known him this long and seen him be boob-crazy over girls and aloof around everyone else, to have Tetsu know he’s really just a softie who’s fallen pathetically hard for a boy, it’s enough to take Aomine down a few pegs. Because, well, being in love is just generally embarrassing.

Mostly he just doesn’t want to be teased. Not that there’s any chance of escaping that.

“It’s not that exactly…” Tetsu put the straw in his mouth and gave Aomine this look. “I think I just didn’t expect you to have the balls,” he said bluntly.

“Shut _up,_ Tetsu,” he gripes under his breath, even though he knows he probably deserves to be roasted a little. “Anyway,” he mutters, pulling at his hair. “Anyway, I… You already know I like him back,” he mumbles, coughing and shifting.

“I wanna’ ask him to, uhh… y’know.”

Tetsu seemed to consider for a moment and then worded carefully, “Are you sure it’s the right time to tell Kagami-kun your feelings, so soon after his breakup?”

Aomine squirmed a little uncomfortably, because it’s crossed his mind. He’s pretty sure that most of Kagami’s negative reaction could be chalked up to Aomine’s bad timing. He knows that, but that doesn’t make any of it less true. 

“You heard what that guy said,” he muttered. “He said Kagami’s liked me all along.” 

“How do you know that he wasn’t just making it up out of jealousy to justify his actions. He hit Kagami-kun because he accused him of trying to cheat with you. It’s not as if he’s going to admit his wrongdoing. Of course he’s going to say Kagami-kun betrayed him in his heart and liked you from the beginning.” Aomine frowns, eyes narrowed, because that makes sense too. 

“Can you be sure he was telling the truth, or was he just trying to hurt Kagami-kun at the final hour by humiliating him in front of all of us.”

Aomine squints, and this nervous thing that still lives inside him that’s frightened to open up and be vulnerable, that thing _doubts_ for several horrible seconds. 

He doubts, but a pair of glowing red eyes that still live in his memory, wary but hopeful, bring him back.

“Do _you_ think he made it up?” Aomine accused and then dismissed the idea. “C’mon, didn’t you see Kagami’s face? Kimura might’ve been bullshitting, but it was definitely real.” 

He shifted a little more. “Besides… I asked Kagami about it later and he basically told me it was true, so—”

“It’s not as if Kagami-kun willingly confessed to you, Aomine-kun. He didn’t mean for you to know.” Aomine pauses. “He’s been very embarrassed about that incident after the game. I suspect you’re the last person he wanted to witness that and it’s no wonder that he’s been avoiding you,” Tetsu says, and when Aomine blinks, he goes on. “What Hitoshi-kun said was clearly very personal and was meant to stay private. For you to come and press him to admit it is probably in poor taste, Aomine-kun.”

“It wasn’t like that!” Aomine blurts, even though yeah, he can see how that kind of sucked. It’s not like Kagami had told him how he felt on purpose, or had even said he wanted to be with him. Aomine had found out by seeing Kagami in what was probably his lowest moment.

Which explained him lashing out like a trapped animal.

“I mean, yeah, I confronted him about it and he did get pretty pissed. He basically told me to fuck off,” Aomine admits, a little abashed for a second. “But that was before I told him I liked him back!” he sputters. “He didn’t know, so...” He picks at the tabletop. “That’s why I need help, because even when I told him afterwards that I felt the same an’ I wasn’t trying to screw with his head, he still just—”

He gave a long sigh, scrubbing at his face when Tetsu just stares pensively and lets him prattle on. “I dunno’ what to do… Are you saying like… Should I just leave him alone then?”

“You said you want to ask him on a date,” Tetsu repeated, and Aomine doesn’t see where this is going. He feels like he’s being talked in circles. Is Tetsu trying to encourage or discourage him? “I don’t understand.” 

Aomine lets out an exasperated huff. “What the fuck, Tetsu, come on. You’re not being very fucking helpful right now.”

“You said Kagami-kun already knows you feel the same way.” Tetsu frowns. “How can that be.”

“Whadda’ you _mean,_ how can that be, Tetsu, I just _told_ you—”

“No, I mean, I don’t understand. You made it sound as though you’ve already confessed to him, but if you did, then why do you need my help to ask him on a date? Where is the disconnect happening.” Tetsu looks thoughtful. “If he already knows you feel the same, why are you two not talking?”

“That’s what I wanna’ know!” Aomine blurts, and then leans forward onto his elbows. “I tried to tell him, and he… he got _mad,”_ he tried to explain. 

“How so?” Tetsu narrowed his eyes. “You have to be leaving some element out, Aomine-kun. Is this like the time you told me you ‘apologized’ and Kagami-kun got angry anyway?”

“No!” Aomine huffed and scratched at the tabletop. “He… he thought it was a joke,” he admits, practically whispering. He looked up and Tetsu’s still squinting thoughtfully. “Like, he thought I was lying just to fuck with him or something.”

“Oh,” Tetsu hummed, as if this is starting to make sense to him. “I see.”

He swallowed and stared at his lap. “He wouldn’t believe me, so—” He looked up and wondered, “How can I get him to trust me?”

Tetsu’s looking at him and Aomine shifts and squirms. “Everything’s been fucked up for months. Mostly ‘cause a’ me, but,” he mumbles, barely intelligible. “I really wanna’ get this right.”

He wants Kagami to trust him. Even knowing that there’s a _chance_ that it could work between them, how can Aomine not throw everything he has into this, into making Kagami fall for him, into telling him he loves him back. He’s got to give it his best shot.

“Can you try to talk to him?” Aomine asks. “If you tell him I’m not fucking with him…” He shrugs uncertainly, “Maybe if he knows I’ve told you that I like him, maybe he’ll know it’s not a joke. Even if he won’t believe me, he knows _you_ wouldn’t fuck with him like that.”

“I’m not sure that would go over well,” Tetsu hums.

“Ugh. I know. I don’t wanna’ piss him off any worse.” Aomine put his hands to his temples. He thinks Tetsu’s right about pressing Kagami, and worries that if he pushes him any more he might just snap under the strain. He doesn’t want to drive him away. He might just end up with a ruined friendship by the end of this.

“When I try to ask him out and confess again, what can I do to make him trust me?” 

Aomine wonders for a minute if Tetsu’s going to refuse to help him, because he looks dubious and sort of hesitant, but in the end, looking into Aomine’s serious and determined face, he nods, and they sit in Maji’s and brainstorm together.

Clearly, talking to Kagami is just making it worse, because every time Aomine opens his big dumb mouth things go to shit. If he’s going to prove that he means what he says, then he’s going to have to _show_ it. But how.

Tetsu thinks for a long time and then finally says, “I do have one idea.”

         It’s a damn good one too. Of course it is. It’s Tetsu.

 

That same afternoon, Aomine goes back to the theater. 

He picks through the gravel outside meticulously, searches the parking lot, and even a little of the surrounding woods. He goes inside and asks the manager if there’s any lost and found items from the past month, a silver ring, a cheap necklace chain?

He tries to remember when he'd last seen it for sure. When they were in the theater, he distinctly remembers seeing it. When those two were making out in the dark during the movie, he’d seen Hitoshi gripping the chain in his hand, using it to tug Kagami forward.

Afterwards when the ring had turned up missing, even though Hitoshi had done a great job acting innocent, Aomine had always suspected that he might’ve had something to do with it— that the ring wasn’t really _lost._ That he might’ve taken it on purpose and then pretended not to know where it had gone.

When he and Kagami had broken up, Aomine had resigned himself to never knowing for sure what had really happened to the ring. At least now he knows that Hitoshi hadn’t stolen it, if what he’d said about wishing he could’ve thrown it away himself could be taken as truth — but even if he hadn’t taken it himself, he’d still fessed up to knowing when the necklace had broken, which makes him a jerk because he hadn’t told Kagami shit.

That aside, at least that meant that Hitoshi didn’t physically _have the ring_ and didn’t know where it had ended up. That meant it was actually lost.

Which means there’s a chance it could still be here.

“Can I look in theater six?” he asks, and they let him go in and look. He walks in with one of the employees, who is sweeping up after a showing. Aomine heads directly to the row where he remembers sitting and checks under their seats, but of course, there’s nothing.

He’d been stupid to hope he might still find it, because it’s been this long, and if something that small gets misplaced, it’s pretty much gone for sure. It sucks, because he _knows_ Kagami was still wearing it when they’d been in here watching that spy movie. He’d _seen it._

He’d really hoped that it would show up. He knows how much Kagami loves that thing— and even now, misses wearing it.

Aomine lets out a long sigh, grumbling and getting to his feet, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets so roughly that the junk he has stuffed in there spills out. A couple gum wrappers and a coin, which hits the ground and bounces, beginning to roll away.

He gripes and groans about it, leaning down to grab his trash, but all of a sudden he blinks. He squats down and then narrows his eyes.

The coin has rolled all the way down to the front of the room, past the first row of seats. Aomine heads down the aisle up to where the humongous canvas screen is mounted. Right where the sloping floor ends and meets the front wall, Aomine crouches down and picks up his coin. Then he tentatively places his hands along the seam underneath the board.

_“Maybe—?’_

He grimaces, pulling his fingers back when his nails meet a mystery combination of dust and crumbs, it’s really gross. He crouches down to get a better look and turns on his phone light, and all of a sudden, no shit, he sees it like a yard down to the right. There it is.

The flashlight is reflecting off the big metal chunk, plain as day. He crawls over, plucks it off the ground, and takes a look at it, laying there in his palm, and it’s really it. It’s Kagami’s ring. Holy shit, he actually found it.  
  
He grips it in his fist and grins. 

  
     It’s all downhill from there. Mostly.

 

  
“Satsuki, I need your help.”

 

She looks up in surprise, because nine times out of ten, she’s the one busting into his room and not the other way around. If he kicks her door open and scares the piss out of her, he’s either being dumb or something’s up, and if he’s asked her for help, something is _up—_

“What’s the matter, Dai-chan?”

“Don’t talk till I’m finished, okay?” He waits until she says okay, and then gives her the side-eye. “Promise?” She nods.

“Okay, so," he huffs. "You know how you’re always saying that when I fall in love with a girl you wanna’ be the first to know so you can keep me from fucking it up?” Her eyes start to light up and she looks ready to burst already, hands flying to her cheeks. 

This part is harder. He’s not sure what she’s going to do, so he shuffles around for a little bit to stall and finally mumbles, “You know how Kagami broke up with his boyfriend?”

She freezes and stares at him wide-eyed, and for a second his heart stops, an anxious twist to his gut, but then she starts squealing and wiggling and the vise releases. Aomine smiles and reaches in his pocket, triumphantly holding up Kagami’s ring on a brand-new shiny silver chain.

She finally can’t take it anymore and absolutely _bursts_ but Aomine doesn’t care, grinning excitedly.

“Quit hugging me, I’m tryina’ be serious here!” 

Auntie lets him stay the night even though Satsuki’s parents don’t let him sleep over in her room anymore now that they’re older, so he and Satsuki set up in the living room and spend all night laying around out there, blabbing and snacking as he fills her in on what she’s missed— because he’d come to get her help and advice, but mostly he’s just feeling like an overinflated balloon, bursting with excitement, and wants to share that. Maybe with her most of all.

He’s been so caught up in everything that he hasn’t really told her about Akashi’s party, about the Seirin game incident, about telling Kagami he felt the same, any of it— He hasn’t even visited to make sure she’s taking care of her goldfishes properly, and part of that was just him being a stubborn lazy stupid-ass who’s treated her badly since middle school and acted like he doesn’t care, but he does, and this always happens because like it or not, she knows him, and no matter how he avoids it they always come full circle.

He sums it up first — _‘So I wanna’ ask Kagami out. He just broke up with his boyfriend and I found out he’s liked me for all this time but when I tried to tell him I like him back, he didn’t believe me. I have to prove it to him.’_  

After that he goes through it all in more detail, something that takes hours and a lot of griping and moaning, and honestly it feels good to just rant about it, unhinged and high on soda fumes and the cakes from Auntie’s cupboard.

He’s glad he’s got her, because she’d helped him with that apology before, and even though he mostly hadn’t followed her advice in that situation and fucked it up worse before it got better, it had ended up working in the end.

“So basically,” he said after they’re both gross and covered in cracker crumbs and Satsuki’s doing her toenail polish in this stupid gigantic shirt and pajama pants, “I told you all that ‘cause I wanna’ try again, and when I do…” He sighs.

He wants to be heartfelt and sincere— wants to show Kagami he really loves him a lot. He wants to be sweet, and he knows he’s not sweet, so obviously he needs some help. Satsuki’s a girl, and girls know about romance.

“I wanna’ do this right, so help me figure out somethin’ nice to do.”

“Let me think,” Satsuki hums. “Is there anything that means a lot to you both?”

Aomine blinks. Is she messing with him or something? Like, is this a trick question? 

He picks his head up and squints at her, and she waits. “...” Aomine opens his mouth, thinks, and then closes it. “... Basketball?” he finally guesses hesitantly, and Satsuki starts laughing. He scowls immediately.

“Can you work that into your confession?”

“... So… like… Ask him for a one-on-one?” he wonders. This is not the advice he’d been expecting. He’d expected some sort of magical high-school romance guide straight from the source, because girls practically study romance, don’t they?

If she’s trying to nudge him towards working through this on his own, he knows that she’s going to have to dumb it down, but not _that_ far down. How the hell is basketball in any way a good way to confess?

“Where are you going with this,” he mutters, eyes narrowed in annoyance. “C’mon Satsuki, I thought you were gonna’ suggest getting him a present and a love-card or something.”

“That’s perfect!”

“Wait, no!” he sputters. “Ugh. No.”

“Dai-chan, you romantic!” she coos. “You really love Kagamin, don’t you! I’ve been so worried thinking you were never going to fall in love, and here you were all along. It’s no wonder you’re so attached to him, it all makes sense, you even want to give him a homemade card—!”

Ears hot, Aomine bursts, “Satsuki, shut _up._  Stop squealing, that’s so annoying!”

“Eek!” she continues, rolling around on the floor, and Aomine groans, but can’t help but smile begrudgingly. “I’m so excited for you!”

“Don't get excited yet, I'm not sure that he’s gonna’ say yes… He told me to fuck off before.”

“You didn’t have a plan before. This time you’re going to charm him with your romantic heart!”

“So I’m fucked.”

“Dai-chan, you can do this! Just say what you said to me that time.” She deepens her voice, and it’s only after he hears what she’s saying that he realizes she’s pretending to be him, _“Kagamin, do you believe in fate?”_

He cuts her off, the blood going to his head way too fast. Shit, he had said that, hadn’t he. “Satsuki, oh my god, just—”

Satsuki’s dad sticks his head out into the hall, bleary-eyed, and hushes them.

“Sorry,” they whisper.

They lay there on the ground in silence for a couple moments, staring at each other, and Aomine finally squirms uncertainly, mouth drawn wide in a grimace.

“I don’t wanna’ do anything super... y'know. Showy. He’ll just think I’m bullshitting, Satsuki,” Aomine mumbles, much quieter, picking at the floor mats. “Plus that’s just not me. He already thinks I’m fucking around, so I can’t scare him off by being _weird._ He has to know I mean it.”

“Are you sure you wanna’ do this, Dai-chan.”

He squints. “What do you mean.”

“He’s good for you,” Satsuki says, but with that analytic tone that lets him know she’s building up to something. “Everyone’s seen the change in you since you two first met. I should’ve guessed you’d fall in love with him. But are you sure you’re ready for what that means?” 

Aomine’s eyebrow twitches. Tetsu had done the same thing. It’s like they were trying to talk him out of it. 

“What do you know about being a boyfriend? Have you ever even done anything nice for him before? What are you even going to do if he accepts your feelings?”

He slowly lets his shoulders slacken. He hasn’t thought that far ahead really. It feels scary, and exciting, and wonderful, and terrifying. Being Kagami’s boyfriend, it sounds like the most petrifying amazing thing imaginable, but it’s hard to actually _visualize,_ because all he knows about being with Kagami is his past experience as his rival, and the little glimpses he’d gotten of him with Hitoshi.

He seems tender-hearted. Loving. Giving. Patient. But he’d known that already. He just doesn’t know what it’ll be like to have Kagami being like that to _him._

“Have you even thought this through?” Satsuki wonders, brow creasing. “You want to confess, but what about afterwards. You’re just going to win Kagamin’s heart and tell everyone that you’ve changed your mind about liking Mai-chan?”

“No way!” he denies reflexively, “Mai-chan’s off limits.”

“People are going to know,” Satsuki says more seriously, and Aomine feels something in his gut twist. “Auntie might find out. Are you ready for what people are going to say?”

“You’re the one who’s told me I shouldn’t care and that all that matters is…” Aomine cleared his throat. “I’m not ashamed to like Kagami, so… whoever has a problem with it’ll get these fists.”

He knows it’s not going to be as simple as that, and he’s not sure how he feels about people finding out— he’s not very confident about the idea, but it’s not going to stop him trying to be with Kagami. 

She seems sort of pleased with that answer. It’s not like Aomine’s going to get Kagami’s hopes up and start dating him only to duck out when he gets embarrassed. Even though he knows it’s probably going to be hard. “I’m tryina’ play for keeps, Satsuki,” he mutters.

“What about Kagami though. Are you even sure you know what it’ll be like if your rivalry changes?”

He lets out a short groan, because this is not the time to try and make him doubt. “I dunno’ Satsuki, look, I’m already stuck, okay? That’s why I came to you, so you’re not exactly boosting my confidence here. I’ll figure the rest of that out later, okay? Sheesh.”

She gives him another skeptical look and he mutters, a little abashed, “I just wanna’ do right by him.”

“You’re always the one telling me you’re not exactly prime boyfriend material. Even if seeing you like this is the sweetest thing in the entire world, you two don’t exactly have the smoothest track record for getting along.”

“I’ll learn,” he says stubbornly. “Whatever, I’ll do whatever the fuck I have to. He’s worth it to me.” The corners of her mouth turn up involuntarily, and it’s a little embarrassing, but he huffs out a breath and rasps, “Satsuki, fuck, when I see him, it’s like my heart is a basketball.”

She’s quiet for a second. “... Round and hard?”

“No!” Aomine groans. “Ugh. C’mon, Satsuki. You know what I’m saying. How can I win him over?”

“Well that’s an easy one, Dai-chan.” Why is she smiling like that. 

“... It is?” It sure as fuck doesn’t sound easy to him. “What are you seein’ here, Satsuki.”

  
“Just tell him everything you’ve just said to me.”  
  


    Well, if that’s all.  
  
  


By the time Aomine gets ready to try again, a week or so has gone by. Kagami hasn’t avoided him completely during that time, but it’s been a little strained.

They haven’t hung out alone or anything, but Kagami’s deigned to show his face when the gang all met in a group at a steakhouse. He’s come to Maji’s with him and Tetsu and played some basketball on the courts with him and some other guys— Maybe he feels that there’s safety in numbers or something and that as long as they’re around other people, Aomine won’t bring it up again.

Even so, Kagami’s been acting awfully subdued around him. He keeps giving him the side-eye, like he’s searching for anything that will tell him one way or the other if Aomine’s lying or telling the truth. Every time they make eye contact, Kagami’s gaze darts down, but not before Aomine gets an instant of seeing this uncertain look on his face, a mixture of confusion and disappointment — like he’s waiting for Aomine to make a move and is uncertain whether he was ever actually going to.

More than that, when they talk, even though everything seems like the usual bickering, it feels like Kagami’s sort of ashamed that Aomine knows about his feelings and can’t go on as normal, because even though he’s almost like he always is, he keeps looking away, backing down, hesitating. He’s scared having Aomine know. Maybe he thinks Aomine’s going to tell everyone else and humiliate him, or he’s suspicious that he’s going to try for the long con and keep fucking around with him. It’s like he still won’t let himself even consider the possibility that Aomine meant it.

Aomine’s got everything ready, he knows what he has to do, and it’s time to just _say it._ Even if Kagami doesn’t believe him. Even if Kagami thinks it’s shit and doesn’t wanna’ be with him, Aomine wants to at least try.

Eventually he manages to catch him alone. Some might refer to it as purposefully cornering him, but Aomine prefers to think of it as strategic. Besides, with the way Kagami kept avoiding the inevitable, he’d run out of options.

They’re some ways from Kagami’s apartment. It’s the early afternoon and the ground is dappled as the sun shines through the clouds. He knows Kagami likes to come jogging out here at this park. Aomine came with his sports bag, hoping to play a little basketball and then confess later on when things feel right. Trying to force it prematurely will kill the romance, so he’s been told.

“Kagami,” he says, approaching him where he’s stopped under a tree to get a drink and enjoy the shade — and he can see immediately that trying to do it spontaneously isn’t going to work because Kagami already knows what he’s going to say. He can tell from the way his shoulders tense up just hearing his voice. He knows what he’s trying to do. This is why as much as he’s looked disappointed over the past week that Aomine hasn’t said anything to him yet, he’s still tried to delay this moment because he _knows_ and dreads what’s coming.

Aomine groans a little, because he hasn’t even said anything yet and Kagami already looks ticked, and if that's the case, this isn't going to go any better than last time. 

“Just wait, we’ve gotta’ talk,” he says. “You know we have to talk.”

“You’re fixina’ get your ass kicked.”

“C’mon, untwist.”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone,” Kagami begins, still relatively calm for how much he’s already bristling at Aomine’s approach. “Do you need to see me hit rock-bottom before you’re satisfied?”

“Kagami,” he tries, hot and irritated, because he hasn’t come here to fight. “Just lemme’ talk.”

“Don’t fuck with me,” Kagami demands, and he looks like he’s seriously considering decking him. “If you don’t stop fucking with me I’m never gonna’ forgive you,” he swears.

“I’m not,” Aomine says. “I’ll prove it.”

“You can’t,” Kagami grits out, nasty and bitter, and this is why Aomine had known he would need that something extra. Because if they’re at the point where Kagami’s already decided that he’s full of shit, then he’s not going to listen to anything Aomine says after that. In fact, if he tried to confess right now, it’d probably just piss him off even worse.

So Aomine stands there feeling a little like the guy staring down the angry bull, because that’s really how Kagami looks right now, shoulders set, feet apart, fists clenched, mouth contorted harshly. With the sun blazing through his hair and reflecting off his eyes like twin flames, his gaze cutting into his with all the fury and intensity of the zone, Kagami bares his teeth.

He sees all that anger and he thinks of a cord so knotted and tangled with disgust and denial that it can’t be undone— He thinks of that cord sizzling and hissing as a red spark races down it, the wick to a stick of dynamite— 

And when it explodes, the brightest firecracker in the sky, what’s left in the center. What’s there that he’s been trying so hard to hide. 

There’s only one thing to call it.

“Lemme’ try,” he hears himself say, unabashed in the face of Kagami’s temper.

Kagami doesn’t seem to know what to say to that, scowl loosening minutely for the moment it takes Aomine to reach into his bag. He grabs the corner of an envelope he has tucked in there and pulls it out, taking a second to unbend it when he sees that it got slightly crumpled on the way over.

He holds it out and Kagami just stares at it, eyes narrowed.

“What is this,” he asks suspiciously, shoulders lowering minutely as he glares up at Aomine.

“Open it.”

Kagami slowly reaches out and takes it, ripping the top of the envelope and opening it up apprehensively, like he’s ready to find some sort of note that says _‘psyche’_ on it or Aomine’s attempt to spell the word ‘loser’ in English. Jokes on him because Aomine can’t spell _lose,_ but he can spell _love._

Kagami stares down into the envelope for a second and then looks up at Aomine with his lips parted. “This is…” He looks back down and then reaches in, swallowing, lifting out his ring, complete with the new chain. He takes it out and inspects it, seeming to recognize that it’s really his ring and not a replica. 

He numbly repeats, “You found it,” eyes wide and awed.

Aomine rubs the back of his neck, suddenly feeling a little sheepish. “Yeah… You were so bummed out about it that I went back an’—”

Kagami tackles him, and for a second Aomine freezes up, shoulders stiff, but when he sees the look on his face, the blinding smile, he relaxes in his grip. Kagami’s squeezed him in such a tight hug that he’s lifted him off the ground a little.

When he lets go, Aomine stumbles back, dazed and dopey, heart fluttering. He watches as Kagami excitedly puts the chain on, the envelope falling away and blowing across the ground in the slight breeze, moving like a scuttling crab.

Kagami closes his hand around the ring, tugging on the chain a little, presses his fist to his mouth. “I thought it was lost for good,” he mutters. “How the hell did you find it?”

He looks up at Aomine, eyes bright with disbelief and elation. At a loss for words, he laughs breathlessly, “Aomine, I…”

Aomine tentatively draws a little closer to him, and Kagami swallows, smile falling. He stops there and Kagami shies back a step, eyes darting down for a second. He seems uncertain, like he doesn’t know what to make of this or what’s going to happen now. Aomine’s done something completely unexpected and it’s plain as day on his face that he’s wondering _why._

“You didn’t have to do that,” he mumbles, and looks at Aomine like he’s never seen him before.

Aomine felt a little embarrassed then. “It was Tetsu’s idea,” he admits, and his awkwardness seems to make Kagami lower his guard for some reason. “I knew how much it meant and… Well, you couldn’t replace it, so.”

“Thanks,” Kagami says, brimming with emotion, sincerity, relief, gratitude. “Thank you,” he repeats softer, hanging onto the ring and pulling on it for a couple more seconds.

Aomine’s heart is in his throat so instead of trying to say anything and probably getting some super embarrassing voice-crack, he just smirks a little and rudely shoulder-checks Kagami on his way past him. Kagami snorts and shoves him back, and in doing so, he seems to release ten thousand pounds off his shoulders. And without all that weight, his entire body relaxes, buoyant and springy as he falls in stride with Aomine, a breathless grin on his face, bright and relieved.

“Let’s go eat and then hit the court.”

There’s a special one near Kagami’s apartment. It’s got a cage around it and a bench bolted in on the side with a little metal overhang above it. There’s weeds growing around the edges of the fence and at the base of the hoops, the net having rotted away in the weather ages ago. This is where they always played last summer when Aomine just stayed over for entire weekends at a time.

The tense atmosphere seems to have dissipated, insofar that Kagami has put his fangs away. Now it’s uncomfortable in an entirely different way. They’re not about to break out in a fight at any moment, but it’s still a little awkward, because they don’t talk much on the way. 

Aomine’s got his hands in his pockets, lip stuck out petulantly, because this is the farthest he’s gotten and every inch of his body is tingling and buzzing with anticipation.

Kagami still seems a little suspicious, continuously shooting quiet tentative glances at Aomine, like he’s trying to figure him out and is really starting to hope that _maybe—?_

It’s a lot of pressure, actually, now that they’re not fighting. Because fighting and being mad is always easier. Being true to some real feelings, being vulnerable and opening up, that’s hard. 

So for now, Aomine just keeps stubbornly silent and tries to build some confidence, because he’ll need that in a little bit. For now he’s content to walk next to Kagami, warm breeze blowing their bangs back and gently pulling at their shirts. For now, that much is fine— 

They go into the convenience store together and Kagami grabs the drinks a few coolers down from him, bottles clinking as he rummages for the fizzy peach ones at the back. He’s grabbed a watermelon one for him from the looks of it, which makes his heart skip a beat. Aomine grabs the snacks, standing in front of the fridges sweaty-palmed and dry-mouthed. He picks the onigiri. 

Tuna-mayo for him. Pickled plum for Kagami.

They walk to the court together and eat. They even play a couple games. Aomine knows that he’s just stalling because he’s nervous, and he can tell Kagami’s waiting anxiously too from the way he keeps giving him the side-eye.

Finally when they’re sitting on the ground against the fence taking a breather, the sun a gentle touch on their bare shoulders, Aomine turns his head and he and Kagami are looking into each other’s eyes again. He takes a deep breath, heart swelling up with his chest when he watches Kagami swallow, his brown eyes flicking down uncomfortably for a second, but then meeting his again, uncertain and the tiniest bit hopeful—

It feels like the right moment, so Aomine steels himself and then reaches into his gym bag.

He feels like an idiot, but he’d followed Satsuki’s advice. He’d even carried a school folder in his bag to keep it from getting fucked up on the way here. He pulls it out without even looking at it and thrusts it at Kagami, staring resolutely in the other direction.

When he doesn’t feel it leave his hand, he peeks an eye up and sees Kagami looking at it uncertainly, so Aomine shakes it a little. He finally takes it.

It’s a handmade card. He watches as Kagami stares at him for a second, blank and uncomprehending, and then looks down at it. The front has a basketball on it, because of course it does. When he opens it up, he’s confronted with another basketball in the shape of a heart with Kagami’s jersey number colored on top, along with the words — _‘You’re a TEN.’_

The right half of the card has a little drawing of a tiger eating a hamburger, which Kagami stares at for a long time, eyes lighting up with recognition. He looks at Aomine with a sort of speechless awe, and Aomine should be pleased about it, but instead he squirms and groans uncomfortably, feeling stupid and kind of embarrassed — because this is probably the cheesiest thing he’s ever done in his life. Why had he thought this was a good idea. This is so stupid and awful, Kagami’s never going to think he’s cool again after doing something this lame.

Kagami just keeps gaping at him for a minute, and Aomine’s heart flutters out of control. Then he looks back down at the card again and his brow starts to furrow and his grip starts to make the paper quiver, and Aomine’s stomach suddenly drops, because Kagami looks like he’s about to crumple it up.

He gives Aomine this incensed look, and Aomine felt disappointed and kind of frustrated, because for a second there he’d thought being that lame and loserly and sappy was going to be worth it — because for a second Kagami had actually looked caught off guard again. _Touched_ even.

Kagami glares at him for a long time, jaw clenched in silence like he’s trying to keep his cool but wants to figure Aomine out. “Why are you doing this?” he finally demands.

It sticks in his throat for a second, and he thinks about brushing it off, but Kagami’s waiting, and _it’s time to let it go, Aomine—_

So he does, and the knot unravels, and the thing that’s in the middle of all of it, it feels naked and vulnerable, but he’s been hanging onto it for so long, and to be honest, this should be the easy part, because really, the thing waiting there in his heart, it’s always been Kagami. What else could it be.

“Cause’ I like you,” he admits under his breath, fiddling with his shoelace as he mumbles, “I wanna’ date you.”

He hasn’t said it out loud to Kagami that directly before, and his heart is pounding inside his mouth, his tongue feeling too big, he can’t even fucking swallow. Kagami just stares at him for a second, his lips parted on a breath that he’d probably meant to let out yelling at him, but he’s just frozen there.

Aomine watches as Kagami’s face slowly starts to change color, flushing pink across his nose and on the tips of his ears and spreading to his cheeks and forehead. Kagami makes this expression like he’s trying not to cry, not to scream, not to throw up, his mouth screwing up shakily and his eyes scrunching. He takes a slow forced breath and looks down at the card again. Aomine’s heart is thumping quick and shallow like a butterfly’s wingbeat.

Kagami’s face softens for a moment when he looks at the tiger, striped cheeks stuffed with cheeseburgers, and Aomine swells up with hope, but then Kagami scowls and shakes his head, as if to snap out of it. 

“No,” he growls. “Stop fucking saying that, I’m not gonna’ fall for it.” He slaps the card down on the ground next to him and gets up, pacing a few steps across the hot pavement and pulling on his hair. “This is a prank.”

Aomine stares up at him incredulously for a second and then finally lets Kagami have it. “Seriously Kagami?” he blurts, loud and annoyed. “What kinda’ fucked-up asshole do you think I am? Why the _fuck_ would I go that far just to hurt you,” he demands. 

“You think I’d— I’d…” He stands up too and gets in Kagami’s face, jabbing him in the chest, “What, I’d make you open up just so I can stab you in the back like that?”

“You did it before,” Kagami growls under his breath, vicious and mean, and Aomine backs down, shoulders dropping, because that was a low blow.

“... I told you why I did what I did,” he mutters, looking away, because he’s still a little guilty over how he’d acted in the beginning, especially now. He still feels bad, but Kagami’s already forgiven him, so he thinks it’s a cheap shot to bring it up again now. 

“You said you understood.” 

“...” Kagami looked away and let a short huff out of his nose. After a second, he backs down too. “Fuck, I know. Okay, that wasn’t fair,” he admits, taking a few unsteady breaths and fisting his hand in the hair right on top of his head. He stares down at his shoes, and Aomine stands there awkwardly, at a loss. “Look, I just…”

Finally he peeks at Aomine through his bangs, hesitant and tense, fists coiled tight. “How… How’m I supposed to trust you,” he mumbles slowly, and Aomine felt this horrible swell of hope again, hope and excitement and nervousness. 

He can see that Kagami wants it to be true, wants to believe him, but Aomine already told him he likes him, already tried to show him and that wasn’t good enough. He doesn’t know what more he can do. It makes him feel helpless and shaky and he hates it, because it’s _fucked,_ okay?

So of course, he starts yelling, which is what he’s _not_ supposed to do under any circumstance, because he’s trying to confess, he’s supposed to be nice and coax Kagami to poke his fucking snail foot out of his shell, he’s supposed to convince him that he loves him back by being, y’know, _loving—_ he’s not supposed to be an ass and start a fight—

But he fucking does it anyway, because he’s always been a little dumb like that. 

“Cry me a fucking river, Kagami!” he hollers out of nowhere and Kagami startles a little.

“The fuck, man,” he wheezes, but Aomine’s past caring— 

“No, just quit your bullshit, okay?!” he yells, and Kagami just glares. “You were the one who got on my ass about handling my goddamn issues, well join the fucking club! So quit acting like you’re the only one who’s scared to show how they feel! I feel like I’m gonna’ throw _up,_ Kagami!” he whines, knotting his fist up and pressing it against his gut.

“...” Kagami gives him a long hard look and then huffs angrily, glaring at his shoes.

Aomine shook his head, shoulders hanging in disappointment. “I thought you’d be happy,” he finally mutters, but it feels stupid now. 

Kagami seems to take a long time to swallow that, the anger fading into something that looks resigned and tired and a little bit wounded. “So… you made it up ‘cause, what… You were trying to make me feel better?”

“No!” Aomine blurts, clawing at his face, because oh my fucking god— “No, are you a fucking dumbass?!”

His voice loses the irritation and the fight and comes out quick and breathless, “I thought you’d be happy ‘cause… Well, when _I_ heard you felt the same, I was… I felt like—” 

He’d felt like his heart would burst.

That’s really lame and heartfelt and more than he’d meant to admit, but it’s true, so why take it back. All the same, he pauses, biting his tongue.

He looks up to find Kagami staring at him, agape, and the second he does, Kagami immediately avoids his eyes. Aomine feels like the breath is punched out of him when he sees Kagami’s lips quiver, just a tiny bit.

“Whoa, hey, I—” He puts his hands up, aghast, voice going high and wrenched. “I’m not tryina’…” Kagami hangs his head, hand coming up to cover his face, and Aomine clams up, hands closing and hanging there, rigid as his whole body cringes.

 _‘Shit,’_ he thinks, panicked. _‘Shit—’_

“Aomine, I—” Kagami get out, and then pauses, the back of his hand over his mouth. His lashes are sticking together.

He opens his mouth to say it’s fine. To apologize. To tell him it’s okay. But nothing comes out. 

“I didn’t want you to find out like that,” Kagami mutters. He finally admits it to him and Aomine immediately regrets it, because Kagami sounds so broken up that it hurts to listen to. “I never wanted you to know.”

“Kagami,” he tries.

Kagami sniffs sharply and shakes his head. “It’s too late,” he laughs, but it’s a bad laugh. “You already figured out my secret. But don’t make me say it.”

“Why not,” he breathes, voice shrinking up too small to make it past his lips.

“Because if this is fake, I can’t just take it back,” Kagami grits out, raw and messy. “I can’t just laugh this one off and get over it, okay? This isn’t like the other times, so please, just—” He looks away and is obviously trying really hard to keep it together, but he can’t. “... Please when…”

He puts his hands to his face, embarrassed and upset about getting this emotional. He hangs his head, and Aomine feels a little choked up too, staring in speechless horror.

“Can we just go home and pretend none of this happened and go back to playing basketball like always,” Kagami chokes out, voice cracked and watery. He’s hanging onto his ring, clenching it in his fist. “Please, just pretend you never found out.”

Something inside his chest aches, seeing him like that. It feels like toothpicks in his throat. Like ripping something out.

It makes him think of when he’d first heard Kagami felt the same. When he’d first realized that Kagami loved him so much that apparently even though he’d moved on and fallen for another boy, something inside of him hung on. Something substantial enough that the other boy had realized that the halls in Kagami’s heart had some occupied rooms. It makes him think of last summer, memories that he’s going to take with him forever. 

He doesn’t know how he’d ever be able to let go of that, and maybe that’s why Kagami’s taking it so hard— He loves Aomine so much that he doesn’t want to say goodbye. Doesn’t want it to be over.

Swallowing hard, Aomine took a minute to keep his cool, and then murmured, “How can I pretend something like that.”

“Because,” he rasped, low and strained. “If I say it and you walked away—” Aomine takes a slow breath, because he knows what it feels like. He knows.

“I…” Kagami inhales and picks his head up, eyes red-rimmed and puffy as he looks him in the face. His voice is so small that it’s almost unrecognizable. “If you left my life, I couldn’t replace you.” Aomine stares, achy heart thudding.

“Ever,” he wrenches out, pitiful and sad.

Aomine’s lips part and Kagami shifts and looks down. He sniffs, a long gross one that he wipes with the back of his hand. A bit steadier, he croaks out, “I’ve spent this long telling myself it’ll never happen. So don’t lemme’ get my hopes up now. Please.” 

He sounds like he’s begging. Begging Aomine to step back from the edge. Begging him not to take him there if it’s not for real. Begging him to just let it go.

“Kagami.” He sniffs again, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes hard. “Look at me.”

He looks, and Aomine just takes it in. Just keeps looking into his flushed damp face, blotchy and pink, his tired weepy eyes. In that one minute before he closes up again, that moment where he’s still ripped open and too fucked up to keep the walls up, he looks like he’s waiting for something, waiting for Aomine to smirk and say it was all a joke. But he doesn’t, he just stands there and meets his wet eyes, because he takes his breath away.

Kagami’s fucking had it, because his teeth grit, his mouth contorts in anger, and his shoulder tense like he wants to punch Aomine in the face. All the frustration and hurt and anger builds up to a fever pitch, and he can see it all right there— 

_‘How dare you do this. How long are you gonna’ drag this out. Do you really need to see me break?’_

They’ve always gotten each other, but at that moment, he thinks he understands Kagami more than he ever has, because Kagami’s fighting this so hard and it reminds him of how he’d felt back at the beginning, this nasty convoluted mess in his gut.

It took him this long to work through his own issues and there's plenty more left over. It had really sucked at times, but if he could go back— There’s a lot he would change if he could do it over, but the falling in love with Kagami, if he could go back, he’d do that part again.

Knowing Kagami feels the same, how can he pretend for even one more day.

“I like you back,” he says, and that time it actually comes out easy as breathing. 

It feels natural, and it must _sound_ natural too, because Kagami looks disarmed, temper fading again as quickly as it had come on.

“How’m I supposed to believe you,” Kagami murmurs quietly, but his eyes are opening up just a tiny bit, shining with hope— and Aomine can see that he knows already deep down. There’s no way that he doesn’t. Kagami’s an idiot but he’s not stupid.

Why else would he have noticed and remembered about the tiger and the hamburger thing. Why else would he have gone back and tried to find his ring again. Why would Aomine go this far, telling him all this and doing these things if it was just some stupid fucked-up joke. There’s only one explanation, and he can see Kagami already knows.

 

“If I hadn’t met you, I dunno’ what I’d be doing right now,” he mutters, watching Kagami’s hands clench, “I might not even be playing basketball.”

They stand there on the court together, the clouds blowing overhead. The shadows they cast on the ground float over Kagami’s face, the wind rustling his hair. Aomine just meets his breathless stare, stomach clenched, heart on fire, mind made up.

“You know that I waited for a rival for ages. I fucking gave up, Kagami,” he admits, shaking his head helplessly. “You came outta’ nowhere. I waited so goddamn long, and then you showed up, and everything just… got better.”

And once Kagami gave him a real fight, everything was different. It was the first time he’d enjoyed a game in so long, the excitement taking him into the cool depths, slowly sinking towards the door—

It was only afterwards that he’d realized the worthy opponent he’d waited for, the rival he’d sought, that was the reason, that was the second condition, his trigger for entering the zone— _‘It’s you. It’s always been you.’_

“The zone…” He picks his eyes up to Kagami’s. “I couldn’t get there for so long, and then I just—” he trails off, straightening up. “You… You’re the one I’ve looked for. I just couldn’t see it,” he murmured. Kagami fists uncurl.

“How can I not at least try.”

Kagami puts his foot back as Aomine approaches, but doesn’t retreat any further, standing there, spine rigid, hands shaky, like he’s as nervous and scared and excited as Aomine is. 

Aomine rubs his hair with both palms. “I’m a total ass. I know. Everything’s still really fucked up. I mean, I probably should’ve given it some time.”

He licks his lips nervously and then, more tender and gentle than he’d known he could be, mumbles, “But Kagami… What do you think about… us?”

“...” Kagami’s lips are parted, and everything in his face has gone soft with disbelief. He suspects the only reason he’d finally gotten to say all that to him was because Kagami’s completely speechless. He still is. The only way he can count the seconds passing is by the shape of the clouds overhead passing across Kagami’s body. Big and broad as he is, he’s standing there like he expects the court to fall out from beneath him at any second.

“Was it a joke then, what he said?” he prompts when Kagami doesn’t respond. “You like me, right? And you never had the courage to tell me,” Aomine prods, feeling a little weak on his feet himself, but the adrenaline bolsters his confidence. “Well this is it.”

A breeze blows through, sending his paper card skating a few feet before it comes to a rest by some dandelions. It’s a summer afternoon and a basketball’s rolling across the ground, his rival is facing him across the court, the sun is shining down through the cloud cover, and this is really it — _I’m holding my heart out to you._

“If it’s true an’ you like me, I’m telling you I feel the same,” he blurts breathlessly, backing away and spreading his arms. 

“So come to me.”

Kagami gapes at him as Aomine picks up the basketball and spins it on his finger. He flashes his teeth and then holds it at chest-level. “If you can,” he jabs, because he’s always been a little bit of an asshole.

Aomine checks the ball to him and Kagami catches it on reflex, standing there motionless. Aomine waits, arms up for what’s come a thousand times, Kagami checking the basketball back to him. 

 _If it’s true, if you really like me, then come to me—_ Kagami seems to get it, because they’ve always gotten each other. He knows what this means. Knows what Aomine’s looking for. And maybe it’s stupid, but really, how had he ever thought confessing with anything but basketball was acceptable.

He waits, hands open in front of him, ready for the ball.

Kagami grips it, fingertips digging in, and he seems to steel himself, furrowing his brow and taking a thick gulp. Then he checks the ball back almost viciously, snapping it across the pavement at him. Aomine catches it as it slams into his chest, stinging his palms.

Kagami’s lips are pressed together, eyes wide and challenging, almost daring Aomine to do it, to stab him in the back and start laughing at how stupid he was to fall for it. What a fool, starting to cry over him, you really like me, huh? _What a loser._

Aomine can’t stop himself, can’t fight the grin that crosses his face, and in that moment Kagami seems frozen there, face taught with emotion, terror and anguish, fury and despair.

Aomine smiles wider and wider and bursts past him, a laugh escaping as he rushes the net, slamming the ball in and hanging off the hoop. “WOOH!” he crows, dropping to the ground. Kagami stares, wide-eyed, but Aomine just grins at him, elated, cheeks warm and flushed, and Kagami blinks through his wet lashes, the corner of his mouth starting to lift a little bit too.

He puts a shaky hand up to his face, hiding his quivering mouth for a second, and then wipes under his eyes with his palm— and then he engages, swiping the ball.

Laughter escapes him in a wild burst, and they start to play. Kagami’s grinning and he starts to laugh more and more, face lit up with _joy, joy, joy—_ He can’t take his eyes off Aomine even to look at the ball.

They play without caring about the score, goofing around and being silly, and Aomine remembers one afternoon, seeing Kagami play ball with a guy who wasn’t that good. He remembers watching Kagami play with a guy who could never hope to beat him, his eyes glowing, his cheeks pink, not even looking at the ball because all he could see—  
  
Aomine laughs and laughs, snatching the ball and holding it away, dribbling it around Kagami and snapping it through his legs and around his back, teasing him by keeping it just out of reach with a cheeky grin. Kagami finally manages to nab the ball and rushes the hoop, shooting. Aomine smacks it off course as the last second and Kagami just shows his teeth, fired up.

They go back and forth on the court for ages. It feels like last summer, if they’d been a little quicker about it, playing and laughing in the sunshine without a care for anything but the game and each other. They play and they play and finally the ball falls away from Aomine’s hands and they just pant and stare at each other. Kagami’s wide-eyed and breathless, looking at him like he’s never seen anything to match him. Like he’s something special.

Now that the game’s done and the enthusiasm cools, they both start to shuffle around and rub at the back of their necks and avoid looking at each other. Aomine’s at a loss, not knowing where to go from here exactly, and Kagami looks like he’s feeling just as shy.

They end up silently sitting down together next to the fence. Kagami’s got his knees up, wrists wrapped around loosely. Aomine’s hands are fidgeting in his lap. The hard part’s over, so how come his heart is still pumping this fast?

“So yeah,” Aomine mumbles, and Kagami’s shoulders jump up an inch. He shifts and places his palms on the ground next to him, leaning on them, and Aomine swallows. He should say something.

Kagami’s quiet and tentative, and keeps giving him these quick curious glances, like he can’t quite believe this is happening. He’s chewing on his lip like it’s a gummy worm or something and he’s squirming every so often, like he can’t think of what to do or say and has decided to just hold his breath and try to keep still. Like he doesn’t want to do anything just in case he wakes up from a dream— or in case Aomine takes it _back_ or something.

And Aomine’s shy because, well… For all that he’d told Satsuki that he was prepared and that he’s ready to be the best damn boyfriend in the world and that he’ll figure it out… It’s still his first time, and he hadn’t really considered much of what he’d actually _do_ if he got this far. It hadn’t seemed as important as just getting Kagami to _believe_ him.

He’s shy because even though it’s still Kagami and they know each other so well, everything feels different now, everything’s new. He’s the same person as always, a big tall boy who’s a basketball junkie, dumb and gross— none of that has changed. But this.

 _This_ is entirely new. And they can never go back, not after today. He can never go back to that again, not after he’s felt this incredible rush of joy and excitement. Not after he’s known what it feels like.

“You, uh… I mean,” Kagami mutters aimlessly. “... So you. Uh.”

Aomine hesitantly places his hand on the ground next to Kagami’s, fidgeting and scratching his nail on the pavement a couple times. He shifts it a little until his pinkie brushes against Kagami’s just barely. He glances at him out of the corner of his eye and then tentatively rests a couple of fingers on top of Kagami’s. 

Kagami swallows hard and doesn’t move. Aomine looks away and places his hand on the back of Kagami’s for a couple seconds. It doesn't feel that bad, touching him on the hand, even though he's a boy. Kagami doesn’t withdraw, so he squeezes it a little and takes it into his grip, curling his fingers around it. 

 _‘I’m holding Kagami’s hand, what the fuck,’_ he thinks, head spinning.

Kagami dares to squeeze back the tiniest bit. He’s flushed, cheeks glowing. After playing the look-away game for a couple seconds where they each sneak a peek when they think the other isn’t looking, they eventually end up looking up at each other at the same time. Aomine huffs a laugh through his nose as Kagami promptly turns forward and scowls. He's so goddamn pink.

“Wow,” he manages breathlessly, keeping really still in his grasp, like he thinks Aomine will let go if he fidgets. “Wow, this is…”

“Your hand’s sweaty,” Aomine teases, sounding a little out of breath himself. He grips Kagami’s hot damp hand harder, a shitty triumphant grin shakily crossing his face. 

“Aww,” he coos, and Kagami’s brows twitch, because some things never change. “Are you embarrassed?” he prods, as if he isn’t equally as flustered. “D’you like me or something?”

“Shut up!” Kagami blurts, but still keeps his hand rigid in his grip. “Geez, I’m a little nervous, okay?!”

“Nervous about what? I’m not gonna’ bite you. If you’re not into it, I mean,” he jokes, grinning and feeling shaky all over, trembling with excitement and adrenaline. He's flirting, isn't he. Shit, he's flirting.

He’s holding hands with Kagami. Kagami likes him. Kagami’s accepted his feelings and they’re holding hands.

Kagami gazes at him, face slack with disbelief. “You really… you really mean it, huh?” he realizes. “Wow,” he exhales.

All the times they’ve looked at each other a little too long and Aomine’s let it show on his face, those drawn out moments where Aomine has wished he could say how he feels— All the times he got lost in Kagami’s eyes the instant before Kagami frowns in confusion and looks away awkwardly— This time Aomine just drinks it in, gazing into Kagami’s face. 

He feels brand new. He feels— Damn. Wow is right.

“When did you start… Uh…” Kagami rubs the back of his neck with his free hand, voice low and brusque. “Y’know…”

“Oh,” Aomine realizes, and figures he might as well say it. He might’ve tried to save face and not say anything that would make him look uncool to Kagami, but to hell with that now. Talk about being way too late.

“When I figured out why I hated Kimura so much.” Kagami looks away for a second at his name, gaze lowering, and it kind of sucks, because even if Kagami had loved him all along, Aomine didn’t think that Hitoshi had just been a replacement. Whatever feelings Kagami had had for him, those had been real too, and they’d parted badly. It had to be sore. 

“First I was just annoyed that he was butting in and getting in the way of our basketball matches, ‘cause like, I wanted my buddy back,” he explained, voice dropping to a mumble as he went on.

“I never liked him, but it took me a while to realize why, really… I think he only he got under my skin as bad as he did because I was kinda’ jealous of him. Well, not of him exactly, but… that you’d rather hang with him than play basketball with me.” Kagami’s looking at him with this uncertain expression, like he can’t wrap his head around it, like he doesn’t think Aomine’s lying but still can’t get how it can be true.

“It took a long-ass time, because, like— Seeing you two _did_ gross me out. I just kept wishing that I could go back to before I ever knew about you guys being gay.” Aomine huffed a laugh. “I was so fucking jealous. Because I kept thinking if I’d just figured it out sooner…”

If he could’ve found out last summer that Kagami was gay. If he’d had longer to work through his fucking issues, he thinks he would’ve fallen in love then, he would’ve realized it’s always been Kagami. He hopes he would’ve. Maybe then none of that would've had to happen. The months of jealousy, watching them be sweet with each other, and then the week or so of watching things rapidly deteriorate as the strain in their relationship escalated to full on emotional abuse. And of course, the awful end to it all at Akashi's house.

All that pain and sorrow, without that, maybe when he'd confessed, it would've been different. Maybe Kagami would've believed it right away.

“If I just… If I could’ve told you how much I like you, I could’ve asked you out before you ever met him,” he murmurs, and Kagami’s lips part, breathless.

“You mean it?” 

“Yeah.” Aomine looks down at his lap and snorts softly. “Like I said. You’re the best, Kagami.”

Kagami swallows hard, slowly turning pink, mouth screwed up in embarrassment, but eyes round with awe. He can practically see his heart popping out of his chest.

“So I just wanted to say thanks for waiting on me.”

They sit there for a while after that, and Aomine lets out a long breath, head rolling back against the fence, eyes closing. The sky is overcast and a cool breeze is blowing through, and sitting here holding Kagami’s hand feels like heaven. Having it all out in the open is great, but fuck if that wasn’t exhausting. It feels like he’s just run a marathon with a bloodthirsty wolf on his heels the entire way. It was incredible the amount of adrenaline all that had expended. He still feels hyped up and jittery— he doesn’t know when it’s supposed to stop or if it ever will.

Kagami’s hot damp fingers readjust in his, curling around his hand a little more, and Aomine opens his eyes to find him looking down at their linked hands, still sort of dumbstruck. Big wide bones, chipped and slightly dirty fingernails, warm and tender palms that stick against his own.

“... Is this real?” Kagami manages, sounding almost dazed.

Aomine groans and shoves him with his shoulder and Kagami just sways, turning to stare at him with the same stupefied look.

“Yes it’s fucking real, so accept it already for fucksake,” he gripes. “It’s hard for me to say it too, so quit making me repeat it just because you’re a numbskull.”

“No, I mean,” Kagami mumbles kind of slowly, staring into his face. “I’ve liked you for so long,” he confesses, finally straight-forward about it. “An’ I always thought there was no way. I can’t believe this is happening,” he exhales. Tiny raindrops are starting to pelt the ground.

“Well try,” Aomine says bluntly. “‘Cause I’m not goin’ anywhere fast.”

Kagami stares forward like he’s in a daze. “People’ll talk,” escapes him.

“Who cares.”

“He might try to get back at us,” he murmurs, monotoned and a tiny crease between his eyebrows.

“Kagami, I don’t fucking care.”

“Everyone’s gonna’ think I’m a big gay slut.”

“Yeah well they’re gonna’ tease me that I called you a fag but still ended up turning gay for you, so it sounds like we’ve both got problems.”

He thinks Kagami’s referring more to the drama aspect of how he’d only just broken up with another guy like, a week ago, a guy that Aomine’s had beef with since the beginning — and _fuck_ if Aomine cares about that. Whoever has a problem with it'll get these fists. As for people knowing and gossiping about them being a gay couple, Aomine’s still not sure how he feels about it, but that’s tomorrow’s issue.

And as for Hitoshi trying anything — _‘I wish a bitch would.’_

But really, to him, none of that is important right now. As far as he's concerned, the important part is this right here, and everything else is detail. It's all gonna be okay.

The light drizzle is starting to pick up, so they get up and move underneath the overhang, standing underneath the metal awning and looking out as the court darkens. Kagami curses and shoots back out to try and rescue Aomine’s card before it can get ruined.

Aomine shoves his hands in his pockets and gripes a little bashfully, “Aw… Nah, just leave it, it’s garbage anyways.”

“Shut up!” Kagami fans it a little and lays it carefully on the bench behind them, and they both jump as thunder cracks from what sounds like directly above them, the rain starting to come down harder.

It pelts the narrow metal roof covering them and they both stand there for a while watching as lightning rips the skyline above. A light mist rises just above the pavement as the rain hits the ground faster and faster.

When Aomine next looks up, he sees that Kagami’s looking at him. A million raindrops falling in Tokyo, and Kagami is looking at him under this tiny umbrella, and all of a sudden he feels helpless, because the look on his face takes his breath away.

“Aomine?...” Kagami’s voice seems quiet in the hiss of the storm. “If you really mean it, then…”

Standing here underneath a summer storm, it's like he's caught in a snow-globe with Kagami, some kind of soap bubble or a glass fish bowl—

Aomine watches his hand twitch at his side, like he’s thinking about reaching out for him. “You wanna’… be my boyfriend?” Kagami gets out, like it takes everything he has, breathy and eager and just a tiny bit nervous. 

Heart stuttering uncontrollably, Aomine doesn’t keep him waiting, it just pops out of him as easy as breathing.

“Yeah…” He’s the one who sounds dazed and stupid now. “Yeah,” he repeats, heaving out a happy breath when he sees how Kagami deflates with relief and lights up with a smile that could pierce through the darkest depths of the ocean.

Kagami takes a step towards him, the storm drumming down so close by outside this tiny dry patch that if they wanted, they could reach out and meet the raindrops. Kagami tentatively holds out his hand at hip height and Aomine lets their fingertips touch.

He takes another little step in and when Aomine doesn’t back away, he brings his arms up partway, uncertain, but Aomine immediately reciprocates, opening his arms and crowding against him— and the two of them hug there on the sidelines of the basketball court, holding onto each other tightly.

Kagami takes a shuddering breath and relaxes all over, clinging onto him. His arms feel so strong around his back. He can feel all ten fingertips pressing through his shirt. Aomine rests his head against Kagami’s neck and breathes in. It should be weird. They've never hugged before like this and it should be weird, should feel awkward and uncomfortable, getting this close to each other, but the way Kagami just melts against him, Aomine can’t help but sink into his grip too. It's oddly cozy, being held by someone his size.

This is just how he'd imagined hugging Kagami would feel. His body feels so sturdy, firm and packed with muscle, but his flesh still has some give to it, soft and pliable where Aomine presses his hands in. He’s warm too, really warm, and he smells like bodysoap— 

Bodysoap and sweat and detergent. Aomine closes his eyes and sighs.

Kagami’s head nestles onto his shoulder too and they stay that way for a long time, breathing together. He can feel Kagami’s heart beating quick and hard against his own. His cheek is hot where it rests on his shirt, his coarse hair tickling the side of his neck.

“... You good?” Aomine mumbles after a bit, because Kagami’s awfully quiet. Aomine’s managed to calm his pulse a bit, feeling oddly relaxed and comforted considering he’s embracing another dude— Kagami’s obviously still feeling pretty excited, because his heart is pounding so fast. 

Kagami grunts in reply, adjusting his head on his shoulder, not loosening his grip at all.

“Gonna’ say somethin’?” Aomine hums, and whatever part of him that was still sort of hesitant to be super gay and do things like _hug_ and get all snuggly with each other is thoroughly subdued for the moment, because wow, this is actually pretty nice— 

“I dunno’,” he hears Kagami mumble. “I’m so happy I dunno’ what to do.” Aomine smiles, heart flipping. 

“I still can’t believe this is actually real. I’ve had a dream like this at least three—” He promptly clams up, going rigid in Aomine’s arms, and then picks his head up and gives Aomine a suspicious look, sure enough coming face to face with Aomine’s shit-eating grin. “Shut _up!”_ he demands hotly, but Aomine just laughs.

“I didn’t say anything.” Kagami’s shoulders slowly lower. “Loverboy,” he teases, and Kagami scowls and shoves apart from him, cheeks blazing, but he doesn’t deny it. Aomine cackles and pokes him in the side a couple times until Kagami shoves him again.

“Hey, you made a fucking sappy-ass _love-card,_ so I don’t wanna’ hear anything about bein’ a loverboy!” Kagami shouts, a little sore about being made fun of.

“Haah?” Aomine hums. “Well somebody _liked_ the card, so,” he jokes harmlessly, a lazy grin on his face, heart going strong. His whole body feels warm. “It obviously worked.”

“Yeah well, only cause—!” Kagami pauses in his ranting, arms in the air, and glances at Aomine, lips pursed.

His expression softens when he sees Aomine smiling boyishly at him. Aomine reaches out and takes his hand on impulse. Because he can. _He can, isn’t that amazing?_

Kagami’s hand is big and callused, and so nice to squeeze. Aomine rubs his knuckles with his thumb, feeling like his heart is an egg and a tiny little baby bird, naked and fragile, has hatched in his chest.

He doesn’t really know the way to go about any of this. He doesn’t know how to receive and reciprocate tenderness and care from a boy who’d started out as his rival. He doesn’t know how he’s going to act after today, how he'll be a good boyfriend, how he’s ever going to deserve Kagami’s feelings, how he’ll ever deserve how lucky he’s gotten. He’ll probably screw up a lot and treat Kagami not as good as he should sometimes. It’s not like he can ask for Satsuki’s help every time he wants to be romantic, and he knows he’ll make mistakes.

He’ll probably go on being a selfish idiot and a pain in Kagami’s ass, intruding on his good nature and causing him trouble. He’ll probably keep being a little shit, but he knows for sure that he’ll be thankful every day, _to have a star that shines as bright as you—_

He knows he has a lot to learn, and he’s willing to put in the effort and really _try,_ but it seems like so far, he’s actually done pretty okay. It seems like it’s romantic enough for now just to hold Kagami’s hand, because when he rolls his thumb over his knuckles, Kagami clears his throat sharply and looks away, turning pink again. It’s fascinating just how much and how quickly his face and ears can change color like that. His palm is hot and sweaty against Aomine’s fingers, feeling like a toad that’s been out in the sun, but he holds on anyway. 

“So were you dreamin’ of havin’ me as your boyfriend?” he teases, because he’s always been a shit like that and he doesn’t think that’s going to change. 

“No, forget I said that,” Kagami denies, annoyed. “I told you I never thought it would happen, so of course I didn’t dream about— What, no.”

“Me too,” he admits, because Kagami’s getting flustered and he ought to show a little mercy. Because he’s a good person like that, and he’s gonna’ be an even better boyfriend— _so there._

“It was rough, since you were with someone already, but yeah. It was kinda’ hard not to… y’know. Hope.” Kagami’s brows unclench.

“You… thought about… wanting to be with me?” he got out choppily, cheeks blotchy. Aomine hums an affirmative, worming his fingers into Kagami’s damp grip a little more, and Kagami straightens up a little.

“So, uh… how is it so far?” Kagami mumbles, flashing his teeth, and it would’ve been smooth and flirty if not for the undeniable flicker of excitement in his voice.

Aomine considers and then says, “Pretty baller.” Kagami snorts and tries to grimace in annoyance, but his smile comes back in an instant. Aomine smirks back, feeling on top of the world. “Still can’t believe you dreamed of me being your boyfriend.” That’s going to inflate his ego for weeks.

“Whatever, Aomine,” Kagami groans, embarrassed.

“Heh,” he snorts, getting cocky, because it’s easier that way. “I’ll be a good one too.” Kagami seems to relax hearing him sound like usual, perhaps relieved on some level that not everything has changed, that their relationship is going to stay the same at its core, just with some new facets. 

New facets like, shoulder hugs can now just be regular hugs. Arguing can be teasing, and maybe even flirting. The love and passion they both have for the game and that they’ve secretly had for each other, they can throw that into this openly without denial to hold them back. 

Kagami looks annoyed, but he’s practically vibrating where he stands. They’re still the same people. Kagami’s still the same dumb, gross, lumbering idiot he’s always been. And Aomine’s still the same troublesome, stubborn, full-of-himself jackass. None of that's changed, but his heart has, over the course of one summer.

Kagami glares back just like he always used to, and Aomine grins. “Best you’ll ever have,” he brags.

“Is that so,” he grumbles, but he’s wriggling around just a little bit, like a puppy huddled on the floor unable to stop its wildly wagging tail.

“Yeah, you have no say.” 

They don’t change as individuals, but together, sharing this thing in their hearts and striving to be better, for each other and for themselves, they make up something greater than the sum of their parts. Maybe that's what love is like.

And if that’s all, then Aomine thinks that even though he doesn't know what to do yet or what’s going to happen afterwards, that it’ll be fine. Because he’ll figure it out; he’ll learn.

He throws himself down on the bench and flings his arm out for Kagami, who only spends a couple seconds looking dubious and aloof before he gives up on resisting and sits down at his side. Aomine rests his arm around him and daringly scoots up next to him, and for such a big muscular body, it surprising how warm and comfortable he is. He’s unexpectedly soft.

Kagami looked flustered but unimaginably pleased to have him that close, back rigid as he settles his own arm around him hesitantly, like he thinks he’ll disappear if he holds on too tight. He takes a long breath in and carefully lets it out, as if he doesn’t want to disturb Aomine or jostle him at all, so that he’ll stay there next to him for longer.

Aomine sighs too, playing with Kagami’s foot by bumping his own against it, gently kicking and nudging at it. They’re… _cuddling._  

There’s nothing else to call it but cuddling. It should be awkward. Aomine keeps waiting for it to feel nasty and uncomfortable, but the fluttering of his heart just feels like the weak wings of a baby bird. Something pure and young that is the complete opposite of nasty.

“Well I’ve had more practice than you, so don’t get cocky,” Kagami mutters after a while, a little breathily. 

“Yeah well boyfriend number one wasn’t shit, so forget about that!” Aomine states confidently, eyes closed. “I’m gonna’ show you what you were missing!”

Kagami’s staring at him all starry-eyed.

“For one thing, I can make a basket!”

“Huh?”

Aomine stands up and drags him to his feet by his wrist. The hum of the rain and the fresh smell makes him feel young and alive, it’s reminds him of last summer, spending almost a month straight outside, practically living at Kagami’s house over school break, basketball every day, a happy heart, free and wild.

“Wanna’ make a break for it?” Aomine suggests, looking out into the rain. It doesn’t show any signs of letting up any time soon.

“My place?” Kagami offers, breathless. Aomine grins.

“Ready?”

They don’t have an umbrella to share today, so they gather up their stuff and then bolt across the pavement through the downpour, drenched almost instantly. Kagami’s hand is in his. It’s loud, the rain rattling on the ground and whizzing past their ears. The air is chilled and he’s breathing in the mist, his clothes getting heavier the farther they go.

He can feel himself laughing, listening to Kagami's own laughter echoing as they go skidding around on the sidewalk, loud and silly and going as fast as they can as they stumble through the rain.

Hand in hand, dragging each other along, shoes slapping on the wet pavement. He’s soaked to the bone, but he doesn’t feel cold.

 _‘If it were me—_ ’

They stop on Kagami’s street corner and look at each other. Kagami’s sopping wet, his shirt sticking to his chest, see-through in some places and hanging loose in others. His hair is laying down flat on his head. Aomine starts to laugh at his stupid soaked hair and how his bangs are plastered to his eyebrows.

“What?” he demands, brow scrunching, but Aomine just seizes him.

He picks him up, hefting him into his arms and hugs him tight, cheek pressed against his chest. He spins him and spins him on the slippery sidewalk until he’s staggering around dizzily and Kagami’s laughter is drowning out the rain.

All those times he’d caught them having a moment. All the times he’d hoped and ached and dreamed when Kagami was out of reach. All the times he’s wished it was him in Kagami’s heart, wished he was there in his arms, wondered and hoped and dreamed _if it were me,_ this time— 

This time it’s finally, finally him.

He lets him sink through his grip until Kagami’s feet are on top of his. He’s heavy and he’s pinching his toes, but Aomine just holds him, arms linked around his back, chin tipped up to look at him.

Kagami’s warm palms slip onto his cheeks, cupping his head in his hands. Rainwater is leaking down their faces, drops drumming onto the tops of their heads. Kagami gazes down at him for a second, lips parted. He can feel his breath chilling his wet face.

“I love you,” Kagami blurts, and Aomine’s heart stutters to a halt. His eyes are blazing down into his, bright and hopeful.

“So damn much!” he bursts again. “I can’t even describe it to you how much I fucking love you.”

His voice goes vulnerable and soft, and he’s almost sweet like that, forked brows scrunching together and pushing upwards. “More than basketball.” 

Aomine stares. “More than basketball,” he mutters out dazedly, flooded with a sudden bone-melting warmth. What is this— Happiness?

“Yeah,” Kagami gasps.

“Me too.” Aomine stares him in both eyes, jaw slack. He means that. “Me too,” he repeats louder, grin stretching his face.

Thunder goes off above them like the crack of a gun, lightning ripping the sky, the quaking boom of a firecracker. He hadn’t even noticed it until now.

Kagami’s face lights up, practically glowing, his smile pure and bright with joy. Aomine lets out a wild laugh as Kagami tows him up the steps to his house.

_‘Kagami? If I couldn’t play basketball anymore—’_

They spend the evening like always. Nothing’s so out of the ordinary, but it feels exciting, like it’s the first day of trying something completely new. Kagami cranks the heat and they strip their frigid clothes and each take a hot shower before dinner. They play video games, making a mess and fucking around, and not much is different, not yet, no sense of urgency, only relief and uncontrollable grins, excited chattering, absolute _joy—_

_‘Like, if I couldn’t keep our promise and go to the NBA, or even be your rival anymore—’_

Kagami’s set up some blankets next to Aomine’s futon a couple feet away, no closer than usual, and they lay in bed with the TV on, sleepy and cozy, snack wrappers littering the floor around them.

_‘If I couldn’t play ever again. Would you still bother with me?’_

Kagami put his hand out tentatively, laying it on the bare space on the floor between the beds, eyes peeking at him from above the blanket, curious and hopeful. Aomine takes it in his, closing it in his grip

They lay there for ages and Kagami won’t go to sleep even though his eyelids droop. He can’t stop looking at Aomine like he can't believe this is happening, like he wants to stay in this dream just a little longer, before he has to go back to real life.  
  
  


_‘Idiot. Of course I would. There’s no one in the world who could replace you.’_

  
. . .  
  


_There is always someone for each of us, they say, and you’ll be my someone forever and a day._

_I could search the whole world over until my life is through, but I know I’ll never find another you—_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your readership and comments, you've been awesome, guys. I'd planned to post the first chapter of the sequel right away with chapter 25 so that you could go straight into the next part of the story, but some stuff came up today which had me start editing way later in the day than I'd expected, so that didn't end up happening. 
> 
> I don't know when I'm going to get to posting the sequel, hopefully tomorrow, but to make sure you don't fall out of the loop with this storyline, please subscribe to this story series 'Last Summer' so that you get an update when I do post the next installment.
> 
> Thank you again, hope to see you there!


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